Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009
| “ | "And you've got to be living in Virginia, ladies. 18 to 27. Smoke-free. Caring, true, honest. Not black." | ” |
| Chris, being a ladies' man. | ||
A.K.A. CWC Update 05222009. As usual, Chris's top priority is to dispel any false allegations or claims about himself--in this case statements made on cwcville.com by the persons who hacked it. Chris explains that he has closed the cwcville.com domain and has no plans to reopen it in the near future. He also notes he won't be making as many videos in the future. He seems surprisingly cognizant of the fact that if he stops producing content on the internet then the trolls will have no new material to use against him; this is generally considered to be the influence of Rocky in action.
Chris seems to realize that if he disappears from the internet, his loyal fan base will be denied his masterworks, so he advises his fans to track down the trolls if they're bored and have nothing better to do. This is the starkest reminder to date that the only reason Chris does anything is because he wants admirers, and the only reason he wants admirers is that they can do his bidding. Sadly, Clyde Cash was found dead later in the day.
Most notable in this video are two awkwardly long periods of silence in which Chris either stares into his PSEye or down at the monitor to make check how he looks. H seems to be struggling to assume the appropriate facial expression, and (being Chris) never succeeds. The precise emotions Chris wishes to convey at 1:16-1:27 and 1:40-1:45 may never be known.
Chris again plugs his Fuck Quest and how he will only accept face-to-face meetings, unless you call his father and work it out through him. He again stresses his opposition to black women, just to prove that he is Asking For It. He ends the video with the phrase "See ya on the campus", likely referring to the University of Virginia.
The new, post-Julie model of the Sonichu medallion is briefly shown, either to help identify him to potential girlfriends or to authenticate the validity of any future websites he creates.
Video
Transcript
Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009.
[voice cracks] I wish to, uh, let y'all know that, uh, please disregard the, uh, statement that was on the, uh, on the uh, cwcville.com front page, as that was obviously--that was an obvious lie, made by the trolls, who hacked into my account. But anyway, I also would like to announce, that, as of this moment, the, uh, website is down. I have closed the account associated with it. I may come back with a new webs--with another website and new st--and new comics and stuff; I may not.
But, to my loyal fans, I thank you for your full--for your support and appreciate your efforts, but...so, uh, what y'all can do now is, like, y'know, find--go to your normal lives, uh... Live free. OR, if you want somethin'--if you have nothing to do, you can track down the trolls for me, dis--including that Clyde Cash. Down with those slanderous trolls. I GIVE THEM NO MO' FOOD TO FEED OFF OF!
[stops and stares at the camera for over ten seconds, with an eerie look of contentedness in his eyes; he adopts something of a fearless, defiant posture, complete with hand on hip; two cuts occur in this segment, so Chris carefully made sure this part stayed in the final edit]
[begins doing strange things with his eyebrows as he watches himself in his monitor] I'm straight, and I will only accept per-son-al--person-to-person encounters. No e-mails, no phone calls. Unless you call on my h-home phone, and talk to my father--
[stops in mid-sentence, looking straight into the camera making strange faces; he may be trying to be alluring, although he looks like he's having a stroke]
--and you gotta be living in Virginia, layyydieees. Eighteen to twenty-seven. Smoke free. Caring, true, honest. Not black.
And the trolls, just, stay away, period. Y'all have a good day now. Peace!
[jump cut]
Oh, and also, before I forget. I wi--until the day I put up the website again, if I should decide to, or not. I wi--I will not be putting up an--too many new videos either. So...any videos that are obviously, uh, falsified with my face that might say otherwise... Do not believe them. Only, uh, I will let you know, obviously, when the website is back up. [holds up ring] You'll know it is true.
[cut to a Blair Witch Project-like shot of the Sonichu medallion, hanging from a chain on the ceiling]
Mee-till then... See ya'll on the campus!
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