Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009
| “ | "And you've got to be living in Virginia, ladies. 18 to 27. Smoke-free. Caring, true, honest. Not black." | ” |
| Chris, being a ladies' man. | ||
A.K.A. CWC Update 05222009. As usual, Chris's top priority is to dispel any false allegations or claims about himself--in this case statements made on cwcville.com by the persons who hacked it. Chris explains that he has closed the cwcville.com domain and has no plans to reopen it in the near future. He also notes he won't be making as many videos in the future. He seems surprisingly cognizant of the fact that if he stops producing content on the internet then the trolls will have no new material to use against him; this is generally considered to be the influence of Rocky in action.
Chris seems to realize that if he disappears from the internet, his loyal fan base will be denied his masterworks, so he advises his fans to track down the trolls if they're bored and have nothing better to do. This is the starkest reminder to date that the only reason Chris does anything is because he wants admirers, and the only reason he wants admirers is that they can do his bidding. Sadly, Clyde Cash was found dead later in the day.
Most notable in this video are two awkwardly long periods of silence in which Chris either stares into his PSEye or down at the monitor to make check how he looks. H seems to be struggling to assume the appropriate facial expression, and (being Chris) never succeeds. The precise emotions Chris wishes to convey at 1:16-1:27 and 1:40-1:45 may never be known.
Chris again plugs his Fuck Quest and how he will only accept face-to-face meetings, unless you call his father and work it out through him. He again stresses his opposition to black women, just to prove that he is Asking For It. He ends the video with the phrase "See ya on the campus", likely referring to the University of Virginia.
The new, post-Julie model of the Sonichu medallion is briefly shown, either to help identify him to potential girlfriends or to authenticate the validity of any future websites he creates.
Video
Transcript
Captain's Log. Stardate: May 22nd, 2009.
[inhales deeply] I [voice cracks] wish to, uh, let y'all know that-- uh, please disregard the, uh, statement that was on the-- uh, on the, uh, cwcville.com front page… as that was obviously-- that was an obvious lie, made by the trolls, who hacked into my… account.
But anyway, I also would like to announce that - as of this moment - the, uh, website… is down. I have closed the account associated with it. I may come back with a new webs-- with another website and [throws hands up in uncertainty] new st-- and new comics and stuff; I may not.
But… to my loyal fans: I thank you for your full-- for your support and appreciate your efforts, but… so, uh, what y'all can do now is, like, y'know, find-- go to your normal lives, uh… live free. Or… if you want somethin’-- if you have nothing to do, you can track down the trolls [points off-screen] for me, dis-- including that Clyde Cash.
Down with those slanderous trolls! I give them no more food to feed off of! [places hands on hips in a mock pose of authority]
[stares silently at the camera for a good ten seconds with an eery look of contentedness in his eyes]
[begins moving eyebrows strangely as he watches himself on his monitor] I'm straight, and I will only accept person-al-- person-to-person encounters. No e-mails, no phone calls. Unless you call m-- on my h-- home phone, and talk to my father… [stops in mid-sentence and stares silently at the camera while seemingly ticcing] …and you gotta be living in Virginia, ladies! 18 to 27. Smoke-free. Caring, true, honest. Not black. [throws hands up at this final list item, presumably to signify that it should really be a given]
And the trolls? Just… stay away, period.
Y'all have a good day now. Peace!
[jump cut]
Oh, and also, before I forget…
I w-- until the day I put up the website… again, if I should decide to… or not… I wi-- I will not be puttin' up an-- too many new videos either. So… any videos that are obviously, uh, falsified with my face that might say otherwise... do not believe them. Only-- uh, I will let you know, obviously, when the website is back up. [holds up ring] You will know it is true.
[jump cut to a shaky shot of the Sonichu medallion hanging from a chain on the ceiling]
Meet ’til then. See ya'll on the campus.
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