Chris's Big Night Out

Hail Satan!

On 12 June 2009, Chris visited a local Mexican restaurant along with Kim Wilson and an unknown man who apparently pretended to be her boyfriend. Chris, possibly for the first time in his life, partook of alcoholic beverages, something he had previously strongly denounced. Kim and her friend filmed clips of their time with Chris and later uploaded them to YouTube. This event has been referred to as Chris's Big Night Out.

Grip 'n' Sip

In the first video, Chris broke his 27-year period of abstaining from alcohol and had a sip (and then two tall glasses) of Long Island Iced Tea. Chris's choice isn't recommended for novice drinkers, because it contains vodka, triple sec, rum, tequila and gin (plus lemon juice, simple syrup and Coke), making it a rather strong cocktail to start off on. Chris probably chose it because he assumed, due to its name, that it was literally just iced tea. Note that, when he swallows the drink, he performs the same reaction as when he recycles his navy.

CWC Grip 'n' Sip
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Stardate	12 June 2009
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“

Mmm! Goes down salty.

”

Transcript

What was going through Chris's mind.

["Te Quiero Igual Que Ayer - Bachata" by Monty & Alexandria plays in the background]

Kim: So...so what do you have right now, Chris?

Chris: Long Island Iced Tea.

[The camera is turned sideways]

Guy: Say that one more time?

Chris: Long Island Iced Tea.

Guy: All right...rock it!

Kim: Okay!

[Chris shuts his eyes and takes a tiny sip]

Kim: What do you think of it?

[Chris swallows the sip with some difficulty]

Chris: Mmm! Goes down salty.

Kim: It's kinda salty?

Chris: Yep...but it's pretty tasty.

Kim: Yeah.

Guy: Rock on! All right!

Girl: So...look excited!

[Chris smiles almost imperceptibly]

Kim: [laughs] You don't look very excited!

Guy: No, "excited"--no, "excited"--"excited” is--[video cuts off in the middle of a word]

Chris Loves The Nightlife

In another notable video, Chris dances around and sings "I Love the Nightlife". While it's not surprising that Chris still thinks he can sing, it's shocking that he visited a club, since he's said before that he would never do such a thing.

It should come as no surprise to anyone--except perhaps Chris--that "I Love the Nightlife" is a song with a large gay following. Long-time trolls will notice that Chris made use of this same song during his CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters video. It should be noted that this song was also featured in several episodes of The Simpsons, like the Long Island Iced Tea he drank during the course of the evening, further proving that Chris has never had an original thought ever.

Chris Loves The Night Life~!
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Stardate	12 June 2009
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“

I love the nightlife! I've got to boogAY!

”

Transcript

[Video starts in the quarter-middle of Chris's performance of "I Love the Nightlife", his voice sporadically cracking and his arms periodically flailing throughout]

DJ: Ah, yes, indeed! Christopher!

Sonichu Rocks!

(oops i almost forgot) Sonichu Rocks!
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Transcript

Chris: --onichu's still rockin' in my head!

Kim: [laughs]

Chris's Big Black Balloon

(Chrissy) Chris's Big Black Balloon
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Transcript

Kim: [presumably to Chris] --ight now.

Chris: Like a balloon!

Kim: [laughs]

Guy: [to Chris] Y'all catch a balloon fish?

Man in Background: Whoop! Whoop!

Guy: [to a passing bro] Hey, dude—check it out! He got a fish!

Bro: Oh.

Kim: [laughs again]

Chris and His PSP

(Chrischan) Chris and His PSP
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“

You get to see two naked ladies.

”

Transcript

Chris: ...o the, of the winning videos of the PaRapper the Rapper contest when it came out on the PSP version of that game.

[camera moves to show Chris's face]

Kim: Smile!

[Chris pulls a creepy smile]

Kim: [laughs]

Guy: What about the err, explain, explain the omega one again.

[camera moves back to Chris's hand]

Chris: [inhales sharply] Got it with thee err, pre-release demo disc of...God of War: Chains of Olympus.

[camera moves back to Chris's face]

Kim: Do you like that game?

Chris: Yeah! It was fun. I completed it.

Kim: Ohhh.

Chris: And especially, y’know, there's a fun part in the beginning, and, uh, you get to see two naked ladies, and...Kratos basically has sex with them, but it shoots off-screen—

Kim: Two naked ladies? [laughs]

Chris: --and then, like, it shakes all over the place!

Guy: I tell ya, a game--

Aftermath

He had a great time. :D

Kim Wilson accidentally revealed some personally identifying information to Chris, in the form of a license plate he saw and memorized.

As it's safe to tell this part of the story since I no longer have the vehicle and license plate tag, back then when he first discovered alcohol we were at the Mexican restaurant. The parking lot was really small. As we were leaving he just happened to be parked next to me. Later that night I did a call and he repeated my license plate back to me and asked me what it meant. Panicking, we got the guy playing as my boyfriend to get on the line to scare the shit out of Chris into forgetting my license plate. Lesson learned, I always made the effort to park farther away even if it meant in another lot and just walked.

⇐ Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009

Chris's videos

Don't Trust Any Homos Over There ⇒