Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)
Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) is Chris's famed 2007 homemade DVD, featuring various video clips Chris had made before his Internet fame, and his actual, if meager, TV appearances. Despite its title, only two videos on the DVD were ever shown on TV.
Chris originally sent copies of the DVD only to a select few people, but nevertheless thought him making the DVD was an important enough achievement to mention repeatedly in the Sonichu comic and elsewhere. He also believed that people would actually be interested in buying a copy along with other merchandise, and even planned a Blu-ray release.[1] Suffice to say, the disc was burned with a cheap Magnavox DVD recorder out of material that appears to have been poorly transferred off of aged VHS tapes, and even if it actually had any interesting content that people would actually pay money for, it doesn't approach commercial quality. Chris probably thinks video quality that was abysmal to begin with will mysteriously look better when burned on hi-def discs.
Naturally, since this relic was so profoundly important in Chris's mind, the trolls had their curiosity piqued greatly over it. Eventually, a copy was obtained by Lordsillynipples by posing as Chris's childhood friend and first crush, Tiffany Robinson.
After the fire, it seems likely that the original copy of the DVD was destroyed, however Chris announced its first official public release in 2016, suggesting either the DVD survived the fire or he downloaded the torrent.
Tracklisting
C.W.C. On TV Trailer
To reduce marketing costs, Chris put the trailer for the DVD directly into the DVD. He also uploaded it to YouTube on 5 November 2007. The trailer provides an 8-minute summary of the rest of the features, in case you don't want to melt your brain by actually watching the whole thing. His YouTube description:
| This is the Trailer of my Limited Distributed DVD. More videos are avilable [sic] on www.veoh.com. Enjoy. |
C.W.C. Super Sonic Winner!!!
From 26 February 1994, shortly after Christian's 12th birthday. News anchors on Charlottesville NBC affiliate WVIR report him winning a Sonic the Hedgehog contest and earning a $1,000 shopping spree for video games. The pinnacle of Chris's entire existence to date, this event fueled the delusional manchild he is today.
Song of Christian
Filmed on 15 May 1998, when Chris was 16. Presented as an episode of The Christian Chandler Show, Chris gives a dramatic reading of a poem he wrote about himself. He then spends 20 minutes explaining the meaning of each line, about 15 minutes of which is dedicated to him leafing through his hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine, and the rest dedicated to him raging over the fact that the poem got him an "F" in school.
Mario Kart 64 LEGO Raceway Prototype Animation
Mario Kart 64 LEGO Raceway Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera
Filmed on 4 June 1998. Hey, do you like Mario Kart? Do you like Lego bricks? How about stop-motion animation? More importantly, do you like hearing the same 15-second clip of music played over and over and over while you watch grainy black-and-white 8-bit footage of Lego men getting into car wrecks? Have we got the clip for you. By the way, Lego Chris wins the race. No surprises there.
Unfinished CWCville Tour
Filmed 12 July 2001. Lego Chris gives a tour of his Lego town, passing by 2 landmarks before the video abruptly ends.
Chris Chan in the PokéNews
Filmed 16 October 1999. Richmond NBC affiliate WWBT does a fluff piece on the rise of the Pokémon fandom. Chris, aged 17 and older than the playing crowd featured, happens to be among the small children playing the game, and although not discussed he is lingered on for a little while. This clip provides the DVD cover with its money line:
| “ | I'll send out my Dragonair, even though it has 60 Damage on it. Oh boy! It has 3 Energy on it... Slam Attack! | ” |
Christian Chandler's Animal Crossing Documentary
Filmed 22 November 2003. Chris gives us a long tour of his custom-made towns in Animal Crossing for the GameCube, that's about as exciting as watching paint dry.
C.W.C.'s Animal Crossing/Mario Paint 24th Wedding Anniversary Special
Filmed on 7 June 2004. Chris plays Animal Crossing again in honor of Bob and Barbara Chandler's anniversary.
"So Need A Cute Girl" Music Video
Filmed 20 December 2004. Chris sings both the lead single off his debut album and a special Christmas tune in this music video.
Chris Chan's Harvey Birdman Commercial
Filmed 24 February 2005. Here is Chris's attempt to win a contest, whose goal is to deliver a creative advertisement for a Harvey Birdman DVD. The time constraints laid out are obvious, as Chris crams 50% info about himself, Sonichu, random-access humor and Mary Lee Walsh, and 50% info about the DVD into a thirty-second "advertisement".
Chris Chan's Pixelated PS3
Filmed on 28 November 2006. Chris enters another contest requiring him to shill a product in under a minute, this time a PlayStation 3. To answer the question "What would you do for a PS3?", Chris first explains everything he would like to do but won't (e.g., save up the money and go to a store), and would but can't (forsake a cure for autism), before revealing that he has constructed a PS3 from Legos and Pixelblocks.
C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics
Chris presents a long, tedious slideshow of images taken from 1982–2007, projected from his PSP. In the background, he plays a self-made radio broadcast from 1998, which gives new insight into his past.
Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE
Filmed 24 February 2007. Closing the DVD, in celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, Chris delivers an address summarizing the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "ladies and gentlemen and dudes of all teenages."
Great Director's Cut
After the DVD was leaked onto the internet, Chris claimed[2] that the trolls didn't have the "Director's Cut", which includes footage of Chris's Christmas from 2004 and takes from the Pixelated PS3 commercial. The trolls long thought that the "Director's Cut" was just a bluff he used to save face. That was, until December 2014, when it was revealed that Catherine acquired a copy and handed over some footage to a Kiwi Farms member to upload to YouTube, thus proving its existence.
He later told Regina that he had a "Master Copy" with over 6 hours of tedious crap.[3] The fate of this version after the events of 10 January 2014 is unknown.
Chandler Family Christmas 2004 parts 1 & 2
Filmed on 25 December 2004. Chris videotapes footage around the house while discussing C-Mas. Notable for being made when the hoard was in its infancy.
Chris After Christmas 2004
Filmed on 25 December 2004. Chris bitches some more about gal-pal Sarah Hammer and the continuation of his Love Quest.
Possible sequel
In an e-mail to Cole, Chris expresses his intention to create a new DVD "around (his) 50th or sooner",[4] i.e. the year 2032.
In early 2016, Chris announced that he would be giving the DVD its first official public release from his Etsy page, including a bonus disc of content filmed between 2007 and 2010.[5]
Images from the Physical DVD
Cover.
The cover of the release edition.
And the Director's Cut Edition.
Even DVD labels cannot be spared from the horror.
We asked for a "disc image". The torrent went up later, but this was delivered as a cop-out.
Parental Advisory - VERY HONEST content.
Chapter menu, complete with Magnavox DVD/VCR styling.
Letter to troll who received DVD.
Chandler's List - It's like Schindler's List, except you'd prefer to be sent to a gas chamber.
Spoiler: Most of these people went to school with Chris and probably have no idea who he is.
And here's the last page.
"Now I'm even more perverted, sexist, and homophobic."
People who Chris couldn't find pictures of to include - consider yourselves lucky.
Sources
External links
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||