Random-access humor

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random-access n.
1. (computing) type of storage access where arbitrary data can be accessed, as opposed to sequential access (q.v.). See also random-access memory.
2. (CWCism) non-sequiturial; lacking any coherence.
humor n.
1. Something funny.
2. (CWCism) Something not funny, but which can be made funny when accessed randomly (q.v.). See random-access.
Wild Sonichu offers some uproarious random-access humor.

Random-access humor is Chris's terminology for his tendency to blurt out whatever random thought enters his mind, regardless of its relevance to a given situation. More traditional literary analysts might describe this as the literary device of non sequitur. Others might suggest he misinterpreted the "randomly-generated humor" bit from VeggieTales. The "humor" part of the phrase stems from Chris's assumption that if he says something completely irrelevant and random, then it is automatically funny, when most of the time it's completely nonsensical and infuriatingly unfunny. At this moment, the strongest portrayal of Chris's random-access humor can be found in his CWCFlyingElephants video.

Like many of Chris's strange mannerisms, this is likely linked to his autism; a common symptom among autistics is echolalia, where they constantly repeat phrases from their favorite television shows, movies, and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation. Chris just so happens to take this to ridiculous levels.

Ironically enough, Chris's random-access humor is often unoriginal. Jokes are mostly taken from Adult Swim shows, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Family Guy, or even shows like Ed, Edd n Eddy and Samurai Pizza Cats, taking them completely out of context. He fails to understand the purpose of these jokes. For example, Monty Python's comedy was sculpted specifically to satirize British culture of their era and not simply random-for-the-sake-of-random. This shows that, even when Chris doesn't have to make any sense, he still has a hard time coming up with original material. When Chris is original, it's mostly in the form of childish rhymes or wordplays that would make Lewis Carroll roll in his grave (his sex joke anyone?). This is due to Chris being a "somewhat concrete" thinker, having a tough time understanding abstract concepts (including humor). Because of his linear thinking, he has the tendency to take jokes literally (e.g. Bob told Chris a joke about Obama painting the White House black if he won the 2008 election).

One occasion of note is a line in Sonichu #2, wherein Sonichu, after being commanded to retreat, retorts with "You don't have to tell me twice! But during the stone age...". According to the comic's official videobook, the joke is that "you really need to tell those cavemen twice," but Chris fails to realize that as the "joke" is written in the comic, there is literally nothing to interpret as funny by any standard. This isn't too surprising, since Chris has never shown interest in clarity for the audience, and simply makes the comics for his own sake.

The randomosity is also questionable in that the allegedly random jokes are also frequently repeated; Chris keeps re-telling the same jokes that weren't funny in the first try. (For example, if you are a confused foreigner who has no idea what "Nantucket" is, you will Google it soon.) Chris has specifically stated he actually fears things that are beyond his control,[1] a fear which falls nicely in line with autism.

Chris also uses the term "random-access memory", which is basically when he says something completely random without the intent of being funny. He tends to use these when a conversation is not going in a direction he wants it to and hopes that interjecting this other thought-line will briefly distract him from that.

Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though, most of the time, I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.
Chris during the Father Call, showing off his mad computer science and neuroscience skills

Random ramblings

In November 2007, in a misguided attempt to help Encyclopedia Dramatica to get to know him better and stop trolling him, Christian added the following to his ED page:

Each Brain in every person in the world is a computer, complete with an InfiniteGB RAM...Emphasis on Random, and our Autistic Hero is no exception. Here are some of his ramblings that can make him comparable to the TV-Talking-styles of those retarded robots, the Junkeons, who got it from watching too much TV.

-"Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?"[2]
-"Uncle Spunky is a really funky monkey."
-"Yellow Is a Mellow Color."
-"All aboard, here we go, let's go...somewhere else."
-"I once knew a man from Nantucket, and he had on his head a silly bucket."
-"I'm gonna call my lawer, his name is Tom Seywer, he has a daughter named Sue, who has been visiting her Uncle Sam for many years. Poor Tom."
-"I knew a nose from the Pocanose, but then he ran away to Snotsvillvania."
-"Quiet everybody, Emperor Fred has an announcement...FRED."[3]
-"Call 'Right Now', and we'll send you a beautiful girl to be your Sweetheart, FREE. But you'd better call 'Right Now', or otherwise you'll get bupkis. And believe me, you do not want bupkis. Welcome to Bupkistown."
-"Welcome to the Novelty Shop, this is Bob, how can I help you?...Okay, we can do that."
-"Well get out of here. What are you waiting on? I'm gonna chase you outta here."[4]
-"You've got a Hippo on your head."
-"Transformers. Robots on your head. Okay."
-"I'm upside-down in a car, drivin' my way to the grocery store."[5]
-"I have bow-ties on my feet, I must be walking with my neck."[5]
-"Root-de-do-de-do. Stop saying 'Root-de-do-de-do,' that's my bit, get your own. Oh, okay, how about 'Spling-ling, bling-ling, splee-de-de-le-deee?'"[5]
-"What? Pod six doesn't need a Pro Shop, they need a dentist.[6]"
-"Is this Walter Grisby? Who threw a frisbee? Well you know what?"[7]


Sex joke

Chris's sex joke is an overly-long and painfully unfunny story that he has told whenever he wants to or is asked to tell a joke and/or prove he is "much, much saltier" than people expect. His first known use of the "joke" on the internet was when he put it on his Encyclopedia Dramatica page in November 2007. He has repeated this joke in conversations with sweethearts,[8] in one of his ED edits,[9] and in Mumble.[10]

You may notice that, if Chris wanted to make the joke work, then Chris should have ended it after the word "egg". However, he adds two extra sentences to the punchline that are completely pointless and incoherent, causing the joke to lose the little humor that it had. Some versions of the joke, however, change the names of the two characters to Dick and Jane and omit the "balanced breakfast" coda.[11]


There was this married couple, George and Barbie, and they have been working at having children of their own. One night, George came home after work, and he was tired. Barbie welcomed him home, "Hi, Honey. Rough Day?" "Yeah," George replied, "I'm tired." Barbie said, "Well, why don't you and me go upstairs, and we'll have some Breakfast." "Breakfast," George replied, "At Nine-Thirty in the evening?" Barbie replied, "Sure, Dear, you bring the MILK, and I'll get an EGG." Later, they had a boy and a girl, Junior Bacon and Orange Juice. All Part of a Balanced Breakfast.


  1. User talk:DariaCamacho
  2. Originally said by Ed; originated from Ed Edd n Eddy episode "One + One = Ed"
  3. From the US-dubbed version of Samurai Pizza Cats. Emperor Fred only said his name because he had "his wisdom teeth removed".
  4. Originally said by Meatwad; originated from Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode "Ol' Drippy"
  5. 5.0 5.1 5.2 From The Brak Show episode "The New Brak" archive
  6. Sealab 2021 episode "Legend of Baggy Pants" (Pod Six was another pod that was part of the lab. Captain Murphy referred to them as "jerks")
  7. Walter Grisby is a pre-made character from The Sims 3.
  8. Chris Sex Logs#I am perverted
  9. [1]
  10. Mumble 7
  11. * Chris tells the joke near the end of this recording

See also

The CWC-tionary

Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Darling | Dating education | Friend Zone | Gal-pal | Heart Level | Homos | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | SLGBTQ | Sweetheart | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | JULAY | Mass debating | Negligent | Pedofork | Pickle | Recycling | Soul Bonding | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Christian Love Day | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fuzzy-Wuzzies & Prickly-Wicklies | Honest Content | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Random-access humor | Saga | Scale of Respect | Tomgirl |

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | GOPony | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkops | Kick the Autistic | Manajerks | Naïve | Niggos | Pmurt | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Slow-in-the-minds | Tobacky

Fantasies: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | Dimension | Fangs | Godjesus | Iron Curtain | OC | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Nombie-zazis | Parody | Rosechu | Sonichu | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt

See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media


🦀 Claw of Fail • 👀 Creepy stare • 😎 Dramatic glasses removal • 🎲 Random-access humor • 😓 Stress sigh