Difference between revisions of "I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"

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"'''I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC'''" (officially "'''I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts'''") is a video uploaded on 26 [[2009#July|July 2009]] by [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], in which he redefines the word [[Homos|gay]], showcases his artwork to demonstrate his authenticity and finishes with a vicious attack on the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].
[[File:DuckFoundTomDrum.png|thumb|250px|right|Artist's impression of Chris's [[Duck]] locating "SOME [[China|TOM-TOM]] TO [[Chris and Sex|POUND]]!!!!!" - whatever that meant.]]
"'''I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC'''" (officially "'''I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts'''") is a video uploaded on 26 [[2009#July|July 2009]] by Chris, in which he redefines the word [[Homos|gay]], showcases his artwork to demonstrate his authenticity and finishes with a vicious attack on the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].


==Summary==
==Summary==
[[Image:I Am The TRUE, Original.jpg|thumb|240px|Ian shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]].]]
[[Image:I Am The TRUE, Original.jpg|thumb|240px|Chris shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]].]]


The video opens with Ian standing in his room, wearing his [[Chris and fashion#Wardrobe|red shirt with blue and gray stripes]], [[Pedo-Glasses]], [[Medallions of Fail#Mark 3|Sonichu medallion]] and his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Ian announces he is "here to dispel a big, fat thing". He then explains that the [[It's UGH!|two videos]] of him singing along to "Ok2bgay" by Tomboy were the result of blackmail, and that he felt quite nauseous about the whole thing. Ian tells us he was (mis)informed that "Ok2bgay" was "a mockery", and so his performance was in a similar vein—in fact, it was comparable to comedy legends ''[[Monty Python]]''.
The video opens with Chris standing in his room, wearing his [[Chris and fashion#Wardrobe|red shirt with blue and gray stripes]], [[Pedo-Glasses]], [[Medallions of Fail#Mark 3|Sonichu medallion]] and his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Chris announces he is "here to dispel a big, fat thing". He then explains that the [[It's UGH!|two videos]] of him singing along to "Ok2bgay" by Tomboy were the result of blackmail, and that he felt quite nauseous about the whole thing. Chris tells us he was (mis)informed that "Ok2bgay" was "a mockery", and so his performance was in a similar vein—in fact, it was comparable to comedy legends ''[[Monty Python]]''.


From this, he somehow reasons that, since he was mocking being gay as stupid, his true message was it's okay to be stupid. He then feels obliged to assert his own heterosexuality by screaming "I AM STRAIGHT!", although the rhetorical question of whether Ian looks gay is met with hesitation before a shake of the head. Confusing the word "accusation" with another similar word, he also demands the cessation of "acquisition messages". We are also reminded that any dissing of Ian [[Do Not Dis C Ville|is also a diss of CWCville and Charlottesville]]. This is all achieved with multiple jump cuts, dramatic removal of and discarding of his glasses, wild gesticulation and [[YouTube]] video annotations.
From this, he somehow reasons that, since he was mocking being gay as stupid, his true message was it's okay to be stupid. He then feels obliged to assert his own heterosexuality by screaming "I AM STRAIGHT!", although the rhetorical question of whether Chris looks gay is met with hesitation before a shake of the head. Confusing the word "accusation" with another similar word, he also demands the cessation of "acquisition messages". We are also reminded that any dissing of Chris [[Do Not Dis C Ville|is also a diss of CWCville and Charlottesville]]. This is all achieved with multiple jump cuts, dramatic removal of and discarding of his glasses, wild gesticulation and [[YouTube]] video annotations. Speaking of which, this video is unique with regards to the sheer number of annotations Chris incorporates into it - Chris's videos usually don't have any annotations, even when he is raging. It is possible that the additional effort of writing annotations for videos causes Chris too much [[stress]], leading him to more or less abandon them after attempting to use them in this video.


Ian then defends himself from accusations of being an impostor by going through the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and displaying (allegedly) original art from the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] while providing commentary.
Chris then defends himself from accusations of being an impostor by going through the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and displaying (allegedly) original art from the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] while providing commentary.
{{clear}}
{{clear}}
==Video==
==Video==
 
{{Tardrage|1=border:4px solid #FF1493|2=[[Homos|flamboyant]]}}
<center>
{{Infobox/video
{{Infobox/video
| name          = I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC
| name          = I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC
| image          = {{#ev:youtube|XxWDwHvksOM}}
| ytid          = XxWDwHvksOM
| imagewidth    = 250
| stardate       = 29 [[July 2009]]
| Stardate       = 29 July 2009
| maker         = Chris
| Maker         = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| style          = {{Rage|text}}
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage at the start then mellowing out when he talks about sonichu
| saga          = {{Liquid|text}}
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| subject        = {{Homos|text}}
| Shirt = [[Image:Horizontalredshirt.png]] Horizontal red shirt
| shirt         = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous      = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| previous      = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next          = [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]
| next          = [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]
}} </center>
}}  
{{quote|...and I did an awesome fuckin' job.}}


===Transcript===
=== Transcript ===


====Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43)====
====Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43)====


Hi! [''points and waves finger''] Christian Weston Chandler here! And I am here to dispel a [[Chris and Health|big, fat thing]].
Hi! [''points and waves finger''] Christian Weston Chandler here! And I am here to dispel a [[Chris|big, fat thing]].


[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']
Line 42: Line 44:
[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']


I felt queasy [''dramatically removes glasses''] from the first time I looked at the very first line [''dramatically discards glasses''] of that damn, dirty song. But then, later, a friend made me realize—uh, a friend told me that ''it was originally done as a mockery''! ''A mockery'' by the damn Tomboy. ''A mockery''! So I went with that... and did my own spin-off of [''arms outstretched''] ''Monty Python's Flying Circus''! {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Random Access Humor|Really Stupid Flying Donkey]]}} So therefore when I was saying ''it's okay to be gaaay'' I was saying it's okay to be STUPID!  Stupid! That's one reason why I put that message in front of the video. {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Honor roll|Webster's Dictionary: -Gay (Adj.) 1) STUPID!!!]]<ref>Webster's primary [http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gay definition] of gay is "happily excited[;]merry"</ref>}} Y'know, the word is stupid! The word is STUPID!
I felt queasy [''dramatically removes glasses''] from the first time I looked at the very first line [''dramatically discards glasses''] of that damn, dirty song. But then, later, a friend made me realize—uh, a friend told me that ''it was originally done as a mockery''! ''A mockery'' by the damn Tomboy. ''A mockery''! So I went with that... and did my own spin-off of [''arms outstretched''] ''Monty Python's Flying Circus''! {{YoutubeAnnotation|[[Random Access Humor|Really Stupid Flying Donkey]]}} So therefore when I was saying ''it's okay to be gaaay'' I was saying it's okay to be STUPID!  Stupid! That's one reason why I put that message in front of the video. {{YoutubeAnnotation|Webster's Dictionary: -Gay (Adj.) 1) STUPID!!!<ref>Webster's primary [http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gay definition] of gay is "happily excited[;]merry"</ref>}} Y'know, the word is stupid! The word is STUPID!


[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']


[[Image:ChrisAnnotations.jpg|thumb|This is why [[YouTube]] made annotations: so Ian can communicate the need for "liberated vag".]]
[[Image:ChrisAnnotations.jpg|thumb|This is why [[YouTube]] made annotations: so Chris can communicate the need for "[[Women's rights|liberated]] vag".]]


The whole premise was stupid and that's what I went with. Stupid! I am straight! [''annotations: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">I AM [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!!!!!!!!!</span>, <span style="background-color:#dddddd">I LOVE [[Ivy|NATURAL WOMAN BREASTS]]!!!!!</span>, <span style="background-color:#dddddd">GIVE ME LIBERATED [[China|VAG]]!!!!!</span> and <span style="background-color:#dddddd">MY [[Duck|DUCK]] HUNGERS FOR [[China|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!</span>] Would I even be doing this if I—
The whole premise was stupid and that's what I went with. Stupid! I am straight! [''annotations: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">I AM [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!!!!!!!!!</span>, <span style="background-color:#dddddd">I LOVE [[Ivy|NATURAL WOMAN BREASTS]]!!!!!</span>, <span style="background-color:#dddddd">GIVE ME LIBERATED [[China|VAG]]!!!!!</span> and <span style="background-color:#dddddd">MY [[Duck|DUCK]] HUNGERS FOR [[China|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!</span>] Would I even be doing this if I—
Line 52: Line 54:
[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']


And look at me. Do I look like [''shakes head in disagreement'']—'''no more of those stupid acquisition messages!'''
And look at me. Do I look like... [''shakes head in disagreement'']—'''NO! MORE! Of those stupid [[Speech impediment|acquisition]] messages!'''


[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']


Get it through your '''fucking'''... '''individual'''... '''damn'''... '''dirty'''... '''''SKULLS'''''! '''I'''... '''am'''... '''STRAIGHT!'''
Get it through your '''fucking'''... '''individual'''... '''damn'''... '''dirty'''... {{RageQuote|SKULLS!}} '''I'''... '''am'''... '''STRAIGHT!'''


[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']


[[Do Not Dis C Ville|Do not diss me any more!]] Or you will further diss [[CWCville]] and the city of [[Charlottesville]]!
[[Do Not Dis C Ville|Do not diss me any more!]] Or you will further diss-''[[Speech impediment|s-ss]]'' [[CWCville]] and the city of [[Charlottesville]]!


====A history (1:44 to 4:11)====
====A history (1:44 to 4:11)====
Line 66: Line 68:
[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']


[[Image:issuezero.jpg|thumb|right|60px]]
[[File:Sonichu - Issue 0, Cover.jpg|thumb|right|60px]]
But anyway, to prove another point that I am indeed the real Christian Weston Chandler. And that I am not that damn fucking [[CChanSonichuCWC|imposter in brown]]! I am going to show you a history, [''produces a black folder with the cover picture from [[Sonichu 0]] on the cover''] of close-ups. A close-up history. Let's have a look in here, shall we?
But anyway, also, to prove another point that I am indeed the real Christian Weston Chandler. And that I am not that damn fucking [[CChanSonichuCWC|imposter in brown]]! I am going to show you a history [''produces a black folder with the cover picture from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] on the cover, shakes his head like a smug, retarded tortoise, and raises the pitch of his voice considerably''] of close-ups. A close-up history. Let's have a look in here, shall we?


[''jump cut to a close up of the Sonichu 0 cover'']
[''jump cut to a close up of the ''Sonichu'' #0 cover'']


Ah yes, the infamous classic hand-drawn cover of the [[Sonichu 0|''Number 0'']] book. You can never, ever copy the hand-drawn styles. No matter how hard you try.
Ah yes, the infamous [''totally misunderstanding the meaning of the prefix -in''] classic hand-drawn cover of the ''Number 0'' book. You can never, ever copy the hand-drawn styles. No matter how hard you try.


[''jump cut to Ian's face poking out of the right side of the frame'']
[''jump cut to Chris's face poking out of the right side of the frame'']


My art [[Autism|speaks for me]]. Now let's look at some more.
My art [[Autism|speaks for me]]. Now let's look at some more.
Line 81: Line 83:
Here's a one page I'm sure you remember.
Here's a one page I'm sure you remember.


[[Image:SchuComicPage6.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[File:Sonichu - Episode 1, Page 6.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu defeating the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]]'']
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu defeating the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]]'']


Line 89: Line 91:
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] kissing under some fireworks'']
[''jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] kissing under some fireworks'']


Mine and the first romantic attempt, and I did an awesome fuckin' job.
Mine and the first romantic attempt, [regurgitating something his mother must have told him] and I did an awesome fuckin' job.


[[Image:Sonichu_Adventure_for_Gamecube.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of the cover of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of the cover of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'']


Here's another one.
Here's another one.
Line 101: Line 103:


[[Image:issueone.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:issueone.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''Sonichu 1]
[''jump cut to the cover of ''Sonichu'' #1]


"Chemical X?"
"Chemical X?"
Line 112: Line 114:


[[Image:SchuComic2Page23.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:SchuComic2Page23.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a page from ''Sonichu 1]
[''jump cut to a page from ''Sonichu'' #1]


Oh yeah, here comes a laugh:
Oh, yeah, here comes a laugh:


"I'm Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du, Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du-duuuu~"
"[[Random-access humor|I'm Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du, Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du-duuuu]]~"


"Hahahahaha!"
[''laughing like a deranged lunatic at a joke not humorous to anyone but him''] "Hahahahaha!"


[[Image:SchuComic2Page35.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:SchuComic2Page35.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from another page from ''Sonichu 1]
[''jump cut to a scene from another page from ''Sonichu'' #1]


What's the difference between [[Amy Rose|Amy]] and Rosechu? Long tail. Rosechu has spikes. Amy has a red headband, Rosey has white. Her default outfit has stripes. Amy's does not. Blue and fire-engine red are their favorite colors. She prefers a different shade of red, Amy does. Now while they are going getting about, we'd like to save time and money with Get-co.
What's the difference between [[Amy Rose|Amy]] and Rosechu? Long tail. Rosechu has spikes. Amy has a red headband, Rosey has white. Her default outfit has stripes. Amy's does not. Blue and fire-engine red are their favorite colors. She prefers a different shade of red, Amy does. Now while they are going getting about, we'd like to save time and money with Get-co.


[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to the [[Axe]] ad'']
[''jump cut to the [[Axe]] ad'']


Line 132: Line 134:
"May I orbit your belt, sweetheart?"
"May I orbit your belt, sweetheart?"


"Yeah I'll let you orbit my belt... as long as you want until midnight! Hahaha, yeah! Jackpot!"
"Yeah, I'll let you orbit my belt... as long as you want until midnight! Hahaha, yeah! Jackpot!" [''OH HO! Funny, Chris. Ba-zing!'']


====A history (4:11 to 6:01)====
====A history (4:11 to 6:01)====


[[Image:SchuComic3Page23.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[File:Sonichu - Episode 8, Page 14.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|a scene]] from the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] arc of ''[[Sonichu 2]]]
[''jump cut to [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|a scene]] from the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] arc of ''[[Sonichu 2]]]


Anuh—And now something completely different. An ''Inuyasha'' parody... very good.
Anuh—[[Monty Python|And now something completely different.]] An ''Inuyasha'' parody... very good.


[[Image:Issue3.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[[File:Sonichu - Issue 3, Cover.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a closeup of the [[Chaotic Combo]] on the cover of ''[[Sonichu 3]]]
[''jump cut to a closeup of the [[Chaotic Combo]] on the cover of [[Sonichu 3]]'']


[''sings''] Hey, hey. The gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?
[''sings''] Hey, hey. The gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?


[[Image:SchuComic4Pages5%2B7.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:SchuComic4Pages5+7.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to two overlapping pages of ''Sonichu 3'': the introductions of [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]'']]
[''jump cut to two overlapping pages of ''Sonichu 3'': the introductions of [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]]'']


Here you are, two famous ladies.
Here you are, two famous ladies.


[[Image:SchuComic4Page8.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:SchuComic4Page8.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a close-up of [[G.D.W. Shinabe]'']]
[''jump cut to a close-up of [[G.D.W. Shinabe]]'']


[''sings'']I'm Nabeshin.  My afro suits me; it's so easy to clean just wash it wash, Poemy was not the girl who ripped his tail, it was [[Mypoe]] you dang, old dorks.
[''sings'']I'm Nabeshin.  My afro suits me; it's so easy to clean just wash it wash, Poemy was not the girl who ripped his tail, it was [[Mypoe]] you dang, old dorks.


[[Image:SchuSubE4P11.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 4, Page 11.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|"McAttack"]] featuring a replica of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] made of [[pixelblocks|Lego bricks and Pixelblocks]'']]
[''jump cut to a scene from [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|"McAttack"]] featuring a replica of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] made of [[pixelblocks|Lego bricks and Pixelblocks]'']]


Line 184: Line 186:
Where's Bumblebee when I need him?
Where's Bumblebee when I need him?


[[Image:Chris_blood.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:Chris blood.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a scene from ''[[Sub-Episode 8]]]
[''jump cut to a scene from ''[[Sub-Episode 8]]]


Damn you, Bagget.
Damn you, Bagget.


[[Image:Jack's_Knight_as_William_Spicer.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|left|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Jack's Knight from the first page of ''[[Sonichu 5]]]
[''jump cut to a picture of Jack's Knight from the first page of ''[[Sonichu 5]]]


Special summoned guest star: Jack's Knight. Where is the queen and king? Matter of fact, was there an ace in the hole?
Special summoned guest star: Jack's Knight. [[Random Access Humor|Where is the queen and king? Matter of fact, was there an ace in the hole?]]


[''jump cut'']
[''jump cut'']


[''gay voice''] The hole of the ''queeeeen''?
[''gay voice''] [[China|The hole of the ''queeeeen''?]]


[[Image:Sonichu05-P14.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:Sonichu05-P14.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
Line 209: Line 211:


[[Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[[Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|right|thumb|60px]]
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Megan|Sailor Megtune]] and her Megagi La Skunk'']
[''jump cut to a picture of [[Megan|Sailor Megtune]] and her [[Megagi La Skunk]]'']


In the name of all hearts in the universe—
In the name of all hearts in the universe—
Line 253: Line 255:
[''jump cut to image of Allison Amber from ''Sonichu 6]
[''jump cut to image of Allison Amber from ''Sonichu 6]


Miss [[Allison Amber]] has been appointed vice-mayor upon her hiring. And she took the position of mayor during my absence within the [[time void|alternate dimension]]. Billy Mays was never the mayor; he was my bodyguard and [[obesity|body-double]]. Shave off his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|beard]], we look alike. Although, I constantly mistake him for Richard Karn. [''sings''] ''Home Improvement''! ''Home Improvement''! Starring Tim Allen. [Note: Home Improvement had an instrumental theme song, and even then it sounded nothing like Chris's howling]
Miss [[Allison Amber]] has been appointed vice-mayor upon her hiring. And she took the position of mayor during my absence within the [[time void|alternate dimension]]. [[Billy Mays]] was never the mayor; he was my bodyguard and body-double. Shave off his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|beard]], we look alike. Although, I constantly mistake him for Richard Karn. [''sings''] ''Home Improvement''! ''Home Improvement''! Starring Tim Allen. [Note: Home Improvement had an instrumental theme song, and even then it sounded nothing like Chris's howling]


[''jump cut to previously unseen drawing of Billy Mays'']
[''jump cut to previously unseen drawing of Billy Mays'']


[[Chris and Death|Come on back]], [[Billy Mays]], and enjoy our dogwood festivals in Charlottesville!
Come on back, Billy Mays, and enjoy our dogwood festivals in Charlottesville!


[''jump cut to image of [[Bionic]] from ''Sonichu 6]
[''jump cut to image of [[Bionic]] from ''Sonichu 6]
Line 263: Line 265:
[[Bionic|Sonic had a twin brother? And he's a basketball all-star?]] [''sings'']
[[Bionic|Sonic had a twin brother? And he's a basketball all-star?]] [''sings'']


[[Chris and music|You're a shooting star,
:You're a shooting star,
No matter where you are,
:No matter where you are,
As far as the eye can see,
:As far as the eye can see,
No matter who you be.]]
:No matter who you be.


Only so many witnesses in Manchester high school have actually witnessed the creation and birth and Sonichu and Rosechu. [[Chris and his ego|Nobody else could ever had the experience those individuals have]].
Only so many witnesses in Manchester high school have actually witnessed the creation and birth and Sonichu and Rosechu. [[Chris and his ego|Nobody else]] could ever had the experience those individuals have.


[''jump cut to image of [[Megan]] and Chris from [[Sonichu 7]]'']
[''jump cut to image of [[Megan]] and Chris from [[Sonichu 7]]'']


Wow, he recovered quick... kind of a Goku get'em attitude. [[fail|Too bad I was never just that too all into him. Megan... WHY?!]]
Wow, he recovered quick... kind of a Goku get'em attitude. Too bad I was never just that too all into him. Megan... WHY?!


[''jump cut to Chris'']
[''jump cut to Chris'']


...And for that matter, [[The Game Place|Michael Synder]], WHY?! [''annotation: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.</span>]
...And for that matter, [[The Game Place|Michael Snyder]], WHY?! [''annotation: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.</span>]


[''jump cut to Ghostbusters "skitch" from ''Sonichu 7]
[''jump cut to Ghostbusters "skitch" from ''Sonichu 7]
Line 283: Line 285:
[''jump cut to image of [[Kellie Andes]] from ''Sonichu 7]
[''jump cut to image of [[Kellie Andes]] from ''Sonichu 7]


Kellie, [[lie|I hope you are happy in your married life.]]
Kellie, I hope you are happy in your married life.


[''jump cut to image of [[Joseph Herring]] from ''Sonichu 7]
[''jump cut to image of [[Joseph Herring]] from ''Sonichu 7]


Hey, Joe, whaddya know? Haven't heard from ya in a long time. How've you been? Hope you found yourself your female sweetheart. Too bad what's-her-name didn't fit the bill so well. She was a damn, dirty bitch. A picky one, too, whatever her name was.
Hey, Joe, whaddya know? Haven't heard from ya in a long time. How've you been? Hope you found yourself your female sweetheart. Too bad what's-her-name didn't fit the bill so well. She was a damn, dirty bitch. A picky one, too, whatever her name was.


[''jump cut to ''Beavis and Butt-head'' ripoff from ''Sonichu 7]
[''jump cut to ''Beavis and Butt-head'' ripoff from ''Sonichu 7]
Line 297: Line 299:
[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu embracing from ''Sonichu 7]
[''jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu embracing from ''Sonichu 7]


I love you, Rosey. I love you, too, Soney. Oh, by the way, you didn't think Sonichu and I were just living together the whole time? We got [''annotation: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">March 17, 2006. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!</span>] married March 17th, 2006 at [[Angelica]]'s church. We kept our marriage outside of the comic pages, as well as our children, which we have three of. Two [[Rosee|Rosees]] and a [[Sonee]]. As to just not parently—permanen—prematurally miss the family-life during the early days of being online. We are staying offline for a while, bitches!
I love you, Rosey. I love you, too, Sonee. Oh, by the way, you didn't think Sonichu and I were just living together the whole time? We got [''annotation: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">March 17, 2006. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!</span>] married March 17th, 2006 at [[Angelica]]'s church. We kept our marriage outside of the comic pages, as well as our children, which we have three of. Two [[Rosey]]s and a [[Sonee]]. As to just not parently—permanen—prematurally miss the family-life during the early days of being online. We are staying offline for a while, bitches!


[''jump cut to drawing of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'']
[''jump cut to drawing of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'']
Line 303: Line 305:
[''[[Chris and music|sings]]''] Everybody's trying to break my spirit, keeping me down... but the fire in my heart keeps growing! Growing!
[''[[Chris and music|sings]]''] Everybody's trying to break my spirit, keeping me down... but the fire in my heart keeps growing! Growing!


[''jump cut to cover of ''[[Sonichu 8]] ]
[''jump cut to cover of [[Sonichu 8]]'' ]


Alright, spring break! Next summer, we get [[Chris's Big Night Out|drunk]]. Woo!
Alright, spring break! Next summer, we get [[Chris's Big Night Out|drunk]]. Woo!
Line 313: Line 315:
[''jump cut to image of Rosechu from ''Sonichu 8]
[''jump cut to image of Rosechu from ''Sonichu 8]


WE HAVE [[China|VAGINAS]], DUMBASSES!
WE HAVE VAGINAS, DUMBASSES!


[''jump cut to "Knothole" ad from ''Sonichu 8]
[''jump cut to "Knothole" ad from ''Sonichu 8]
Line 319: Line 321:
[[Parody|KNOTHOLE FROM BLAMMO! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNDUN-DUNDUN!]]
[[Parody|KNOTHOLE FROM BLAMMO! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNDUN-DUNDUN!]]


[''jump cut to image of [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles]] from ''Sonichu 8]
[''jump cut to image of Blake and Bubbles from ''Sonichu 8]


Oh, yeah, they got married recently on July 4th, 2009 [''annotation: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">July 4, 2009! A bit of Black Bubblie Goodness TONIGHT! :D</span>]. Happy Independence Day, you lovebirds! [''cackles''] [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|TONIGHT]]!
Oh, yeah, they got married recently on July 4, 2009 [''annotation: ''<span style="background-color:#dddddd">July 4, 2009! A bit of Black Bubblie Goodness TONIGHT! :D</span>]. Happy Independence Day, you lovebirds! [''cackles''] [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|TONIGHT]]!


[''jump cut to "Greta Squall" joke from ''Sonichu 8]
[''jump cut to "Greta Squall" joke from ''Sonichu 8]


...leaving hundreds injured. For [[Excel Saga|ricto FQX]], I'm Greta Squall Magironi. Keep it real and rockin' hard at SPRING BREAK! WOO!
...leaving hundreds injured. For [[Excel Saga|Rikdo FQX]], I'm Greta Squall Magironi. Keep it real and rockin' hard at SPRING BREAK! WOO!


[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 9]
[''jump cut to cover of ''Sonichu 9]
Line 337: Line 339:
[''sings''] What the hells were you thinking with that damn pickle suit?
[''sings''] What the hells were you thinking with that damn pickle suit?


==Sauces and notes==
==Sources and notes==
<references/>
<references/>


{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|nextlink=[[CWC More Than A Feeling]]|}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|nextlink=[[CWC More Than A Feeling]]|}}
{{Template:The Cwcivil War of 2009}}
{{LiquidSaga}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}


[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-26]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-26]]

Latest revision as of 16:08, 8 November 2024

Artist's impression of Chris's Duck locating "SOME TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!" - whatever that meant.

"I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC" (officially "I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts") is a video uploaded on 26 July 2009 by Chris, in which he redefines the word gay, showcases his artwork to demonstrate his authenticity and finishes with a vicious attack on the Man in the Pickle Suit.

Summary

Chris shows off his Scrapbook of Fail.

The video opens with Chris standing in his room, wearing his red shirt with blue and gray stripes, Pedo-Glasses, Sonichu medallion and his Amnyfest Ring. Chris announces he is "here to dispel a big, fat thing". He then explains that the two videos of him singing along to "Ok2bgay" by Tomboy were the result of blackmail, and that he felt quite nauseous about the whole thing. Chris tells us he was (mis)informed that "Ok2bgay" was "a mockery", and so his performance was in a similar vein—in fact, it was comparable to comedy legends Monty Python.

From this, he somehow reasons that, since he was mocking being gay as stupid, his true message was it's okay to be stupid. He then feels obliged to assert his own heterosexuality by screaming "I AM STRAIGHT!", although the rhetorical question of whether Chris looks gay is met with hesitation before a shake of the head. Confusing the word "accusation" with another similar word, he also demands the cessation of "acquisition messages". We are also reminded that any dissing of Chris is also a diss of CWCville and Charlottesville. This is all achieved with multiple jump cuts, dramatic removal of and discarding of his glasses, wild gesticulation and YouTube video annotations. Speaking of which, this video is unique with regards to the sheer number of annotations Chris incorporates into it - Chris's videos usually don't have any annotations, even when he is raging. It is possible that the additional effort of writing annotations for videos causes Chris too much stress, leading him to more or less abandon them after attempting to use them in this video.

Chris then defends himself from accusations of being an impostor by going through the Scrapbook of Fail and displaying (allegedly) original art from the Sonichu comics while providing commentary.

Video

Chris-rage.gif

WARNING! This video features flamboyant levels of Tard Rage.


I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC
Click to load content
Direct link YouTube, archive
Stardate 29 July 2009
Subject Matter HomosHomos Homos
Performance Style RageRage Rage
Saga LiquidLiquid Liquid Chris
Shirt Vert RedVert Red Vertical Red
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous
CWC "Boyfriend" 		next
CWC More Than A Feeling
“ ...and I did an awesome fuckin' job. ”

Transcript

Dispelling a big, fat thing (0:00 to 1:43)

Hi! [points and waves finger] Christian Weston Chandler here! And I am here to dispel a big, fat thing.

[jump cut]

The... urkay to be gay sign, nnhg....

[jump cut]

When I first read the lyrics I was being blackmailed into doing this.

[jump cut]

I felt queasy [dramatically removes glasses] from the first time I looked at the very first line [dramatically discards glasses] of that damn, dirty song. But then, later, a friend made me realize—uh, a friend told me that it was originally done as a mockery! A mockery by the damn Tomboy. A mockery! So I went with that... and did my own spin-off of [arms outstretched] Monty Python's Flying Circus! [annotation: Really Stupid Flying Donkey] So therefore when I was saying it's okay to be gaaay I was saying it's okay to be STUPID! Stupid! That's one reason why I put that message in front of the video. [annotation: Webster's Dictionary: -Gay (Adj.) 1) STUPID!!![1]] Y'know, the word is stupid! The word is STUPID!

[jump cut]

This is why YouTube made annotations: so Chris can communicate the need for "liberated vag".

The whole premise was stupid and that's what I went with. Stupid! I am straight! [annotations: I AM STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!, I LOVE NATURAL WOMAN BREASTS!!!!!, GIVE ME LIBERATED VAG!!!!! and MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!] Would I even be doing this if I—

[jump cut]

And look at me. Do I look like... [shakes head in disagreement]—NO! MORE! Of those stupid acquisition messages!

[jump cut]

Get it through your fucking... individual... damn... dirty...

SKULLS!


I... am... STRAIGHT!

[jump cut]

Do not diss me any more! Or you will further diss-s-ss CWCville and the city of Charlottesville!

A history (1:44 to 4:11)

[jump cut]

Sonichu - Issue 0, Cover.jpg

But anyway, also, to prove another point that I am indeed the real Christian Weston Chandler. And that I am not that damn fucking imposter in brown! I am going to show you a history [produces a black folder with the cover picture from Sonichu #0 on the cover, shakes his head like a smug, retarded tortoise, and raises the pitch of his voice considerably] of close-ups. A close-up history. Let's have a look in here, shall we?

[jump cut to a close up of the Sonichu #0 cover]

Ah yes, the infamous [totally misunderstanding the meaning of the prefix -in] classic hand-drawn cover of the Number 0 book. You can never, ever copy the hand-drawn styles. No matter how hard you try.

[jump cut to Chris's face poking out of the right side of the frame]

My art speaks for me. Now let's look at some more.

[jump cut]

Here's a one page I'm sure you remember.

Sonichu - Episode 1, Page 6.jpg

[jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu defeating the Perfect Chaos Monster]

Bad, bad Leeroy Brown.

202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg

[jump cut to a close-up of Sonichu and Rosechu kissing under some fireworks]

Mine and the first romantic attempt, [regurgitating something his mother must have told him] and I did an awesome fuckin' job.

Sonichu - Advertisement, Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg

[jump cut to a close-up of the cover of Sonichu Adventure]

Here's another one.

[jump cut]

And that corner tag came from an original "only for GameCube" title that was originally... a GameCube title but then later it expanded to other consoles. [pulls picture down and pokes his head in from right] Damn Xbox.

Issueone.jpg

[jump cut to the cover of Sonichu #1]

"Chemical X?" "No, cherry cola."

SchuComic2Page21.jpg

[jump cut to an ad for some retarded Pokémon cards]

A favorite classic ad.

SchuComic2Page23.jpg

[jump cut to a page from Sonichu #1]

Oh, yeah, here comes a laugh:

"I'm Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du, Robotnik, Robotnik, du-du-du-du-du-duuuu~"

[laughing like a deranged lunatic at a joke not humorous to anyone but him] "Hahahahaha!"

SchuComic2Page35.jpg

[jump cut to a scene from another page from Sonichu #1]

What's the difference between Amy and Rosechu? Long tail. Rosechu has spikes. Amy has a red headband, Rosey has white. Her default outfit has stripes. Amy's does not. Blue and fire-engine red are their favorite colors. She prefers a different shade of red, Amy does. Now while they are going getting about, we'd like to save time and money with Get-co.

Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg

[jump cut to the Axe ad]

Only for the straight man. Axe. He use the Orizon—Orion scent.

"May I orbit your belt, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I'll let you orbit my belt... as long as you want until midnight! Hahaha, yeah! Jackpot!" [OH HO! Funny, Chris. Ba-zing!]

A history (4:11 to 6:01)

Sonichu - Episode 8, Page 14.jpg

[jump cut to a scene from the Anchuent Prophecy arc of Sonichu 2]

Anuh—And now something completely different. An Inuyasha parody... very good.

Sonichu - Issue 3, Cover.jpg

[jump cut to a closeup of the Chaotic Combo on the cover of Sonichu 3]

[sings] Hey, hey. The gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?

SchuComic4Pages5+7.jpg

[jump cut to two overlapping pages of Sonichu 3: the introductions of Bubbles and Angelica]

Here you are, two famous ladies.

SchuComic4Page8.jpg

[jump cut to a close-up of G.D.W. Shinabe]

[sings]I'm Nabeshin. My afro suits me; it's so easy to clean just wash it wash, Poemy was not the girl who ripped his tail, it was Mypoe you dang, old dorks.

Sonichu - Sub-Episode 4, Page 11.jpg

[jump cut to a scene from "McAttack" featuring a replica of Chris-chan Sonichu made of Lego bricks and Pixelblocks]

[high-pitched, squeaky voice]Oh, look! I made it from Legos and Pixelblocks. And, believe it or not, I play "Thunderhorse"! Guitar Hero!

Issue4.jpg

[jump cut to the cover of Sonichu 4]

I went. I fought. I eventually conquered with courage.

[jump cut]

Heaven only knows what you might find. DARE. Dare to keep all your dreams alive!

Crystal.jpg

[jump cut to a picture of Crystal from Sub-Episode 7]

The twin sister I wish I had in real-life.

SchuSubE7P10.jpg

[jump cut to another scene from Sub-Episode 7]

Holy Vector Sigma, Optimus Prime!

[jump cut]

Where's Bumblebee when I need him?

Chris blood.jpg

[jump cut to a scene from Sub-Episode 8]

Damn you, Bagget.

Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg

[jump cut to a picture of Jack's Knight from the first page of Sonichu 5]

Special summoned guest star: Jack's Knight. Where is the queen and king? Matter of fact, was there an ace in the hole?

[jump cut]

[gay voice] The hole of the queeeeen?

Sonichu05-P14.jpg

[jump cut to a scene where Chris-chan Sonichu plays Yu-Gi-Oh!]

CWCspells, activate! Pshoo!

Sonichu05-P15.jpg

[jump cut to the page opposite]

Annnnnnnnd CREATURE SWAP!

Sonichu05-P18.jpg

[jump cut to a picture of Sailor Megtune and her Megagi La Skunk]

In the name of all hearts in the universe—

[jump cut]

—we shall punish you!

Sonichu05-P20.jpg

[jump cut to a scene where Megagi La Skunk punches Chris-chan Sonichu in the head]

[makes a punch noise]

[jump cut]

That hurt.

Sonichu05-P30.jpg

[jump cut to a picture of Mary Lee Walsh]

Damn you, dirty witch. Damn you!

Sonichu05-P37.jpg

[jump cut to the first page of Episode 13: a group picture containing Chris-chan, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo]

Welcome to CWCville. Let's get this party started.

Sonichu05-P38.jpg

[jump cut to the following page]

Evil witch, I will avenge all hearts you have shattered (including myself), which you have done in October 2003.

Sonichu05-P41.jpg

[jump cut to another page with Megan and Megagi]

[sings] Uuuhduhnuhnuhnuhnuhduhduhnuhnuhnuhduhnuh ala Tuxedo Kamen! Duhduhduhnuhnuh

A history (6:02 to 9:34)

[jump cut to cover of Sonichu 6]

Patti, I miss you. Come home. We'll go play catch. And dear Kitty misses you, too... very much so. I love you.

[jump cut to image of Allison Amber from Sonichu 6]

Miss Allison Amber has been appointed vice-mayor upon her hiring. And she took the position of mayor during my absence within the alternate dimension. Billy Mays was never the mayor; he was my bodyguard and body-double. Shave off his beard, we look alike. Although, I constantly mistake him for Richard Karn. [sings] Home Improvement! Home Improvement! Starring Tim Allen. [Note: Home Improvement had an instrumental theme song, and even then it sounded nothing like Chris's howling]

[jump cut to previously unseen drawing of Billy Mays]

Come on back, Billy Mays, and enjoy our dogwood festivals in Charlottesville!

[jump cut to image of Bionic from Sonichu 6]

Sonic had a twin brother? And he's a basketball all-star? [sings]

You're a shooting star,
No matter where you are,
As far as the eye can see,
No matter who you be.

Only so many witnesses in Manchester high school have actually witnessed the creation and birth and Sonichu and Rosechu. Nobody else could ever had the experience those individuals have.

[jump cut to image of Megan and Chris from Sonichu 7]

Wow, he recovered quick... kind of a Goku get'em attitude. Too bad I was never just that too all into him. Megan... WHY?!

[jump cut to Chris]

...And for that matter, Michael Snyder, WHY?! [annotation: Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.]

[jump cut to Ghostbusters "skitch" from Sonichu 7] [Peter Griffin laugh] Before time travel back, I got to visit the Ghostbusters' house. [more Peter Griffin laugh]

[jump cut to image of Kellie Andes from Sonichu 7]

Kellie, I hope you are happy in your married life.

[jump cut to image of Joseph Herring from Sonichu 7]

Hey, Joe, whaddya know? Haven't heard from ya in a long time. How've you been? Hope you found yourself your female sweetheart. Too bad what's-her-name didn't fit the bill so well. She was a damn, dirty bitch. A picky one, too, whatever her name was.

[jump cut to Beavis and Butt-head ripoff from Sonichu 7]

[Beavis voice] Check it out, Butt-head. Somebody left their locker open.

[terrible Butt-head impression] Let's close it for them. BAAAM! Who wants to make love today? [high-pitched girl voice] Oh, we do! We do teacher! Alright. April, Lorry, Susan... Simoooooone....

[jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu embracing from Sonichu 7]

I love you, Rosey. I love you, too, Sonee. Oh, by the way, you didn't think Sonichu and I were just living together the whole time? We got [annotation: March 17, 2006. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!] married March 17th, 2006 at Angelica's church. We kept our marriage outside of the comic pages, as well as our children, which we have three of. Two Roseys and a Sonee. As to just not parently—permanen—prematurally miss the family-life during the early days of being online. We are staying offline for a while, bitches!

[jump cut to drawing of Mary Lee Walsh]

[sings] Everybody's trying to break my spirit, keeping me down... but the fire in my heart keeps growing! Growing!

[jump cut to cover of Sonichu 8 ]

Alright, spring break! Next summer, we get drunk. Woo!

[jump cut to image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of an American flag from Sonichu 8]

We, the electric hedgehogs and everybody in the city of CWCville as a C-ville within the state of Virginia, stand firm and strong as proud citizens of these United States that everybody have fought so hard for the freedom of.

[jump cut to image of Rosechu from Sonichu 8]

WE HAVE VAGINAS, DUMBASSES!

[jump cut to "Knothole" ad from Sonichu 8]

KNOTHOLE FROM BLAMMO! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNDUN-DUNDUN!

[jump cut to image of Blake and Bubbles from Sonichu 8]

Oh, yeah, they got married recently on July 4, 2009 [annotation: July 4, 2009! A bit of Black Bubblie Goodness TONIGHT! :D]. Happy Independence Day, you lovebirds! [cackles] TONIGHT!

[jump cut to "Greta Squall" joke from Sonichu 8]

...leaving hundreds injured. For Rikdo FQX, I'm Greta Squall Magironi. Keep it real and rockin' hard at SPRING BREAK! WOO!

[jump cut to cover of Sonichu 9] Workin' on it! [annotation: Workin' On It]

One final tidbit (9:34 - 9:55)

And now for one final tidbit a spit of retribution against Howard the fiend [annotation: What The Hells Were You Thinkin' With That Damn, Dirty Pickle Suit, Brine-Headed Nerd?] from the cult of pickle-suited fiends. Divine retribution for that day you stole Emily, [gives the finger] you damn watchman.

[jump cut to picture of Mary Lee Walsh, Howard and a hedgehog]

[sings] What the hells were you thinking with that damn pickle suit?

Sources and notes

  1. ↑ Webster's primary definition of gay is "happily excited[;]merry"
⇐ CWC "Boyfriend" Chris's videos CWC More Than A Feeling ⇒
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People: Solid Chris (Ian) • Liquid Chris • Kacey Devoria • Kim Wilson • Matthew Devoria • Katie Bay • Clyde Cash • Spazkid

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Liquid Videos: Solid Videos:
Coinciding Sagas: Clyde Cash, Emily

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