OkCupid
OkCupid is one of the more popular dating websites, and matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure. Unlike sites such as Match.com, OkCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. Like so many other dating websites before, it has been infected by the plague that is Christian Chandler.
First Profile
Chris created his first OkCupid profile in late February 2009. He gave up on it very quickly — his final login was in early March, and he never answered any of the questions or quizzes that the site uses to build a personality profile of each user. It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of true and honest love. In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."
Chris has recently created a second profile which is 10 times worse.
Profile Text
I am Autistic, Fun, and Creative.
My Self-Summary
I'm young at heart. I'm currently writing a comic book, and I've written quite a few issues so far. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a beautiful girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone.
I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I am doing very well at PVCC. A lot of men make false promises to their girlfriends, but I am totally different. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) girls deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them.
I haven't had the best of luck with girlfriends in my past. There was a lot of lying and backstabbing done to me, and I'm looking for someone who is honest and will love me for me. Who I'd like to meet: Someone with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, 18-23-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-alcholoic, white and does not already have a Boyfriend.
Looking for: New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating, Activity partners, Long-distance penpals, Casual sex
Note: OKCupid has a variety of other fields such as religion, height, race, etc. Chris left all of these blank.
Second Profile
Chris's return to OkCupid, under the name "ChrisCSonichu" was a much more involved affair. Chris updated this profile frequently, each time allowing more and more of his delusional, insane, and perverted self spill out. more every time he updated his page.
First version
The earliest saved version we have of Chris's page is relatively benign. Chris makes an ass of himself in two languages, and refers to himself as a creative genius, but on the whole there's nothing too outlandish. This benign, easygoing period would not last.
| Full text of Version 1 |
|---|
My Self-SummaryI'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when possible. I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I have graduated from Piedmong Virginia Community College with a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them. I am looking for a woman who is honest and will love me for me; a woman with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, pretty, 21-28-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-black and single. Now in Spanish Yo soy joven en mi corizon. Yo tengo un serie de libros comicos. Me gusta la compaña de una mujer bonita quién la gusta mas o menos de las cosas me gusta. Me gusta tener diversion cuando posible, y hago hechos de benevolencia cuando posible. Yo gradue de me escuela secundarie con Honor Roll, y gradue desde Piedmont Virginia Community College con un tÃtulo y certificado en Computer Aided Drafting & Design. Yo prometo cuidar, respetar, empatÃa y amor. Yo penso que (muchas) mujers ameriten el mundo, ye yo querÃa hacer mi mejor para dar lo por ellas. Yo estoy buscando por una mujer honesta y va a amor mi por mi; una mujer con una personalidad feliz y positiva, joven en su corizon, bonita, tenga 21-28 anos, resida en, o cerca de, Charlottesville o Ruckersvlle, VA, Sin Fumar, no es negra y soltero. What I’m doing with my lifeI'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects and helping my family. I’m really good atDrawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy lifting and other things. The first things people usually notice about meI would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. My favorite books, movies, music, and foodGoosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken. The six things I could never do without-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart.
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutHow and where to socialize better. On a typical Friday night I amAt home playing my "Sonichu's Adventures" on LittleBiGPlanet, or Guitar Hero or the current video game I'm playing. The most private thing I’m willing to admit hereNow in Spanish Yo soy autÃstico altamente funcionales, y estoy un virgen esperando por mi novia bonita. In english, it roughly means he's a virgin and he's autistic You should message me ifYou're A) 21-28 years old, B) not black (no personal offense), C) NOT a Smoker, D) Honest, Compassionate and Pretty, E) no taller than 5'10" and F) (the old expression) Boyfriend-Free. |
Final Version
Over the course of several edits, Chris's profile eventually reached it's current, horrifying form. All references to childish things, such as LittleBigPlanet and Sonichu were removed, and replaced with things Chris thought of as "manly" like Guitar Hero. the sheer importance that women meet him "in person" became more and more emphasized, as well as constant references to how much he needs sex as soon as humanly possible. The legendary Third Date is completely foregone in favor of Chris getting precious China on his very first encounter with a woman, and requirements were added demanding that in-person contact must be had no later than two online contacts in.
| Full text of Final version. |
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My Self-SummaryI'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when possible. I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I have graduated from Piedmong Virginia Community College with a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them. I am looking for a woman who is honest and will love me for me, and sex is an eventual must; a woman with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, pretty, 21-28-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-black and single. Now in Spanish Yo soy joven en mi corizon. Yo tengo un serie de libros comicos. Me gusta la compaña de una mujer bonita quién la gusta mas o menos de las cosas me gusta. Me gusta tener diversion cuando posible, y hago hechos de benevolencia cuando posible. Yo gradue de me escuela secundarie con Honor Roll, y gradue desde Piedmont Virginia Community College con un tÃtulo y certificado en Computer Aided Drafting & Design. Yo prometo cuidar, respetar, empatÃa y amor. Yo penso que (muchas) mujers ameriten el mundo, ye yo querÃa hacer mi mejor para dar lo por ellas. Yo estoy buscando por una mujer honesta y va a amor mi por mi; una mujer con una personalidad feliz y positiva, joven en su corizon, bonita, tenga 21-28 anos, resida en, o cerca de, Charlottesville o Ruckersvlle, VA, Sin Fumar, no es negra y soltero. What I’m doing with my life I'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects and helping my family. I also work on my art projects, get some exercise in; all that good stuff. I’m really good atDrawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy lifting, holding a conversation, showing a woman a good time (on a date with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out and share). The first things people usually notice about meI would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse with. My favorite books, movies, music, and foodGoosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken. The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutHow and where to socialize better. On a typical Friday night I am At home playing Guitar Hero or working on my current project. I am Very Interested in livening up my Friday and Saturday Nights; I am open for suggestions. ;) The most private thing I’m willing to admit hereI am very interested in sex as well as ALL of the True Love emotions, loyalty and honesty that go along with it. I am Compassionate And Passionate. You should message me ifYou can MEET ME IN PERSON within TWO days of First Communication and that you are able to CALL ME and Accept CALLS FROM ME. As Well As If You are A) 21-28 years old, B) not black (no personal offense), C) NOT a Smoker, D) Honest, Compassionate and Pretty, E) no taller than 5'10" F) Single, G) Reside in or around Charlottesville or Ruckersville, VA and H) You'd Like to Get To Know Me Better In Person, share a pleasant conversation, etc. And if you are cool with getting to the bedroom as quickly as right after the First Date. |
The only interim change between the first and final versions of this page is Chris's most private thing, where he briefly stated in English that he was an autistic virgin.
| “ | I am high-functioning autistic, and I am a virgin; do not be afraid of me nor judge me. I've conquered most of my autistic traits (more of which can be learned on wikipedia or on autism.org) | ” |
| Chris, before expunging it from the record entirely. | ||
External Links
STUFF SHIT HERE.