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Chris has created a number of profiles for dating websites over the years.  Like everything else Chris does, these endeavors are usually made of pure fail.
Chris has created a number of profiles for dating websites over the years.  Like everything else Chris does, these endeavors are usually made of pure fail.


==OKCupid==
==Match.com==
[[File:OkCupidProfile.jpg|thumb|Screencap of Chris's OKCupid profile]]
{{main|Match.com}}


OKCupid is one of the more popular dating websites, and matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure.  Unlike sites such as Match.com, OKCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. The ability to stalk thousands of internet girls without paying a dime must have been a very attractive prospect for Chris.
Chris's Match.com profile is his oldest online personal ad, dating back to when he still attended [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], hung out at [[The Game Place]], and wasn't quite so corpulent and maladjusted as he would eventually become. It appears to have been just as ineffective as all of the others, though.


Chris created his OKCupid profile in late [[February 2009]]. He gave up on it very quickly — his final login was in early [[March 2009|March]].  It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of true and honest love.  In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."
==OKCupid==
 
{{main|OkCupid}}
===Profile Text===
 
I am Autistic, Fun, and Creative.
 
'''My Self-Summary'''


I'm young at heart. I'm currently writing a comic book, and I've written quite a few issues so far. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a beautiful girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone.
OkCupid is one of the more popular dating websites, and matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure. Unlike sites such as Match.com, OkCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. The ability to stalk thousands of internet girls without paying a dime must have been a very attractive prospect for Chris.


I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I am doing very well at PVCC. A lot of men make false promises to their girlfriends, but I am totally different. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, [[Women's Rights|respect]], [[Chris and Death|empathy]], and [[Chris and anger|love]]. I think that (most) girls deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them.
Chris created his first OkCupid profile in late [[February 2009]]. He gave up on it very quickly — his final login was in early [[March 2009|March]], and he never answered any of the questions or quizzes that the site uses to build a personality profile of each user. It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of True and Honest [[China|love]]. In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."


I haven't had the best of luck with girlfriends in my past. There was a lot of lying and backstabbing [[Chris and Hypocrisy|done to me]], and I'm looking for someone who is honest and will love me for me.
A bit later, in [[April 2009]], Chris created a second profile, which gradually evolved into something many, many times worse.
Who I'd like to meet:
Someone with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, 18-23-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, [[Tobacky|smoke]]-free, non-[[alcohol|alcholoic]], [[Racism|white]] and [[Boyfriend-Free Girl|does not already have a Boyfriend]].
 
'''Looking for:''' New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating, Activity partners, Long-distance penpals, Casual sex


==Book of Matches==
==Book of Matches==
[[File:BookOfMatchProfile.jpg|thumb|Screenshot of Chris's BoM page.]]
[[File:BookOfMatchProfile.jpg|thumb|Screenshot of Chris's BoM page.]]


It's unclear when Chris made this profile, but given his stated age, it probably was made around late 2008 or early 2009, around the same time as his first Hook Cafe ad. While the staples of half-assery are still present, it's clear Chris spent more time on this page then he did on his OKCupid profile. Many of the statements here are just repetitions of the Chris-chan facts we all know and love, though: his fantasy of a daughter named Crystal, McDonald's as a first date, and so on. [[Honest Content|True and Honest]], perhaps, but hardly a way to impress babes. Chris also seems to believe that citing Mary Poppins as the greatest movie ever will somehow have a positive effect on the ladies.
It's unclear when Chris made this profile, but given his stated age, it probably was made around late 2008 or early 2009, around the same time as his first [[The Hook Cafe|''The HooK'' Café]] ad. While the staples of half-assery are still present, it's clear Chris spent more time on this page then he did on his OKCupid profile. Many of the statements here are just repetitions of the Chris-chan facts we all know and love, though: his fantasy of a daughter named Crystal, McDonald's as a first date, and so on. [[Honest Content|True and Honest]], perhaps, but hardly a way to impress babes. Chris also seems to believe that citing ''[[Mary Poppins]]'' as the greatest movie ever will somehow have a positive effect on the ladies.


===Profile Text===
===Profile Text===
Line 46: Line 37:


'''Things that have bothered me:'''
'''Things that have bothered me:'''
<br>When they are false friends; when they would just dump me after one mistake, or something as dumb.
<br>When they are false [[Megan|friends]]; when they would just dump me after [[shecameforcwc.jpg|one mistake]], or something as dumb.
<br>'''I am looking for:'''  
<br>'''I am looking for:'''  
<br>In a nutshell, 18-years to my current age, Caring, Smoke-Free, Non-Alcholic, white and Boyfriend-Free.
<br>In a nutshell, 18-years to my current age, Caring, Smoke-Free, Non-Alcholic, white and Boyfriend-Free.
Line 58: Line 49:
<br>I am willing to meet WOMEN from this service, as long as they live within the Ruckersville or Charlottesville, VA area, and if they currently do not have (or preferably never had) a Boyfriend.
<br>I am willing to meet WOMEN from this service, as long as they live within the Ruckersville or Charlottesville, VA area, and if they currently do not have (or preferably never had) a Boyfriend.
<br>'''Are you ready to start from scratch?'''  
<br>'''Are you ready to start from scratch?'''  
<br>I WANT to start a relationship [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|from the Ground-Up]]. I may have a few things already put behind me, but I will make it a point to keep [[Homos|those]] [[Racism|issues]] out of the way of current or future issues. I am to be continued.
<br>I WANT to start a relationship [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|from the Ground-Up]]. I may have a few things already [[Sex toys|put behind me]], but I will make it a point to keep [[Homos|those]] [[Racism|issues]] out of the way of current or future issues. I am to be continued.
<br>'''My typical day:'''
<br>'''My typical day:'''
<br>Personally, I have never been on a date before in my life. But for my first date, I'd keep it simple with a beverage (or shared meal) at <br>[[McDonalds]], or similar resteraunt.
<br>Personally, I have never been on a date before in my life. But for my first date, I'd keep it simple with a beverage (or shared meal) at <br>[[McDonalds]], or similar resteraunt.
<br>'''My Wish List Includes:'''
<br>'''My Wish List Includes:'''
<br>I dream of getting married, and having a daughter named [[Crystal]].
<br>I dream of getting married, and having a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].
 
==Match.com==
Probably the most famous dating site on the internet, Chris set up a profile on the site in early 2009 under the username "SonichuCWC".  He's logged into the site as recently as 6 [[March 2010]], which is surprising considering how quickly he abandoned his OKCupid profile.
 
===Profile text===
Help a lonesome and sad man find some companionship. ;8)


28-year-old man
==''The HooK'' Café==
<br>Advance Mills, Virginia, United States
{{main|The Hook Cafe}}
<br>seeking women 18-24
<br>within 25 miles of Advance Mills, Virginia, United States
<br>'''Relationships:''' Never Married
<br>'''Have kids:''' No
<br>'''Want kids:''' Someday
<br>'''Ethnicity:''' White / Caucasian
<br>'''Body type:''' [[Obesity|About average]]
<br>'''Height:''' 5'10" (178cms)
<br>'''Religion:''' No Answer
<br>'''Smoke:''' No Way
<br>'''[[Alcohol|Drink]]:''' [[Chris and hypocrisy|Never]]


====About me and who I'm looking for====
Chris has put up at least two personal ads on the website of his local alternative weekly paper. One, dating to around the beginning of [[2009]], was hacked before its contents could be preserved for posterity. The second, however, found in [[April 2010]], was successfully mirrored by the CWCki. A few days after it was initially discovered, the ad mysteriously disappeared (and was completely deleted from the site, unlike Chris's first ad, which he simply hid from public view after regaining access to it).
I feel that I am young at heart, because I enjoy the seemingly child-like things I do like playing with Legos, Pokemon, Sonic the Hedgehog and drawing cartoonishly. I am also creator of my Pokemon character, Sonichu. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a pretty girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone. In a nutshell, my girl should be: 18-24, lives in the Charlottesville or Ruckersville area, has a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, Average income, and does not already have a Boyfriend. Also, trading card games, she could play said game(s) with me at the Pokemon League event that I go to weekly. Also, I have graduated from High School with Honor Roll, I am doing very well at PVCC, and I can express my feelings after putting them into words with my thinking mind. And if there's anything that I left out, well... oops. I am a shy, very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters,


====In my Own Words====
==eHarmony==
'''for fun:''' I enjoy drawing, listening to music, playing video games and Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh card games. I also like anime, creating with Lego pieces, and I love my family. And sometimes, I work on my Sonichu Site.
In [[August 2012]], his private Facebook correspondence indicates that he attemped to reach out for sweethearts on eHarmony. He appealed to his [[gal-pals]] for guidance, but for some peculiar reason, nothing seemed to attract the ladies.


'''my education:''' Piedmont Virginia Community College in Charlottesville where I am working towards a CADD degree.
<center>
<gallery>
File:EHarmony.jpg|Chris's profile.
File:EHarmony 7.jpg|An obvious troll.
File:EHarmony 2.jpg
File:EHarmony 3.jpg
File:EHarmony 4.jpg
File:EHarmony 5.jpg
File:EHarmony 6.jpg
</gallery></center>


'''favorite hot spots:''' I go to the Fashion Square Shopping center on Saturdays, the Downtown Mall's Comic Game & Hobby Place (Pokemon League/Yu-Gi-Oh) on Fridays and Saturdays, and you can also find me at Wal-Mart in C-Ville on most other days of the week.
By [[September 2012 Facebook posts#Same ol'|11 September]], Chris was complaining, "NO woman will even reply to me on freaking eHarmony. Damn trolls giving me a horrible name and blame... And What the F***?! Am I ugly with no alibi or something? :("


'''favorite things:''' In a list: Sonichu, Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, most kinds of music, Mary Poppins (movie), Colors: blue and red, creating home-made trading cards (for fun and art), and looking at the lovely scenery on the UVA campus.
{{clear}}


====About me====
==BronyMate==
'''Hair:''' Light brown
{{main|BronyMate}}
<br>'''Eyes:''' Blue
<br>'''Sports and exercise:''' Baseball, Basketball, Bowling, Dancing, Football, Golf, In-line skating, Racquet sports, Running, Soccer, Swimming, VolleyBall, Walking / Hiking, Weights / Machines
<br>'''Exercise habits:''' Exercise 1-2 times per week
<br>'''Interests:''' Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Dining out, Exploring new areas, Fishing/Hunting, Hobbies and crafts, Movies/Videos, Museums and art, Music and concerts, Nightclubs/Dancing, Playing cards, Playing sports, Shopping/Antiques, [[Video games]], Volunteering
<br>'''Education:''' Some college
<br>'''Occupation:''' No Answer
<br>'''Income:''' [[Monthly tugboat|No Answer]]
<br>'''Languages:''' Spanish
<br>'''Politics:''' Middle of the Road
<br>'''Sign:''' Pisces
<br>'''Pets I have:''' [[Cats]], [[Patti|Dogs]]
<br>'''Pets I like:''' Birds, Fish, Horses


====About my date====
'''Hair:''' Black, Blonde, Dark blonde, Dark brown, Light brown
<br>'''Eyes:''' No Answer
<br>'''Height:''' 5'0" (152cms) to 5'10" (178cms)
<br>'''Body type:''' About average, Athletic and toned, Slender
<br>'''Languages:''' English
<br>'''Ethnicity:''' Native American, White / Caucasian
<br>'''Faith:''' No Answer
<br>'''Education:''' High school, Some college, Associates degree, Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral
<br>'''Job:''' No Answer
<br>'''Income:''' No Answer
<br>'''Smoke:''' No Way
<br>'''Drink:''' Never
<br>'''Relationships:''' Never Married
<br>'''Have kids:''' No
<br>'''Want kids:''' Definitely, Someday


==The Hook Cafe==
==External links==
''See the main [[The Hook Cafe]] page''.
*[http://www.bookofmatches.com/profile/page/SONICHU.htm Chris's Book of Matches profile]
*[http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?lid=1000005&TP=U&Handle=SonichuCWC&uid=p6pWeNyd69Zt4vDF/badgQ== Chris's Match.com profile]
*[http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CWCSONICHU Chris's OKCupid profile] (deactivated)
*[https://www.okcupid.com/profile/LevelUpQueen Christine's current OKCupid profile]


{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Love Quest]]
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Latest revision as of 07:36, 16 November 2020

Chris has created a number of profiles for dating websites over the years. Like everything else Chris does, these endeavors are usually made of pure fail.

Match.com

Main article: Match.com

Chris's Match.com profile is his oldest online personal ad, dating back to when he still attended Piedmont Virginia Community College, hung out at The Game Place, and wasn't quite so corpulent and maladjusted as he would eventually become. It appears to have been just as ineffective as all of the others, though.

OKCupid

Main article: OkCupid

OkCupid is one of the more popular dating websites, and matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure. Unlike sites such as Match.com, OkCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. The ability to stalk thousands of internet girls without paying a dime must have been a very attractive prospect for Chris.

Chris created his first OkCupid profile in late February 2009. He gave up on it very quickly — his final login was in early March, and he never answered any of the questions or quizzes that the site uses to build a personality profile of each user. It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of True and Honest love. In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."

A bit later, in April 2009, Chris created a second profile, which gradually evolved into something many, many times worse.

Book of Matches

Screenshot of Chris's BoM page.

It's unclear when Chris made this profile, but given his stated age, it probably was made around late 2008 or early 2009, around the same time as his first The HooK Café ad. While the staples of half-assery are still present, it's clear Chris spent more time on this page then he did on his OKCupid profile. Many of the statements here are just repetitions of the Chris-chan facts we all know and love, though: his fantasy of a daughter named Crystal, McDonald's as a first date, and so on. True and Honest, perhaps, but hardly a way to impress babes. Chris also seems to believe that citing Mary Poppins as the greatest movie ever will somehow have a positive effect on the ladies.

Profile Text

If you like me, find me In Person, and let me know.

  • Charlottesville, Virginia
  • Response Rate: 0%
  • Above average
  • Sensually hot
  • Pisces
  • Caucasian
  • M
  • 26 years of age
  • 5'9 - 5'10
  • Single
  • Artsy Gamer
  • Here For Long Term Relationship

Things that have bothered me:
When they are false friends; when they would just dump me after one mistake, or something as dumb.
I am looking for:
In a nutshell, 18-years to my current age, Caring, Smoke-Free, Non-Alcholic, white and Boyfriend-Free.
Cool Movies:
Of all time, Mary Poppins.
My Favorite Groups are:
All kinds; classic, jazz, country, pop, rock, etc.
I am looking for a personality like:
I'm not certain, but as long as the woman likes me for me, and will stay by and care about me, all things considered, I'll feel better. I feel that I am a good listener, and I can make her laugh and/or feel good (but then again, it depends on her point of view).
Willingness to meet others from boM:
I am willing to meet WOMEN from this service, as long as they live within the Ruckersville or Charlottesville, VA area, and if they currently do not have (or preferably never had) a Boyfriend.
Are you ready to start from scratch?
I WANT to start a relationship from the Ground-Up. I may have a few things already put behind me, but I will make it a point to keep those issues out of the way of current or future issues. I am to be continued.
My typical day:
Personally, I have never been on a date before in my life. But for my first date, I'd keep it simple with a beverage (or shared meal) at
McDonalds, or similar resteraunt.
My Wish List Includes:
I dream of getting married, and having a daughter named Crystal.

The HooK Café

Main article: The Hook Cafe

Chris has put up at least two personal ads on the website of his local alternative weekly paper. One, dating to around the beginning of 2009, was hacked before its contents could be preserved for posterity. The second, however, found in April 2010, was successfully mirrored by the CWCki. A few days after it was initially discovered, the ad mysteriously disappeared (and was completely deleted from the site, unlike Chris's first ad, which he simply hid from public view after regaining access to it).

eHarmony

In August 2012, his private Facebook correspondence indicates that he attemped to reach out for sweethearts on eHarmony. He appealed to his gal-pals for guidance, but for some peculiar reason, nothing seemed to attract the ladies.

  • Chris's profile.

  • An obvious troll.

  • EHarmony 2.jpg
  • EHarmony 3.jpg
  • EHarmony 4.jpg
  • EHarmony 5.jpg
  • EHarmony 6.jpg

By 11 September, Chris was complaining, "NO woman will even reply to me on freaking eHarmony. Damn trolls giving me a horrible name and blame... And What the F***?! Am I ugly with no alibi or something? :("

BronyMate

Main article: BronyMate


External links

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The Internet
Chris's websites
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