Chris chan (CWCipedia)

This article is about the annotated ED page made by Chris and posted on CWCipedia. For details on Chris-chan himself, please see Christian Weston Chandler. For details on the ED forum about Chris, please see Chris-chan (forum).

The Chris chan article on the CWCipedia is an entry on Chris' wiki done to edit and modify the ENTIRETY most of Chris's article on Encyclopedia Dramatica. This entry shows Chris's ego in action, trying to edit everything to make him look good despite most of the truthfulness the article holds on him. This is current as of 17 December, 2009 and will be updated as soon as Chris adds more of his additions.

Chris did not simply copy and paste the text from the ED article; he retyped it completely, as he admitted at the beginning of his version. As a result, there are several typos in his version that were not in the version of the ED article that he copied. In addition, Chris omitted several paragraphs entirely from his version of the article, including one about the Medallion of Fail and another that concerned scurrilous topics such as the nudes and sex tape.

It also confirms that Chris cannot understand subtlety. Parts of the page which are obviously untrue (such as him being a communist) are treated as fact, while the 4Chan meme jokes fly right over his head. Further, while some aspects of the page could be considered personal opinion (and in some rare cases Chris actually does correct parts of the article for truth, such as how many attraction locations he was kicked out from), most of Chris' "corrections" are blatant lies.

Immediately after typing this, Chris demanded that the CWCipedia Sysop copy over all the hyperlinks from the original ED article so Chris can add those to his own wiki.

The Article

From Christian Weston Chandler,

• • Finally, the Truth, False and the Exaggerated are Personally Sorted out from that which has plagued me since November, 2007. I will be retyping the paragraphs of the page verbatim, but with the following additions,

• • Bold Statements are TRUE without question.
  • Striked Statements are FALSE without question.
  • Statements that are Neither Bold or Striked will be personally explained in (Parenthesis with Italtics), or otherwise are personal commentary in few other portions.
  • Portions of the Titles of the segments will be striked appropriately for content and exaggerations.
  • And all curse and dirty words will be appropriately censored.
  • Reader Supervision/Discretion is Advised.

• • Also, I purposely have not, and will not, include all images and their comments in this page for content purposes of portryals of nudity, wrongful-types of parody, retardness and stupidity, and such.

• • Should any new text come up on that ED page that are not in this page after full completion appear, or if you have any questions about it, please send those notes and questions to the Mailbag, and I will address them appropriately then.

• • So, without further ado, here is Encyclopedia Dramatica's "Chris_chan" page, Personally Edited.

--ChrisChanSonichu 23:44, 17 December 2009 (CET)

Behold, the Mistake of God: Christian Weston Chandler. (The Only Mistake of God were THE PEOPLE who contributed to the Original E.D. Page)

Born February 24, 1982, Christian is a naive, perverse, overweight (I am working on losing the belly) racist, pedophilic, homophobic unpatrioticcommunist b******, self-proclaimed high-functioning autistic virgin man-child, and creator of his own skillfully-drawn series of comics starring Sonichu - his supremely insightful crossover of Pikachu and Sonic. As well as "suffering" from atuisim (which I still am for real), Chris also suffers from a sever case of unwarranted self-importance, the only cure for which would be to remove his head from his consequently gaping a**. At the time of this writing, Chris has found neither the time nor the conviction to do so. (What the Hell is WRONG with these people?)

Other names for Chris-Chan include: CWC (Christian Weston Chandler), クリスちゃん, Ricardo Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Ian Brandon Something, The Impostor, Sammy, Antonio, Solid Chris or any other lulzy names trolls can make up for him, which will make him throw a tantrum.

But it gets far worse, my friends... (For that ED Page, that is, LOL. Although, F.Y.I., "LULZ" is short for "Laughs Under Lucricities")

Chris in Person (From THEIR Point of View)

It is of utmost importance that, before one ever enters a fixed one-mile radius around Christian Weston Chandler's Ruckersville, VA habitat, one is well-acquainted with the facts regarding this man's (HERE COMES SOME REAL TORTURED VIEWS OF OPINIONS) bleak existence, and the mortal and immediate danger that one's proximity to him represents, bot to one's mental and physical well-being. In order to maintain his jaw-droppingly destrucive lifestyle, as we will explore, Chris has had to sacrifice any of the normal human customs practiced in modern society, and seems to have synthesized an entirely new list of traits which he believes better-equips him to indulge in his trademark fantastical escapism via invented comic book characters, blow-up sex dolls, and egomania. (Such of my personal views do help make life more easier in my point of view, and the few considerably "Sacrificed Normal Human Customs", I.M.H.O, would be constant eye-contact with most people, self-confidence (Which is being UPGRADED with "Stock Market Rising" Vitamins of A and D) in meeting people unassisted by others and internet, and being stuck on Routines of which new ones can be included with good, constant practice on my part.) To wit:

• • He rarely shuts up about Sonichu, the self-endorsed, self-authored and mind-nubing allegory of Chris's life, as viewed through his own massive, 1985-throwback rose-tinted glasses. (Sonichu's life is different from my own, so I do not consider his life to be equivalent to mine, Also, Sonichu is NOT Autistic. And I DO talk about a lot of OTHER topics that come to mind; I do have a real life and I stay in tune to current topics now and then.)
  • His skin and hair is covered in a semi-permeable and self-renewing film of grease; not incomparable to an arctic permafrost of dead skin cells and sweat, proving definitively that he never showers. (I Shower Daily and Thoroughly.)
  • He wears recycled shirts from the Salvation Army (And Goodwill, but I also wear clothing that were purchased from fine stores such as Sears, JCPenny, American Eagle, Pacific Sunwear, etc) and believes it's a cause for gloating. He really believes in recycling. (The ususal Paper, Metal and Plastic products that appropriately go to Recycling Sites in and around Charlottesville, VA) That is, he really really really believes in recycling. He recycles everything. (Obvious Exaggerations from their P.O.V.)
  • His scent is a combination of AXE (and good clean practices of daily showers with soap, shampoo and water, and sometimes the natural body oders) and A** (oversprayed, of course).
  • He leaves the toilet seat up. (I put the seat back down for consideration of the women.)
  • HE CAN FEEL THE COSMOS! (I did say that for Ivy, and I will stand by the quote.)
  • In the event that you are able to speak to Chris, you should be prepared to encouter (Pleasant, clean and intelligent conversations with no pressure for anything other than being friendly) wave after wafe of weak, juvenile aspersions cast in the hopes of making you forget just how abysmal Chris's life really is, along with creepy, probing questions about your personal life in regards to relationships with women. This is because Chris is still vainly searching for a girlfriend, years after first causing a s***storm (minor mishap) by walking into a local mall while in Community College, and advertising his desire for women via hand-held signage.

Lastly: (Thank God these S.O.B.s are almost finished with this list)

• • Once he starts stalking a woman, he'll tenaciously track her down, even if she's really an IRL troll, a 4chan troll or just doesn't exist.
  • He ALWAYS mentions he's a virgin when he meets women. (I'm dead serious.) (Nowadays for a LONG TIME, after being advised by my mom and dad, I keep that statement private.)

IRL Stalker (Or so they Wrongfully Claim)

(For the record, I am not, and I never was, a stalker)

On MySpace, Chris posted his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl" <srike>and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for him, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia" - in Chris's b******ized hogh school Spanish interpretation, inserts "novio" which essentially means "boyfriend", before latin root, "phobia", committing a facepalm-worty portmanteau that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of boyfriends. Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his father, (And Santa Clause, Jesus, God, the President of the United States, all the World Leaders, and ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present.) because they "took all the pretty girls leaving him with no one to choose from." (The fear is Out-Of-Date, because I got over that months ago. I am cool with that theory, and the only males I hate are those that are Trolls and those who truly hate me back.)

He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places: (actually Four Places; a Wal-Mart and a Target in addition to the following two) the Fashion Square Shopping Center and [[Piedmont Virginia Community College[[. The dean, mary Lee Walsh, reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex, (Of which I was Not Soliciting for anything Other Than Honest Friendship that would become a True Honest Sweetheart Relationship over reasonable time) had the sign destroyed (She destroyed this one sign Herself) and banned from the school for a year. Since then, he became obsessed with her (But I have got over the obsession recently.) and depicts her within his comic as a bald witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter (Which contains her accomplice of evil) to contain her evil anti-love powers, (The character, Slaweel Ryam, has her powers within her own person) and occasionally a broomstick.

Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. (I had forgiven Miss Mary Lee Walsh for her past misdeeds, as y'all will remember, I had drawn the apology drawing, made the commentary notes on being nice to her here on the Cwcipedia, even the references to her book among other notable achievements. Yet she has not accepted my apology, and even UNOFFICIALLY left an enveloped note in my front door, which was NEVER OPENED or ACCEPTED, of Trespassing on "her property" of Piedmont Virgina Community College. My family and I later learned of the contents of the envelope over phone call conversations. So, as far as it is concerned, NO Trespassing Notice was EVER accepted. I mean, that is some "Thank You" for coming over personally to Apologize and Make Peace with my Gesture of Goodwill being the FRAMED Hand-Drawn Apology. That woman's Real-Life Mean-Spirited Attitude has made her out to be a Mean B****. *sigh* But I still forgive her for all that anyway.) He made a hilarious video asking for (having) fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman's) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL B**** MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1 in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous pron of her. (Yes, I did, within a set of Five adult-oriented sexual drawing I originally drew AS PROTEST AGAINST THE ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA PAGE. The act would later be portrayed similarly as Rosechu's Protest against "4-Cent Garbage".)

Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by "Security Guards" of Fashion Square Shopping Center. He was handcuffed and kicked out by These Jerkops (half jerk, half cops) "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl".

Christian claims to have started his ill-begotten love quest, because he wants a daughter whom he will dubly call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious metal). he made Renditions of her in the form of one of his My Little Pony figures (from his own pugic hair, mind you), (I used Thread that one can find in stores everywhere by the fabrics and crafts) and made a separate file in the game, Animal Crossing, and played as her.

The person we know the most about is Megan Schroeder (note the Jewish name, a sign that gold is involved),<;strike> who had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as a "kind of q****", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia.

One example of the Chris-induced drama is the blog entry where a girl describes her encounter with Chris as he was wandering stores in search of his true love in late 2004, which can be viewed here (Anna McLerran, after the writing of the blog entry, became a True Friend of mine, and she cares about my feelings as such. Anna, thank you for continuing to be my friend.)

Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; it is speculated that he has fallen in "true love" over 9,000 times. You could be next. Trolled IRL.

Trolling of Chris-Chan has crossed the OnLine border into InRealLife. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho stalker he really is or if they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain.

• • The Game Place, a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when Anon took several photos of him. Nothing notable arose from this, other than mild lulz.

• • An old classmate of Chris, Joshua Martinez, did some epid trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), (Speech Therapy to be specific) recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Noe that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him, he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will f*** with him. the chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. (And yes, I still do not care much for Joshua because of his D***, Dirty Lies and Deception. And as I had stated in a past Video on My YouTube, "He is a Dirty Liar; I Do Not Care if the Trolls Troll Him," and I still stand by that statement.)

• • A girl IRL, (That would be Hannah, as portrayed in "Sonichu", No.2 and No.4, Sup-Episode 2, for what happened that one day.) possibly unrelated to ED or 4chan, tried to troll Chris-Chan for the lulz.

• • Through trolling in this next case started online, it quickly moved into IRL. Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called Blanca Weiss. On September 11, 2008, another troll going by the same name was really a black man in a pickle costume and managed to score horrific nudes. (D*** that Dirty Son of a B****; I hope he lands in the fiery pits of hell after his death for his deception and extortion.) On October 7, 2008, Blanca managed to get the medallions and destroy them. (I dumped her sorry ass after that misdeed; I had trusted her.)

Chris Chan: Master of Race Relations (Or so the Trolls Claim in the Striked Statements. I am Not a Racist.)

As a basement dweller from Bumf***, Virginia, it's a huge surprise that CWC is VERY racist. On his blog, Chris denies his racism by stating he only dislikes Barack Obama for being an Arab terrorist, and: "It's the WHITE house; we don't endorse people painting it different colors around here." (I used to agree with my father on Obama in a negative sense, BUT then I watched BOTH A&E Documentarys on McCain and Obama. I saw a bit of myself in Obama, and my views on him changed completely; he used to be a social outcast for a bit at a couple of times, and having to deal with such trials like I did, I respect Obama. I Voted for Obama on Election Day of 2008. ) Chris also believes that 99% of the Earth is ruled by dictators. In several of his videos, he asked to meet non-boyfriended, non-black girls. (But I am very cool in acquainting and befriending women and men of all colors and countries; I did not mean to sound racist from what I was looking for in my Sweetheart.)

Upon discovering this article around the 10th of November, 2007, Chris suffered a sever case of b***hurt and decared war on every site mocking his f****try. As with everything in his life, Chris failed.

At first, Chris tried tampering with this article while logged in as Reldnahc, which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) spelled backwards. Before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed by adding information that he hadn't submitted anywhere else. (I had thought the Information Overload would somehow Take Down the page; I admit that I was mistaken.) Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how Megan "shattered his heart", and printouts of the Sonichu News Dash, a s***ty newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at PVCC that landed him in another apparent conflict with Mary Lee Walsh.

To make matters worse, he also uploaded Rule 34 of his own characters. (Again, This was the SAME PROTEST that I had stated earlier on this page.)

Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he snapped. He created another account, Chris-chan, (versus Chris_chan) and tried blanking the page several times.

CWC blames Encyclopedia Dramatica for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend. Just another lying attempt to make ED feel guilty about something.

In this video BALEETED, Chris congratulated all his non-existent Sonichu fans whom he mistakenly believed brought ED down and further urged them not to donate to ED while failing to realize that ED's downtime was due to an issue related to the website as a whole, and not related to any drama around his article.

Chris's plea for his fans to not donate to ED failed because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal August 14, 2008.

Cwcville

Cwcville (pronounced: quick-ville) is Chris Chan's imaginary world. Considering how it's portrayed, it's full name could be the Our Glorious Leader's True and Honset Lovers' City of Cwcville, in a way similar to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Cwcville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the Sonichu comic and Chris's long-ongoing pet project - many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harsh reality. The two things overlap very much. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and f*** for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what nbecomes of them, but knowing Chris, it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house.

In the Sonichu comic book world, the town is alledgly located in the state of Virginia, but being a figment of Chris Chan's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. (But the city and the mall Can Be Built and Dedicated.) Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris Chan is a despotic Mayor, where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.

Inside the comic, Cwcville is at a fierece rivaly with neighboring Evil School city of "Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens", PVCCitizens. Cwcville is under constant attack from the evil forces of Slaweel Ryam Dean Mary Lee Walsh and her army of Jerkops.

Cwcville Elections (What a load of bulls***)

(NOBODY ELSE WAS EVER MADE MAYOR OF CWCVILLE, and the ONE time I stated otherwise, I was LYING OUT MY A** WHEN I WAS BEING BLACKMAILED at the time.)

Around the same time these lulzy and exploitable events occurred, another unfunny gag started when some bright, intelligent (Who Do They think they're Kidding?) member of YouTube decided to make a video declaring Billy Mays the new mayor of Cwcville. The only problem with the joke was that Billy Mays is now about as funny as Chuck Norris or a Mudkip macro on 4chan. Thus, "Billy Mays for Mayor of Cwcville" became a meme with a s***load of videos trailing in its wake. If that weren't enough, the whole mock election expanded to other memes like Gordon the Pringles Giraffe and will soon spread to P***bear for President and Chris Hansen for Vice President. (GET IT? IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS CONFLICTING AND THEREFORE HUMOROUS, SOMEBODY F***ING DO THIS). (Like the f*** any of this make any sense at all; I HAVE NO CLUE AND I STILL DO NOT GET IT AT ALL.) Under the assumption that he'd be getting his PSN back, (here we go) Christian stated that Billy Mays was in fact, mayor of Cwcville. (I WAS LYING OUT MY F***ING A** WHEN I SAID THAT STATEMENT.) As always, Christian's reaction will only make things even worse, so be prepared for even more Billy Mays posters being plastered onto YouTube accounts.

June 28, 2009, just days after Michael Jackon died at age 50 of a heart attac, Billy Mays also died at age 50 of a heart attack. Despite being his 80s, Jimmy Hill is still alive so he has been hailed mayor of Cwcville (Like the f*** he would EVER) despite a rumoured attempted military coup by Chris.

After seeing a hilarious episode of Family Guy, where Chris Chan didn't get that he was being parodied for his moralf****try, he decided to share his hatred of the g*** with the Holy Bible. To do this, he quoted 18:22 of the book of Leviticus, which is the biblical equivalent of goatse, which reinforces how two men should never engage in b***sex lest they be smited to the pits of hell to be r**ed by the Devil and his minions for eternity (and also that men cannot shave, wear underwear with elastic straps, or crossbreed animals).

Chris-Chan the Moralf**

Unbeknownst to Chris, prolific hater of all things not Christian, 89 percent of the users trolling Chris Chan are Muslims. In another blow to Chris's moral credibility, he also decided to pick up a book on how to to talk to women... written by a 9-year-old boy. As the kid wrote it on how to talk to girls of his age, party vans descending on Ruckersville are imminent. (Hey, I do not think the lad would take the trolls' commentary on his book lightly, and I don't care for it either. GENERAL CONVERSATION and Conversation Starters, as he was encouraging in his book, Are Neutral for People of ALL AGES.)

Sex Life

His Sex Life (If you can call it that) includes, among other arousing phenomena, f***ing a female anime blow-up doll and screaming "JULAAAY!" at the top of his lungs. (ONE TIME I screamed that for the ex-gal-pal of mine who I LATER learned was a 13-year-old boy trolling me. That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "Starscream" Troll, Clyde Cash.)

Chris wrote to Nintendo Power in April of 2005 to discuss the DS game Sprung: A horrible dating simulator, and was overjoyed to discover that they published his email. According to him, it was like a "free personal", and he expects that it being published will somehow increase his chance of finding a woman.

Chris Chan on sticking things up b***hole.

In both his videos and comics, he has shown contempt towards gays, constantly rambling on about how homosexuality is bad, and repeatedly stating that He Is Not Gay. I AM STRAIGHT. Despite these statements, Chris's sexuality remains questionable, as he owns a dildo and anal beads and rambles on sticking things in his a** while he masturbates. (Those two items were Free Gifts from Adam&Eve.com from purchasing woman-on-man videos and female blow-up dolls. I meant for WOMEN to put those things up their Vaginas; NEVER for men to put in their a**. UGH!!! I have never ever put anything up my a** while I masturbated.) In his list of people he would not date, he lists autistics, high-functioning or otherwise. Thus, Chris is also a self-loathing flaming f*****, trying desperately to stay in the closet. And we all know homophobes are closeted gays themselves.

Chris appears to be stuck in a strange, child-like mentality where he fills guilty when discussing sex. Because of thies, he is forced to use different words, like "duck" "pickle" for dick, "hankey-panky" for sex, "boyfriend-free" for women who are single, among other things. He started buying sex toys and porno videos back in 2003, and when discussing sex with other people (specifically Megan and a recent troll), he goes into intimate, almost scientific or educational detail. When Megan claimed to be uncomfortable with Chris discussing sex, (I stopped talking about it with her) Chris goes into full detail on how a handjob works and that he has learned everything he knows from pornography.

In recent audio recordings, we have discovered a lot about Chris's sexuality. Namely, he thinks that gender stereotypes, dirty talk, and cheesy lines like, "This might hurt a bit at first" are part of actual sex. One of the audio recordings has him describing his ideal "first time", which in intricate, overly dramatic and mildly retarded.

(To correct most of this, A) I hate the gays' lifestyle; NOT THE PEOPLE. I am okay with being acquainted or friends with them, but no more than that. B) Yes, I do not care to date autistic or seriously mentally-challenged women, but because I feel if I went out with such a woman, I may be seeing a mirror reflecting on what I may have become if I was Low-Functioning. C) I have learned from MORE than just pornography; I have passed Sexual Education in High School, I have watched a lot of Romantic movies and shows, my friends have shared with me their input on relationships, I took Relationship Management courses, and currently the listed mentality is not only outdated, but I know those things are Optional. And letting the other know it may hurt ON THE FIRST TIME shows that I, the man, care and respect her, the woman, in a way.

I have learned a LOT more about sex and relationships than ANY God-D***ed Troll will EVER know, because while they ONLY think they know or even understand, they Really Do Not Understand At All; THEY ARE DUMBA**ES!)

Other

Chris Chan is also a fan of the loli, as evident by his Rule 34 of Dot Warner, Misty from Pokemon and Meg Griffin.

I go for Adult Women; I am not a pedofile.

--ChrisChanSonichu 03:18, 18 December 2009 (CET)

Analysis, aka What We Have Learned

(for people who care for their eyes too much to read an inhumanely formatted wall of text)

In his annotations Chris...

• ... bolds (= "deems "TRUE without question"):
  • all positive epithets which were used in the ED article as irony;
  • that he's homophobic;
  • that LULZ is short for "Laughs Under Lucricities";
  • that he "upgrades" his self-confidence by using vitamins;
  • that HE CAN FEEL THE COSMOS;
  • that Mary Lee Walsh reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex. After bolding these words, Chris then comments that he was not soliciting "anything Other Than Honest Friendship, that would..." etc. etc., thus actually admitting to being a solicitor;
  • that he was obsessed with Mary Lee Walsh (until "recently");
  • that his pron of Mary Lee Walsh was hideous;
  • the reference to crystal as a metal. "Honour roll my arse", as our British friends would say;
  • that he became jealous that Joshua Martinez was popular with women and hung out with celebrities, and that he tried to make ED attack Joshua because of that;
  • that Hanna was completely unrelated to ED or 4chan;
  • that Blanca was real;
  • that he created several sockpuppet accounts on ED to vandalize his ED page;
  • that he still blames ED for breaking him up with Megan, despite him knowing full well that the image that ended their friendship was dreamed up, drawn, coloured, scanned and uploaded to ED by himself;
  • that Megan was never his girlfriend;
  • that his plea to his "fans" to not donate to ED failed;
  • that the only people who pay attention to Chris are ED donators!!! Lolwut;
  • that his reactions to trolling always make things worse;
  • that Leviticus states that gays ("g***" in Chrisspeak) will be raped ("r**ed") by the Devil and his minions for all eternity;
  • that he is a "prolific hater of all things not Christian";
  • that 89% of Trolls trolling Chris are Muslim. Let's reiterate: this statement (actually, a "funny" made by EDitors) has no evidence behind it whatsoever, and Chris bolds it as a proven fact, which means he actually believes this, thus revealing him to be even more discriminatory;
  • that party vans are imminently descending onto Ruckersville (because Chris is a pedo);
  • that he actually owns a sex doll (compare with the following list), and all those "JULAAAY!" shenanigans actually happened;
  • that his Sprung-related e-mail to Nintendo Power being published will somehow increase his chances to get China;
  • that he wouldn't date an autistic, high-functioning or otherwise;
  • that he feels guilty while discussing sex;
  • that he makes up CWC-isms because of that. Chris confirms "Duck" (not "Pickle"!) for "dick", "Hankey-panky for "sex", and "Boyfriend-free" for "single" (though he adds that it means only single women);
  • that he started buying porn vids and sex toys in 2003;
  • that when discussing sex with other people (notably, Megan), he gives a lot of Honest Content;
  • that Megan became uncomfortable with it;
  • that he is a fan of Meg Griffin.

• ... denies (aka List of Chris's Lies):
  • that he's naive;
  • that he's a pervert, a pedophile and a stalker;
  • that he's racist;
  • that he has unwarranted self-importance;
  • that he owns sex dolls (compare with the previous list);
  • that he rarely shuts up about Sonichu;
  • that Sonichu is an allegory of his own life;
  • that he's unhygienic. He insists he showers regularly and thoroughly. There is a substantial body of evidence which suggests that this is false;
  • that he recycles anything besides "Paper, Metal and Plastic products" (or maybe the retard just didn't get the subtle irony in the ED text);
  • that he leaves the toilet seat up;
  • that a conversation with him would include anything besides "pleasant, clean and intelligent conversations with no pressure for anything other than being friendly";
  • that his loitering, ejection from the mall and arrest were anything more than a "minor mishap";
  • that the word "Noviophobia" is a linguistical fail;
  • that he changes his Sweethearts frequently;
  • that he is a basement dweller;
  • that he hates Obama and jokes about him "painting the White House black";
  • that he failed in his war against ED and other Troll sites;
  • that his nonexistant Sonichu fans are nonexistant;
  • that his "fans" didn't bring ED down (completely ignoring the subsequent explanation that it was caused by an issue related to the website as a whole);
  • that CWCville is imaginary and fictional. Oh my God;
  • that CWCville is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of the U.S.;
  • that he controls everything in CWCville and dictates new CWCville laws;
  • an ironic statement about how spamming "Pedobear" ("P***bear" in Chrisspeak) is "funny". Looks like the retard really doesn't understand the concept of "Irony";
  • that a "gaybashing" episode of Family Guy actually parodies moralfaggotry similar to his own;
  • that Leviticus states that men cannot shave, wear underwear with elastic straps, or crossbreed animals;
  • that Sprung is a horrible dating sim;
  • that feeling guilty while discussing sex is a child-like mentality;
  • that when Megan said she felt uncomfortable discussing sex themes with Chris, he ignored her request and went into a lengthy and detailed explanation of how a handjob works, etc. Instead, Chris claims, he merely "stopped talking about it with her";
  • that he thinks of sex using gender stereotypes;
  • that his description of his first time is "mildly retarded".

• ... comments:
  • that he's overweight and has a belly, but is "working on it";
  • that he "sacrificed" the "normal human customs" of interacting with people in any non-retarded way;
  • that he has a real life;
  • that he always puts the toilet seat down "for consideration of the women" (note the plural form of "women"; as we all know there is only one woman in the Chandler Household);
  • that his parents finally advised him not to tell every woman he meets that he's a Virgin with Rage;
  • that The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate actually includes: himself, his father, Santa Clause, Jesus, God, the President of the U.S., all the World Leaders, and all past and present male acquaintances and friends. From analyzing this information, we can conclude that:
    • ... he still believes in "Santa Clause" (and probably values him much better that God or Jesus, since he put him before them in this list);
    • ... he thinks God has a clearly-defined gender and is male;
    • ... he thinks God and Jesus are separate beings;
    • ... he hates all the (male) Saints (except St. Nicholas of Myra), Apostles, Martyrs, Angels (if he believes them to have a gender), priests, monks, etc. etc.;
    • ... he doesn't hate only the current holder of the Presidential seat. He probably hates Bush again now that Obama is President;
    • ... he hates all the other male persons in the U.S. Government, starting with the V.P.;
    • ... he thinks of, e.g., Kim Jong Il and Robert Mugabe much better than of most of the male population of Earth;
    • ... if Chris had lived in the 30-40s, he wouldn't hate Hitler (but would hate the U.S. troops who fought him);
    • ... he doesn't hate some IRL Trolls like Mimms or Joshua Martinez, as they were his friends/acquaintances in the past;
    • ... he still hates most of the male population of Earth, including most honorable and heroic people;
  • however, he then confusingly states that Noviophobia is "Out-Of-Date", and that he only hates Trolls and da haytahs. However, at the same time he states that he is "cool" with the "hating 99% of the world's men" theory. In any case, The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate is at least applicable to some point in Chris's biography, even if he "got over it" by now;
  • confirms that he used his Attraction Sign in exactly 4 places: a Walmart, a Target, the Fashion Square Mall and the PVCC;
  • that he has generously "forgiven" Mary Lee Walsh for her "misdeeds". He also tells us that MLW tried to ask Chris unofficially not to loiter on college grounds, but the Chandlers chose to not accept her letter. Chris tells us he was outraged that MLW still didn't want him to harass her students, even after he said "I'm sorry" and drew (and even framed!) a shitty picture about how the woman who banned him from PVCC was an evil witch impostor;
  • that he still thinks his hideous porn pics were a "protest" against ED;
  • puts the phrase "Security Guards" in quotation marks, possibly denoting that he doesn't believe in them being genuine security guards
  • that Anna McLerran continues to be his true gal-pal;
  • that he "doesn't care" for Joshua Martinez, but also "doesn't care" if the trolls troll him;
  • that he trusted Blanca, and that he "dumped her sorry ass" after "she" destroyed his Medallion of Fail;
  • that he didn't mean to be racist when writing "no blacks" on his Attraction Sign;
  • that his ED edits were caused by his belief that an "Information Overload" (= "adding a lot of shitty pron pics and other self-compromising info") would somehow take his ED page down;
  • that a city named "CWCville" and a "CWCville Mall" can be built and "dedicated" (to Chris, probably);
  • that PVCCitizens is not a "city", but an "Evil School". It's probably the type of school Dr.Evil attended, before getting his Doctorate in Evil;
  • that the evil witch in the comics is "Slaweel Ryam", not "Mary Lee Walsh". The latter is just a "Mean B****" with a "Mean-Spirited Attitude" who committed "misdeeds" against poor innocent Chris;
  • that he thinks the concept of "CWCville Elections" is "a load of bulls***". The People of CWCville completely agree with Your Wise Words, our True and Honest Leader!;
  • that no one else was ever made the Mayor of CWCville;
  • that he still doesn't get what's funny about Chris Hansen, Pedobear and similar 4chan memes, and doesn't have a clue;
  • that he was lying our of his "F***ING A**" when he said BILLY MAYS was the Mayor of CWCville. Frickin' hell, Chris, what's the fucking point of swearing at all if you replace a goddamn half of the motherfucking letters with your censorfaggotry asterisk bullshit?!?;
  • that a 9-year-old boy will be offended by ED calling him a 9-year-old-boy;
  • that there is absolutely no difference between making a conversation with a 9-year-old girl and a grown-up woman;
  • that in a tear-inducing scene worthy of Eurypides or Shakespeare, BlueSpike tragically died at the hands of Clyde Cash;
  • that Clyde Cash is the "Starscream Troll", whatever that means;
  • that he purchased straight porn and sex dolls (compare with both previous lists);
  • that anal beads are "meant for WOMEN to put those things up their Vaginas";
  • that the aforementioned are "NEVER" meant for men to put in their a** (those Damn Slanderous Gays, always corrupting things that were pure and honest!);
  • that he has never put anything up his "a**"... while he masturbated. What a clever cop-out, Chris! This "while I masturbated" addition totally needed to be typed in fine print for better effect;
  • that he doesn't hate the gay people, he merely hates their lifestyle choice and sexuality, that is, the things that comprise some of the base elements of their personality;
  • that he's okay to be friends with gays, but "no more than that". As if any self-respecting gay person would want to be friends with the abomination that is Chris, not to mention any "more than that";
  • that he doesn't want to date high-functioning autistic women because he "may be seeing a mirror" reflecting what he would become if he were a low-functioning autistic. To recap: he thinks that a high-functioning autistic woman acts like Chris would if he were low-functional. Is he being egotistical or just sexist?;
  • that he has learned from MORE than just porn! His other sources include: Sex Ed, chick flicks, gal-pals' advice, and something called "Relationship Management courses";
  • that virgin women wouldn't know sex would hurt on the first time, unless Chris specifically told them so;
  • that he knows about sex and relationships "a LOT" more than any "God-D***ed Troll" will ever know... including, you know, Trolls who are actually in relationships and are not Virgins with Rage;
  • that everything we know (about relationships & sex) is wrong: "Because while they ONLY think they know or even understand, they Really Do Not Understand At All; THEY ARE DUMBA**ES!" Stop denying you're not into Taoism, Chris.