PlayStation 3
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YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK! The contents of this page have been bought with taxpayer money! |
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The Sony PlayStation 3, or PS Triple in troll parlance (purchased 17 March 2007[1] - 28 August 2010), is a video game console released in 2006 as the third generation in Sony's PlayStation line of consoles. It introduced features such as the ability to play Blu-ray discs, further social and online features, and the PlayStation Network. However, the console had a rocky start due to a high price tag ($599 for a 60GB model, and $499 for a 20GB model, equivalent to $896.82 and $747.10 respectively considering inflation as of 2023), among other problems; still, during its 11-year lifespan, it sold 87.4 million units, which while nothing compared to the PlayStation 2's numbers (where it is still the highest-selling console of all time) is still quite respectable.
The PS3 is notable for being Chris's original "life upgrade". He desperately wanted to win one in a contest, to the point where he built one out of Pixelblocks and a slim PS2, and declared that he would "throw out the cure for autism" for one.[2] Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his monthly tugboat. In August 2010, following repeated PS3 abuse, he destroyed his life upgrade...only to purchase another shortly after.
The PS3 was supplanted by the PlayStation 4 in 2013, and discontinued in 2016.
PlayStation Network
- Main article: PlayStation Network
The PlayStation Network is the PS3's main online service, allowing users to buy games, movies, TV shows, and other stuff, while also featuring elements like social media features, and music and movie streaming. Upon discovering the PSN on his PS3, Chris went into overdrive, spending boatloads of money on things like DLC for games he didn't even own, and plenty of harem anime. From 2007 to 2010, Chris spent at least $6,127.64 in American taxpayer dollars, spending so much on the PSN that it contributed to most of his credit card debt at the time (roughly $3,500 circa early 2010).
Fanboyism
| “ | So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3. | ” |
| Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is. | ||
| “ | And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever | ” |
| Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in PS3 History Level speech bubbles. | ||
Chris popped giant boners for PS3, so much that the Hispanic community would call him a "Sonyer". He made trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the HEXBox.
Molestations and other PS3 damage
On 24 July 2009, a video of Chris humping his PS3 was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical stress.
On 5 May 2010, Chris posted a video in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to PandaHalo who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.
On 27 August 2010, Chris posted a solemn video where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact Sony tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.
In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive; perhaps he didn't realize or know what formatting was. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.
Destruction
- Main article: The MovingFoward videos
On 29 August 2010, trolls obtained the MovingForward videos, where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrades coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with Son-Chu. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained photographs of the console in various states of destruction.
The next day, another video appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.
Leaked e-mails later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a troll-proffered reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, Jackie. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.
The rebirth
By 6 September 2010, only days after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, with your help. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told Jackie that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."[3]
Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still had the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement was a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.
The PS Move of Fail
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a PlayStation Move. The PS Move is a derivative by Sony of Nintendo's Wii Remote. Chris, being the lover of all things TRUE and ORIGINAL we've come to know, just had to have one. After buying it, he painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical Sonichu coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.
The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the Cherokee video and the wizard video.
Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter[4], as seen in the infamous Tomgirl pictures.
PlayStation Plus
On 29 June 2010, Sony started PlayStation Plus, a subscription-based program that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play "free" rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has already bought many times over.
Other oddities
Chris often had his PS3 turned on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, Julie complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.[5]
Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.[6] He even does so in the Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's PS3 History Level: Chris buys Blu-ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."
He held his PS3 controller in many of his videos to turn his PSEye on and off, such as in I Got A Fish.
When Chris's house burned down in 2014, it appeared that his PS3 may have survived, as he was observed being online on the PlayStation Network, and managed to salvage his PSEye for a handful of videos. Despite purchasing a PS4 later on, he would continue to play games on his PS3 every now and then. It is unknown if said PS3 is still at 14 Branchland Court, sold off, or in Chris's possession following his arrest for incest, and his PSN profile confusingly states he played Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA- f in 2023.
See also
- PlayStation 4 - The life upgrade... upgraded.
- Chris-chan Discusses... - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
- List of Chris's games - Detailing his entire game collection.
- List of Chris's PSN video downloads
- List of Chris's PSN game downloads
- Pixelated PS3 - Chris attempts to build one from Lego and Pixelblocks.
- PS3 History Level
- PSEye
- PSP of Fail
- PSN Blogs - An archive of Chris's posts.
- Sonichu Home Club - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their Second Life ripoff.
- Sony
- Xbox 360 - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
- ItIsFinished.MOV - GAME OVER.
References
- ↑ PS3 History Level
- ↑ Pixelated PS3
- ↑ Jackie Chat #7
- ↑ [1]
- ↑ BlueSpike Skype Logs #8
- ↑ Seen, for example, in Brutal Legend.
External Links
 PS3 Hacking Saga
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People: Chris (JenkinsJinkies • Bill Riley) • Clyde Cash • Jack Thaddeus • Surfshack Tito • BlueSpike • Samantha Thaddeus • Katie Bay • Liquid Chris • PandaHalo | ||
| The Games: | The Prizes: | |
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| Coinciding Sagas: Clyde Cash, Julie, Tito, First Exile, Jackie, | ||
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