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'''Kathleen Nicole Wallace''' is the name of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s now ex-girlfriend, whom he dated for a while when he was twenty years old. Kathleen has never met or even interacted online with [[Chris]] before, but due to her association with one of his arch-enemies, Chris still managed to give enough of a shit about her to write letters to her and include her as a villain in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].
{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on the HBO network around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>


== Background and discovery ==
== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
Upon finding out that Jason was the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Chris soon convinced himself that he was also the mastermind behind all his recent troubles on the [[Internet]] and the head of all [[trolls]]. Becoming obsessed with this new enemy, Chris began an exhaustive investigation in an attempt to find some kind of dirt to use against Jason, a tactic he would later also try with [[Clyde Cash]], resulting in the [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!|infamous]] [[ClydeGoingOnGregg1|blackmail]] [[To Clyde Gregg|videos]].
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>


This eventually lead to Chris discovering Kathleen, and he concluded that when Jason was 20 years old, she was his girlfriend whilst she was still only 17 years old. Chris began announcing this wherever he could,{{cite}} essentially accusing Howell of committing statutory [[rape]]. Chris's charge, of course, assumes that Jason and Kathleen had sexual intercourse during this period, and assumes that they both lived in a state where the age of consent is 18, since in [[America]] the age laws differ greatly between states. Of course, Chris is barely even aware that there actually ''exists'' a world outside [[Virginia]], having only ever even left the state once or twice in his life, so it is unlikely he knows this.
What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in porno movies, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would get off to a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>


And of course, there's the matter that if, indeed, they were having sex and Kathleen was legally underage, the difference is small enough that most people would find no problem with it. But given Chris's [[naive|narrow minded]] nature and [[Autism|rigid and literal interpetation]] of the world around him, he was far more concerned with whether or not it was a legal issue, rather than how socially acceptable it was.
Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref>  He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]].  The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.


== Almost involvement ==
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology; for example, in [[Ivy Q&A#Threats|Ivy Q&A]] it's mentioned that Chris told Ivy that he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!" While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".  
Eventually, Chris's infamous [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|counterattack]] on ED backfired on him spectacularly and caused [[Megan Schroeder]] to cut off all contact with him over [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|an image]] Chris drew of her which he uploaded to the site. Nonetheless though, Chris's inability to admit fault led to him deluding himself into believing that it was the trolls who broke up the closest thing to a relationship he ever had, and he decided to take his revenge on Jason by sabotaging his relationship with Kathleen, just as he believed Jason had done to him and Megan. This never actually came to fruition, because Kathleen and Jason had already been apart for quite a while by the time Chris began conspiring to break them up.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY&feature=relmfu</ref> That didn't stop him from trying however, and he sent Kathleen a long email to inform her of his grudge against Jason, despite having never met her, talked to her, and her probably not even knowing of his existence.


The email is as follows:
According to [[Calling_Out#Calling_Out_Jack_Thaddius_-_Ahuviya|a video]] published in [[August 2011]], Chris enjoys female domination (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10]]). Given Chris's [[Virgin with rage|complete lack of sexual experience]], whether or not he actually knows what femdom is is anyone's guess.


{{quotebox|Hello, Kat, I am Christian Chandler
===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a [[Obesity|fat, dumpy]] [[Chris and Anger|psycho]], carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|feces]] mixed with [[Axe]].


[[Chris and his ego|You may or may not know me]] (depending on how often you're on the internet, and if you've found me by reference or search), but I have something to tell you about your "cuddle-butt", Jason. He has been playing a Major Cog in the Slander Factory known as [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and among all the innocent victims that the website has vandalized beyond the worst embarrassment known to mankind within their grasp, your [[Troll|bully]] of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the [[lulz|"LULZ"]], "Laughs Under Lucricities". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE.
In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.


Against me, that page has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]], who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found [[Rule 34|that page]] and she broke up with me. [[Heart level|It broke my heart]].
Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.


Also, the chaos from the page broke up the buddy friendship between me and my buddy, [[Joshua Martinez]], who attended [[James Madison University|Special Ed]] classes with me during our childhood.
== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}


And after the first time I found that page myself, I went into a spiral of [[Virgin with rage|rage]] against that machine, that with the break-ups and chaos, I became depressed and went into a forced-by-personal-emotions hiatus.
Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it [[Mass Debating|masturbatorily]].<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it? 


There are numerous other chaotic happenings that raged from the ED page, but I can't remember them all.
The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK.


Anyway, the point is, if it wasn't for your "Bully Next Door", I would not have to have had to endure the [[stress]], [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|emotional pains]], [[Blanca|break-ups]], [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|self-torments]], etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!!!
Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].


Who knows what he may have in mind against you in relation. While he may have started with me, or possibly any one or more of the victims on Encyclopedia Dramatica, who knows when he will do something similarly [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|evil or worse]] against you.
Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public,<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> showing that, for Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.


Oh, BTW, in other states, it IS [[Chris and the Law|illegal]] for his 20-year old self to be Dating 17-year old you.
==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).


My apologies for informing you and possibly causing emotional stress and rage, but I felt it was my duty to inform you before it was too late.
However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].


Peae,
Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on horrific display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.


Christian Weston Chandler."}}
In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|fat ass]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive [[homos|homoerotic]] thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.


In essence, what Chris has done here is email a random woman who doesn't know who he even is and tell her that her boyfriend is an asshole, seemingly blames her for what he has supposedly done, says that her relationship with him was illegal, and speculates that he may physically or emotionally abuse her in the future. Most women would probably react less than kindly to a message like this even if talking about an ex, if not to defend their ex's character than most certainly because of Chris's condescending tone, but according to Jason himself, Kathleen never really did read or respond to this email, and so continued to remain unaware of this random internet retard who for some reason knew all about her.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY&feature=relmfu</ref>
==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''


== In Sonichu ==
==Is Chris asexual?==
As part of his continued smear campaign against Jason, Chris included both him and Kathleen in the Sonichu comics, beginning with a brief cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and later getting a proper introduction in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. Like all of the characters Chris bases off real-life people and events, his embellishments say more about himself than the target of his "satire". For example, he refuses to believe that a minor would willingly engage in an "illegal" relationship with a "bully", so Chris depicts her as a slave, apparently forced to endure Jason's odious presence. Kathleen was initially dubbed "Jason's Woman Slave", and drawn with a strange BDSM costume sometimes seen crying tears of blood.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_37</ref> She never actually said or did anything in either issues, both times just standing by and watching the fights between Jason, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] with general disinterest.
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a big boy.


Rightfully so as well, because despite Jason outright confessing that she was his sex slave, neither of the heroes make any attempt to save her, only concerned with [[Chris and his ego|their own personal vendetta]] against Jason. In fact, even when Jason is actually defeated at the end, they still leave her chained up with him, as if forgetting she was ever there at all. Rosechu even later went on to strip for [[women's rights]], but not inspired by Kathleen's plight or anything. She never even comes up. The entire demonstration is all about how Rosechu was falsely portrayed as a hermaphrodite, because apparently that is worse than slavery.
After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />


Later, advised by [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris made some [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|edits]] to his comics and retconned all instances of real life people included in the comics being called by their real names. Chris never actually changed their names like he did with [[Mary Lee Walsh|other characters]], but he did vow to only ever refer to them by first names from thereon.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/</ref> During the changes, Chris also retconned away the unfortunate subtext about sexual slavery, changing Kathleen's title to imply her being a willing accomplice to Jason rather than a slave, although the bondage gear remained intact. This makes Rosechu seem like less of a bitch, but it also unintentionally retcons an innocent woman into a villain, despite her never having done anything to Chris IRL, or even knowing who he is.
==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}


This may have been unintentional however. Even after her being changed to an accomplice rather than a slave, Kathleen still never did anything villainous. She remained by Jason's side, saying and doing nothing as always in her next appearance, as Jason takes the both of them away from the action in an escape pod when Chris attempts to destroy [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building with them still inside duing [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. Before leaving the other trolls to all die, Jason announces his retirement from trolling, his apparent conversion to Christianity, and his intentions to go out and marry Kathleen and live a quiet life in the suburbs with her.
==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]


It can be interpretted from this that Kathleen may not have been a criminal accomplice, but instead a kind of companion for Jason in the retconned comics, so maybe Chris never really did intend to retcon her into a villain. After all, the real life Kathleen never did anything bad to Chris at all, and in fact shared no interactions with him whatsoever. Why would Chris need to demonize her too? For these reasons, it seems Chris decided to let go of his need for revenge on Jason for once, and actually give one of his villains a happy ending, letting him retire in peace and letting Kathleen have a normal life with him.
In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals.


Then Chris was forced by [[Jackie]] to rewrite the ending to ''Sonichu'' #10 to make it less needlessly violent concerning the [[Asperpedia]] Four and give them a happy ending, so when Chris made the [[Book10Replacement]] in which the four survive their unfair trial and are sentenced to living life in the [[Wikipedia:Amish|Amish]] community instead, Chris had to find a way to fit in that little extra bit of pointless cruelty, so the retcons also show [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in prison following her defeat by [[Colossal Chan]], and she is then joined by Kathleen, who is revealed to be her new inmate. We learn from her that she had been cheating on Jason with a 4-cent secretary for a while, and after the two fled from the collapsing building, Jason found out and they had a fight, leading to them breaking up, Jason dying by crashing into a mountain somehow, and Kathleen going home to get high on marijuana. She was subsequently caught by the police and for some reason placed in the same cell as a dangerous terrorist. She also reveals that she had tried to smuggle weed into the prison by stuffing it between her breasts and [[Sonichu Medallion|up her asshole]], but that the police had still somehow found it.
Despite his statements against bestiality, Chris stated that he would be willing to have sex with a female dog (because he's not a homo) for [[PandaHalo]] and specified that he'd prefer a Collie.<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(27_December_2008)</ref>


Why Chris ever felt the need to add this part is unclear. As has been said numerous times in this article, Kathleen wasn't even someone who had made an enemy of Chris in real life like the [[Jerkops]] or Mary did. Kathleen was never even aware of Chris. Yet somehow Chris saw fit to depict her as a sex slave, a depraved druggie, an adultress and ends the series by putting her in prison. Your guess is as good as ours here.
Chris also suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>


== Kathleen's reaction ==
In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLNUncC6Nm8&list=UUpZbAoE-X3DdRo0jxIQsMaw&index=6&feature=plpp_video</ref>
So what was Kathleen's reaction to all this you may ask? Quite simply: Nothing. As far as can be told, she has to this day still not ever read the Sonichu comics or Chris's email, and remains completely unaware of the entire Chris-Chan phenomenom. When Jason joined [[Vivian]] by providing his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]], he also made several episodes of commentary over the [[Official Videobooks]] that Chris made, where he confirmed that he and Kathleen had already been broken up by the time Chris started including them in the comics, and Jason had never bothered to tell her about anything Chris had done involving her.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY&feature=relmfu</ref>


All that can be said, is that if you one day [http://www.google.co.uk/#sclient=psy&hl=en&safe=off&biw=1440&bih=785&source=hp&q=Kathleen+Nicole+Wallace&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=bb02b3c38c9f631 googled yourself] and discovered that some fat autistic man who you've never met or even heard of before had written a story about you being a sex slave to your ex, hiding marijuana up your ass and being thrown into prison with an old lady with devil horns, imagine what your reaction would be. It's a safe bet that Kathleen's wouldn't be much better.
===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that points in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}


==References==
==Prostitution==
<references></references>
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}
 
Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
 
Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.
 
Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].
 
By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].
 
Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>
 
Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.
 
 
==Incest==
{{incomplete}}
 
[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and [[autism]] ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, [[china]] is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is [[homosexual]] in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves [[Gaybian|girl-on-girl]].
 
==Rape==
 
{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}
 
Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the [[Megan]] saga all the way to [[PandaHalo]]. Misguided trolls claim that Chris will one day try to rape someone due to his stalker tendencies. Due to his warped view of romance and [[Power|inability to pin someone down long enough]] to commit the act, it is highly unlikely that Chris will ever rape anyone.
 
Despite this reassurance, it's no less discomforting to know that despite whatever personal feelings he has on the act, he seems to have trouble understanding what non-consensual contact is. As evidenced in [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape- the idea of letting his "prey" wear herself out before moving on her may not have registered to Chris as sounding wrong.


==See also==
==See also==
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Pedofork]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Facebook messages|Chris's Facebook messages]], which show Chris [[Chris and hypocrisy|pursuing a 17 year old girl himself]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]


{{People}}
== Sources ==
{{Sonichu}}
<references/>


[[Category:Villains]]
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

Latest revision as of 11:33, 28 February 2012

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Chris has a warped view of sexual intercourse (a.k.a. hanky-panky), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on the HBO network around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".[1]

Knowledge of sex and gender

Seven inches? Yeah, right.

In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from Sailor Moon.[2] In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl.[3]

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary high-school sex education or pornography. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his sex chat logs should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in porno movies, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that Kacey would get off to a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.[4]

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,[5] and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.[6] He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;[7] this is undoubtedly due to his experience with Kimmi and Officer Nasty. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in Sonichu #8 is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken penis.[5] He thinks that his virginity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that masturbating ultimately makes him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat slippery grip on language and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology; for example, in Ivy Q&A it's mentioned that Chris told Ivy that he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!" While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "ducks" and "pickles", and vaginas and vulvae "china".

According to a video published in August 2011, Chris enjoys female domination (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in Sonichu 10). Given Chris's complete lack of sexual experience, whether or not he actually knows what femdom is is anyone's guess.

Chris and gender

Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards women. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are already paired up, lesbians, or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a fat, dumpy psycho, carrying an "attraction sign" and the unpleasant aroma of feces mixed with Axe.

In Sonichu #9, he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as Homo sapiens, just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual. This can be explained by his lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues, but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

Moral basis on sex and double standards

69ing? Intercourse? Really? In a children's comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.
“ You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. ”
Matthew 5:27-28

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he hates homos, but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it masturbatorily.[8] This logic probably stems from an episode of Family Guy where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on losing his virginity on the third or fourth date with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon pornographers, of which he is guilty and holds no visible remorse. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to a very liberal church, and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by Rocky.[citation needed] When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by trolls, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.[9] Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his Love Quest.

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.[10] After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public,[11] showing that, for Chris, a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy, existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

Chris in the act

Christian professing his love for "Julie".

Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with Julie, and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes female positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.[12] It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of his identification with the opposite gender.

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on horrific display in For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV, involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, fat ass, lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

Staying straight

See Fear of being a homo

Is Chris asexual?

Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and hugbox inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a big boy.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his CWCipedia page on The Wallflower, he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when Jackie implied that he liked video games more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).[3]

Pedophilia

Main article: Pedofork

Bestiality

“ I can imagine myself doing it with a collie at least. you know, like Lassie. ”
Chris in IRC (27 December 2008)
Run Patti!
Chris, sporting a homemade fursuit.

In his interview with ScrewAttackEurope, Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals.

Despite his statements against bestiality, Chris stated that he would be willing to have sex with a female dog (because he's not a homo) for PandaHalo and specified that he'd prefer a Collie.[13]

Chris also suggested that Brian from Family Guy be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.[14]

In The Red-Maned Deer, Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named Jacklyn Romy."[15]

Is Chris a furry?

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated.[16] There are some things that points in that direction. Chris-chan Sonichu is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with Julie.[6] Finally, in the Giant Penis Comic, Chris and Ivy both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by Mimms and Lucas that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be homos.[17]

Prostitution

“ "In my sarch [sic] on Craigslist, the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about Jack and my PSN account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :(" ”
Chris, wasting a prostitute's time[citation needed]

Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his monthly tugboat on a prostitute. Mumble 4, from February 2009, answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by Jack Thaddeus in the summer of 2009, Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked PlayStation Network accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in March 2009, Brian Bash had sent a trio of prostitutes to Chris's house so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. Hilarity ensued.

By the beginning of 2010, Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his conversations with Vivian Gee, around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th birthday. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when begging the Wallflower for sex on YouTube in March 2010.

Between April and July 2010, under the name of Carlos Chantor, Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "Experienced for Her Pleasure", with an average body type.[18]

Later, under the guise of his troll persona JenkinsJinkies, Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.


Incest

Stress.jpg

This article is still yet to be completed due to stress.

We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!


Crystal, his imaginary twin sister, appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for Yu-Gi-Oh, and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the Sonichu comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even having kids. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and autism ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.[19] He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, china is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is homosexual in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves girl-on-girl.

Rape

Protip.jpg
PROTIP:
Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody, so stop saying that.

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the Megan saga all the way to PandaHalo. Misguided trolls claim that Chris will one day try to rape someone due to his stalker tendencies. Due to his warped view of romance and inability to pin someone down long enough to commit the act, it is highly unlikely that Chris will ever rape anyone.

Despite this reassurance, it's no less discomforting to know that despite whatever personal feelings he has on the act, he seems to have trouble understanding what non-consensual contact is. As evidenced in iPods Down and Listen Up, he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape- the idea of letting his "prey" wear herself out before moving on her may not have registered to Chris as sounding wrong.

See also

Sources

  1. ↑ Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT
  2. ↑ Mailbag 18
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 Jackie E-mails 2
  4. ↑ Kacey Phone Call
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 CWC Cums for a Cat
  7. ↑ [1]
  8. ↑ CWC's Second Message
  9. ↑ Mumble 8
  10. ↑ ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)
  11. ↑ Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line
  12. ↑ For examples, see the uncensored panels from Sonichu 8, Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack, CWCRockin4Way.jpg, the Giant Penis Comic and Jackie E-mails 14.
  13. ↑ http://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(27_December_2008)
  14. ↑ Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia
  15. ↑ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLNUncC6Nm8&list=UUpZbAoE-X3DdRo0jxIQsMaw&index=6&feature=plpp_video
  16. ↑ From the Sarah May Skype Logs: [7:17:25] Sarah May: Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] Christopher C.W.C.: a bit.
  17. ↑ Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia
  18. ↑ Jackie E-mails 6
  19. ↑ Mumble 1
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