List of Chris's lies

“	I am with Sarah in mind and soul; I have promised to be her True Sweetheart...and I am not a man who goes back on his promises.	”
Chris, shortly before he kicked Sarah's pregnant ass to the curb to start messing around with Julie.

Chris, not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently lie to save face.

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the trolls. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing so his lies have the opposite effect (ex. going to Redmond). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (ex. drawing a rule 34 of Megan).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be True and Honest probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie", a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his autistic brain that it is OK to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining Honest.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

Chris's lies

• Chris claims to be related to Anne Boleyn, which is impossible since her ultimate descendant is the virgin Queen Elizabeth.

• In a Mumble chat, he lied and said that nude photos of him on Encyclopedia Dramatica were photoshopped, despite the fact he willingly consented to these photos. Chris also lied to Miyamoto about the ED images being photoshopped.

• For two days, Chris claimed to have a new sweetheart named Chloe after the Blanca breakup. The first mention was to his fans of all people. Yet if he was already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at GameStop where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again.

• In the infamous Clyde-raped-Panda chat, Chris states, "My heart is true and set, and I have made my promises. I am with Sarah in mind and soul; I have promised to be her True Sweetheart...and I am not a man who goes back on his promises." Chris then proceeded to give her up to Clyde over a matter of days, and then quickly became involved with Julie.

• Chris lied about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."

• In his 13 September 2009 video, he says he personally talked to Sega of America and was told Project Needlemouse (or as he calls it, Needlenose) was a new Sonic game, and not a Sonichu game. Ignoring Chris's track record for honest interaction with video game representatives, as of this writing (5 October 2009) Sega has not officially announced what the game is, and major video game review sites like IGN and Gamespot still haven't received any official word from Sega. While it's pretty obvious that it is some sort of Sonic game, the idea that Sega would tell a greasy virgin manchild who rips off their intellectual property what the game is and not anyone else is 100% bullshit.

• Chris claimed that the DVD that trolls procured wasn't the "director's cut", yet the DVD had all the features that had been described before trolls even came into contact with Chris.

• Chris claimed that Blanca received the medallion and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the Medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with Robert Simmons V, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.

• When a nefarious IRL Jerkop confronted Chris on his Attraction Sign, Chris quickly hid the sign while he left to get the Manajerk. Then Chris proceed to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.

• While Chris has certainly called the police on the occasional troll or two, Chris will warn trolls that he has unleashed the full fury of the FBI and/or police detectives on them. When he wants to be really intimidating, he'll say they are "his detectives" as if he is in direct command of them. However, people smarter than Chris (that is to say, all people) know that Chris is totally bluffing, as neither the FBI nor even small-town police detectives are going to waste their time and resources trying to track down someone who said mean things about Chris over the intertubes when there are no end of serious felonies in need of investigating.

• Chris claimed that he was banned from The Game Place forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by Mimms on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the store's manager rudely.

• He claimed in his slideshow for Miyamoto that "Sonichu" was not a portmanteau of "Sonic" and "Pikachu"--he was playing off Sonic's Japanese name, "Sonikku." Anyone with a working brain stem can see through this particular untruth.

• In an email Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.

• After Chris pissed off Megan by posting ShecameforCWC.JPG he proceeded to apologize to her via e-mail, claiming he was "sorry for hurting [her]" and that he was "sorry for uploading the drawing", saying to her "I've learned from my mistakes". He later proved he felt no remorse for the drawing by reuploading the picture for use in Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack, citing the need for "sexy pictures for a sexy website".

• Chris claims that he is the descendant of Daniel Weston, one of the pilgrims on board the Mayflower. This is obviously not true, because according to all known passenger lists, there was no man named Daniel Weston on the ship.

• He has made occasional claims that he really doesn't hate homos, despite several instances of him showing otherwise.

• In an IRC chat with Clyde Cash and BILLY MAYS, Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.

• Impersonated CChanSonichuCWC and called Kacey, telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves recycling).

• Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a video in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that backfired horribly, Chris then issued the SingStar Challenge to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the SingStar Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.

• He claimed to have an IQ of over 300. For perspective, the woman with the highest IQ in the world has an IQ of 230.

• Chris has inserted clearly bullshit disclaimer pages at the front of each issue of his comics where he claims:

“	Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise parodic.	”
Chris's disclaimer as it appears in his comics. Does he think he's fooling anybody?

• Pretended to be famed troll "Bill Riley" in an IRC Chat in a miserably failed attempt to learn what the trolls had planned for him. Includes a bizarre moment where he tries to convince the trolls that they should force "That Retard" to rape Rocky Shoemaker.

• Chris told his "fans" in an 18 December 2008 IRC Chat that he won the Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown, among other contests that he truly did win. He even made a fake web page mimicking playstation.com that showed him as the winner of the PaRappa contest.

• In a Skype chat with Sarah May, she agreed to tell Chris how to get his Yahoo! accounts back if Chris would draw "any female Rosechu with a penis, either masturbating, or penetrating a male Sonichu with it." Despite the clarity of the request, Chris tried to weasel out of it by drawing Rosechu with a strap-on dildo instead of an actual penis. When Sarah May called him on it, he first lied that it was a dick, and then lied that it was a "mistake in drawing," even though it's plainly obvious that the strap-on was intentionally drawn. The strap-on was not only rendered in detail, but Chris even colored around it instead of through it, making it stand out even more.

• Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a 15 October 2009 Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of Liquid Chris, which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in a video six days later. In that video, Solid even used one of Liquid's SingStar Challenge songs to mock the trolls (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.

Addressing Liquid

In the wee hours of 22 October 2009, Chris posted a video response to CChanSonichuCWC that was possibly the largest concentration of blatant dishonesty Chris has ever compressed into a nine minute span. In a video that would leave even the most crooked politician stunned and agape, Chris had the chutzpah to rattle off a manifesto chock full of falsehoods, starting it off by declaring he is an honest man (if you've made it this far down the page, you know how ridiculous that is). He then went on to list all of his most positive qualities:

He is kind, good-hearted, and caring. He has cheated on his e-sweethearts numerous times, and the sole focus of all of his relationships is to get poon. He was completely indifferent to the deaths of PandaHalo, Sarah May, and Ryan Cash, giving selfish reasons as to how their deaths affected him. He called his lone true fan of the comic a naïve dumbass. The ghost of his dead aunt could also tell you how much he cared about her when it came time to bury her. Chris will outright smear other people to make himself look better. He also hates homosexuals just because they're gay, and is a noted racist.

He claims he cared about Kacey. Chris's entire pursuit of her was a sham to trick her and get into her pants. He continued to sell himself as a good choice for her even in this very video response that was specifically directed to her fucking boyfriend.

He is intelligent. Chris gets swindled by trolls practically non-stop, and has even fallen for some of the stupidest ruses ever devised by humankind. He almost never deduces on his own that he's being tricked and ignores warnings from others that he's being tricked. He can't write for shit or do math, and he thinks it's possible for a completely heterosexual person to turn gay just by momentarily letting their guard down. He also thought the best way to get Encyclopedia Dramatica to stop talking about his delusional insanity was to bombard them with further examples of his delusional insanity.

He can be fun. Many videos showing him out and about (that is, when he can be bothered to leave his house) prove that he's a complete stiff that needs prodding to get him to converse, and he is an embarrassment to be around. He believes McDonald's is an awesome place to go on a date. He also has almost no adult interests that people his age can share in, and he scares and intimidates little kids.

He is fairly good-looking. Come on, just look at the guy. He commented he's good-looking with or without his glasses, BUT he needs them, a statement which suggests that he honestly doesn't believe he's as good looking with them. This is further evidenced by the fact that didn't wear them when he took his "sexy photos." He then gives the excuse that he needs the glasses because he's nearsighted, but nearsightedness can easily be corrected with contact lenses, or even a stylish pair of glasses that don't make him look like a pedophile. But that would require spending a bit of his tugboat on something that isn't related to video games and/or intended to go in his ass. And on the subject of his spending habits...

He is generous and gives to his friends. Yes, Chris is so generous, that he once admitted that if he had the cure to autism, a truly invaluable thing that would bring life-changing help to millions around the world, that he'd throw it away just to get a PS3. In the GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes, after saying he'd share the prize money with his church congregation, he ended up spending the majority of it on himself. And he stole money from his own parents so he could buy video game content for games he didn't even own.

He can be cheerful and easy-going. He constantly started arguments with everyone at The GAMe PLACe over Pokémon games, and almost got his ass kicked once because of them. He will resist doing or feeling anything that will be even a minor inconvenience upon him. He has also publicly cried like a baby at inappropriate times over issues that were either largely insignificant or the direct result of his own fuck-ups.

He is a good listener Countless numbers of people have tried to talk sense into him to get him to not fall for trolls, and to try to help him change his life for the better. He's resisted nearly every bit of advice he's received. Vivian Gee spent hours trying to give him sound advice about fixing his life, and he just sighed and rejected her advice so much that she turned against him. He completely missed the point about why Megan was so upset with him about spreading embarrassing things about her online, thinking she was just mad because she didn't know much about sex.

He is empathetic/sympathetic. Maybe he just doesn't know what these words truly mean, but likely he knows and just doesn't care. If he was either of those things, he would understand why Mary Lee Walsh and various jerkops didn't want him soliciting himself in public, and why potential sweethearts would be put off by his creepy overly-forward advances. He might have shown true remorse over the death of Ryan Cash instead of being awestruck by the power of causing someone to kill themselves and telling his brother to just get over it. And he certainly wouldn't have cheated on his aforementioned e-sweethearts.

He is fairly popular and it's easy for him to make friends. Chris has never been popular. He was harrassed in school, had to take his mother to the prom, and most of the people that he had regular positive contact with didn't like him nearly as much as he liked them. After getting out of school, most people that stayed in his life or entered it drifted away quickly or have been driven away by his direct actions. He was widely disliked at The GAMe PLACe, and had to change schools and churches due to numerous conflicts. Since he was discovered by the interwebs, practically everyone that has entered his life--both online and off--has done so just to troll him, and the few that didn't mostly ended up becoming trolls. 99% of all the comments on his YouTube videos are negative, and he is bombarded with negative emails from trolls daily. He automatically considers all males to be jerks, and even belittled someone who is considered to be the only true fan of his comic that he ever had.

Perhaps he is confusing being popular with being notorious, but given how full of himself he his, that is unlikely.

He is good at talking to people, knows what to say to them, and shares his feelings because they are "good feelings most of the time." Any chatlog or clip of him conversing with someone else makes it plainly obvious he cannot carry on a conversation and constantly tries to steer the focus on himself. When he strikes up conversation with potential sweethearts, he uses shitty tips from books and cheesy pickup lines straight out of video games. He thinks there are strict rules to follow when being social, and even thinks that making spontaneous human connections is something to be taught in a classroom. He's completely incapable of saying the right thing to someone based on his conversations with Megan and people who have suffered hardships that don't involve Chris at all. And when he does share his feelings, he will blurt out things that are either wildly inappropriate, or details about himself that no human being would ever want to know.

He stays out of conflict. If anyone offers any criticism, rips off his rip-offs, or suggests he's not entirely straight, he gets defensive and/or flies into nuclear tard rage. He gets into it with trolls at every opportunity, will not back down from an argument until he's had the last word, and will even hypocritically mock people rather than just letting things slide. He absolutely cannot let any slight against him go, proven in his lengthy campaigns against various trolls. This video is further proof to the point; after CChanSonichuCWC reappeared, Chris absolutely had to respond to Liquid twice though he said he wouldn't ever do so again.

He is reliable. Chris can't even put out his shitty scribble of a comic at any kind of regular schedule, sometimes going months at a time without updating despite the fact that he has no job and rarely leaves his house. He stood up Emily when they first arranged their date in the mall. He couldn't even be counted on to do basic minimum wage work, having been fired from a fast-food restaurant.

He tries to control his temper. Please feast your eyes on these articles, and ask yourself just how in control of his temper he is.

He can keep secrets. He uploaded extremely sensitive personal details regarding himself and Megan to ED of his own free will. He will also divulge embarrassing information about himself that trolls end up using to torment him, and he will constantly drop dox about himself that has resulted in his family and others close to him coming under fire from said trolls. He told the internet that his mom has problems with her ass. He will also give information freely to people posing as trolls, because as long as someone strings together a few nice things to say about him, he will immediately trust that person without question.

Addressing Liquid (Counterpoint)

In the interest of fairness, here's a complete list of the qualities he listed about himself that weren't utter horseshit.

He is not shy.