Difference between revisions of "Manchester High Leaks"
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[[File:CWCdoxFolders - 15 Jun 2014.jpg|thumb|Photo of the "obtained" folders.]] | [[File:CWCdoxFolders - 15 Jun 2014.jpg|thumb|Photo of the "obtained" folders.]] | ||
In [[June 2014]], [[CWCki Forums]] user SkyRaider91 | In [[June 2014]], [[CWCki Forums]] user SkyRaider91 (also known as [[Cousin Al]]), began leaking scans of several '''documents from Chris's junior year (1998-99) of [[Manchester High School|high school]]'''.<ref>[https://archive.md/4xcbm]</ref> Many of the pages appear to be charred and/or water-damaged, likely as a result of [[2014 house fire|the January 2014 fire]] and subsequent events at [[14 Branchland Court]]. It was revealed in [[November 2014]] that these had been obtained by trolls sifting through the trash at the burnt-out house, which, although not illegal, still lends credence to the view that [[Trolls#Today|the trolling of Chris is going too far]]. | ||
It is very apparent from these leaks that many of Chris's teachers gave him very high | It is very apparent from these leaks that many of Chris's teachers gave him very high grades which he indisputably did not deserve. Whether they did this out of misguided pity, a fear of being seen to play [[Kick the Autistic]] or simply being incompetent themselves, giving Chris - who had perfectly adequate mental faculties for the work - undeserved extra credit would have contributed to his [[Chris and his ego|ego]] and general laziness. Even within this small core sample of his work, it's apparent that Chris frequently left out sections he didn't want to complete, wrote "essays" in a first-person subjective tone and even wrote parts of his work in [[Chris and Spanish|the wrong language]] and still got good or even ''perfect'' scores. The teachers who enabled this abysmal workmanship probably had the best intentions and/or incompetence, but even though they may have made Chris, [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] happy they certainly did Chris no favours in the long run. Thankfully, at least a few of his markers had the sense to treat his work like they'd treat anyone else's, and he has them to thank for only being able to get into the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|local community college]]. | ||
==[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Parenting]]== | ==[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Parenting]]== | ||
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File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg | File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
Presumably Chris interviewed [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and/or [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] for this assignment, and most of the answers are short and vague to the point of not making much sense; it's unclear whether Barb/Bob were giving | Presumably Chris interviewed [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and/or [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] for this assignment, and most of the answers are short and vague to the point of not making much sense; it's unclear whether Barb/Bob were giving apathetic answers, or whether Chris was just too lazy to record their full responses. Humorously, the interviewee(s) says that "the hardest part of being a parent" has been "[[Chris's_education|dealing w. public school sys]]", and that they chose to have children simply because "It's nice to have kids." They also make mention of "laughter from 4 kids and 3 situations". This idiosyncratic expression has been interpreted as referring to the social stigma that Bob and Barb endured as a result of their respective previous relationships and children. It is likely to be just an obscure, antiquated idiomatic formation not to be taken literally, referring to the various [[Christopher's name change|wacky happenings]] stemmed from raising one single [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|very special boy]]. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | ||
'''50'''<br> | '''50'''<br> | ||
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'''5. Did anyone else play a large role in parenting your young children? (i.e. daycare, sitter, grandmother)'''<br> | '''5. Did anyone else play a large role in parenting your young children? (i.e. daycare, sitter, grandmother)'''<br> | ||
:[[Abusive babysitter|babysitters]] and daycare, and [[Chris and television|other methods]]. | :[[Abusive babysitter|babysitters]] and daycare, and [[Chris and television|other]] [[Vidya|methods]]. | ||
'''6. What adjustments did you have to make after your first child arrived?'''<br> | '''6. What adjustments did you have to make after your first child arrived?'''<br> | ||
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File:Parenting Class 002.jpg | File:Parenting Class 002.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
A worksheet in which Chris was asked to identify one of five characteristics of development exemplified by various situations. Chris only managed to identify half of the characteristics correctly. | A worksheet in which Chris was asked to identify one of five characteristics of development exemplified by various situations. Chris only managed to identify half of the characteristics correctly, earning him an F. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's writing in ''italics'')|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's writing in ''italics'')|{{quotebox| | ||
NAME ''Christian W. Chandler'' DATE ''2/3/99'' CLASS PERIOD ''7''<br> | NAME ''Christian W. Chandler'' DATE ''2/3/99'' CLASS PERIOD ''7''<br> | ||
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Characteristic of development <u>''development is continuous throughout life.''</u> | Characteristic of development <u>''development is continuous throughout life.''</u> | ||
<s>2.</s> Michael always had trouble in school. He did poorly on tests and was seldom able to answer when the teacher called on him. Some of the other children [[Kick_the_Autistic|teased Michael on the playground]] and called him [[Slow_in_the_minds|"dummy"]]. As a result, Michael was very shy and had little self-confidence. Since he has started wearing glasses, however, he has been doing better in school. Now Michael feels good about himself and has been able to make friends more easily.<br> | <s>2.</s> Michael always had trouble in school. He did poorly on tests and was seldom able to answer when the teacher called on him. Some of the other children [[Kick_the_Autistic|teased Michael on the playground]] and called him [[Slow_in_the_minds|"dummy"]]. As a result, Michael was very shy and had little self-confidence. Since he has started wearing [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]], however, he has been doing better in school. Now Michael feels good about himself and has been able to make friends more easily.<br> | ||
Characteristic of development <u>''development builds <s>it</s> on earlier learning.''</u><br> | Characteristic of development <u>''development builds <s>it</s> on earlier learning.''</u><br> | ||
[corrected in red pen: "interrelated"] | [corrected in red pen: "interrelated"] | ||
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File:Parenting Class 004.jpg | File:Parenting Class 004.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
A worksheet about behaviors which may adversely affect prenatal development. Chris wrote that several seemingly random things can cause [[Slow-in-the-minds|"slow minds"]], and completely ignored about half of the risk factors mentioned, yet for some reason he still received a grade of 14/20. | A worksheet about behaviors which may adversely affect prenatal development. Chris wrote that several seemingly random things can cause [[Slow-in-the-minds|"slow minds"]], and completely ignored about half of the risk factors mentioned, yet for some reason he still received a grade of 14/20, a C-. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's answers in italics)|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's answers in italics)|{{quotebox| | ||
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---- | ---- | ||
3. Elaine's second child is due in five months. She is busy getting ready for the new arrival. Since pregnancy has been going so well, Elaine decided not to cut down on her favorite foods | 3. Elaine's second child is due in five months. She is busy getting ready for the new arrival. Since pregnancy has been going so well, Elaine decided not to cut down on her favorite foods – chocolate, coffee, and soft drinks. Elaine's X rays at her dental appointment last week revealed no tooth decay. She really does feel good. However, since several neighborhood children have had rubella recently, she has decided to ask her doctor for the vaccine on her next visit.<br> | ||
:''chocolate, coffie, and soft drinks <sup>(caffine),</sup> cause the baby to <sup><s>not have</s></sup> <s>not get all the nutrients it needs.</s> <sup>be very hyperactive.</sup><br> | :''chocolate, coffie, and soft drinks <sup>(caffine),</sup> cause the baby to <sup><s>not have</s></sup> <s>not get all the nutrients it needs.</s> <sup>be very hyperactive.</sup><br> | ||
:[teacher wrote "caffeine", "-3", and "No Xrays [or] vaccines because <u> </u>" in red pen] | :[teacher wrote "caffeine", "-3", and "No Xrays [or] vaccines because <u> </u>" in red pen] | ||
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'''Why Study Children?'''<br> | '''Why Study Children?'''<br> | ||
:2. Name | :2. Name three benefits of learning about children.<br> | ||
::''you learn about the person you are; you learn about the child you were; and you learn about the adult you will be.'' | ::''you learn about the person you are; you learn about the child you were; and you learn about the adult you will be.'' | ||
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<td>Beginning</td> | <td>Beginning</td> | ||
<td>''<s>couple</s> home.''</td> | <td>''<s>couple</s> home.''</td> | ||
<td>''<s>establishing home &</s> [[Chris and | <td>''<s>establishing home &</s> [[Chris and money|$$]].''</td> | ||
</tr> | </tr> | ||
<tr> | <tr> | ||
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<tr> | <tr> | ||
<td>Launching</td> | <td>Launching</td> | ||
<td>''child learns [[ | <td>''child learns [[Monthly tugboat|how to support him/herself]]. ''</td> | ||
<td>''child in process of leaving; $$.''</td> | <td>''child in process of leaving; $$.''</td> | ||
</tr> | </tr> | ||
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::More women in the work force<br> | ::More women in the work force<br> | ||
:::''less time with child, more [[ | :::''less time with child, more [[Chris and stress|stress]] for both parents/need for [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|facilities]] and [[Abusive babysitter|individuals]] that provide quality child care.'' | ||
::Rising population of older citizens<br> | ::Rising population of older citizens<br> | ||
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An illustrated timeline briefly describing the 27 amendments to the U.S. Constitution. As is [[honor roll|to be expected]], Chris used multiple differing conventions for writing out dates, and made numerous prominent factual, spelling, and grammatical errors, which are preserved in the transcription. | An illustrated timeline briefly describing the 27 amendments to the U.S. Constitution. As is [[honor roll|to be expected]], Chris used multiple differing conventions for writing out dates, and made numerous prominent factual, spelling, and grammatical errors, which are preserved in the transcription. | ||
Notably, Chris seems to have read the antiquated language used in the older amendments [[Autism|at completely literal face value]] with no sense of interpretation, leading him to getting many facts and details wrong. For example, while most every [[United States of America#Chris on patriotism|true American patriot]] knows the [[Wikipedia:Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution|13th Amendment]] as the amendment that ended [[Niggos|slavery]], it also contains a parenthetical stating that involuntary servitude as conviction for a crime would continue exist in the United States. Chris seems to have focused on this minor detail about crime punishment, rather than the momentous occasion of freeing the slaves, as the entire purpose of the amendment and even included an illustration implying that the 13th Amendment ''created'' slavery for criminals. While the [[Wikipedia:Twenty-third Amendment to the United States Constitution|23rd Amendment]] actually gave voting rights to citizens of | Notably, Chris seems to have read the antiquated language used in the older amendments [[Autism|at completely literal face value]] with no sense of interpretation, leading him to getting many facts and details wrong. For example, while most every [[United States of America#Chris on patriotism|true American patriot]] knows the [[Wikipedia:Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution|13th Amendment]] as the amendment that ended [[Niggos|slavery]], it also contains a parenthetical stating that involuntary servitude as conviction for a crime would continue to exist in the United States. Chris seems to have focused on this minor detail about crime punishment, rather than the momentous occasion of freeing the slaves, as the entire purpose of the amendment and even included an illustration implying that the 13th Amendment ''created'' slavery for criminals. While the [[Wikipedia:Twenty-third Amendment to the United States Constitution|23rd Amendment]] actually gave voting rights to citizens of Washington, D.C., Chris seems to have confused "District of Columbia" for referring to [[Wikipedia:Columbia, South Carolina|Columbia, South Carolina]], and drew a picture of the state pleased that it can now vote for president (this may have something to do with South Carolina not adopting a popular vote for president until 1868, making it by far the last state to do so, although this is probably giving Chris too much credit). In actuality, the 24th amendment abolishes poll taxes, while Chris makes it seem like it suddenly requires them. Additionally, the 26th amendment doesn't apply exclusively to men; it gives suffrage to all Americans 18 and older, regardless of sex. | ||
His interpretation of the [[Wikipedia:Eleventh Amendment to the United States Constitution|11th Amendment]], that "People of other countries can't blame U.S. for their | His interpretation of the [[Wikipedia:Eleventh Amendment to the United States Constitution|11th Amendment]], that "People of other countries can't blame U.S. for their troubles", is [[Slow-in-the-minds|completely inexplicable]]. | ||
Chris glosses over most of the Bill of Rights amendments (including the First Amendment that allows him to behave the way he does over the Internet), claiming the whole thing simply means "innocent until proven guilty." | |||
{{quote|Dear LADY; PAYUP!|Congress}} | {{quote|Dear LADY; PAYUP!|Congress}} | ||
{{collapsible | {{collapsible | ||
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* (Feb 3) 1870 | * (Feb 3) 1870 | ||
::15th amendment: No matter what race or color, they will vote.<br> | ::15th amendment: No matter what race or color, they will vote.<br> | ||
::[Speech bubble: "Yippie! Finally, I <u>can</u> vote!"] | ::[Speech bubble (oddly from a white person): "Yippie! Finally, I <u>can</u> vote!"] | ||
* 1913 (Feb. 3) | * 1913 (Feb. 3) | ||
::16th amendment: Congress shall collect taxes.<br> | ::16th amendment: Congress shall collect taxes.<br> | ||
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::[Speech bubble: "Weare senates!"]<br> | ::[Speech bubble: "Weare senates!"]<br> | ||
::[Figures labeled "Bob", "MARY", and "Virginia"] | ::[Figures labeled "Bob", "MARY", and "Virginia"] | ||
::[Note: In reality, the Senate was always two people from each state, and the 17th Amendment made them directly elected rather than appointed by State legislatures.] | |||
---- | ---- | ||
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* (Jan. 23) 1933 | * (Jan. 23) 1933 | ||
::20th amendment: Presidency & Vice Presidency terms exp. Jan. 20.<br> | ::20th amendment: Presidency & Vice Presidency terms exp. Jan. 20.<br> | ||
::(LAME DUCK [duck pictogram])<br> | ::(LAME [[DUCK]] [duck pictogram])<br> | ||
::[Calendar: "JANUARY, 1999", "prop of Bill CLINTON"]<br> | ::[Calendar: "JANUARY, 1999", "prop of Bill CLINTON"]<br> | ||
::[Speech bubble: "(Clinton)-> MY<u>DAY</u> is almost here."] | ::[Speech bubble: "(Clinton)-> MY<u>DAY</u> is almost here."] | ||
::[Note: Clinton's second presidential term did not expire until 20 January 2001.] | |||
* (Dec. 5) 1933 | * (Dec. 5) 1933 | ||
::21st amendment: Repeal of Prohibition. (Beer is allowed).<br> | ::21st amendment: Repeal of Prohibition. (Beer is allowed).<br> | ||
::[Speech bubble: "Uh..., WELCOME.....<sup>DOh!</sup>"]<br> | ::[Speech bubble: "Uh..., WELCOME.....<sup>DOh!</sup>"]<br> | ||
::[Ship labeled "S.S. ANNE.", carrying "BEER"] | ::[Ship labeled [[Pokemon|"S.S. ANNE."]], carrying "BEER"] | ||
* 1951 (Feb. 27) | * 1951 (Feb. 27) | ||
::22nd. amendment: Limit of President to 2 terms.<br> | ::22nd. amendment: Limit of President to 2 terms.<br> | ||
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::24th amendment: voters need to pay poll taxes<br> | ::24th amendment: voters need to pay poll taxes<br> | ||
::[Printer labeled "Poll taxBox", "Printout -> VOTE"] | ::[Printer labeled "Poll taxBox", "Printout -> VOTE"] | ||
::[Note: In reality, it was the exact opposite; the 24th Amendment ''prohibited'' federal and governments from requiring voters to pay poll taxes in order to vote.] | |||
* 1967 Feb. 10 | * 1967 Feb. 10 | ||
::25th amendment: President's powers are reduced.<br> | ::25th amendment: President's powers are reduced.<br> | ||
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File:CWC SDI Essay.jpg | File:CWC SDI Essay.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
The [[Wikipedia:Strategic Defense Initiative|Strategic Defense Initiative]] was a system [[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Reagan]] proposed in 1983. It was never actually implemented, at least not even close to how Reagan proposed it (in terms of technology and scale), and certainly not during his presidency. Despite that, Chris vomited up this four-sentence "essay" on how the "system of zappers and mirrors in space" defended "against [[Wikipedia:Evil empire|Evil Empire]]" | The [[Wikipedia:Strategic Defense Initiative|Strategic Defense Initiative]] was a system [[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Reagan]] proposed in 1983. It was never actually implemented, at least not even close to how Reagan proposed it (in terms of technology and scale), and certainly not during his presidency. Despite that, Chris vomited up this four-sentence "essay" on how the "system of zappers and mirrors in space" defended "against [[Wikipedia:Evil empire|Evil Empire]]," granted, the assignment asked for him to defend against '''the''' evil empire but he still didn't follow most of the instructions. He still got yet another perfect grade. Note that the teacher misspelled the names of several terms/people in the heading, and that the debt increase Chris gave for SDI is comically low – Reagan increased the defense budget by tens of '''billions''' of dollars, not millions.<ref>[http://www.cato.org/publications/policy-analysis/reagans-1983-defense-budget-analysis-alternative]</ref><ref>[http://martinfrost.ws/htmlfiles/aug2006/starwars1.html#Cost] "$44 billion was appropriated by Congress for SDI from 1983 to 1993."</ref> All evidence seems to suggest his teacher should not have been hired. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | ||
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<td>Three Mile Island</td> | <td>Three Mile Island</td> | ||
<td>Ronald Reagan</td> | <td>Ronald Reagan</td> | ||
<td> | <td>Khomeini</td> | ||
</tr> | </tr> | ||
<tr> | <tr> | ||
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<tr> | <tr> | ||
<td>INF Treaty</td> | <td>INF Treaty</td> | ||
<td>Operation Desert Strom</td> | <td>Operation Desert Strom ''[sic]''</td> | ||
<td>Clarence Thomas</td> | <td>Clarence Thomas</td> | ||
<td>Boris Yelstein</td> | <td>Boris Yelstein ''[sic]''</td> | ||
</tr> | </tr> | ||
<tr> | <tr> | ||
<td>Iran-Contra Affair</td> | <td>Iran-Contra Affair</td> | ||
<td>Aparthied</td> | <td>Aparthied ''[sic]''</td> | ||
<td>Sadaam Hussein</td> | <td>Sadaam Hussein ''[sic]''</td> | ||
<td>Nelson Mandella</td> | <td>Nelson Mandella ''[sic]''</td> | ||
</tr> | </tr> | ||
</table> | </table> | ||
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Explain, IN DETAIL, ONE <s>two</s> event that occurred during Reagan's presidency that illustrates how Reagan would defend against the "Evil Empire" at all costs. You must name the country/event and describe it in as much detail as possible Conclude by stating IF and HOW the goal was achieved and the "Evil Empire" was contained. | Explain, IN DETAIL, ONE <s>two</s> event that occurred during Reagan's presidency that illustrates how Reagan would defend against the "Evil Empire" at all costs. You must name the country/event and describe it in as much detail as possible Conclude by stating IF and HOW the goal was achieved and the "Evil Empire" was contained. | ||
''The Strategic Defense Initiative was a way Regan defended against "Evil Empire." This occured in the U.S., and it was a system of zappers and mirrors in space that would destroy a nuclear missile <s>if</s> before it would hit the U.S. It was achieved by adding $70-million to debt. in defense. The SDI was a way Reagan would have defended against "Evil Empire."'' | ''The Strategic Defense Initiative was a way Regan defended against "Evil Empire." This occured ''[sic]'' in the U.S., and it was a system of zappers and mirrors in space that would destroy a nuclear missile <s>if</s> before it would hit the U.S. It was achieved by adding $70-million to debt. in defense. The SDI was a way Reagan would have defended against "Evil Empire."'' | ||
}}}} | }}}} | ||
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J.F.K. is shot x2 from 6th floor of Tx. school. book depository; pronounced dead at 1:00 pm (Parkland).<br> | J.F.K. is shot x2 from 6th floor of Tx. school. book depository; pronounced dead at 1:00 pm (Parkland).<br> | ||
Assassin:<br> | Assassin:<br> | ||
Lee Harvey Oswald: arrested within 2 hrs. His rifle was found at scene w. only his handprint on it. Nov. 24: Oswald was shot & killed by Jack Ruby (Rubinstein).<br> | Lee Harvey Oswald: arrested within 2 hrs. His rifle was found at scene w. only his handprint on it. Nov. 24: Oswald was shot & killed by Jack Ruby ([[Michael Snyder|Rubinstein]]).<br> | ||
Investigation:<br> | Investigation:<br> | ||
Led by <u>Warren Commission</u> & Chief Justice Earl Warren. After 10 months, the 26 volume Warren Report concluded that Oswald was only assassin.<br> | Led by <u>Warren Commission</u> & Chief Justice Earl Warren. After 10 months, the 26 volume Warren Report concluded that Oswald was only assassin.<br> | ||
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File:Honor Roll I dont think so.jpg | File:Honor Roll I dont think so.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
Chris's 1999 English grade report reveals that he received [[Honor roll|failing grades]] on all but 2 items, and a 78% for the year, showing | Chris's 1999 English grade report reveals that he received [[Honor roll|failing grades]] on all but 2 items, and a 78% for the year, showing that at least one of his markers was competent. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|<pre><nowiki> | {{collapsible|Transcription|<pre><nowiki> | ||
================================================================================ | ================================================================================ | ||
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===Canterbury Tales Essay=== | ===Canterbury Tales Essay=== | ||
An essay on Chaucer's [[Wikipedia:The Canterbury Tales| | An essay on [[wikipedia:The Nun's Priest's Tale|The Nun's Priest's Tale]] from [[wikipedia:Geoffrey Chaucer|Geoffrey Chaucer]]'s [[Wikipedia:The Canterbury Tales|Canterbury Tales]], with two drafts, a planning/inventory sheet, and a grade sheet. The rough draft looks to be peer-reviewed, while the second draft was most likely reviewed by the teacher. The first draft of the "essay" is just the narrative of the story the essay was supposed to be about, and Chris uses extremely basic punctuation (mainly commas) incorrectly, as well as [[CWC-isms|making up words]]. The second draft is the same thing minus the fictitious words (but plus numerous tense errors) and with an awfully written conclusion tacked onto the end. Chris earned a 69% grade from a very generous or very stupid marker. | ||
{{quote|And that's how the fox goes overboard w. his pride, and how his crime didn't go into his favor.|Chris's eloquent conclusion in the rough draft}} | {{quote|And that's how the fox goes overboard w. his pride, and how his crime didn't go into his favor.|Chris's eloquent conclusion in the rough draft, which his teacher didn't even notice was the conclusion}} | ||
{{quote|Well, that's it for the essay.|Chris's revised conclusion}} | {{quote|Well, that's it for the essay.|Chris's revised conclusion}} | ||
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File:JapanWarEssay007.jpg | File:JapanWarEssay007.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
A wandering, factually inaccurate essay purported to be about Japan and the United States in World War II, which Chris sagaciously describes as "a very tragic event with [[Megatron pistol|guns]], [[Naïve|insults]], and... [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|yuck]]!". Most of the content is directly cited from other works, several of which are actually about World War I. What little content Chris came up with himself is highly subjective, informally and terribly written (the final draft begins with "this essay is about") and frequently racist. The thesis, if it can so be called, is extremely vague. There is an outline and two drafts of the essay. What mark he received for it can only be guessed at. | A wandering, factually inaccurate essay purported to be about Japan and the United States in World War II, which Chris sagaciously describes as "a very tragic event with [[Megatron pistol|guns]], [[Naïve|insults]], and... [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|yuck]]!". Most of the content is directly cited from other works, several of which are actually about World War ''I''. What little content Chris came up with himself is highly subjective, informally and terribly written (the final draft begins with "this essay is about") and frequently racist. The thesis, if it can so be called, is extremely vague. There is an outline and two drafts of the essay. What mark he received for it can only be guessed at. | ||
Of note is that despite this essay being for his English class, and being corrected on it in the rough draft, Chris wrote parts of the headings in Spanish, including writing his name as [[Spanish|Ricardo]], on the final draft. | Of note is that despite this essay being for his English class, and being corrected on it in the rough draft, Chris wrote parts of the headings in Spanish, including writing his name as [[Spanish|Ricardo]], on the final draft. | ||
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{{quote|So, the war was started only because the privacy of US was invaded... So, the US and Japan really wanted to [[Chris and sex|get it on]].|Christian Weston Chandler, top scholar of WWII history}} | {{quote|So, the war was started only because the privacy of US was invaded... So, the US and Japan really wanted to [[Chris and sex|get it on]].|Christian Weston Chandler, top scholar of WWII history}} | ||
{{quote|At near the end of the war, "President Woodrow Wilson tried to get Japan to withdraw from Shandong"... Even the President of the US wanted to put an end to this nasty war.|Chris, not realizing that the sentence that he quoted begins with "At the end of World War I..."}} | {{quote|At near the end of the war, "President Woodrow Wilson tried to get Japan to withdraw from Shandong"... Even the President of the US wanted to put an end to this nasty war.|Chris, not realizing that the sentence that he [[Plagiarism|quoted]] begins with "At the end of World War I..."}} | ||
{{quote|But the real "barbarians," were the Japanese people themselves. The US thought the same way...|[[United_States_of_America#Chris_on_patriotism|Chris]]}} | {{quote|But the real "barbarians," were the Japanese people themselves. The US thought the same way...|[[United_States_of_America#Chris_on_patriotism|Chris]]}} | ||
{{quote|"Very confusing + unclear."|Chris's English teacher, providing an apt summary of this essay as well as Chris's writing in general}} | {{quote|"Very confusing + unclear."|Chris's English teacher, providing an apt summary of this essay as well as [[Chris and writing|Chris's writing in general]]}} | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | ||
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File:BestPresidentEssay003.jpg | File:BestPresidentEssay003.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
A typically brief essay for Social Studies class in which Chris explains why John F. Kennedy was the best modern president. Both a rough draft and a final draft are included. While the teacher corrected the final draft, all the notations on the rough draft are in Chris's handwriting. Both drafts are typed. The marking can only be described as generous; Chris constantly changes tense incorrectly, all the paragraphs are terse and uninformative, and Chris even manages to misquote the famous line from Kennedy's inaugural address. Chris received a final grade of 43/50, plus an additional ten points because it was typed. Note that the English teacher who gave him this mark made multiple false corrections, crossed out the same mistake the second time it appeared but not the first time, and did not know how to spell "integrity". | A typically brief essay for Social Studies class in which Chris explains why John F. Kennedy was the best modern president. Both a rough draft and a final draft are included. While the teacher corrected the final draft, all the notations on the rough draft are in Chris's handwriting. Both drafts are typed. The marking can only be described as generous; Chris constantly changes tense incorrectly, all the paragraphs are terse and uninformative, and Chris even manages to misquote the famous line from Kennedy's inaugural address. Chris received a final grade of 43/50, plus an additional ten points because it was typed. Note that the English teacher who gave him this mark made multiple false corrections, crossed out the same mistake the second time it appeared but not the first time, and did not know how to spell "integrity", and yet he still got hired as a teacher. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | ||
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<u>"Who was our best President" essay:</u> | <u>"Who was our best President" essay:</u> | ||
The best President from Franklin Roosevelt to Bill Clinton ''is'', [teacher circled this and the word "had" in next two paragraphs and wrote "const. tense" in margin] John F. Kennedy. Kennedy is the best because he gave the role of Presidency new heights. Three good qualities of Kennedy are that he ''had'' [teacher crossed this out and wrote "possessed"] moral integrity, leadership, and intellect. | The best President from Franklin Roosevelt to Bill Clinton ''is'', [teacher circled this and the word "had" in next two paragraphs and wrote "const. tense" in margin, the tense is actually correct in this case] John F. Kennedy. Kennedy is the best because he gave the role of Presidency new heights. Three good qualities of Kennedy are that he ''had'' [teacher crossed this out and wrote "possessed"] moral integrity, leadership, and intellect. | ||
Kennedy had ''integrity'' [teacher circled this and wrote "sp." Chris's spelling is not incorrect] when he was President. For one thing, he was honest about his qualities for president. He was a democrat, 42-years old when he ran, he was a congressman and a senator, had a wealthy, catholic family, and he was a hero in World War II. Even though those were his drawbacks, he used them as an advantage in his television debut. [teacher wrote "weak support" in margin] | Kennedy had ''integrity'' [teacher circled this and wrote "sp." Chris's spelling is not incorrect] when he was President. For one thing, he was honest about his qualities for president. He was a democrat, 42-years old when he ran, he was a congressman and a senator, had a wealthy, catholic family, and he was a hero in World War II. Even though those were his drawbacks, he used them as an advantage in his television debut. [teacher wrote "weak support" in margin] | ||
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<u>Christian W. Chandler.</u> | <u>Christian W. Chandler.</u> | ||
I Like your clothes<br> | I Like [[Chris and fashion|your clothes]]<br> | ||
Is a very funny and nice person<br> | Is a very funny and nice person<br> | ||
O.K<br> | O.K<br> | ||
funny<br> | funny<br> | ||
you are a nice person<br> | you are a nice person<br> | ||
Nice watch<br> | [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"|Nice watch]]<br> | ||
Your a very funny guy<br> | Your a very funny guy<br> | ||
You're a good friend<br> | You're a good friend<br> | ||
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File:Student Life essay 003.jpg | File:Student Life essay 003.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
Chris suggests in this [[Wikipedia:Standards of Learning|Standards of Learning]] (SOL) essay that his high school's [[Minor_CWC-isms|"seinor"]] class fund the construction of an indoor swimming pool in the gym as their class gift, exhibiting that [[Chris and money|he has no notion of how much that would cost]]. He alludes to gym teachers having ''"wet-wild" times with the students'' in the prospective pool; it's unclear whether this is an attempt at [[Random-access humor|innuendo]] or that Chris genuinely didn't realize how it sounded. | Chris suggests in this [[Wikipedia:Standards of Learning|Standards of Learning]] (SOL) essay that his high school's [[Minor_CWC-isms|"seinor"]] class should fund the construction of an indoor swimming pool in the gym as their class gift, exhibiting that [[Chris and money|he has no notion of how much that would cost]]. He alludes to gym teachers having ''"wet-wild" times with the students'' in the prospective pool; it's unclear whether this is an attempt at [[Random-access humor|innuendo]] or that Chris genuinely didn't realize how it sounded. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | ||
Christian W. Chandler<br> | Christian W. Chandler<br> | ||
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}} | }} | ||
}} | }} | ||
===13 Lucky Writing Tips=== | ===13 Lucky Writing Tips=== | ||
{{main|13 Lucky Writing Tips}} | |||
This document is perhaps the single most baffling example of Chris's writing currently on record, which is [[Chris and English|no mean feat]]. The 13 Lucky Writing Tips are a list of notes Chris took which were most likely suggestions and recommendations (duly ignored) from a textbook that were read off by a teacher. | This document is perhaps the single most baffling example of Chris's writing currently on record, which is [[Chris and English|no mean feat]]. The 13 Lucky Writing Tips are a list of notes Chris took which were most likely suggestions and recommendations (duly ignored) from a textbook that were read off by a teacher. | ||
Directly contradicting the very first item on the list, Chris switches from English to [[Spanish]] '''mid-sentence''' about a third of the way through the list. | Directly contradicting the very first item on the list, Chris switches from English to [[Spanish]] '''mid-sentence''' about a third of the way through the list. | ||
==[[Spanish]]== | ==[[Spanish]]== | ||
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File:Spanish Worksheet 004.jpg | File:Spanish Worksheet 004.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
This work is dated 8/2/99, most likely referring to 8 February [[1999]] using the [[Wikipedia:Date format by country|Spanish date format]]. Chris used pop culture figures ([[Pokémon]], [[Sonic]], [[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|''The Powerpuff Girls'']]) to illustrate vocabulary words. Chris's class seems to have watched Spanish dubs of ''The Powerpuff Girls'' in class<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref>, so for once he had an excuse for shoving fictional characters into his schoolwork. His Pokémon are revealing: he describes Christian the Charmeleon as ''muy delgado'' ("[[Obesity|very thin]]"), [[Spanish#Ricardo Weston Chandler|Ricardo]] the Raichu as ''muy divertido'' ("[[Random access humor|very funny]]"), and [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] the Beedrill as ''muy feo'' ("very ugly"). | This work is dated 8/2/99, most likely referring to 8 February [[1999]] using the [[Wikipedia:Date format by country|Spanish date format]]. Chris used pop culture figures ([[Pokémon]], [[Sonic]], [[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|''The Powerpuff Girls'']]) to illustrate vocabulary words. Chris's class seems to have watched Spanish dubs of ''The Powerpuff Girls'' in class<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref>, so for once he had an excuse for shoving fictional characters into his schoolwork. His Pokémon are revealing: he describes Christian the Charmeleon as ''muy delgado'' ("[[Obesity|very thin]]"), [[Spanish#Ricardo Weston Chandler|Ricardo]] the Raichu as ''muy divertido'' ("[[Random-access humor|very funny]]"), and [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] the Beedrill as ''muy feo'' ("very ugly"). | ||
This appears to be Chris's earliest reference to Pokemon. It had been introduced in North America four months earlier. | This appears to be Chris's earliest reference to Pokemon. It had been introduced in North America four months earlier. | ||
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File:Spanish Worksheet 002.jpg | File:Spanish Worksheet 002.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
This ungraded worksheet deals with labeling various people with job titles, and then stating whether they are ''bueno o malo'' ("good or bad" | This ungraded worksheet deals with labeling various people with job titles, and then stating whether they are ''bueno o malo'' ("good or bad" – at their work, presumably). Chris refers to Ricardo as a ''bombero'' ("[[Brushfire Video|firefighter]]"), and to [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] as an ''ingeniero técnico'' ("technical engineer"). Demonstrating his mastery of Spanish, Chris described every single person on the worksheet as ''bueno'', and wrote ''de'' ("of") instead of ''es'' ("is") for a few rows, resulting in nonsensical phrases like ''April de reportera de TV bueno.'' ("April of good TV reporter."). | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | ||
Ricardo W. Chandler. | Ricardo W. Chandler. | ||
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==Chemistry== | ==Chemistry== | ||
===Mock Job Interview=== | ===Mock Job Interview=== | ||
{{Incomplete|article=false}} | |||
A hypothetical résumé Chris created for a chemistry-related job, plus a score sheet for a mock job interview for such a role. Despite being marked as meeting all of the objectives to an acceptable standard (and some even to a high standard), Chris's employment record turned out to be [[Chris and work|less than stellar]]. | |||
<center><gallery> | <center><gallery> | ||
File:Pretend Job interview Chem Class 001.jpg | File:Pretend Job interview Chem Class 001.jpg | ||
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</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription| | |||
<center>< | {{quotebox| | ||
<center> | |||
</ | Christian W. Chandler.<br> | ||
6008 Partingdale CR.<br> | |||
Richmond, VA 23224.<br> | |||
Phone #: (804)-674-9474.<br> | |||
</center> | |||
<u>Objective:</u> I would like to work as an Air Quality Control Chemist in the area of analyzing data and constructing models. | |||
<u>Qualifications:</u> I feel that I am qualified for the position of Air Quality Control Chemist, because of my analytical and inquisitive nature. I question and challenge all aspects of every issue. My education and work experience in the area of chemical science give me the background I need to do an efficient and effective job. | |||
My outstanding talents in drafting designs and building three-dimensional objects gives me a basis on which to build ideas for developing new products and processes. With my mathematical skills, I can calculate the necessary and possible outcome of my ideas. | |||
Transcription (classmates' answers in '''bold'''): | <u>Work History:</u><br> | ||
<blockquote style="background-color:#f0f0f0"> | |||
{| class="wikitable" | 2005-2010: | ||
<center> | |||
Sales Representative.<br> | |||
Virginia Power.<br> | |||
Charlottesville, Virginia. | |||
</center> | |||
2010-2013: | |||
<center> | |||
Computer Engineer.<br> | |||
R.O.W. Sciences/FDC.<br> | |||
Hampton, Virginia. | |||
</center> | |||
2013-2017: | |||
<center> | |||
Medicine Researcher.<br> | |||
Bell & Associates.<br> | |||
Richmond, Virginia. | |||
</center> | |||
<u>Education:</u> | |||
<center> | |||
Manchester High School, Richmond, Virginia<br> | |||
Graduated June, 2000<br> | |||
University of Virginia, Charlottesville, Virginia<br> | |||
B.S., M.S., and PhD. in Chemistry and Mathematics<br> | |||
Graduated June, 2004 | |||
</center> | |||
<u>Interests and Activities:</u> I build models, play video games, create instruction booklets for lego models, and speak Spanish. I am a member of the International Lego Creations Organization, The Pokemon Traders Society, and the Math & Chemistry Club. | |||
<u>Availability:</u> I am available to start work immediately and work overtime during the week. | |||
---- | |||
[On the back of his mock resume, Chris wrote "I had help from yahoo.com and my mother." The marker wrote "50/60, <u>33.1</u>, 83.1/100".] | |||
---- | |||
Christian W. Chandler<br> | |||
3/15/99<br> | |||
Chemistry, 2<br> | |||
<u>Questions for Panel:</u> | |||
1. Why are you applying for this job?<br> | |||
I feel that I have the experience, education, talent, and skills to perform this job. | |||
2. What do you have to offer this company as a chemist?<br> | |||
My great mathematical skills and knowledge of chemistry. | |||
3. How would you handle a situation where you saw someone stealing from the company?<br> | |||
I would report the incident to my supervisor. | |||
4. How would you handle an irate co-worker?<br> | |||
I would ask if I could help, and try to console him/her by talking about other things. | |||
5. If I give you an assignment, out of town, would you accept it?<br> | |||
It's nice of you to offer, but I would rather have local assignments. | |||
6. Are you available to work weekends?<br> | |||
I would be glad to work when necessary. | |||
7. How do you feel about working with customers?<br> | |||
I enjoy working with people. | |||
8. Tell me about your favorite hobby.<br> | |||
My hobby is building structures with Lego pieces. | |||
9. How does work and hobby and family life work for you?<br> | |||
I enjoy all elements. | |||
10. Tell me about your family.<br> | |||
I have a wife and two children, and we enjoy each other's company. | |||
---- | |||
}} | |||
}} | |||
===Getting Acquainted=== | |||
<center><gallery> | |||
File:Getting Aquainted Chemistry Class.jpg | |||
</gallery></center> | |||
A bingo-like "icebreaker" activity in which the students of the class were supposed to get to know each other by exchanging personal trivia. Chris refused to talk to any [[JERKS|male students]], and left the grid incomplete (including the square he was supposed to fill in himself). | |||
Transcription (classmates' answers in '''bold'''): | |||
<blockquote style="background-color:#f0f0f0"> | |||
{| class="wikitable" | |||
|- | |- | ||
|DATE ||''9/8/98'' || CHAPTER || | |DATE ||''9/8/98'' || CHAPTER || | ||
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File:CWC Safety Worksheet 002.jpg | File:CWC Safety Worksheet 002.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
A dull worksheet designed to | A dull worksheet designed to educate children about kitchen safety. This worksheet evidently had little effect on Chris, since he went on to [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slip on cat shit in the kitchen]] and then [[2014 house fire|cause his house to burst into flames]] because of a kitchen-related accident. | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's writing in ''italics'')|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's writing in ''italics'')|{{quotebox| | ||
Name <u>''Christian W. Chandler.''</u> Date <u>''10/29/98''</u> Class Hour <u> </u><br> | Name <u>''Christian W. Chandler.''</u> Date <u>''10/29/98''</u> Class Hour <u> </u><br> | ||
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File:CWC Safety Worksheet 004.jpg | File:CWC Safety Worksheet 004.jpg | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
An outline on kitchen safety. As with the worksheet, Chris failed to absorb most of the guidelines here, unless [[ | An outline on kitchen safety. As with the worksheet, Chris failed to absorb most of the guidelines here, unless [[2009-2016 tweets#29_June_2013|"putting bandages on our Mom's holey buttocks"]] counts as "[guarding] against pests/bugs". | ||
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | {{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox| | ||
Christian W. Chandler<br> | Christian W. Chandler<br> | ||
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==References== | ==References== | ||
<references/> | <references/> | ||
{{Education}} | |||
{{Relics of Fail}} | |||
[[Category:Education]] | [[Category:Education]] | ||
[[Category:Historical Documents]] | [[Category:Historical Documents]] | ||
[[Category:High School Saga]] |
Latest revision as of 06:20, 2 November 2024
In June 2014, CWCki Forums user SkyRaider91 (also known as Cousin Al), began leaking scans of several documents from Chris's junior year (1998-99) of high school.[1] Many of the pages appear to be charred and/or water-damaged, likely as a result of the January 2014 fire and subsequent events at 14 Branchland Court. It was revealed in November 2014 that these had been obtained by trolls sifting through the trash at the burnt-out house, which, although not illegal, still lends credence to the view that the trolling of Chris is going too far.
It is very apparent from these leaks that many of Chris's teachers gave him very high grades which he indisputably did not deserve. Whether they did this out of misguided pity, a fear of being seen to play Kick the Autistic or simply being incompetent themselves, giving Chris - who had perfectly adequate mental faculties for the work - undeserved extra credit would have contributed to his ego and general laziness. Even within this small core sample of his work, it's apparent that Chris frequently left out sections he didn't want to complete, wrote "essays" in a first-person subjective tone and even wrote parts of his work in the wrong language and still got good or even perfect scores. The teachers who enabled this abysmal workmanship probably had the best intentions and/or incompetence, but even though they may have made Chris, Bob, and Barb happy they certainly did Chris no favours in the long run. Thankfully, at least a few of his markers had the sense to treat his work like they'd treat anyone else's, and he has them to thank for only being able to get into the local community college.
Parenting
Parenting Interview
Presumably Chris interviewed Barb and/or Bob for this assignment, and most of the answers are short and vague to the point of not making much sense; it's unclear whether Barb/Bob were giving apathetic answers, or whether Chris was just too lazy to record their full responses. Humorously, the interviewee(s) says that "the hardest part of being a parent" has been "dealing w. public school sys", and that they chose to have children simply because "It's nice to have kids." They also make mention of "laughter from 4 kids and 3 situations". This idiosyncratic expression has been interpreted as referring to the social stigma that Bob and Barb endured as a result of their respective previous relationships and children. It is likely to be just an obscure, antiquated idiomatic formation not to be taken literally, referring to the various wacky happenings stemmed from raising one single very special boy.
Transcription | |
---|---|
|
Describing Development
A worksheet in which Chris was asked to identify one of five characteristics of development exemplified by various situations. Chris only managed to identify half of the characteristics correctly, earning him an F.
Transcription (Chris's writing in italics) | |
---|---|
|
Help This Unborn Child
A worksheet about behaviors which may adversely affect prenatal development. Chris wrote that several seemingly random things can cause "slow minds", and completely ignored about half of the risk factors mentioned, yet for some reason he still received a grade of 14/20, a C-.
Transcription (Chris's answers in italics) | |
---|---|
|
Chapter 1 study guide
For this worksheet about child development, Chris seems to have regurgitated sentences from a textbook, which makes it a boring read. Of note is that he gave "television" as an example of a child's "enviroment" [sic], possibly shedding some light on Barb's parenting techniques.
Transcription |
---|
NAME Christian W. Chandler Date 2/9/99 CLASS PERIOD 7 CHAPTER 1 STUDY GUIDE DIRECTIONS: As you read the chapter, answer the following questions. Later, you can use this guide to study the chapter information. Children in Your Life
Why Study Children?
What Is Childhood?
Childhood: Past and Present
The Growth of Child Study
Characteristics of Development
The Importance of Play
Influences on Development
|
Chapter 2 study guide
This worksheet seems to be more regurgitated textbook material, but Chris found subtle ways to screw it up, like using mathematical inequalities (see also: using Spanish in his English homework) and failing to cross a couple Ts. He also doesn't seem to understand the concept of adoption, referring to it as "a right to raise a child who is biologically their own."
Transcription | |||||||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
NAME Christian W. Chandler. DATE 2/23/99 CLASS PERIOD 7 CHAPTER 2 STUDY GUIDE DIRECTIONS: As you read the chapter, answer the following questions. Later, you can use this guide to study the chapter information. The Importance of Families
Types of Families
The Family Life Cycle
|
Chapter 5 study guide
Chris misspelled a couple words, but other than that, this worksheet is just more boring textbook paraphrasing, this time about prenatal development.
Transcription | ||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
NAME Christian W. Chandler DATE 3/5/99 CLASS PERIOD 7 CHAPTER 5 STUDY GUIDE DIRECTIONS: As you read the chapter, answer the following questions. Later, you can use this guide to study the chapter information. Prenatal Development
Conception
Period of the Zygote
Period of the Embryo
Period of the Fetus
The Genetic Package
|
Empathy Belly essay
Chris describes the experience of wearing an empathy belly, complete with disturbing honest content:
“ | ...while my legs were separated, it put pressure on my private part, which gave me a strange, weird feeling. | ” |
Chris, oversharing about how the empathy belly rubbed his penis |
Transcription | |
---|---|
|
U.S. Government
Amendment Timeline
An illustrated timeline briefly describing the 27 amendments to the U.S. Constitution. As is to be expected, Chris used multiple differing conventions for writing out dates, and made numerous prominent factual, spelling, and grammatical errors, which are preserved in the transcription.
Notably, Chris seems to have read the antiquated language used in the older amendments at completely literal face value with no sense of interpretation, leading him to getting many facts and details wrong. For example, while most every true American patriot knows the 13th Amendment as the amendment that ended slavery, it also contains a parenthetical stating that involuntary servitude as conviction for a crime would continue to exist in the United States. Chris seems to have focused on this minor detail about crime punishment, rather than the momentous occasion of freeing the slaves, as the entire purpose of the amendment and even included an illustration implying that the 13th Amendment created slavery for criminals. While the 23rd Amendment actually gave voting rights to citizens of Washington, D.C., Chris seems to have confused "District of Columbia" for referring to Columbia, South Carolina, and drew a picture of the state pleased that it can now vote for president (this may have something to do with South Carolina not adopting a popular vote for president until 1868, making it by far the last state to do so, although this is probably giving Chris too much credit). In actuality, the 24th amendment abolishes poll taxes, while Chris makes it seem like it suddenly requires them. Additionally, the 26th amendment doesn't apply exclusively to men; it gives suffrage to all Americans 18 and older, regardless of sex.
His interpretation of the 11th Amendment, that "People of other countries can't blame U.S. for their troubles", is completely inexplicable.
Chris glosses over most of the Bill of Rights amendments (including the First Amendment that allows him to behave the way he does over the Internet), claiming the whole thing simply means "innocent until proven guilty."
“ | Dear LADY; PAYUP! | ” |
Congress |
Transcription | |
---|---|
|
Worksheets and Essays
Women's Movement notes
“ | Never Passed! | ” |
What should have happened to Chris in an ideal education system |
Chris's brief notes on the women's movement in the United States in the 1960s.
Transcription | |
---|---|
|
Strategic Defense Initiative essay
The Strategic Defense Initiative was a system Reagan proposed in 1983. It was never actually implemented, at least not even close to how Reagan proposed it (in terms of technology and scale), and certainly not during his presidency. Despite that, Chris vomited up this four-sentence "essay" on how the "system of zappers and mirrors in space" defended "against Evil Empire," granted, the assignment asked for him to defend against the evil empire but he still didn't follow most of the instructions. He still got yet another perfect grade. Note that the teacher misspelled the names of several terms/people in the heading, and that the debt increase Chris gave for SDI is comically low – Reagan increased the defense budget by tens of billions of dollars, not millions.[2][3] All evidence seems to suggest his teacher should not have been hired.
Transcription | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
Election worksheet
This worksheet deals with various aspects of elections, such as voting, political campaigns, etc. As in several other documents for non-Spanish subjects, Chris used broken Spanish for some of his answers here, although he provided English translations for most of it, and explained in the margin that he was "practicing [his] spanish". Despite the irrelevant, incorrect use of Spanish and the extremely simple answers, this worksheet again received a perfect grade.
“ | In a presidential election, whom do voters actually choose? What do those people do? public officeholders; work en la office. |
” |
Chris, completely oblivious that this was asking about the Electoral College |
Transcription (Chris's writing in italics) | |
---|---|
|
JFK Assassination
Brief notes on JFK's assassination, including a diagram of the scene.
Transcription (notes) | |
---|---|
|
Transcription (drawing) | |
---|---|
|
English
English 1999 Grade Report
Chris's 1999 English grade report reveals that he received failing grades on all but 2 items, and a 78% for the year, showing that at least one of his markers was competent.
Transcription |
---|
================================================================================ Sun Jun 06 STUDENT GRADES REPORT PAGE: 26 ================================================================================ Excelsior Software, Inc. (C) 1990 NAME: Chandler, Christian CLASS: English I.D.: SECTION: LEVEL: TEACHER: Mrs. Dorazio ASSIGNMENTS ----+------------------------------------------------------------------+-------+ NO. | DESCRIPTION CATEGORY | GRADE | ----+------------------------------------------------------------------+-------+ 1 | Notecards I All Grades | 50.0 | 2 | Notecards II All Grades | 50.0 | 3 | Macbeth test All Grades | 84.0 | 4 | Voc 10 S/A All Grades | 20.0 | 5 | Intro Paragraph All Grades | 0 | 6 | Sonnet Disc All Grades | X | 7 | 1st Body Paragraph All Grades | 0 | 8 | Computer lab All Grades | 25.0 | 9 | Sonnet test All Grades | 86.0 | 10 | Pride and Prejudice II All Grades | 0 | 11 | Voc 10 C/C All Grades | 30.0 | 12 | Pride and Prejudice IV All Grades | 23.0 | 13 | Voc 10B All Grades | 50.0 | 14 | Pride and Prejudice VI All Grades | 25.0 | ----+------------------------------------------------------------------+-------+ CLASS GRADE: 72.0 D+ COMMENTS: year- 78 |
Canterbury Tales Essay
An essay on The Nun's Priest's Tale from Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, with two drafts, a planning/inventory sheet, and a grade sheet. The rough draft looks to be peer-reviewed, while the second draft was most likely reviewed by the teacher. The first draft of the "essay" is just the narrative of the story the essay was supposed to be about, and Chris uses extremely basic punctuation (mainly commas) incorrectly, as well as making up words. The second draft is the same thing minus the fictitious words (but plus numerous tense errors) and with an awfully written conclusion tacked onto the end. Chris earned a 69% grade from a very generous or very stupid marker.
“ | And that's how the fox goes overboard w. his pride, and how his crime didn't go into his favor. | ” |
Chris's eloquent conclusion in the rough draft, which his teacher didn't even notice was the conclusion |
“ | Well, that's it for the essay. | ” |
Chris's revised conclusion |
Rough draft transcription (editor's marks in bold) |
---|
Christian W. Chandler. Canterbury essay. (rough draft) The [editor wrote "Say something about Chanticlers dream?" in margin and an arrow pointing to this paragraph] In this Also in this tale, the fox also expresses too much pride. As the fox carries |
Second draft transcription |
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Christian W. Chandler. Canterbury essay [Chris drew a star in the margin to the left of each line. The editor crossed out the entire row of stars on the first page.] The Canterbury Tales [editor underlined the title for Chris] gives us an excellent portrait of life in the Middle ages. [editor circled the "a" in "ages", presumably because it should have been capitalized] The 30 pilgrims are on a journey to the shrine of Thomas-á-Bechet. On the way to Canterbury, the pilgrims have a contest involving story telling. So, each story that each pilgrim told, [editor wrote "T" above "told", presumably for tense] was a frame story in the story of Canterbury Tales. In The "Nun's Priest's Tale In this tale/fable, the rooster, Chanticleer, has a dream in which told was [editor circled "which told was" and wrote "?" above it] going to happen later in the tale. In his dream, Chanticleer... → [editor wrote "one side only" at top of this page; evidently this essay was supposed to be single-sided] was attacked by a beast with a "blend of yellow and red." The beast tried to seize him, in his mouth with a "small smout." [editor wrote "sp" above "smout"] Then his wife, Pertelote, woke him up as he was "groaning and lurching," in the "real world." But, Pertelote proclaimed that he was a coward Now, later in the tale, Chanticleer, and the fox, expresses too much pride, and it got both of them into trouble. One day, Chanticleer was sitting on a fence post, then comes the fox. The fox caught Chanticleer by telling him ... about how his father, probably, crowed [editor wrote "Rv" (?) in the margin, possibly meaning "revise"] magnificently, the way he had his chest out, head back, and eyes closed, then he would give a great, magnificent crow. So, Chanticleer [editor wrote "Rv" (?) in the margin, possibly meaning "revise"] expressed too much pride by doing all that, but, just before he crowed, the fox snatched him in his jaws, and ran with the rooster in his mouth. Then, as the fox carries the rooster into the forest, the rooster tells the fox about how clever he was in capturing Chanticleer, and that the fox should shout out how sly and sneaky he was. So, the fox now expressed his pride by... opening his mouth to shout it out, but as he did, the rooster jump out and ran up a tree. And that's [editor circled "t's" and wrote "No contractions" in the margin] how pride got Chanticleer and the fox into trouble. Now, |
Planning sheet transcription |
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Christian W. Chandler F.C.A.'s:
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ENGLISH 11
Total 69/100 |
Japan War Essay
A wandering, factually inaccurate essay purported to be about Japan and the United States in World War II, which Chris sagaciously describes as "a very tragic event with guns, insults, and... yuck!". Most of the content is directly cited from other works, several of which are actually about World War I. What little content Chris came up with himself is highly subjective, informally and terribly written (the final draft begins with "this essay is about") and frequently racist. The thesis, if it can so be called, is extremely vague. There is an outline and two drafts of the essay. What mark he received for it can only be guessed at.
Of note is that despite this essay being for his English class, and being corrected on it in the rough draft, Chris wrote parts of the headings in Spanish, including writing his name as Ricardo, on the final draft.
“ | So, the war was started only because the privacy of US was invaded... So, the US and Japan really wanted to get it on. | ” |
Christian Weston Chandler, top scholar of WWII history |
“ | At near the end of the war, "President Woodrow Wilson tried to get Japan to withdraw from Shandong"... Even the President of the US wanted to put an end to this nasty war. | ” |
Chris, not realizing that the sentence that he quoted begins with "At the end of World War I..." |
“ | But the real "barbarians," were the Japanese people themselves. The US thought the same way... | ” |
Chris |
“ | "Very confusing + unclear." | ” |
Chris's English teacher, providing an apt summary of this essay as well as Chris's writing in general |
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Best President Essay
A typically brief essay for Social Studies class in which Chris explains why John F. Kennedy was the best modern president. Both a rough draft and a final draft are included. While the teacher corrected the final draft, all the notations on the rough draft are in Chris's handwriting. Both drafts are typed. The marking can only be described as generous; Chris constantly changes tense incorrectly, all the paragraphs are terse and uninformative, and Chris even manages to misquote the famous line from Kennedy's inaugural address. Chris received a final grade of 43/50, plus an additional ten points because it was typed. Note that the English teacher who gave him this mark made multiple false corrections, crossed out the same mistake the second time it appeared but not the first time, and did not know how to spell "integrity", and yet he still got hired as a teacher.
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Warm Fuzzies
A page in which Chris's classmates wrote positive things about him, presumably as a teacher-mandated attempt to bring each other "Warm Fuzzies" and promote acceptance among the class. Most of his classmates clearly stuck by the adage "If you don't have anything nice to say, give a light, generic compliment instead." The things they wrote suggest that Chris's random-access humor was in abundant use by this stage.
"Warm Fuzzies" for I Like your clothes |
Student Life Essay
A planning sheet and rough draft of an essay about how high school students' jobs affect their school performance (not a problem for Chris, of course). Chris inexplicably drew a star at the beginning of each line. An editor (transcribed below in bold; hopefully a peer, but unfortunately probably the teacher) has made numerous false corrections of things that were not incorrect, as well as making grievous spelling and grammar errors in their written comments.
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S.O.L. Test
Chris suggests in this Standards of Learning (SOL) essay that his high school's "seinor" class should fund the construction of an indoor swimming pool in the gym as their class gift, exhibiting that he has no notion of how much that would cost. He alludes to gym teachers having "wet-wild" times with the students in the prospective pool; it's unclear whether this is an attempt at innuendo or that Chris genuinely didn't realize how it sounded.
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13 Lucky Writing Tips
- Main article: 13 Lucky Writing Tips
This document is perhaps the single most baffling example of Chris's writing currently on record, which is no mean feat. The 13 Lucky Writing Tips are a list of notes Chris took which were most likely suggestions and recommendations (duly ignored) from a textbook that were read off by a teacher.
Directly contradicting the very first item on the list, Chris switches from English to Spanish mid-sentence about a third of the way through the list.
Spanish
Adjectives worksheet
This work is dated 8/2/99, most likely referring to 8 February 1999 using the Spanish date format. Chris used pop culture figures (Pokémon, Sonic, The Powerpuff Girls) to illustrate vocabulary words. Chris's class seems to have watched Spanish dubs of The Powerpuff Girls in class[4], so for once he had an excuse for shoving fictional characters into his schoolwork. His Pokémon are revealing: he describes Christian the Charmeleon as muy delgado ("very thin"), Ricardo the Raichu as muy divertido ("very funny"), and Cole the Beedrill as muy feo ("very ugly").
This appears to be Chris's earliest reference to Pokemon. It had been introduced in North America four months earlier.
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Las Profesiones worksheet
This ungraded worksheet deals with labeling various people with job titles, and then stating whether they are bueno o malo ("good or bad" – at their work, presumably). Chris refers to Ricardo as a bombero ("firefighter"), and to Bob as an ingeniero técnico ("technical engineer"). Demonstrating his mastery of Spanish, Chris described every single person on the worksheet as bueno, and wrote de ("of") instead of es ("is") for a few rows, resulting in nonsensical phrases like April de reportera de TV bueno. ("April of good TV reporter.").
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En mi cuarto worksheet
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Chris describes the contents of his room, circa 1998. His list is, mercifully, not exhaustive.
Las profesiones y nacionalidad
A worksheet which required pictures of six different professions and six different flags, with one profession and flag combination per page, and sentences describing each page (e.g. El es un médico cubano, or "He is a Cuban doctor"). Chris opted to hand-draw each page with Crayola Magic Markers, using Lego minifigures and/or Lego catalog photos as models. Note that the United States flag (complete with 25 pentagrams and 15 stripes) is depicted waving in the breeze, while the flags of all other nations are shown flat.
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10/13/98 (due date) Las profesiones y nacionalidad
You will be graded on the following:
TOTAL: 30/
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Chemistry
Mock Job Interview
A hypothetical résumé Chris created for a chemistry-related job, plus a score sheet for a mock job interview for such a role. Despite being marked as meeting all of the objectives to an acceptable standard (and some even to a high standard), Chris's employment record turned out to be less than stellar.
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Getting Acquainted
A bingo-like "icebreaker" activity in which the students of the class were supposed to get to know each other by exchanging personal trivia. Chris refused to talk to any male students, and left the grid incomplete (including the square he was supposed to fill in himself).
Transcription (classmates' answers in bold):
DATE 9/8/98 CHAPTER NAME Christian Chandler PERIOD 2 GETTING ACQUAINTED Have one person from this class sign and complete each of the boxes. Try to remember interesting facts about each of your classmates. See how many different signatures you can collect. Don't waste time.
Has an unusual pet.
What is it?Is taking a music class.
Heidi
What period?
3+7Lives in my neighborhood.
What neighborhood?Has flown in an airplane.
Sarah
Where to?
FloridaMoved to this area recently.
How long ago?Has traveled out of the US.
Dana
Where to?
KoreaHas two or more sisters.
Maranda
Their names?
Mandy
MeganDislikes a food I like.
What food?Has a sibling in college.
What college?Is wearing something yellow.
What?Is older than me.
Heidi
How old?
18Was born outside Virginia.
Where?Me !!
Favorite color?Drove a car to school today.
What make?Is taller than me.
How tall?Will play a varsity sport.
What sport?Has ridden on a train.
Kellie
Where to?
FloridaAttended first grade outside Chesterfield.
Where?Is younger than me.
Natasha
How old?
17 yr.Is in another class with me.
What class?Has seen "Men in Black".
How many times?Has two or more brothers.
Their names?Has four or more pets.
How many?Likes a food I dislike.
What food?Has a toothbrush the same color as mine.
What color?Have you completed the box in the center of the grid? When you have completed five boxes in a row (diagonally, horizontally or vertically) show the results to me for my approval and further instructions.
Safety Worksheets
Safety in the Kitchen worksheet
A dull worksheet designed to educate children about kitchen safety. This worksheet evidently had little effect on Chris, since he went on to slip on cat shit in the kitchen and then cause his house to burst into flames because of a kitchen-related accident.
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Kitchen Safety outline
An outline on kitchen safety. As with the worksheet, Chris failed to absorb most of the guidelines here, unless "putting bandages on our Mom's holey buttocks" counts as "[guarding] against pests/bugs".
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Kitchen Safety true/false worksheet
A true/false worksheet on kitchen safety. Chris's answers have been corrected and each has been marked with either a checkmark or a smiley, with no apparent pattern.
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References
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