14 Branchland Court
| “ | No burglar would ever want anything in this house. | ” |
| Chris, being surprisingly (almost) modest.[1] | ||
14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, VA is the vile lair of Christian Weston Chandler, his mother Barbara, Christopher's ghost, Clover and Snoopy and the surviving Chandler cats. It was a white two-storey house with dark red trimming (which faded to ivory and pink respectively) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville, although since its renovation has been repainted in beige with dark green shutters. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house is just past the local trailer park, and nestled in a lower middle class suburban community. Built in 1977, and with no major work done since 1986[2], the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values[citation needed].
As of March 2009, all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of Chris's twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house seemed reasonably tidy. In his video tour, Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a grievous understatement; the entire house is packed with garbage. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid, impassable slabs of filth like in the living room, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.
THAT IS MY HOUSE revealed that Chris's parents were aware of the alarming implications of the house's condition (with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that Chris's video tours may elicit the attention of the Health Department of Greene County resulting in their home being condemned. In the wake of Bob making that remark, weens made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.
Chris claimed to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts seemed to amount to little more than preventing his slipping on cat shit on a regular basis. Barb apparently threatened to throw him out of the house if he were to attempt to dispose of some of her hoard of useless shit.[3]
Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Whether or not Barb did it to stop Bob from using the computer is unknown, but at at rate he did.[4]
In a phone call to Rocky Shoemaker in 2011, it was revealed that 14 Branchland Court was infested, and that the parasitic infestation caused Bob to be "covered in bug bites" before his death from heart disease.
On 10 January 2014, Chris reported that the house had sustained major structural damage from an early-morning house fire following an electrical shortage. Chris, Barb, the dogs, Lucy the cat, and other possessions made it out safely, and they spent about a year in a rental house which they predictably completely trashed.
On December 6, 2014, Chris had announced on Facebook that 14 Branchland Court had been renovated and that he and his mother would be moving back in. Although Chris was temporarily detained in jail after his misadventure on 26 December 2014, he was later released on bail and moved back into his house in January 2015.
History
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from his birth (24 February 1982) until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the Greene County Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in fall 1992, Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.
The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in 2000 after Chris graduated high school. In a video released in May 2010, Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. Chris naturally attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system, but as this article explains, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.
The Tour
- Main article: Tour of Chris's House
| “ | if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain". | ” |
| Chris to Julie[5] | ||
In two videos uploaded on 27 March 2009, Chris provided a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so cluttered that Chris cannot enter them.
What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.
First floor
In the north corner is what Christian mystifyingly describes as "the music room", which is primarily the domain of Barbara Chandler, who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late Bob Chandler, who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.
Second floor
Chris's room is in the north corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the east corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown/green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with Officer Nasty and dildos in the kitchen, and has even mass debated here over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do whatever he wants undisturbed. The living room, filled with garbage to the point of uselessness, is across the stairway from Chris's room.
Yard
The Chandlers' yard consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since died. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where Bob would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where Patti once played. Her 5-10 ton doghouse still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being lazy, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.
However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was slimmer and he had yet to start his Love Quest), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and trees healthy. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.[citation needed]
As of February 2012, the yard has been completely obscured by trash, junked cars, and God knows what else. From the street one could barely stand the smell and only the bravest of Ruckersville's citizens dare to venture past.
In 2013, a troll passing Chris's house in his car uploaded a video, showing the front yard almost completely covered by an untrimmed lawn, in addition to the above.
The Tour II: Electric Hedgehog Boogaloo
In 2013, a video was leaked by Alec Benson Leary showing the state of Chris's home since the last tour he gave in 2009. Needless to say (especially in light of eyewitness reports of his front yard in 2012), the house has become even more of a mess since then. Whereas Chris had at least some room to maneuver in the 2009 Tour Video, here, the passageways have become so narrow and jam-packed that even he complains about all of the clutter being in his way. The kitchen, in particular, has become an unsightly mess- the Chandlers apparently couldn't be half-assed to put away their groceries, so it's strewn all over the place. The living room, already an ocean of rubbish, has gotten worse, with the accumulated clutter now towering over Chris to the point where he has to stretch to get footage of it. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the last video Chris released of him cleaning it - and he even admits so himself in the video.
Even the stairs of his home have become cluttered with nonsense such as Christmas ornaments, boxes and bags, which could spell disaster if Chris or his mother have to evacuate the premises. Also notable is the fact that every so often, Chris can be observed picking up random pieces of garbage from the floor as well.
In typical Chris-Chan fashion, he describes his room as "the cleanest of the whole house", despite it having unsightly masses of clothes everywhere and even an unmade bed that he couldn't be bothered to at least straighten up before making this ill-advised video.
When he steps outside, he basically confirms what trolls have documented as early as 2012: that his lawn is completely overgrown to the point where it has utterly consumed one of the structures in his yard. Also unsurprising is the fact that after Bob's death, the garden shed has been completely abandoned.
Given his commentary, it almost seemed like Chris acknowledges that he has kept his home in a very unacceptable condition....right until he blames his parents for being "hoarders" and totally shifting blame away from himself, despite being the "man" of the house.
By this time, the bug infestation appears to have been gotten rid of, or at least contained. It was stated before that the infestation was so bad that Chris was confined to his room in order to avoid getting bitten, but in this video, no bugs are seen and Chris makes no mention of them.
Destruction of the Chandler Household
On 10 January 2014, a fire broke out at the Chandler household. According to Chris, this was caused by a worn extension cord plugged into a coffee machine, which sparked and started the blaze. Chris, his mother, the beagles and Lucy (one of the cats) made it out safely, surprising when you consider how much clutter was obstructing the stairways. The firefighters could not effectively navigate the house through either door, and were forced to enter through the windows. One of the cats died in the fire and was buried in the backyard.
The Chandlers escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to take his wallet, medication for his mother, some clothes, and his iPhone. The day after the fire, he and his mother were allowed to reenter the structure, and he learned to his relief that many of his personal possessions, including his games, his computers, and his artwork, had survived. His Lego high school was partially melted. Chris was also observed on Miiverse shortly after the fire, suggesting that he managed to save his Nintendo 3DS or Wii U at some point. However, it can be assumed that much of the horde suffered fire, smoke, and/or water damage.
As completely tragic as this incident was, it did not come as much of a surprise, given Barbara's hoarding and Chris's unwillingness or inability to control his mother's compulsions or properly clean. As pointed out by quite a few concerned people, the house had always been a health and safety hazard, and it was only a matter of time before disaster struck. Sadly, Chris was unable or unwilling to act on this well-meaning advice, and, as a result, reaped what he and his family had sown.
Chris and his mother stayed at a rental house for most of 2014 as repairs to 14 Branchland Court were made. They also rented a storage locker. For reasons which are not entirely clear, the renovation of the house took much longer than anticipated. Nevertheless, the worst fears, that the house would be condemned or the renovations would not be finished, were unrealized. In December 2014 and January 2015, the Chandlers moved back in.
Return of the Chandler Household
On the 6th of December, 2014, Chris announced on Facebook that his home had finally been repaired, and he would be moving back in near the start of the new year. While some are hopeful that Chris would learn from this experience, take better care of his home and not cause it to be the clusterfucked fire hazard it was last time, it really doesn't seem hopeful, given certain factors.
Ever a busy man, Chris managed to fit a run-in with the law on Boxing Day, followed by two days in jail into his moving schedule. Once he was released on bond on 29 December, Chris was shortly back to complaining about having a "Charlie Horse [sic]" from moving his mother's horde back to the house. Because, you know, that was his main concern, rather than his impending trial in February. Naturally, it doesn't seem to have crossed his mind that, being a repeat offender, he might not get to enjoy his renovated house for long.
After Chris' second hearing in April started and finished half an hour early, and they failed to make it in, the Christorians who took it upon themselves to attend decided to make the most of their visit and go on a tour of and take photos of the major places in Chris' life, including 14 Branchland Court. Their photographs showed that the Chandler headquarters have been modernized, and no longer looks like total shit. This is partially due to the modernized exterior, and partially due to most of the horde still being in storage. Photographs also showed some sort of outhouse in the backyard raised off the ground, and currently full of the horde.
| “ | Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well. | ” |
| CWCipedia copyright page | ||
If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many NOODZ he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:
- Christian Weston Chandler,
- 14 Branchland Court,
- Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545,
- United States of America
NOTE:
- Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it;
- It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his mother's mail on a regular basis.
- Barb will receive it and dismiss it as old news. Reports show that she has read some of the letters, seen everything in them before, and ignored them accordingly.
Visiting
When occupied by the Chandlers, visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and trades the deed to it for magic beans, are ill-advised. Harassing the Chandlers at their house is not only the paragon of ween behavior, it is also a criminal offense and will probably result in you getting arrested. Chris and especially Barb shouldn't have to contend with the troll horde within the sanctum of their own home. We shouldn't have to say it, but do not visit 14 Branchland Court to troll Chris or Barb.
Unless, of course, you are personally invited. To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to Clyde Cash, Liquid Chris, the staff of Asperpedia, Catherine and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might murder them. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the hooker incident, wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.
Chris and his address
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that trolls have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.
- Shortly after 21 July 2009, when CChanSonichuCWC released a video promoting his Sonichu merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
- On 14 August 2009, in the video "NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!", Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
- He did the same thing in his CWC Public Disclaimer, also released on 14 August 2009.
- On 23 November 2009, in the Sonichu Presentation, Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
- On 15 January 2010, Chris released a video where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
- On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a YouTube video seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
- Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the CWCipedia for most of the time Chris used the site.
- On 29 January 2016, Chris proved he hasn't learned a thing over the years when, in a video intended to dissuade well-meaning fans from sending mail to Felix Kjellberg at his address, he felt the need to specify 14 Branchland Court as the address at which Kjellberg does not live.
Gallery
On 7 September 2013, some pictures of the house were leaked on the CWCki Forums.
On 3 March 2014, pictures of the house post-fire were leaked on the forums. On the 3rd and 4th shots, note the damage to the left half of the roof, matching the location of the shot of the actual fire.
On 14 April 2014, more pictures were leaked on the forums.
Yet more pictures were leaked in April 2015, showing the house as it appeared after the renovations.
Barb's car, still for sale.
The front yard, still a sty.
Bob's old greenhouse.
Video
A video panorama view from the street, taken 5 February 2015.
| 14 Branchland Court: The Motion Picture | |
| Stardate | 5 February 2015 |
| Made By | Rammspieler |
| Subject Matter | 14 Branchland Court |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
}}
See also
- Chris's room
- Chris's kitchen
- Ruckersville
- Charlottesville
- Tour of Christian's House
- Tour of Chris's House II
- Destruction Of Chris's House
- Chris's homes
- Property tax assessment - Last appraisal of the house made by Greene County before the fire.
