Date with Emily

Bob, Chris, and Emily (face censored) at the food court.

On 19 March 2009, Chris went on his first date ever, with a troll called Emily. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

Chris brought his father Bob along for the date. Amusingly, it is Bob who leads much of the conversations throughout; he and Emily share lengthy and fairly interesting discussions about his past, retirement, and other life aspects, while Chris is relegated to various attempts at interrupting and the occasional aside. An hour or so later, Emily and Chris leave on their own - and it is at that point where The Man in the Pickle Suit spirits her away from Chris.

Summary

• The trolls worry about a possible appearance by Barb, wire Emily with a microphone and run a mic check.
• Emily talks to Bob, ignores Chris.
• Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, but gets ignored.
• Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt on multiple occasions, and fails every single time.
• Chris reveals his favorite artist is Britney Spears.
• Bob discusses his patchy medical history.
• Bob points out that Chris doesn't pay that much attention to him, Chris struggles to find an explanation for why.
• Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The Amnyfest Ring makes an appearance.
• Chris asks why UVA doesn't have a Sonichu Girls chapter.
• Chris brings up his pink-eye.
• Bob goes back to his health problems.
• Bob and Chris mention their Cherokee heritage.
• Chris flirts.
• Chris fails at flirting.
• Chris does the infamous Donald Duck impression. Emily wonders if that was the same impression that scared the child at Wendy's, and Chris awkwardly claims he wasn't scared, just tired.
• Chris talks about Sailor Moon, and compares Emily to a character from the live-action adaptation, Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon. Emily asks Chris about how he feels about the trans and gay characters in the final season; Chris awkwardly tries to weasel out of the question.
• Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
• Chris brings up winning the Sonic competition.
• Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
• Emily attempts to escape.
• The Pickle Man arrives and saves Emily. A random passerby, seemingly baffled by the strange scene, stops to complement Pickle Man's costume and asks why he's dressed like that, and whether it's for an advertisement. When the Pickle Man explains that he's just doing it because he's bored, the passerby is sufficiently impressed and continues on their way, but not before Chris tries to explain that he was being haunted by the Pickle Man.
• Pickle Man suggests that all three go to watch Watchmen; Chris expresses hesitance and apprehension while Emily agrees with the idea, much to Chris's protests.
• Chris gives up trying to make any sort of defense against the Pickle Man's logic.
• Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye, without her consent.
• Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man. Chris's final words to them are, "HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH."

Cast

Chris – Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

Emily - Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

Bob – Robert Chandler, the proud Internet lumberjack. Possible love interest to Emily, though he is apparently nothing more than a slave to Chris.

Pickle Man – Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

Frosty - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

Camwhore - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

Video

This short clip, recording by Camwhore, is the only known footage of the date.

Date with Emily (Video)
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Direct link	YouTube, archive
Stardate	19 March 2009
Performance Style	Comedy Comedy
Saga	Emily Emily
Shirt	Classic Shirt The Classic Safety Parka Safety Parka
Other	Leaked Leaked
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated	next CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated - Director's Cut

Audio

This contains the full audio of the date, from Emily's POV.

Date with Emily (Audio)
Click to load content
Stardate	19 March 2009
Featuring	Chris, Emily, Bob, The Man in the Pickle Suit
Saga	Emily Emily
Other	Leaked Leaked

Transcript

Overture (0:00:00–0:03:13)

Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.

Frosty: Okay... lock it?

Frosty: Okay-

Camwhore: Are you wearing a thong? With a-

Emily: Yeah.

Camwhore: That better be fuckin' tight.

Emily: It's tight.

Camwhore: That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

Emily: I should be like-

Camwhore: Or a robotic vagina.

Emily: [laughs]

Camwhore: Say "It's my vibrator."

Emily: [laughs]

Camwhore: It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

Frosty: Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

Emily: [laughs] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he gets, like, way too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

Camwhore: [inaudible]

Emily: [laughs]

Camwhore: I really like your [inaudible]

Pickle Man: [laughs] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

Emily: Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

Pickle Man: No, I'm just [inaudible]

Emily: [laughs]

Pickle Man: [inaudible]

Frosty: There- there are Barb candidates everywhere.

Emily: Yeah.

Frosty: No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there is Barb, I will shit myself.

Emily: If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

Camwhore: We're not showing up.

Frosty: Yeah.

Emily: Yeah.

Frosty: "You brought your mommy?"

Emily: I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

Camwhore: Yeah.

Frosty: Yeah.

Emily: That's it.

Camwhore: And you can call him and be like "You owe me a dire apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

Emily: No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him cry.

Frosty: Yeah.

Emily: And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [laughs]

Frosty: No– even better!

Emily: [laughs]

Camwhore: [aside] I'm waiting. I'm part of Clyde's playboy mansion.

Emily: Yeah.

Camwhore: I'm the janitor.

[all laugh loudly]

Emily: Okay– let's go see if he's there.

Camwhore: You go see if he's there.

Emily: No! 'Cause- 'cause it's-

Pickle Man: [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

Emily: 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… "Hiii!"

Pickle Man: Did he say where [inaudible, presumably "where he'll park his car", judging by Camwhore's response]

Emily: No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of Chick-fil-A, so…

Camwhore: Figures! But the general idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

Pickle Man: [inaudible]

Emily: [chuckles]

Pickle Man: [inaudible]

Camwhore: What if that [inaudible]

Emily: [laughs]

Camwhore: [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis.

Pickle Man: [inaudible]

Camwhore: The balloons. Right here.

Emily: Oh… [laughs]

Camwhore: It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

Camwhore: Nope.

Emily: Oh, okay.

[pause]

Emily: [sighs]

Camwhore: [sighs]

[pause]

Camwhore: There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks.

Emily: [chuckles]

Camwhore: She looks like Hamster Girl.

Pickle Man: Which one looks like Hamster Girl?

Camwhore: Right there. The only one that you can see working?

Pickle Man: Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

Camwhore: No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible]

Pickle Man: I'm telling you: you should see her with that [[hair] off!

Camwhore: Oh– she don't have no hair?

Pickle Man: Um...

Camwhore: Oh– she has a fake-

Pickle Man: She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

Camwhore: Well, yeah– I knew that.

Emily: Yeah.

Camwhore: I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

Target acquired (0:03:13–0:04:43)

Frosty: There he is!

Camwhore: Shut up!

Emily: [startled] What?

Frosty: I can see a [inaudible] jacket.

Emily: Oh my God! [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God!

Frosty: Is your jacket on? [unintelligible] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

Emily: Yeah– I'm ready. [laughs nervously] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

Pickle Man: He can't see my face before I suit up.

Emily: Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

Pickle Man: [inaudible]

Frosty: He'll realize later: that's what it was.

Camwhore: I don't feel bad.

Emily: Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[pause]

Emily: Oh my God...

[pause]

Emily: If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

Pickle Man: [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

Emily: Um, there's some benches, like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

Pickle Man: Where do I go?

Emily: Okay– there's some benches, like, nearby…

Pickle Man: Yeah?

Emily: Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] till you need to go change or whatever.

Pickle Man: Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

Emily: Yeah.

Pickle Man: Okay. I'll [inaudible]

Emily: [exhales loudly] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

The Green Mile (0:04:44–0:05:19)

[Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.]

Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)

Emily: Hi!

Chris: Hello! Emily?

Emily: Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

Chris: Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

Bob: Hello.

Emily: Hello. [pause] I've started shopping a little bit.

Chris: That's alright.

Bob: You're from West Virgina?

Emily: Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

Chris: [abruptly] Hey!

Emily: But then, I moved to-

Chris: Cute hat!

Emily: Yeah– I thought you might like it.

Chris: [laughs contentedly]

Bob: You go to school over there?

Emily: Yeah– University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [laughs nervously]

Bob: That sounds like the best way to do things!

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

Emily: Sure!

[pause]

Bob: What are you taking?

Emily: I'm doing journalism.

Bob: What?

Emily: Journalism.

Bob: Journalism?

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Ah! You wanna be a writer!

Emily: Yeah! [giggles] I did a lot-

Bob: He has a… half-brother who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does freelance writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

Emily: Is it- does he love it?

Bob: I guess.

Emily: [giggles again]

Bob: I haven't talked to him in years…

Emily: Yeah…

Chris: I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

Bob: Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: I think very logically, but I-

Chris: Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera.

Emily: [disappointed] Oh...

Bob: If I would- if I would write anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… supposed to do.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: I got along fine… writing stuff… on my word processor… when I had a spell checker.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Without that, I'm [unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating] [laughs heartily]

Emily: Did you like doing engineering?

Bob: Well... I- I had a real u-nique situation…

[pause]

Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)

Bob: Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along before transistors.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Not- not all the solid-state stuff we have now, but even before transistors… when we had vacuum tubes. I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in 1947– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then. You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

Emily: Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

Bob: Yeah– now, ya- I, uh- I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing I ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too. And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] talk about getting swallowed up!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for Western Electric."

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: That seems logical, right?

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

Bob: Because they make, uh-

Chris: You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from him.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Especially my technological intelligence.

Bob: But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for four years, and, uh... at that point in time… Uh, this is even before the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

Emily: Yeah. [laughs nervously]

Bob: Before the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building radar systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, nothing was automatic. They had none!

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: So, that's what I went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to, I was in Winston-Salem, in North Carolina. And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic… equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible]

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [chuckles]

Emily: [laughs] Yeah, that must be really different! [laughs again]

Bob: Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural draw… to the mountains.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had a plant there.

Bob: And… their plant specialized in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any automation yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

Bob: So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

Bob: So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do all the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely]

Bob: Because I am very logically-inclined.

Emily: That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

Bob: Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I use 'em all the time.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

Emily: [giggles]

Chris: And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

Bob: And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone lines, warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

Emily: You've been through a lot!

Bob: And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Just someone else involved-

Chris: Want some water?

Emily: No, thank you.

Bob: And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed a system and I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. You know, like the ANDs, and ORs, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And then, I developed a system… which is called [inaudible] that stands for- it's an acronym.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Similar fortune… was in… hardware.

Emily: Oh, okay.

Chris: Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

Emily: Oh, thank you.

Bob: What this enables-

Chris: [unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily]

Emily: [giggles] Thank you.

Bob: What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

Emily: [half-stifles a genuine laugh]

Bob: And they still don't, really! [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

Bob: Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Then, I got into, uh, designing… scooter machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating them. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. And then, I got into plastics… and even the plastics were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… two patents [unintelligible] in my name that they own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Come off the line in New England.

Bob: [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] microvalves, and doors, and- and, um... shutters, and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic.

Chris: [unintelligible] in your frames!

Emily: Yep! [giggles]

Bob: Including, uh, Tupperware.

Emily: Can't… go without Tupperware…

Bob: So, then [unintelligible] finalized and- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process…

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [chuckles]

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: So, now, I'm un-indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

Emily: I think you did!

Bob: But I can't-

Emily: You did a lot of things.

Bob: I can't spell the word "cat" without a 'K' in it.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Uh, yeah, well, y'know, I'm proud of him anyway, for his accompliment- accom-plish-ments.

Emily: Uh-huh.

[pause]

Bob: He's got a half-brother who's a doctor.

Chris: His son.

Emily: Oh... okay.

Bob: And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic.

Emily: Oh... [laughs politely]

Bob: She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a Ph.D. now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)

Emily: I'm not very good at math. [giggles]

Bob: I'm not that-

Emily: That's why-

Bob: I'm good at logic, but not at math.

Chris: But I'm good at math!

Emily: Oh...

Bob: He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.

[pause]

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… your plastic lid on it!

[Chris chuckles and Emily laughs]

Bob: We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

Bob: It was a challenge. Most of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

Emily: Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

Bob: Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

Emily: [laughs]

[pause]

Bob: I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: I got to see all this stuff now.

Emily: That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

Bob: Yeah– I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. Most people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Well, it- it was interesting. [pause] I wish I could get- find out what Christian's really good- well, he’s pretty good in drawing…

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And writing.

Chris: Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of my artwork.

Emily: Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

Bob: He’s creative… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- he's high-functioning autistic… and, um...

Chris Yeah.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: At six, he couldn’t even talk… but he was… programming [unintelligible] on his computer: his Commodore computer…

Chris: Commodore 64.

Bob: [laughs] Which was his first little-

Emily: Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [giggles] Sorry! [giggles some more]

Bob: You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

Emily: [reluctantly] Yeah...

Chris: Yeah. Yeah– but you-

Bob: Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: It’s been interesting.

Chris: Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

Emily: Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

Chris: Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

Emily: No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"…

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

Chris: Wow.

Emily: Yeah.

[pause]

Bob: But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

Chris: [responding belatedly to Emily] I commend you for that.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Have you heard of West Avenue?

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: You know where West Avenue is?

Emily: Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

Bob: They're at the end of VCU, then?

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely] I don’t know that area very well.

Bob: It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

Emily: Uh-huh? Oh…

Bob: At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

Emily: Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

Bob: Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to his mother. And, um... he was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I love West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: I call it "Sesame Street".

Emily: Oh, that’s… [laughs politely]

Bob: Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

Emily: Oh, yeah?

[pause]

Bob: I- I- I love the Virginian area.

Bob: His mother… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible]

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU.

Emily: I don’t know what… streets really are-

Bob: Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: And right down the street from there is where… his mother lived for about twenty years and raised her first son. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

Emily: Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[pause]

Bob: Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got my son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: And then, we’ve got her son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[pause]

Emily: Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

Bob: Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

Emily: Mmm.

Chris: Yeah... but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch!

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely]

Bob: No… it isn't.

Emily: No.

Bob: But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: With Social Security, and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely]

[pause]

Bob: So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible]. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about fifteen-foot plastic greenhouse.

Emily: Oh?

Bob: Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Inside this greenhouse, there’s plastic flowers.

Emily: Oh– plastic flowers?

Bob: A swing… and, uh, all my stereo stuff, and, uh...

Chris: Yeah– but he’s got real flowers in his garden.

Emily: Oh. Oh, okay.

Bob: Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

Chris: Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about once-

Bob: In the summer.

Chris: This- this summer.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: There- there's also that-

Chris: And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

Emily: Oh, I can imagine!

Bob: Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

Chris: [dreamily/creepily] Imagine!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

Chris: Raise me on music, he did!

Emily: [giggles]

Bob: And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

Emily: Well, what’s your favorite artist?

Chris: Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... singer is Britney Spears.

Emily: Britney Spears?

Bob: And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

Emily: And he’s into… more modern pop music?

Chris: Although… I guess if I had to pick a classic favorite, it would have to be Satchmo''.

Emily: "Satchmo"?

Chris: Louis Armstrong.

Bob: And- but I've got him all these big classics now-

Chris: [does terrible Satchmo impression] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [Worst attempt at scatting ever]"

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: [imitates trumpet melody]

Emily: [giggles]

Bob: I couldn't afford it when it came out. All the European records were [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: I couldn't afford it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army…

Emily: Well like-

Bob: A quarter to fifty cents apiece.

Emily: [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [laughs weakly]

Bob: Thousands of them now!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… greenhouse…

Emily: Mm-hmm?

Bob: It's got a dome ceiling… which gives it the ca- cathedral kind of [unintelligible]

Bob: Well... I found this great stereo system at, uh- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put it out there… along with the swing.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they recorded it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

Emily: [unintelligible]

Bob: [laughs heartily]

Emily: That must be really relaxing!

Bob: Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

Emily: Yeah! [laughs politely]

Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)

Bob: If I didn't have to worry about him, I'd be in great shape!

Emily: [laughs sympathetically]

Bob: [chuckles]

Chris: [laughs nervously] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, three triple- two triple-bypasses?

Bob: Yeah– I was supposed to die in 1980.

Emily: Oh, no! What happened?

Bob: In fact, I did.

Emily: What happened?

Bob: I smoked too much…

Emily: Oh...

Bob: And, um... I worked for GE.

Bob: I did all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have.

Emily: Oh...

Chris: Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

Bob: And, um...

Chris: God let him survive!

Bob: I had a couple heart attacks, and...

Emily: [responding to Chris] Yeah– for a reason!

Chris: And he's got a pacemaker now!

Bob: Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a triple-bypass in 1980 when they were brand new.

Emily: [laughs nervously]

Bob: And survived that… so, I've only died a couple times! And then, I got- I got through that. Then, he came along.

Chris: Hey! He come-

Bob: And then, I- I got retired…

Chris: Hey!

Emily: Hmm?

Chris: Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go to it…

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely]

Bob: And, um...

Chris: A number of times.

Bob: I had another triple-bypass in '92… And I died a couple times that [unintelligible] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

Emily: Oh...

Memories of High School (0:25:30–0:26:12)

Bob: And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, Chesterfield County's school system.

Chris: Uh...

Bob: Well, they're the best in the country…

Emily: Yeah...

Bob: For- for schools, I think.

Chris: Yeah...

Bob: And- and, um...

Chris: Manchester High.

Emily: [uninterested] Oh, really?

Bob: Then, um...

Chris: That's my birthstone: amnyfest.

Emily: And the side of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Then…what's on the other side? "2000"?

Chris: Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

Emily: Oh...

Chris: Manchester High School. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a rainbow on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

Emily: Yeah!

Chris: Do you see-

Emily: I see it!

Chris: Do you see the rainbow?

Emily: Yeah!

Chris: Yeah. Well, anyway, like, y'know, I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from him. Uh... you were gonna ask…

Emily: Aww...

Chris: Me something?

The "Sonichu Girls" Club (0:26:13–0:29:01)

Bob: Now, I wanna find out about these… Sonichu Girls!

Emily: [laughs] Sonichu Girls?

Bob: 'Cause I didn't know about them.

Emily: Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

Bob: No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… tell me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother stay up all night… and I stay up all day.

Emily: Oh...

Chris: Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

Emily: So, you've got, like, mixed… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

Chris: Yeah... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up biological clock.

Bob: Yeah...

Emily: Oh...

Bob: She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

Emily: Oh! [laughs politely]

Bob: And- and left a message.

Emily: Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

Bob: Hmm!

Emily: And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

Bob: Uh-huh.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Do- you got one here in UVA?

Emily: I don't know… [giggles] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

Bob: [inaudible]

Emily: [laughs politely] That's why I heard- that's why.

Bob: VCU's [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

Bob: Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely]

Bob: 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

Emily: Yeah.

[pause]

Bob: Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

Emily: Uh-huh?

Bob: I- I didn't know he even knew about it! I didn't know about it. I think it's great!

Emily: Yeah!

[pause]

Chris: Hey– I've been on the Internet chat! And plus, y'know...

Bob: [inaudible]

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Y'know, certain-

Bob: Plus the medallion, Christian!

Chris: Yeah... um...

Bob: He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

Emily: Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [suddenly concerned] m- medallion?

Chris: Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, YouTube? But I- I, uh...

Emily: I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

Chris: Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of Father… but, uh...

Bob: There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Oh... [laughs nervously]

Chris: [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have another heart attack…

Emily: Oh, no! [laughs politely]

[pause]

Bob: Whatever.

Emily: Yeah! [laughs politely again]

Chris: Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

Emily: Yeah... [laughs nervously]

Chris: Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually green-blue.

[pause]

Emily: Yeah– I see it!

[pause]

Chris: Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

Emily: Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [laughs nervously]

Chris: Mmm. Yeah... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

Emily: Yeah...

[pause]

Chris: Uh...

Emily: I thought they were just plain brown! [laughs politely]

Chris: Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah...

Bob: [unintelligible] might be blue...

Emily isn't hungry (0:29:02–0:29:58)

Chris: Yeah... but anyway, uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

Emily: Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

Chris: Oh– you-

Emily: Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [laughs nervously] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

Chris: Oh. That's good. That's good; uh... Father was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us spaghetti, and, uh... [truly flustered] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

Emily: Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

Chris: [weakly] Yeah.

Bob: We usually split a spaghetti, 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[pause]

Chris: Yeah... it's a really big bowl for him…

Emily: Oh.

Chris: Really… whoop!

[Emily laughs and Chris chuckles]

Bob: It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

Emily: No… [giggles]

Chris: Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

Bob: Do you want some?

Emily: No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

Chris: Yeah... we could get you some water.

Emily: No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[pause]

Chris: Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

Bob: Alright.

Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)

Bob: Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

Emily: Uh-huh?

Bob: Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at Golden Corral. The restaurant?

Emily: Uh-huh?

Bob: [unintelligible]

Chris: And… my mom was there with him.

Bob: [chuckles] I just… hit the floor!

Emily: Oh, no!

Chris: No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

Emily: Mm-hmm?

Chris: And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Chris: His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

Emily: Oh...

Chris: Would've been worse off!

Emily: Oh, wow...

Bob: But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

Emily: Wow. [laughs nervously]

Chris: Yeah– and that's when he got his pacemaker.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: I guess that won't happen in, uh...

Emily: [laughs politely]

[pause]

Bob: But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm proud of…

Emily: Mm-hmm?

Bob: I don't know about you.

Chris: He's proud of it.

Bob: I'm proud of it. I don't know whether he is or not.

Chris: I'm proud of him, for it!

Bob: But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

Emily: Mm-hmm?

Bob: That I was… at least one-fourth Cherokee!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Chris: Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… brothers, they all lived the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over 100 sometimes.

Emily: Dang! [laughs politely]

Bob: Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: This ain't my time yet.

Chris: Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for my case.

Bob: Somebody's gotta look out for him!

Emily: Oh... [laughs nervously]

Bob: [cackles]

Chris: [cackles almost identically]

Bob: Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

Emily: [laughs nervously again]

Chris: Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

Bob: Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

Emily: Oh... [laughs nervously yet again]

Chris: Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm a little hungry myself… So… [laughs nervously] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

Bob: You sure you don't want something?

Emily: Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

Chris: Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

Emily: [laughs] Yeah…

Bob: [laughs heartily] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

Emily: I don't mind.

[pause]

Bob: You better tell me more about this club you've got!

Emily: [laughs politely]

[Bob walks away]

Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)

Chris: Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look good.

Emily: Oh– thank you!

Chris: And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

Emily: Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

Chris: Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

Emily: Yeah! [laughs politely] We might take a road trip down here.

Chris: [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

Emily: [laughs politely]

Chris: Mmm. [does terrifying Donald Duck impression] "And this is my duck talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

Emily: [laughs in disbelief] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

Chris: Uh... at the-

Emily: At Wendy’s.

Chris: Uh...

Emily: I don’t know how that’s scary.

Chris: No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was tired…

Emily: Oh... okay. So, you…

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Oh, okay.

Chris: But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

Emily: Yeah!

[pause]

Chris: Yeah... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

Emily: Uh, not for too long…

Chris: [chuckles] "Not for too long".

Emily: Okay... not- not for too long…

Chris: Okay [incredibly creepily]...

Emily: [laughs nervously]

Chris: Mmm. [chuckles again] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

Emily: [laughs politely] Thank you.

Chris: And she's like- and she actually got to know me.

Emily: [weakly] Yeah.

Chris: Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need your glasses for? I’m near-sighted myself.

Emily: Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

Chris: Oh.

Emily: I don’t have very good eyes.

Chris: [chuckles] It's like, y'know, we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other…

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Do we?

Emily: Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

Chris: Yeah... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

Emily: I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

Chris: Oh…

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

Emily: Yeah– I’m sure. [laughs nervously]

Chris: How’s my hair look?

Emily: It looks good!

Chris: Mmm. Looks good. [chuckles] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against pillows… and I took a shower before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

Emily: [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[pause]

Chris: Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some Axe body spray before I left. Do you like that smell?

Emily: Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Uh, which one is it?

Chris: I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

Emily: Oh– I really like the choc- the new chocolate one.

Chris: Oh– the, uh, "Dark Temptation"…

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

Emily: Oh... okay.

Chris: It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was hookin' up, I would've gotten more of that!

Emily: [laughs]

[Note: Chris both stutters and laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

Chris: [sighs] But seriously, though: you are cute.

Emily: Oh– thank you.

Chris: Mmm. Mmm... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, PGSM… show.

Emily: Oh, yeah... [laughs politely]

Chris: It's the live-action Sailor Moon.

Emily: Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

Chris: I’ve got the entire series-

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Saved to my PlayStation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode.

Emily: Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

Chris: It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special last episode.

Emily: Oh, okay.

[pause]

Chris: [in a strange, baby-like voice] You actually get to see Usagi… [back to his normal voice] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

Emily: Uh... Mamoru?

Chris: Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; you got it.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: You got it!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Chris: You got it.

Emily: Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

Chris: Did you see [unintelligible] entire anime series?

Emily: Um, I haven’t seen the last season.

Chris: Yeah– Sailor Stars.

Emily: Yeah... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals?

Chris: [chuckles] Yeah.

Emily: [laughs nervously]

[pause]

Chris: Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I have that on, uh- I have that on DVD-

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and English subtitles.

Emily: How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and… the Sailor Starlights?

Chris: Yeah. Um...

[pause]

Emily: Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

Chris: No.

Emily: Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, little kids?

[pause]

Chris: Um... Yeah... [pitiful] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[Emily and Chris both laugh]

Emily: It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

Chris: Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [in a British accent] itchy…

Emily: Yeah. [pause, laughs nervously]

Chris: Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

Emily: Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

Chris: Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your letters.

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

Emily: No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a buncha' scribbles.

[Chris and Emily both laugh]

Chris: Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

Emily: Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an 'X' for their signature, and that’s it.

Chris: Ah... but not you. You put…

[pause]

Emily: An 'E' and… an 'S', basically. [laughs politely]

Chris: Uh- uh, an S?

Emily: Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

Chris: Oh– that’s your last name!

Emily: Yeah!

Chris: "Schiflett".

Emily: Yeah– my middle name’s Julia.

Chris: "Julia"!

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: "Emily Julia Schiflett".

Emily: [weakly] Yeah.

Emily: Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

Chris: It's beautiful!

Emily: Aww... thank you.

Chris: D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

Emily: No... [laughs politely]

Chris: [chuckles]

[pause]

Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)

[Bob comes back]

Chris: [sighs] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

Bob: I get to divvy it up!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Chris: [chuckles]

Bob: Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my treat to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

Emily: Oh... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

Bob: Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are too expensive.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

Emily: Oh.

Chris: Yeah– b- but-

Bob: But they don't have one here!

Emily: [laughs politely]

Chris: But they should have one here.

Bob: I think they should.

Emily: [weakly] Yeah…

Chris: You ever been to an Olive Garden?

Emily: Mm-mmm.

Chris: Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

Emily: Oh, okay.

Chris: I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. [pause] And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the other nearly esstinct, uh, restaurants: y'know, like Shoney's and WesterN SizzliN.

Emily: Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a while!

Chris: There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

Bob: And one over close to VCU!

Emily: Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [laughs politely] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

Chris: Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the teddy bear: the "Shoney Bear".

[pause]

Emily: The Shoney Bear?

Chris: Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

Emily: Oh, okay.

Chris: And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

Emily: Oh.

Chris: Being the bear.

[pause]

Chris: [in a somewhat cutesy voice] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

Emily: [laughs politely]

Chris: [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to gander at!"

[pause]

Bob: Christian– they got lots of juice!

[Chris chuckles and Emily laughs]

Chris: Well, you can have it…

Bob: [inaudible]

Chris: I don't need to, uh, slobber all over myself… Especially in front of my, uh, "lady friend", here.

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely] Aww...

Chris: Mmm.

Bob: Do ya need a little bit more? [long pause] You can deal without…

[pause]

Chris: Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, I take his breadsticks.

Emily: Oh...

Chris: I'm gonna go get some more water.

Emily: Okay!

Chris: I'll be right back.

[Chris walks away]

[pause]

Bob: [unintelligible] share with him.

Emily: [laughs politely]

Bob: I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

Emily: Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

Bob: She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And uh, she worked for, um,Circuit City for a while before she retired.

Emily: Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

Bob: Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

Emily: Oh really?

Bob: Yeah, [unintelligible] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am... everybody is!

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [Chris comes back] She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. [a Dave Matthews Band tribute]

Emily: Uh huh.

Bob: Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

Chris: [chuckles] Yeah.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: [unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it]

Bob: The Burger King is on Price Street.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: I-I-I'm an engineer [unintelligible] uh, Main, uh, what you would call Main Street.

Emily: Uh huh.

Bob: VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

Emily: Uh huh.

Bob: [unintelligible] and downtown Richmond is this way.

Chris: [says something about Pokémon]

Bob: He loooves Pokémon.

Chris: Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokémon League or uh [unintelligible] Yeah, I remember that.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

Emily: Uh huh.

Bob: And Grey Street is three blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

Emily: Oh.

Chris: Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: See there?

Emily: That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [laughs]

Chris: Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

Emily: Yeah. [laughs]

Chris: I can't...

Bob: Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

Chris: I'm sorry, are you a little bit Chinese or Asian or Japanese?

Emily: Nuh-uh.

Bob: I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

Emily: Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [chuckles]

Bob: My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

Emily: Uh huh.

Chris: And this is in Chesterfield County.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: Yeah. And he was from Seoul, Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

Emily: Mmhm.

Bob: And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [delayed pause] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

Chris: They gave me, they gave me my Bible that I used in my Sundays- days... when I graduated from High School.

Emily: Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

Bob and Chris: No.

Emily: Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

Chris: Yeah, it's a King England- It's a King England Bible.

Bob: And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly]

Chris: King's English, whatever it is.

Bob: [still quiet, hard to hear] ...Korean.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [unintelligible], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

Emily: [chuckles]

Bob: It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

Chris: Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

Bob: [unintelligible]

Emily: [laughs] You like spicy food?

Chris: Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

Bob: What I was gonna say, uh, kimchi.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Yeah. Go away, you know?

Emily: [laughs] Too spicy for you?

Bob: Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

Chris: [sounding it out] Kim-chi, hm.

Bob: But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

Emily: Yeah. [chuckles]

Chris: Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

Bob: They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

Emily: Oh. [chuckles]

Bob: I even-I-I-I even had my own special fork.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said.

Bob: That's- that's-

Emily: I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

Chris: Mmm.

Bob: I like jalapeño a little bit

Emily: [chuckles]

Bob: -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible]

Emily: Hah, yeah.

Bob: [something more about jalapeños, followed by silence] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

Emily: Yeah. [laughs politely]

[silence]

Bob on World News (0:44:47–0:51:00)

Bob: Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

Emily: Mhm.

Bob: And he didn't have much of a chance-[hard to hear] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at McDonald's-

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through The Washington Post, page by page, you know, just learning about the world

Emily: Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our school newspaper and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

Bob: Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

Emily: Mhm?

Bob: At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

Emily: I'm not sure what-

Bob: Over there.

Emily: I'm not sure what-

Bob: But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [unintelligible] and one of them's called World News. [says call sign], World News.

Emily: I don't think we have that.

Bob: And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how the rest of the world looks at the U.S.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or Russia or China or in Japan-

Emily: [laughs] That's always nice.

Bob: Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: W.V.

Emily: I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

Bob: Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

Emily: I like watching Discovery Channel.

Bob: Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

Emily: Really?

Bob: Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

Emily: Wow, that's-

Bob: [unintelligible]

Emily: That's go-that's clever!

Bob: I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning Ph.D.'s, and psychologists,

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And everybody, you know [unintelligible] you got a kid that's all wired up, [unintelligible]

Emily: Uh-huh?

Bob: Turn on the closed captions, [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: [unintelligible] and they learn how to read!

Emily: Yeah!

Bob:But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: But he came up with-

Emily: But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

Bob: [unintelligible] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

Emily: Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

Bob: ...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: But I think those were the autism a little bit.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: And I got an audio memory too. [apparently they were talking about him]

Bob: Cause he can, you ever heard of, um Mario World?

Emily: Yeah. [chuckles]

Chris: [chimes in to correct, sounds a bit upset] He's talking about Super Mario World.

Bob: [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Well in three days, he-he [unintelligible stuttering] killed King Koopa. I can't get off of Yoshi's Island.

Emily: [laughs] I'm not very good at those games either. [more laughing]

Bob: The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible]

Emily: [laughs] I reckon I wanna know about that.

Chris: I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [not a mistake]

Emily: Aww, thank you.

Bob: She looks like Margie, doesn't she?

Chris: What?

Bob: She looks like Margie.

Chris: What you mean the Peanuts character Margie?

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: You know Margie?

Emily: [laughs again]

Chris: Uh...no. [cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

Bob: She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

Emily: Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

Chris: You like Sailor Mars, [lame voice] Flame Sniper!

[pause]

Emily: Who's your favorite character?

Chris: Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and Chibi-Usa. I like, uh, Ami.

Emily: Any particular reason, like?

Chris: [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

Emily: Cause she's smart?

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

Emily: Do you like blue?

Chris: Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

Emily: I like green.

Chris: You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

Emily: Yeah, sort of. [laughs]

Chris: [apparently doing a horrendous impression of Sailor Jupiter] Jupi-tahhh!

Emily: Yeah!

[pause]

Chris: [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

Bob: I been takin' care of myself for eighty-one years!

Emily: [laughs] Aww.

Chris: I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

Emily: I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

Chris: He's all right.

Emily: Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

Bob: I dunno.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

Emily: OK...

Bob: I can stick around, but I'm slow.

Chris: Yeah, he's slow.

Bob: I like to eat slow, I don't gobble my food [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah.

The Bear Band (0:51:01–0:55:23)

Bob: -enjoy it, savor it-

Chris: You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

Emily: Yeah. [laughs] [unintelligible] Even faster than you!

Bob: After that it's [inaudible]

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on my favorite shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

Emily: Oh, OK.

Chris: Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female Sonichu fan...

Emily: [interrupts with a laugh] Thank you.

Chris: ... have come a long distance.

Emily: Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

Chris: Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

Bob: All those exciting things around the mall.

Emily: Yeah, doesn't look... it's not very big. [laughs]

Bob: You're right.

Chris: Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

Emily: Where's that?

Chris: It's in Chest'field County.

Bob: No, it's not in [???]...

Emily: [laughs over Bob]

Bob: ...County. It's close [inaudible] It's across the river.

Emily: Oh.

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: [inaudible] ...That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

Emily: Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

Regency Square Bear Band

Chris: Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about "Christian" and got my name changed from "Christopher" to "Christian."

Bob: How come none of your fans know about it?

Chris: For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

Bob: When he was born... I was too chicken to name him "Christian."

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Wow.

Bob: I was too... so I named him "Christopher."

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: But I really wanted to name him "Christian."

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: ...we were over at Regency Square...

Chris: Yeah I think his photo...

Bob: ...at Christmas time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [inaudible] talking with that Bear.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And he was, um... well, we saw he was British, or had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said "Christopher," but he misunderstood.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: And he thought he said Christian.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: So he started calling him Christian.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Over there... at the mall.

Emily: Mm.

Bob: Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Made it official, changed it from-from "Christopher" to "Christian."

Emily: Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

Bob: Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

Emily: [awkward laugh]

Bob: ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many problems here in Greene County, north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

Bob: It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: ...to get him away from...them.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

Emily: Yeah. [laughs]

Chris: Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our Ruckersville home here.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from Sonic X, at least.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Chris: It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [high-pitched voice] "You should change your name!"

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: [inaudible] programmed... I had an interesting life...

Emily: I don't know.

Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)

Bob: [inaudible] Now I can play around... [Chris talks over him]

Chris: Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: In the February '98 issue of Nintendo Power, uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokémon card from the first base set.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the Books-A-Million I signed up for the Pok... I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poké- I started going to the Pokémon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

Bob or possibly a bystander: Oh my god.

Chris: Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, Toys "R" Us, then uh [inaudible, sounds like "The End".'], and uh, finally over at The, uh, Game Place.

Bob: Uh-huh.

Chris: But then they kicked me out, uh, last... June of last year.

Emily: Was that at the Toys "R" Us or, uh, the End...?

Chris: Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [unintelligible]

Emily: You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: ...got other card games that you can play.

Chris: Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing Eye of Judgment.

Emily: Mm.

Chris: I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

Emily: Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

Chris: Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

Emily: Oh.

Chris: ...oh... uh... against opponents like around the world.

Emily: Oh. Nothing hard. [laughs]

Bob: You play him, you'll probably win.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Yeah, if I get... if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

Emily: Uh, what do you... what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

Chris: A title.

Emily: A title? [laughs]

Chris: Yep. A title. If I don't go-

Emily: Why don't-no money or anything like that?

Chris: No, but...

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

Emily: Yeah. [laughs]

Bob: Like that one time you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

Chris: Oh yeah, I-

Bob: [inaudible]

Chris: Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- GameStop gift card from that Guitar Hero gift card.

Emily: Oh yeah! I voted for you.

Chris: Thank you.

Emily: [laughs] You're welcome.

Bob: But he won.

Chris: Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

Emily: Well what did you spend your portion... did you spend some of it on yourself?

Chris: Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some Wii games for myself, Country Music and Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: Yeah, you were popular at the church.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

Chris: Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

Emily: Five or eight.

Chris: Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh... three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me... made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: And put like the... they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: ...and the uh... shoot, what is it?... pipe cleaner.

Emily: Mm. Oh.

Chris: [unintelligible] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: ...and wrote their names on the... on the card there. It was... a nice little gesture.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

Emily: Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: How about sending me a copy of your publication... of your Sonichu Girls?

Emily: What was that again?

Bob: About sending me a copy.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: -gender, wouldn't I?

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

Chris: Now...

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: He could be a... he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: How about that?

Emily: Yeah, that'll work.

Bob: You gotta tell me what's going on.

Emily: You don't know what's going on.

Chris: [laughs]

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

Emily: Yeah.

Girls (0:59:26–1:05:21)

Chris: I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of gal-pals...

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

Emily: [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

Chris: [laughs]

Emily: All the other guys are jealous.

Chris: Yeah. [pause] Yeah.

Bob: My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV – aside from your mother, who's not on TV – my favorite girl.

Chris: Shirley Temple?

Bob: No, that was back when I was a kid [inaudible]

Chris: Yeah, but you do like Shirley Temple a lot.

Bob: And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Name is Erin Burnett. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [inaudible]

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: I don't know about [inaudible]. Flakey blondes.

Emily: Do you like blondes?

Chris: I like blondes. But, you know, it's so... that's so stereotypical...

Bob: Yes.

Chris: ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

Bob: No, they're not. No way.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Like you know Pamela Anderson is very smart.

Emily: Yeah... [laughs]

Chris: ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, Star.

Emily: Yeah. Paris Hilton also wrote a book, too.

Chris: Oh.

Emily: Have you ever read that?

Chris: No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

Emily: Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

Chris: That's cool. [pause] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

Emily: Yeah. Britney Spears is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

Chris: Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [unintelligible]

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: [inaudible]

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Hmm... I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

Bob: Yeah.

Chris: I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

Bob: She looked like Liz Taylor then.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

Chris: Yeah. By the way, uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

Emily: I'm nineteen.

Chris: Nineteen.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Chris: OK.

Emily: I started hi- I started college.

Chris: Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

Emily: Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

Chris: Yeah. [pause]

Bob: [inaudible] No, you keep writing...

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Then you decide [inaudible]

Emily: There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

Bob: [inaudible] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: ...and each time you little minute corrections.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up... who knows, some crazy bear might come along and call you "Christian."

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: [laughs] What?

Bob: [inaudible] silly bear might come along and call you "Christian," right?

Chris: Yeah. [pause] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

Emily: Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

Bob: [inaudible] there was a writer named Emily.

Chris: Emily Dickinson?

Bob: Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: I couldn't even remember...

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: I just slipped- it just came up. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

Bob: His mother keeps tellin' me- [Chris talks over him]

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [unintelligible].

Emily: Oh.

Chris: Emily Julia Schifflet.

Emily: Yep.

Chris: That's her full name, Dad.

Bob: Is it Schifflet?

Chris and Emily simultaneously: Yep.

Bob: Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and... Marks, is the other one

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

Emily: Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

Bob: Where do they live?

Emily: What was that again?

Bob: Well, where do your parents live?

Emily: Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

Bob: They moved up there.

Emily: Mhm.

Bob: [inaudible] wild wonderful weather.

Emily: Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [pause] [Chris talks over her]

Chris: You took a big step.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: I don't trust them, either.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: [inaudible] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to the park?

Emily: Oh!

Bob: He-he won't do it.

Emily: [clears throat]

Chris: Listen to him.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: I think it ought to be ['inaudible]

Chris: [high-pitched] Do you agree with that?

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: I spent twenty-seven years of my life with you, why can't you spend twenty-seven years of your life with me?

Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22)

Chris: Because, [unintelligible]

Bob: I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

Emily: [awkward laugh]

Bob: [laughs]

Chris: I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [inaudible] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: I wanna go home and watch some basketball.

Emily: That's something to do right there.

Bob: Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[inaudible] the NCAA.

Emily: I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

Bob: [inaudible] You don't watch that either?

Emily: I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

Chris: Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at Manchester High School's varsity basketball team.

Emily: Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

Chris: Yeah, a little bit.

Emily: Are you good?

Chris: Yeah, I'm fair.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

Emily: Oh.

[P.A. system faintly in background]

Bob: Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

Bob: You can do whatever you want, I guess.

Chris: Alright.

Bob: Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

Emily: Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

Bob: Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

Emily: Yep.

Bob: You are, huh? What is the drive... four-hour, five-hour drive?

Emily: About five-hour drive.

Bob: I'm a little too old for that.

Emily: [short laugh]

Chris: Yeah, especially since I was young enough for takin' [stammers] the eight-hour round trip total drive.

Bob: He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

Emily: I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

Bob: He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet somebody and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

Chris: No, I left them a note.

Emily: Oh, OK.

Bob: But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving... I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

Emily: [laughs] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: ...relaxing a little bit?

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

Chris: Uh...

Emily: How did you lock yourself out of your car?

Chris: I had my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

Emily: Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

Chris: Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had AAA.

Emily: Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: [inaudible] mother [inaudible] cross the street [inaudible], and here he is at the Ohio state line.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

Emily: I can imagine.

Bob: Finally he got home, about three o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

Chris: Five-thirty.

Bob: Six o-Six o'clock in the morning?

Chris: Five-thirty.

Bob: [inaudible] find anybody till we came back.

Chris: Well, at least I didn't get killed.

Emily: Yeah. I think I [inaudible]

Bob: [inaudible] We were worried about that.

Emily: Hm-

Chris: I had money for gas and food.

Bob: He's never driven over fifty miles out of town before.

Chris: Well that was an adventure for me.

Emily: [laughs] Bet that was an experience.

Chris: Yep. But I had my PSP with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [unintelligible] paradise.

Bob: Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [inaudible] money...

Emily: Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

Bob: He left us a note.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: ...detailed note.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: With maps and everything.

Chris: A copy of the map...

Emily: Oh.

Chris: ...I got from Mapquest.

Bob: When he left... you'll never believe it, when he left home he had about ten dollars in his pocket.

Chris: No, I had-I had forty.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: I had forty dollars. I had forty dollars plus ten dollars in my pocket. Forty dollars came from my birthday money.

Bob: That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [inaudible] turnpike.

Chris: I didn't expect that toll to be eleven dollars, on the first round!

Emily: Really? Eleven dollars for a toll booth?

Chris: Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

Emily: Oh, OK.

Chris: ...from one tollbooth to the next.

Bob: Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

Emily: Oh, OK.

Bob: You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

Chris: [talks over Bob] Yeah that was a new ex-that was something new for me to learn.

Emily: I've never had to pay for a toll booth with about a dollar. [laughs]

Bob: Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you twenty, twenty-five dollars for that.

Emily: Dang.

Bob: But he got on in the middle, in a place called Breezewood.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

Emily: [short laugh]

Bob: That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about three hundred -about two hundred miles away.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

Emily: At least you were able to get back safely.

Chris: Yep.

Bob: I don't know how he did it. Three o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

Chris: [laughs]

Emily: I'm sure [inaudible] at night.

Chris: Yeah, well I got bet-I got better eyesight than he does.

Bob: [inaudible] mine keeps going downhill, little bit at a time.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Thing called old age and glaucoma.

Chris: Yeah, plus consi-plus considering video games... training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing racing, and RPG...

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Chris: ...and all, and the adventures and all that...

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Chris: Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

Bob: I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

Emily: [laughs]

Chris: Oh, you did something dumb?

Bob: Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

Emily: Uh-huh.

Bob: And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And um, I had a friend [inaudible]

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Bob: ...in the Army. So, Christmas break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: And I went to Fort [???] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

Emily: Mm-hmm.

Chris: No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

Bob: Uh-

Chris: I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to New Jersey...now this was like the middle of December.

Chris: Oh.

Emily: Yeah.

Bob: Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

Chris: [interrupting] And by the way you know...

Bob: -then I ran out of money-

Chris: You know that-

Bob: -and then I had to try to-

Chris: [inaudible]

Bob: -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

Chris: Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, uh, Cleveland was kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: By comparison.

Bob: I've done dumb things too.

Chris: [talking over and interrupting Bob] There you go. He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy town called Jersey, I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

Emily: [laughs]

Bob: Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

Chris: Yeah, well...

Bob: [inaudible]

Chris: I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

Bob: And I was hitchhiking, and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

Emily: Oh.

Bob: And you can't even hitchhike places today.

Emily: Nowadays you can't do that.

Bob: That's right.

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: I wouldn't even try to thumb a ride if I was, like, drunk down the side of the road!

Emily: Yeah, you don't know who's gonna stop! [laughs]

Bob: [laughs]

Chris: Yeah.

Bob: Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

Chris: Alright.

Emily: Alright.

Bob: Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

Emily: OK, don't worry, I will.

A walk to remember (1:14:23–1:21:43)

[Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.]

Bob: Take care.

Chris: Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

[Bob babbles on about sending something.]

Emily: Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

Chris: Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

Emily: [nervous tittering]

[They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.]

Chris: [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

Emily: [impatiently] Clothes stores.

Chris: Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: …a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

Emily: Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

Chris: Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a KB Toys here and I- that's where I did my- ten thous- dol... my thousand dollar shopping spree I won, uh... back in, uh... the... Sonic, the Adventures- around the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?

Emily: Uh-huh.

Chris: That sweepstakes, you might have remembered me talking about that…

Emily: Yeah!

Chris: …you might remember that, uh, news clip…

Emily: Yeah! I've seen-I've seen it.

Chris: Yeah...

[Chris nervously takes a few steps.]

Chris: Wow.

Emily: What?

Chris: You're like… I'm sorry.

Emily: [nervous laughter]

Chris: I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just pleasant- it's like… a character from PGSM or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

Emily: [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

Chris: You're all American.

Emily: Yeah, I'm an all American.

Chris: Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- decepting.

Emily: Yeah... [shameless subject change] So what's your favorite store here?

Chris: Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly GameStop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before- they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next [unintelligible] business here.

Emily: What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

Chris: Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

Emily: [bravely] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

Chris: [chuckles] I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?

Emily: Yeah, you should probably do that.

Chris: I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

Emily: [nervous laughter]

Chris: But, you know, not- but you know I'm respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-

Emily: [vomitously] Yeah…

Chris: I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that... [chucklingly] always tries to go for the bum.

Emily: [vomitously] Yeah...

Chris: Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

Emily: Uh... it's Miroku.

Chris: [talking over her] Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

Emily: Yeah...

[Emily awkwardly walks several steps.]

Emily: [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

Chris: Yeah that's basically the food court.

Emily: OK...

Chris: Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: …soooo many years ago across from the GameStop there, back when it was called Babbage's…

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: And then between them and Suncoast was FuncoLand and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into GameStop.

Emily: Oh... never heard about that…

Chris: Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

Emily: Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often...

Salesman: HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

Emily: Oh, no thank you!

Chris: No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that PacSun, that's where PacSun used to be, where I met Anna McLerran-

Emily: Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

Chris: Yeah...

Emily: Is she still around?

Chris: No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

Emily: Utah…

Chris: She's a Mormon. I later found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

Emily: Uh-huh!

Chris: On her twentieth birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [emphatically] I k- I bought the cake.

Emily: Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

Chris: Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not... haven't been in touch with her for a long time.

Emily: Oh...

Chris: Ever since she moved to another state.

Emily: Oh... did she move to Utah too?

Chris: Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

Emily: Oh...

Chris: But you know, sometimes, uh, y'know... sometimes I dream I'm back- [unintelligible] I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother…

Emily: Oh, okay...

Chris: Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

Emily: [small laughter]

Chris: …but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

Emily: [slightly sarcastically] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

Chris: Yeah... FYE was over there…

Emily: Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

Chris: Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

Emily: Oh...

Chris: If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

Emily: [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

Chris: Not yet anyway! [laughs]

Emily: [nervous laughter]

Chris: Ah, but you might. But you know, it's mostly humorous, anyway.

Emily: Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

Chris: Yeah... not much… not much to look at. The- the toy store was around here in this neck of the woods…

Emily: Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

Chris: Long drive…

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: Yeah, I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

Emily: No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month…

Chris: Oh.

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

Emily: Yeah... [nervous laughter]

Chris: Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

Emily: You're a really nice guy!

Chris: Thank you…

Emily: I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

Chris: Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

Emily: Yeah...

Chris: I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

Emily: [steering the beast] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29)

The Pickle Man makes his move.

Pickle Man: Hey, remember that we'd meet up right here? Uh, yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you?

Chris: Uh... no.

Emily: I haven't seen that movie.

Chris: [shocked] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

Pickle Man: Not in particular.

Chris: Come on, Emily.

Emily: What?

Pickle Man: Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh...

Emily: [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

[At this point, you can hear "Whenever You Need Somebody" by Rick Astley playing over the mall speakers in the background.]

Chris: The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls.

Pickle Man: 'Scuse me?

Emily: What's a tro...

Pickle Man: [inaudible]

Passerby: Sir--sir, what are you?

Pickle Man: I'm a pickle.

Passerby: You're a pickle! I love pickles.

Pickle Man: Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

Passerby: And who are you advertising with?

Pickle Man: I'm not really advertising.

Passerby: You're just dressed up as a pickle?

Pickle Man: Just bored.

Chris: Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

Pickle Man: Excuse me? I don't even know you.

Passerby: You're just bored?

Pickle Man: Yep!

Chris: [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have Internet access?

Pickle Man: Lots of people have Internet access.

Chris: Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu?

Pickle Man: No, I do not.

Chris: Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica?

Pickle Man: No, I do not. [turning to Emily] Want to go see Watchmen?

Chris: [stress sighs] No, no, no, she's with-

Emily: Alright!

Chris: …she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

Pickle Man: Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool.

Emily: Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

Chris: Yeah, alright, uh...

Emily: Let's go see it!

Pickle Man: Okay, cool.

Emily: Yeah?

Pickle Man: [to Emily as they turn to leave together] You've probably seen Watchmen [he refers to the novel], haven't you?

Chris: [answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind] I've heard of Watchmen…

Pickle Man: [laughs at Chris]

Emily: Yeah!

[Rick Astley is audible in the background again]

Chris: [inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man]

Emily: [gloating] What's wrong with him?

Pickle Man: SOMETHING. You like pickles?

Chris: Yeah... I do not like pickles.

Pickle Man: No pickles?

Chris: And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was Blanca!

Emily: There's nothing wrong with him!

Pickle Man: Who's Blanca?

Chris: [stress sighs/grunts]

Emily: There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

Chris: Well, alright. [small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily]

Pickle Man: I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

Chris: [stress sighs] I'm sorry, Emily.

Emily: It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Yeah, go change my tampon.

Chris: Oh boy. [inaudible]

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: [inaudible] …but I guess I do now.

Emily: [attempting to brush him off] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

Chris: Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible]

Pickle Man: [as they continue trying to walk away] Well, we're going to go now.

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah well…

Emily: I'm going to the bathroom.

Chris: Yeah, uh, either of- [to Pickle Man] you're not going where she's going…

Pickle Man: Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

Chris: Are you with her?

Pickle Man: Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen.

Chris: No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

Pickle Man: We're going to go see Watchmen first.

Emily: I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen is not that long of a movie. [Note: Watchmen is about 3 hours long.]

Chris: [suddenly concerned for Emily] Yeah, but you got a five-hour drive!

Emily: [dismissively] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

Emily: Hmmm.

Pickle Man: Going this way?

Emily: Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

Chris: Uhhhhhh... no.

[The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.]

Chris: I'm just staying close to my friends...

Emily: Alright, see ya!

Hiding out in the bathroom (1:25:29–1:29:34)

[There is a long lacuna as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.]

Passerby: [inaudible]...very fashionable looking.

Emily: Oh, thank you!

Passerby: The mall should pay you for walking around.

Emily: [laughs]

[Another long silence as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.]

A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)

The Pickle Man tricked Chris again.

Pickle Man: So, you ready to go?

Emily: Yeah, my car's that way.

Pickle Man: Okay.

Chris: Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you?

Emily: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah, so did I.

Emily: Oh, you did?

Chris: Yeah.

Emily: Which Belk?

Chris: Tha- that way.

Emily: Oh... I'm over there.

Chris: Oh. [continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily]

Emily: Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

Chris: Okaaay.

Emily: This is… Alright.

Chris: So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

Emily: Oh... [feigning cheerfulness] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

Chris: Okay, you take care.

Emily: You too.

Chris: Hey… [attempts to hug and kiss Emily]

Emily: [tries to avoid Chris] No…N-

Chris: [talks over Emily] I-I was gonna kiss... just on the cheek...

Emily: [Overlaps with Chris] N-no... no thank you! [nervous laughter] No thank you.

Chris: [gives up] Okay.

Emily: Alright, see you.

Chris: Alright, well you take care, be safe.

Emily: Alright, you too.

[Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.]

Chris: [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH!

[There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.]

Emily: [laughing] Mission accomplished!

Pickle Man: Is he gone yet?

Emily: I don't know, let me look behind.

Pickle Man: Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Emily: That's okay! [inaudible] worse than me…

Pickle Man: I'm so sorry.

Emily: That's okay.

Pickle Man: [inaudible]

Emily: Yeah...

Pickle Man: Okay... [inaudible] man in the pickle suit?

Emily: [laughs]

Pickle Man: [laughing, says something about Clyde Cash]

Emily: [laughs] Wait there… there's Frosty.

Pickle Man: What?

Emily: Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

Pickle Man: Okay.

Emily: [presumably walking to see Frosty] Yes! Still recording!

External links

• Full audio
• The Full Audio on the Internet Archive