Vanessa Hudgens
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Troll disclosure: This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by trolls to manipulate Chris. She and Lori Lopez were played by Joshua Martinez. Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.) |
| “ | I have Vanessa Anne Hudgens as an honest, very close Gal-Pal, and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR. | ” |
| Chris, delusional and naïve as ever[1] | ||
| Vanessa Hudgens | |
|---|---|
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| Information | |
| Name | Vanessa Hudgens |
| Date of Birth | 14 December 1988 (age 35) |
| Gender | Female |
| Nationality | American |
| Race | White, Asian |
| Occupation | Actress Singer |
Vanessa Hudgens is an American actress and singer best known for her work in High School Musical and for taking nude pictures of herself. She was incredibly popular among both 9-year-old girls and autistic manchildren prior to her popularity completely fizzling out due to the scandal over leaked nudes.
Joshua Martinez used her identity to troll Chris in April and May 2009. Chris, being the humble guy that he is, found it absolutely reasonable that a highly attractive and popular movie star was sexually interested in a fat manchild like him.
Since "Vanessa" told Chris she had written her own Wikipedia biography, Chris felt that he had a righteous claim to do so as well. On 5 June 2009, after failing at his attempt to write his own Wikipedia biography, Chris tried to get a section on his supposed relationship with Vanessa Hudgens added to her Wikipedia page. Using the now-banned username of Sonichusaysyeswecan, Chris stated that "Vanessa and I are very close friends, and we have been working together much as of late. I think that this should be mentioned in the article."[2] His request was ignored.
In KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special (12 August 2009), he admitted that he had finally realized that he had not really been talking to Vanessa Hudgens. He added that "Vanessa" had always used Joshua's screenname when talking to him.
On 20 July 2013, Chris wrote a review on his Facebook page about a movie Hudgens starred in, Spring Breakers.
The beginnings
Chris got in contact with his old friend Joshua Martinez from James Madison University to apologize for smearing him on Encyclopedia Dramatica, in order to get a part in a movie and make connections with celebrities. After a single email, Josh began to imitate Vanessa very poorly with disquieting success.
Email to Joshua
On 5 April 2009, Chris emailed Joshua to apologize for his reprehensible behavior in unnecessary detail , for the sole purpose of obtaining personal benefit.
| Firstly, Joshua, I wish to come clean. *sigh* The day I was kicked out of that church, my father accused you for putting up the nudie woman pics on my facebook (I personally did not want to take the blame for that, especially since I was amidst trollings back then as well, and I was trying to clean up my online image), so I went with it and let my father think what he thought. I had fretted that you may have been wrongfully kicked out of your church, and I am soo sorry about that. And in my early days of protest against the Encyclopedia Dramatica webpage I was also trying to get rid of then and now for about two years, I wanted the trolls to leave me alone, and I sold you out, Joshua; I posted a one-paragraph description about you and how famous you were, being in the movies, knowing the famous celebreties and all on that page. While the original paragraph is currently removed from the page, they still mock me with this, and I quote, An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua. I am even more sorry about that, because I sold you out like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would deeply appreciate it. I was runnin' and hidin' from you because of A) the guilt I felt from those past actions, B) I felt afraid of what you might to do me in response to that, and C) My father advised me against talking to you, due to the past accusation. I will confess the church fiasco to him tonight. And if you still want to put me in that movie, I will discuss the details of a meeting between you, me and Vanessa over the phone later. The trolls are watching my e-mails, so I am unable to divulge any specific details, as the trolls can and will find me there and haunt me; they are truly devious and malicous; they would even probably find a way around any security measures. Peace, and TTYL,Christian. |
After this email, Joshua would begin to imitate Vanessa Hudgens over a series of conversations, using his own screen name for all except one.
Ivy's Retelling
A lot of the information about the Vanessa comes from Chris's other lover at the time, Ivy. She posted stories about Josh and Vanessa during the Ivy Q&A
| Around the same point Vanessa Hudgens appeared. She got Chris really excited because she promised him fame and glory in movies. I had a bad feeling about her though. All of Vanessa’s video requests seemed to require Chris’ nudity. I wondered if she was trying to make Chris into a porn actor rather than the next Disney sweetheart? I didn't ask too many questions though, because I had to agree that Chris was a born star.
Chris didn't trust Joshua Martinez, whom had introduced the two. Every time he talked to Vanessa, he had to go through Josh. Chris thought that Josh was hogging her. At the same time, however, Chris was content to play by Josh’s rules. |
| Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the JMU campus with a sign and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that sign so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but Josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for money and would do this by going through Vanessa.
Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the FBI and threatened to hack into Chris’s ps3. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested. I was upset to learn about the times Chris had gone out with Joshua to TGI Fridays. During one date, Chris didn't have enough money for food because he spent his week’s allowance on the previous time they went out. Josh just ordered a meal for himself and ate it in front of him while Chris watched. Chris just got a slushie drink and asked for refills. The waitress did not like this. Later on, Chris discovered that he was being mocked by Clyde again. I suggested Chris perform a string of videos to prove to Clyde, once and for all, that Chris meant business. This included baring his fangs at the camera and giving the PSeye a good smack ‘round. Sadly, nothing worked with Clyde… At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris's dime, obviously. Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile. |
| Chris attempted to meet up with Vanessa once more. A wild goose chase ensued. Every time Chris showed up at a prospective meeting place, he received a call stating that Miss. Vanessa was at another joint. On that one night, Chris drove around the Charlottesville area, looking for Vanessa from 6 pm to 2 am.
The following day was a particularly dense call time for Chris and I. All in all, I received more than 30 calls in a single 24 hour period from Chris (I had decided to ignore him for that one day). When I finally did pick up, Chris wasn’t happy but nor was I. He had worried me by not phoning the day of the Vanessa excursion. So, to make up for it, Chris drew us the honeymoon comic. |
| Josh had sold Chris a PSP with a non-existent feature for a higher price than a normal PSP. Chris made no secret of intention of giving his old PSP to Vanessa.
While Josh was scamming Chris, Chris scammed Josh back by giving him a bad check. Bob and Barb ended up agreeing to go to the police with Rocky to catch Josh and ONLY Josh. They agreed ONLY to discuss matters regarding Josh as they were handling "Clyde and the trolls on their own terms". Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb at the station by monopolizing and domineering the police’s help. She pushed for the authorities to investigate all the trolls- and Ivy, as well. Despite his parents protests, Rocky went against their wishes and ignored their harbored anxiety. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. While Bob/Barb and Josh continued their feud over a PSP, I broke up with Chris over his betrayal. Chris, however, didn’t stop calling. After two days, Daddy and I had to have Bob tell Chris to leave our family alone. |
Vanessa AIM Chats
These chats were procured by CWCkipedian Robotnik, as Josh had no problem in handing over chatlogs to whoever asked.
Chat 1
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 1
On 6 April 2009, Vanessa Hudgens borrows Joshua's AIM to talk with Chris. In this chat, Chris tried to get Vanessa to give him a part in a movie. Toward that end, she talks him into doing A CWC Audition. In this chat, Chris talks about God and Jesus telling him that Ivy is his true sweetheart, and appears to believe that the priority in having a sweetheart is to fix his biological clock, which has since broken.
Chat 2
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 2
Took place on 14 April 2009. Vanessa wastes little time in trying to seduce Chris. Chris remains faithful to Ivy for a few minutes before delving into disgusting cyber-hanky-panky, showcasing some disturbing sexual habits, including playing the female role, barking like a dog and shouting "SHAZAM!" during intercourse.
Chat 3
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 3
Took place on 16 April 2009. Chris essentially denies that the previous chat ever happened and manages to resist Vanessa's ham-handed attempts at seducing him. He claims not to remember who Blanca was, and admits that he would take a dildo up his ass for his true love.
Chat 4
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 4
Took place on 19 April 2009. Chris continues to retcon reality and establish that he loves Vanessa only as a gal-pal. He spends the rest of the chat trying to arrange a meeting with her.
Chat 5
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 5
Took place on 20 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa continue to arrange their meeting, with Vanessa offering her ideas of what Chris should wear. Her intention seems to be to make him look like a moron.
Chat 6
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 6
Took place on 21 April 2009. Chris talks about his past indiscretions, discusses Ivy's influence on Sonichu, and describes his martial prowess.
Chat 7
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 7
Took place on 22 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa talk more about what he would do for Ivy. Their discussion mostly centers around the things he would shove up his rectum for her.
Chat 8
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 8
Took place on 27 April 2009. Chris actually believes that Vanessa came to meet him and talks about having to evade Snorlax to come and see her. He briefly talks about getting Clyde Cash locked up.
Chat 9
- Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 9
Took place on 30 April 2009. Joshua finally gets around to creating a separate screen name for Vanessa. Chris accepts that he might fuck two gay guys with Ivy if she asked. He also appears to confuse Megan Fox with Vanessa, in an incredible failure of facial and body recognition.
The end
Eventually, Bob and Barb found out that Josh had used the Vanessa persona to con Chris into buying an overpriced PSP from him. Bob and Barb went to the police with the intent of capturing Josh. However, Rocky Shoemaker intervened and asked the police to investigate the trolls. Because of this, Ivy broke her ties with Chris. Additionally, Bob and Barb also found out that Chris had been stealing money from Barb. Because of this, Bob decided to take matters into his own hands and sue Josh in a small claims court. What happened afterwards is not known, however, it is clear that once Josh was found out, he went quiet, and has not interacted with Chris since.
See also
References
External links
 Vanessa Saga
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| The Players: | The Games: | The Prizes: |
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| Coinciding Sagas: Ivy | ||
| ⇐ N/A | Vanessa Saga | Vanessa AIM Chat 1 ⇒ |