Mailbag 16

Mailbag 16 was uploaded early in the morning of 10 December 2009

Awaiting Answers

From: Rembrandt Brown <thecryinman@gmail.com> Hey Chris! Every day of my life I face challenges that require me to be both physically and mentally strong. I've seen some of your youtube videos that showcase your impressive strength and fighting ability and was wondering if you could share some of your knowledge with your fans! What would you recommend for a good diet for the days that you are working out? What kinds of different exercises would you recommend someone do for both strength and stamina? What are some techniques to being a good fighter? And finally, would you consider releasing a CWC workout video in the near future? Any tips would be great! Thanks! Sincerely, Rembrandt

From: Kevin Thompson <bumperrabbit92@gmail.com> Chris, I viewed your recent running video and a couple of thoughts sprang to mind. According to a map, you ran 579 metres. This took you four minutes. You stopped five times. This means to run the full five miles (roughly 8 kilometres) you claim to run each day would take you 60 minutes and include 80 rest breaks. That is a very poor effort indeed. Have you been lying to us, and if I were to propose and draw you out a five mile course would you run, and film, the entire event to prove to us your running ability? Sincerely, Dr. Kevin Thompson

From: Layla Litte <popstar_layla@yahoo.com> Hey Chris! My name is Layla, and I'm a college student currently taking a Feminist Literature class. I want to write my final essay on "Women's Empowerment in Sonichu". I'd love to get some quotes/answers from you, the original creator. That would be awesome. Here are my questions: 1.) Do you consider yourself a feminist? 2.) What do you think is the most important right that women today enjoy? 3.) What do you think a woman looks for in her mate? 4.) What do you think are the main differences between men and women? 5.) What is the role of women in Sonichu? Thanks so much!! "Zap to the extreme!" Gratefully, Layla L.

From: odnar@luukku.com I think you're a great drawer and writer, but there are things that bug me still. While it's true that gayness is condemned in the Bible, so are using condom and masturbating, which you all support. You can't be a good Christian if you accept those. Also, I think there are way too many similarities with Sonichus and Sonic the Hedgehog. Doesn't that violate any copyright laws? Also, I find it insulting that there are no members of minorities as important characters. You should fix this.

From: Steven Pinelli <pinelliacid@gmail.com> Hello Chris. I am a huge fan of your Sonichu franchise. You do amazing work! Anyway, here is my question. Tonight I am going on my second date with my new girlfriend. I know from reading your comics that hanky panky doesn't happen until date number three, however I really need to get my dick on. Do you think I should try to get my girlfriend to give me some china on my second date or would that be a mistake. Thanks for your reply, and keep making those awesome comics! Steve

From: ldenver468@aol.com Chris, I'm in love with my best friend, Alisha Bleuler. I met her when she started working at the same coffee shop I work at. She's so perfect and beautiful and she really understands me as a person! I simply adore her! I've tried almost everything to get her to notice me; like flirting with her, standing really close to her when we're together in public, buying gifts for her, singing romantic songs to her, and painting pictures of her. It's nothing creepy or perverted, just stuff with us holding hands, kissing, and this one where we're frolicking together in an Spring meadow. I've had some pretty frank talks with her about my feelings, but she just doesn't seem to love me the way I love her. It's been driving me completely insane because I know there's some grand romantic gesture I could pull off to win her over, but what? I know you've had a similar situation with a girl. If you could go back, what would you have done (or done differently) to win over Megan Schroeder? Help me, Chris-Chan, you're my only hope! Lester Denver

From: resinbaby@aol.com Hi, I saw that you are taking fanmail, and so I would love to ask you some questions, being a fan of your work! 1. I am studying art myself - what would you suggest I do to improve my technique? 2.Are there any artists that you look up to? Or styles you like? I myself love Vincent Van Gogh, Albrecht Dürer, Salvador Dali, and Andy Warhol. I also love the Surrealist and Baroque movements 3. Finally, a question that I've been wanting to ask... I know you are against homosexual men, but what about homosexual women? Do you think they are unnatural as the homosexual men? Thanks!

From: Gary Finch <garyfinch@live.com> Hey-o CWC! Name's Gary, and I found out about your sonichu comics while me and my bros were chillin out at our house just drinking some brewhounds (what we call beers!!). My best friend Brody showed me your comics and I read all of them in a few days, they're just so good! Anyway, I was found out about how you like to drink like my friends and I. I was wondering how much you usually spend on alcohol in a week? I spend about $13 to get a 30 pack of Keystones every friday! Woo! What do you usally drink, and how often do you drink? Stay safe! Gary

From: Mike Oxaflopin <artiphtd@gmail.com> Why have the Sonichus not been arrested for public indecency? None of them wear pants. I would not want to go outside and see another dude's dong. I thought you were against homos, Chris.

Rejected Mailbag

Chris the slut

From: maynard Isveli <maynardpattern@gmail.com> Chris, Hello, my name is Maynard. I am a young gay man from St. Louis. I know that you are very much against homosexuals, however, the other day I came across your sex video of you and your blowup doll on SlutLoad. I immediately started jacking off. I was so turned on looking at your hot plump rump. You are such a slut. With tons of gay man love Maynard

Another letter about how much Chris fails at life

From: Black Anon <ablackanon@hotmail.com> hey chris my name is carly im a big fan of yours and the way you protrayed yourself in your comics i just knew you were a handsome and fit man oh boy was i wrong. I saw your videos on youtube and your fat as a whale and ugly as sin. Thats why no girl will talk to you cause you are an ugly overweight person. think about it no other woman (dont count family members) have never called you cute thats why you are still a 27 year oldd virigin cause if you looked good you would have been lost your virginty by now and have a sweetheart. Dont get mad though god made you fat ugly and retarded for a reason. Also how does it feel to be a failure compared to your brothers and sisters who have good careers?

In which chris combines sex acts and vacuum cleaners

From: Ron Jeremy <rjeremy1953@gmail.com> Chris, Before I say anything else, I'd like to make it clear that I am straight and only have straight sex with women. But sometimes, when I'm alone, I like to suck my own dick. I've tried to stop doing it, as I have millions of women that I can have sex with at any time I want because I have a massive penis and I am a very, very attractive man. I'm so attractive and my penis is so big, if I were a homo, I'd fuck myself, hard. Yet even with women at my disposal, I still feel the need to do it. I fear that I may turn into a homo and fuck myself in the ass with my fucking massive cock because I'm so fucking hot! You, being such a hero for heterosexuals, like myself, must know how to stop these ungodly and sinful urges! I tried using crack to help me stop, but it just made me suck other guys dicks, so I stopped doing that. Have you ever had urges to sucked your own dick? If so, how did you stop them? R. Jeremy

I did not have any such urges. But I suggest you reprogram your mind; Picture your dick being a Vacuum Cleaner Hose... That vacuum has been picking up dust, dirt, debris and other stuff that is usually found at a Garbage Dump. You would never put anything in your mouth that was among the germ-infested, possibly toxic trash and garbage from that dump, so Don't Do It.

On the nature of trolls

From: Crystal Chondlar <crystalchondlar@gmail.com> Saying you're sorry for the offensive things you're about to say doesn't make them acceptable, Chris. That is the mentality of a five year old, which is essentially what you are (on a good day). "I can do whatever I want as long as I say I'm sorry", no. You're technically twenty fucking seven years old, and you act like a child. A very, very young child. Honestly, is it your mission in life to alienate yourself from every last person that still supports you? You had very few people on your side to begin with, and with each thing you do, that number continues to fade. I wouldn't even call the larger group "trolls" anymore, Chris. Trolling implies things are being done at least partially just for amusement. I'm not sure that's the ase anymore. People legitimately hate you at this point, Chris. A lot of people. It isn't because you have Autism, and it certainly isn't because they're jealous. It's because as a human being, you fucking suck. I doubt you read this, and I'm sure you don't have the balls to respond, but you need a fucking reality check. You need a reality LESSON, because you have absolutely no idea what reality is.

For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 16