Mailbag 34

Mailbag 34 was uploaded on CWCipedia in the early hours of 6 January 2010.

Answered

Chris would find someone okay with being filmed to take his "virgin cherry branch"

From: John Thatcher <unclejohn@aol.com> Dear Chris, I'm a big fan and I'm excited that I can finally write to you. I was a little confused about your statement about when you lose your virginity. You say you're for women's rights and supportive of women having a choice. If she says that she doesn't want to be filmed, then you should respect her wishes. Hidden cameras would be an even greater violation of her privacy and her rights as a human being. She could also sue you. For someone who says that he's for women's rights, you sure don't respect them very much.

Well, I beg your pardon. I would make sure the woman would be okay with that, and I would have it in writing of no such acts would be followed. Otherwise, I would look for someone else who would love to be filmed taking my Virgin Cherry Branch.

Don't get your hopes up, Chris has never thought about anything

From: flambai@hotmail.com Hey CWC, It's me again! i was just writing this E-mail to say how much i like the comic, but i feel that it could be improved tenfold if you included Bill the Scientist, the Boulder-Dropping Whale, and Yawning Squirtle in more comics My 5-year-old son loves your Sonichu comics, but he loves Bill the Scientist, the boulder-dropping whale, and Yawning Squirtle the most of all, and he is very depressed that they are but minor characters, and he cries his little heart out most days. Please help me make my son be happy again, sincerely Sarah Lutt PS: Why did you say 'No Comment' to that one e-mail by a fan asking the same question as i did? Isn't that what the rejected Mailbag is for?

I'll think about it.

Awaiting Answers

From: Alec-chan Asperchu <albasperchu@live.com> Christian, Due to the popularity of Asperchu, I have decided to create my own Wikipedia. I suggest you take a look. Hopefully, this will become even more popular than the CWCipedia! http://tinyurl.com/yeotodh Sincerely, Alec Benson Leary

From: MaryAnneSpier@BSC.com Dear Christian, Having recently moved from Stoneybrook Conneticut, I joined the Virginian Family Association of Virginia, a non-profit organisation that supports straight rights and the heterosexual lifestyle. I a writing to inform you that as of 1/1/2010 we have been engaging in a nationwide boycott of Sonichu comics because they explicitly support the wicked homosexual lifestyle. Please visit our site here: http://sites.google.com/site/boycottsonichu/ Currently over 400,000 Virginians have signed to get Sonichu banned, permanently. Burn in Hell, homo. Love, Mary-Anne. xx

From: Chet Wallace <mississippimudboghellnite@aol.com> Like you, I am SO SICK OF MISLABELING. Instead of people calling me gay people call me a racist. I'm not, though. I don't hate black people, I just hate the things they do. And sure, I have a Confederate flag hanging over my desk and make a few jokes about Obama, but WHO DOESN'T? I don't have anything against black people, I just want them to keep their black people doings behind closed doors and out of my face! I got so tired of it that I filmed myself having sex with a black woman and sent the video to all my friends, co-workers and relatives. I used a hidden camera and blurred out her face, but everybody I know was pretty much appalled. I don't get it! What's more not-racist than fucking a black chick and sending links to the grainy amateur video you recorded of it to everyone you know at Christmas? My point is, you just can't please some people. Having sex with a girl on a hidden camera wouldn't convince anyone you're straight, they'd just think you're a pervert. Chet

From: Jeff T. Ford <jtf@mail.com> Hey Chris, If you visit this site (http://tinyurl.com/yem8j3t) you'll see that it is prefectly legal to marry one's cousin in Virginia. As CWCville is in Virginia, and therefore falls under Virginian law, it is legal to marry your cousin there too. You see, state law overrules local council laws so even if you as mayor decreed it was illegal, the state would overrule you. I for one am happily married to my cousin. She is very pretty and I get regular sex. Jeff.

From: Miguel Sanchez <hawaiian_robot@hotmail.com> Hi Chris, You keep mentioning that you have a 'degree' in Computer Aided Drafting and Design, however, this is only an Associate's Degree, which is only equivalent to half a Bachelor's Degree, as it only takes half as many credit points to earn. When you pass off an Associate's Degree as a Bachelor's, it outrages someone such as myself, who worked very hard to earn his Bachelor's with Honours. Could you please differentiate between the two in the future. Thanks!

From: poundoflesh@aol.com Dear Christian, As a long time lover of your work I was wondering if you could answer a question my friends often harass me about when it comes to you. They often mock you by saying you are wasting their tax dollars with your "monthly tugboat" otherwise known as a welfare check. My question is why do you think I as a taxpayer should pay for you when you seem to be capable of holding a job? I know its because you're a fellow artist, but I want to give them an answer in your words not mine. Also you brought up Bush's tax-cuts for a reason of your liking him, was your family included in that? Sincerely, Ezra Pound

From: doyouunderstand2@aol.com Why do some Sonichus and Rosechus live in houses, while others (like Chloe and Blazebob) live in Pokeballs?

From: Craig Curly <curlman921@yahoo.com> On what date exactly did you consciously choose to be heterosexual, and what brought you to this decision?

From: marmitist@gmail.com I've been reading Sonichu for a few months now, and I wanted to tell you how much I like it. Keep up the good work! Anyway, I just watched Rain Man for the first time. Have you ever seen it? It's really good. It's about an Autistic man who has amazing abilities with counting and all sorts of math. I was wondering if you, as a High-Functioning Autistic Adult had any special or extraordinary abilities like Rain Man did, either with numbers or other things. If you do, what kind of special abilities do you have? I've read that nearly all Autistics have some kind of amazing talents, and I'd really like to know what yours are. Take Care, Kim Peek

From: Brandon Louthan <brandonl1701@yahoo.com> I'm sorry, but I read in your one mailbag that gay sex is illegal in CWCville and Magi-Chan has the ability to tell when it happens...that seems like an invasion of privacy to me. Sound something like a dictator would do.

Rejected Mailbag

In which Chris is somewhat unplesant

From: Jouko Mies <joukomies@luukku.com> Hi Chris! Do you really think that you would be able to raise a child? Don't you think that you should be castrated, so that you wouldn't be able to spread your filthy autistic genes? Also, did you know that high-functioning autistics are 19 times more likely to be child molesters?

Do Not Listen to Stupid Rumors. "F" You.

The 30-year old virgin

From: Gillian Seed <gillianseed@suremail.info> Hi, Chris. I noticed that you're very close to turning 30. You'll turn 28 this year. And in only two years, you'll hit the big three-oh. While, normally I'd be happy for you. I unfortunately have some bad news. In today's society, 30 is what is typically known as the "unfuckable age" (don't get mad at me, I didn't invent the term). Basically, the older you get, the harder it is to score. And when you're 30, things become extremely grim. Girls don't date guys old enough to be their father, just as you wouldn't date someone 20 years older than you. Guys always try to lose their virginities before they get to age 30. Those that don't tend to end up miserable. In fact, people who are 30 or older virgins aren't considered normal. That's why countless movies are made laughing at those in this situation (like "40 Year Old Virgin") and laughing how ridiculous it would be such people could lose their virginity. Sadly though, real life isn't as comedic. That's about as lightly as I can put it. The good news is, you've still got 2 years. Do you plan on losing your virginity before then, or will you become "the 30 year old virgin" and witness first hand how people in your situation are treated as the butt of every joke? I know, it's a bad position to be in. But hang in there, Chris. Sincerely, Gillian Seed

Go watch "The 40-Year Old Virgin".

Questions

You said that you confess your sins and pray every night. What sins do you confess?

What exactly happened when you were called into Mary Lee Walsh's office?

Why do you randomly capitalize words when you type?

When did you first realize that you hated the homos? Do your parents hate them as much as you do?

For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 34