List of Chris's lies

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“ I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time. ”
Chris, lying in Kacey and Liquid Call


Chris, not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently lie to save face.

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the trolls. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing so his lies have the opposite effect (ex. going to Redmond). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (ex. drawing a rule 34 of Megan).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be True and Honest probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie", a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his autistic brain that it is OK to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining Honest.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

Chris's lies

  • Chris claims to be related to Anne Boleyn, which is impossible since her ultimate descendant is the virgin Queen Elizabeth.
  • In a Mumble chat, he lied and said that nude photos of him on Encyclopedia Dramatica were photoshopped, despite the fact he willingly consented to these photos.[1] Chris also lied to Miyamoto about the ED images being photoshopped.[2]
  • For two days, Chris claimed to have a new sweetheart named Chloe after the Blanca breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.[3] Yet if he was already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at GameStop where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.[4] The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of Mailbag 13, he denies that he ever said anything about a Chloe.
  • In the infamous Clyde-raped-Panda chat, Chris states, "My heart is true and set, and I have made my promises. I am with Sarah in mind and soul; I have promised to be her True Sweetheart...and I am not a man who goes back on his promises." Chris then proceeded to give her up to Clyde over a matter of days, and then quickly became involved with Julie.
  • Chris lied about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."[5]
  • In his 13 September 2009 video, he says he personally talked to Sega of America and was told Project Needlemouse (or as he calls it, Needlenose) was a new Sonic game, and not a Sonichu game. Ignoring Chris's track record for honest interaction with video game representatives, the truth of the game was not revealed until 4 February 2010 where it was revealed to be Sonic the Hedgehog 4. The idea that Sega would tell a greasy virgin manchild who rips off their intellectual property what the game is and not anyone else is 100% bullshit.
  • Chris claimed that the DVD that trolls procured wasn't the "director's cut,"[6][7] yet the DVD had all the features that had been described before trolls even came into contact with Chris.
  • Chris claimed that Blanca received the medallion and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the Medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with Robert Simmons V[citation needed], Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
  • When a nefarious IRL Jerkop confronted Chris on his Attraction Sign, Chris quickly hid the sign while he left to get the Manajerk. Then Chris proceed to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
  • While Chris has certainly called the police on the occasional troll or two, Chris will warn trolls that he has unleashed the full fury of the FBI and/or police detectives on them. When he wants to be really intimidating, he'll say they are "his detectives" as if he is in direct command of them. However, people smarter than Chris (that is to say, all people) know that Chris is totally bluffing, as neither the FBI nor even small-town police detectives are going to waste their time and resources trying to track down someone who said mean things about Chris over the intertubes when there are no end of serious felonies in need of investigating.
  • Chris claimed that he was banned from The Game Place forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by Mimms on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the store's manager rudely.
  • In an email[8] Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
  • Chris claims that he is the descendant of Daniel Weston, one of the pilgrims on board the Mayflower. This is obviously not true, because according to all known passenger lists, there was no man named Daniel Weston on the ship[9].
  • In an IRC chat[10] with Clyde Cash and BILLY MAYS, Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
  • Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a video in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that backfired horribly, Chris then issued the SingStar Challenge to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the SingStar Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
  • Chris has inserted clearly bullshit disclaimer pages at the front of each issue of his comics where he claims:
“ Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise parodic. ”
Chris's disclaimer as it appears in his comics. Does he think he's fooling anybody?
  • Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a 15 October 2009 Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of Liquid Chris, which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in a video six days later. In that video, Solid even used one of Liquid's SingStar Challenge songs to mock the trolls (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
  • In Mailbag 14, Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from Grace Baptist Church, claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to Lordsillynipples in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on Encyclopedia Dramatica, as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his 25th birthday.
  • In order to substantiate his claim that Asperchu is a parody of himself, Chris would logically be forced to admit their many similarities. However, most of that would involve admitting that Chris is a delusional, self-centered prick. Chris instead opts to note the similarities in their physical appearance. To wit: Asperchu's Pedo-Glasses, goatee, and striped shirts. However, when it comes to Asperchu's rotund figure and obvious man-boobs, Chris admits that he used to have "manboobs" and a "buddha belly". Obviously, those things should not be described in the past tense.
  • Chris began receiving emails in January 2010 pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in Sonichu 0 had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. As Chris is a 300-IQ-having detail-oriented Pokémon expert, and he drew this Raichu with a pointed tail several times, fans concluded that he must have intended this, and let Chris know they now understand Rosechu started out male, and may still be male or hermaphroditic. Panicked that he'd been cornered, but unable to just issue a simple retcon due to his crippling ego, Chris instead made a 22 January post on his CWCipedia including a doctored picture of the Raichu with the tail now blunted and lied to his readers that it had always been drawn that way since the very beginning. Not only was it obviously photoshopped, but he's such a tremendous idiot that he didn't change the actual comic page showing the pointed tail in his own site's archives. (It should be noted that Chris devised Rosechu's back story before Pokémon introduced the concept of gender specific features; all Raichu were depicted with a pointed tail before 2006. While Chris could have simply made this point, he opted to instead lie to his TRUE and HONEST fans.)
  • In early February 2010, Chris added a note to the CWCipedia page for Simonla Rosechu claiming that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of Evan George's character Simonchu. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a phone conversation with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
  • When talking to Alec, Chris claimed that the Basement Rosechus were not meant to imply that Alec raped them, only that he allegedly treated them like hamsters. If this were so, why is one of them wearing a bridal gown, and why is one clad in only her undergarments if he was just keeping them as non-sexual pets?
  • On Chris's fifth phone call with Alec, Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own mother, carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some cat shit. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
  • During the the eighth conversation with Alec, Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Nintendo simply giving away rights to use one of the most popular characters from one of their biggest cash cows is absolutely ridiculous. Also during the call, Chris made it a point to state very confidently that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns as a valid reason to not sell off any of his games to make some money. Chris owns roughly 600 different video games, so unless Chris has figured out a way to stop time, it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly. Even if he played games for 10 hours a day, 30 minutes at a time for each game, he'd only be able to play each game once a month.
  • Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in Sonichu 10.

Addressing Liquid

In the wee hours of 22 October 2009, Chris posted a video response to CChanSonichuCWC that was possibly the largest concentration of blatant dishonesty Chris has ever compressed into a nine minute span. In a video that would leave even the most crooked politician stunned and agape, Chris had the chutzpah to rattle off a manifesto chock full of falsehoods, starting it off by declaring he is an honest man (if you've made it this far down the page, you know how ridiculous that is). He then went on to list all of his most positive qualities:

He is kind, good-hearted, and caring. He has cheated on his e-sweethearts numerous times, and the sole focus of all of his relationships is to get poon. He was completely indifferent to the deaths of PandaHalo, Sarah May, and Ryan Cash, giving selfish reasons as to how their deaths affected him. He called his lone true fan of the comic a naïve dumbass. The ghost of his dead aunt could also tell you how much he cared about her when it came time to bury her. Chris will outright smear other people to make himself look better. He humiliated his good friend Megan by uploading a drawing of himself fingerbanging her to the internet. His explanations as to why he did so included needing some sort of release to keep from flipping out and raping her. Despite her clear objections to the picture and Chris claiming he still cared about her, he decided to go ahead and use the picture to unnecessarily fill out his cartoon porn site. He also hates homosexuals just because they're gay, and is a noted racist.

He cares about Kacey. Chris's entire pursuit of her was a sham to trick her and get into her pants. He pretended to be Liquid over the phone and on YouTube videos to get her to fall for him. When they met up, Chris could have tried to build a rapport with her and looked for a way to lay the foundation for a good emotional connection. But he was only interested in sex and spent much of the time staring at her goods, sniffing her, trying to cop a feel, and even tried to plant a surreptitious kiss on her. When it was all over, Chris posted a video showing that he was back on top of the world despite having posted a teary-eyed video just two days prior. He'd already forgotten about her, even though he told her she was, "the sweetest kindest woman I've ever known in my life."

He is intelligent. Chris gets swindled by trolls practically non-stop, and has even fallen for some of the stupidest ruses ever devised by humankind. He almost never deduces on his own that he's being tricked and ignores warnings from others that he's being tricked. He can't write for shit or do math, and he thinks it's possible for a completely heterosexual person to turn gay just by momentarily letting their guard down. He also thought the best way to get Encyclopedia Dramatica to stop talking about his delusional insanity was to bombard them with further examples of his delusional insanity.

He is generous and gives to his friends. Yes, Chris is so generous, that he once admitted that if he had the cure to autism, a truly invaluable thing that would bring life-changing help to millions around the world, that he'd throw it away just to get a PS3. In the GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes, after saying he'd share the prize money with his church congregation, he ended up spending the majority of it on himself. And he stole money from his own parents so he could buy video game content for games he didn't even own.

He can be cheerful and easy-going. He constantly started arguments with everyone at The GAMe PLACe over Pokémon games, and almost got his ass kicked once because of them. He will resist doing or feeling anything that will be even a minor inconvenience upon him. He has also publicly cried like a baby at inappropriate times over issues that were either largely insignificant or the direct result of his own fuck-ups.

He is a good listener. Countless numbers of people have tried to talk sense into him to get him to not fall for trolls, and to try to help him change his life for the better. He's resisted nearly every bit of advice he's received. Vivian Gee spent hours trying to give him sound advice about fixing his life, and he just sighed and rejected her advice so much that she turned against him. He completely missed the point about why Megan was so upset with him about spreading embarrassing things about her online, thinking she was just mad because she didn't know much about sex.

He is empathetic/sympathetic. Maybe he just doesn't know what these words truly mean, but likely he knows and just doesn't care. If he were either of those things, he would understand why Mary Lee Walsh and various jerkops didn't want him soliciting himself in public, and why potential Sweethearts would be put off by his creepy overly-forward advances. He might have shown true remorse over the death of Ryan Cash instead of being awestruck by the power of causing someone to kill themselves and telling his brother to just get over it. And he certainly wouldn't have cheated on his aforementioned e-sweethearts. Two weeks after he declared how empathetic and sympathetic he is, he stunned YouTube by uploading a video intending to tease a blackmail photo of Gregg Mays by photoshopping it into a picture of the World Trade Center and illustrating the towers being attacked, saying that they were both weak and would go crumbling down. Backpedaling after the subsequent outrage, Chris removed that video and replaced it with another video showing a birthday cake with two candles...the candles being the towers from the World Trade Center photoshop copy-pasted directly over the cake, except with the tops removed and set ablaze.

He is fairly popular and it's easy for him to make friends. Chris has never been popular. He was harrassed in school, had to take his mother to the prom, and most of the people that he had regular positive contact with didn't like him nearly as much as he liked them. After getting out of school, most people that stayed in his life or entered it drifted away quickly or have been driven away by his direct actions. He was widely disliked at The GAMe PLACe, and had to change schools and churches due to numerous conflicts. Since he was discovered by the interwebs, practically everyone that has entered his life—both online and off--has done so just to troll him, and the few that didn't mostly ended up becoming trolls. 99% of all the comments on his YouTube videos are negative, and he is bombarded with negative emails from trolls daily. He automatically considers all males to be jerks, and even belittled someone who is considered to be the only true fan of his comic that he ever had.

Perhaps he is confusing being popular with being notorious, but given how full of himself he his, that is unlikely.

He is good at talking to people, knows what to say to them, and shares his feelings because they are "good feelings most of the time." Any chatlog or clip of him conversing with someone else makes it plainly obvious he cannot carry on a conversation and constantly tries to steer the focus on himself. When he strikes up conversation with potential sweethearts, he uses shitty tips from books and cheesy pickup lines straight out of video games. He thinks there are strict rules to follow when being social, and even thinks that making spontaneous human connections is something to be taught in a classroom. He's completely incapable of saying the right thing to someone based on his conversations with Megan and people who have suffered hardships that don't involve Chris at all. And when he does share his feelings, he will blurt out things that are either wildly inappropriate, or details about himself that no human being would ever want to know.

He stays out of conflict. If anyone offers any criticism, rips off his rip-offs, or suggests he's not entirely straight, he gets defensive and/or flies into nuclear tard rage. He gets into it with trolls at every opportunity, will not back down from an argument until he's had the last word, and will even hypocritically mock people rather than just letting things slide. He absolutely cannot let any slight against him go, proven in his lengthy campaigns against various trolls. This video is further proof to the point; after CChanSonichuCWC reappeared, Chris absolutely had to respond to Liquid twice though he said he wouldn't ever do so again.

He is reliable. Chris can't even put out his shitty scribble of a comic at any kind of regular schedule, sometimes going months at a time without updating despite the fact that he has no job and rarely leaves his house. He stood up Emily when they first arranged their date in the mall. He couldn't even be counted on to do basic minimum wage work, having been fired from a fast-food restaurant.

He tries to control his temper. Please feast your eyes on these articles, and ask yourself just how in control of his temper he is.

He can keep secrets. Ever since he came in contact with ED, he has continuously uploaded sensitive personal details about himself, his family, and his friends. He keeps doing so despite the fact that trolls are constantly using this information to torment him and people close to him. He told the internet that his mom has problems with her ass. He will also give information freely to people posing as trolls, because as long as someone strings together a few nice things to say about him, he will immediately trust that person without question.


“ I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole 'honesty' thing you keep talking about. ”
Matthew Devoria - Father Call

Addressing Liquid (Counterpoint)

In the interest of fairness, here's a complete list of the qualities he listed about himself that weren't utter horseshit.

He is not shy.


Sauces

  1. ↑ Mumble Chat 2, ~44 minute mark
  2. ↑ Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto
  3. ↑ Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction
  4. ↑ Vivitheg's AIM chat
  5. ↑ Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto
  6. ↑ Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008
  7. ↑ Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009
  8. ↑ Chris E-mails 2008 -- 'Against me, that page has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me.'
  9. ↑ A list of all passengers on the Mayflower from a guy who was actually there
  10. ↑ IRC (20 January 2009) at 21:21
  11. ↑ Kacey Phone Call
  12. ↑ IRC (02 January 2009) at 12:23
  13. ↑ Mailbag 19
  14. ↑ http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html
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