Jail Letter Gifts

Holy Labels are bottle wrappers featuring illustrations made by Chris that he thinks thinks will bless the drinker and purify the liquid being consumed. Chris believes that, by photocopying his scribbles, laminating them, and placing them around beverages, you will get his blessing. Chris sends these labels to his adoring fans and expects them to actually do as he commands.

Analysis

All of the Holy Labels that have been sent thus far are written like this:

Scrawled on the back of a plastic bottle wrapper:
The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and the recombined new Earth!		Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart.

All labels have a drawing of a Sonichu cross, meant to resemble a human uterus, in the center.

On the left are the words:

“

The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and the recombined new Earth!

”

And on the right are the words:

“

Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart.

”

In a letter sent to Kengle Chris quotes how to "properly" use his labels, "laminate it, or cover it with shipping tape, attach it to a bottle (mainly for water and NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages) to enjoy thy liquid consumptions [sic] with my Blessings, safely, from that bottle".

Given that Chris's hygiene is most likely abysmal in jail, these bottle wrappers can be deemed utterly useless, and probably not adviseable to use for one's own health.

List of Labels Mailed

Front	Back	Product	Date Sent	Sent To
		Coca Cola	30 October 2021	Kenneth Englehardt
		Grape Fanta	8 November 2021	Stories from the Penitentiary
		Coca Cola	30 November 2021	Celestia

See Also

• Jail letters