Mailbag 38

Mailbag 38 was uploaded to the CWCipedia on 12 January 2010 and answered on the same day.

This Mailbag was the third of Chris's marathon run of Mailbag answering that concludes with Mailbag 39. The amount of rage and censorship it produced is equal parts horrifying and hilarious, with seven letters deleted and one letter horribly struck out and edited and at least five letters with him erupting with rage.

Awaiting Answers

In which Chris fails to answer the question

From: Richard Allonger <longhardroadtonowhere@mail.com> If Asperchu is a complete ripoff of Sonichu, which you claim it is, then does that mean that Sonichu has homoerotic undertones? Because you said Asperchu was gay and a parody, and if it's a parody, then it parodies the gay parts of Sonichu. If they exist, which they probably do. Richard Allonger

SONICHU IS STRAIGHT!!!

The gayest dog ever

That's the gayest dog I've ever seen

From: Jamyl Sarum <loachcoach@gmail.com> Dear Chris, I think my dog, Boo, is gay. He hates women and likes to lick the faces of guys. Do you think dogs can be gay? If you think so, how can I make my dog straight? This is what he looks like. Does he look gay? Here's a pic of him.

At this point, just let your dog be.

Raise the Jolly Roger

From: Kara Wiley <mistykara1982@gmail.com> Chris, I had a short question from a fan! Is Collassall Chris supposed to be... ummm... some sort of pirate? He has a beard, and a torn shirt, and earrings, and this kind of man is one that some jerks used to call a "butt pirate" when I was in high school. Is Collassal Chris a butt pirate? Thanks <3 Kara

NO, he is NOT a pirate. IT is a combination between my Human and Sonichu Selves.

In which Chris doesn't consider anything at all

From: Winston Quentin Shambler <WinstonQShambler@email.org> Dear Chris, I am not Appreciative on how You put My Email in your Autism Mailbag without Answering it. But I Digress. I'll forgive you if you put Mario Potter into the next Sonichu Comic so I can be More Famous. Just remember to give Credit to the REAL and GENUINE creator of Mario Potter. If you don't, I will use my Asperger Powers to Place a Curse on You. This Curse will stop you from finding a Sweetheart for the Rest of Your Life and make you a Lonely Frustrated Autistic Virgin Forever. Winston Quentin Shambler

I'll consider it.

And when you do 'em people think that you're cool

From: Jeff Frankfort <frankfort.jeff@aol.com> Is Colossal Chris Chan supposed to be a heroin addict? Because he has the scratchy beard of a heroin addict and has dyed his hair blue with Kool-Aid like a homeless gutter punk, and likes to wear a sleeveless denim vest without a shirt on underneath like Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx, who did a lot of heroin. Does "Colossal" refer to the size of his heroin addiction? - Jeff

NO! IT is a combination between my Human and Sonichu Selves.

The censor's pen

From: John Macgillian <johnmacgillian@yahoo.ca> Hello Christian Chandler My name is John Macgillian and first off I would like to thank you for your dedicated hard work on the comics. I thought I should take the time to ask you some important questions. Do people with autism attract homosexuals? A new study has recently been done in Canada at Guelp University, but the evidence is controversial. Also now that you and Alec B. Leary have teamed up and expanded Sonichu into a whole new universe have NEVER TEAMED UP and Alec is making a Mockery out of your comic and characters, Whats next? I would love to invest alot of money on Sonichu merchandise for my chain of stores across Canada, could you possibly do that for me? I am a HUGE FAN!!!!!!! I must say I love the work you and Alec have been doing with Asperchu, the character roles that are laid out in the Asperchu comics are so dynamic and unique have done in your own comics ONLY on the Cwcipedia and NOT on any other website. Anyways God Bless You Your Friend John Ciao

Chris added the strikeouts and all italicized words, and replaced one instance of "Asperchu" with "Sonichu". He did all this on the same night he bitched at Alec for parodying it on his own website.

To answer your first question, NO! HE AND I ARE NOT A TEAM; HE is only ticking me off! Read My Edits to your letter.

Chris is an expert matchmaker

From: Brandon Louthan <brandonl1701@yahoo.com> Me again, just wondering, are you aware that Giovanni has a son in canon named Silver, not to be confused with Silver the Hedgehog of course, so what was the need for Naitsirhc, and speaking of Naitsirhc, why did you pair him up with Kel? Especially considering that a Rocket's job is to usually steal a trainer's Pokemon. Also, there are other evil teams other then Team Rocket, such as Teams Aqua, Magma and Galactic, will they ever make appearances? Also, why no Tails? Tails is Sonic's best friend, so why hasn't he made appearneces?

I did not know that, and Naitsirhc is Adopted. Opposites Attract, and Kel has made him a better man over time. The other teams may make an appearance. I did not feel it appropriate for Tails to be in my comic.

I NEED MY WOMAN

From: Farrokh Bulsara <fm9546@yahoo.com> Chris, it seems like everyone in the Sonichu fandom is leaving and going and reading Asperchu. I'm not a big fan of Asperchu myself but I can see why people are leaving. Sonichu is getting too tangled, complicated and negative. I mean, there's people dying everywhere in Sonichu now! In the old days villains got a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha or beaten up but they weren't killed. There are way too many characters, it seems like you added so many that you frequently forget they even exist and there are a lot of plot lines you brought up but haven't reso lved. I mean, when are you going to get Crystal out of the Dark Mirror Hole? Are you just going to leave your own twin sister in there and forget about her? That's awful. Also, Rosechu and Sonichu have kids now and are married. Most series jump the shark when this happens, Sonichu is no exception. There's also too much porn. No one wants to see porn of hedgehogs in a children's comic, even if you like porn, hedgehog sex is still really gross. The only way I can see you fixing the franchise now is to throw out everything and start fresh. Go back to the birth of Sonichu and go from there. You don't have to worry about characters you no longer care about or plots you don't care to resolve. You can bring back all the good stuff about Sonichu and get rid of the bad. Most successful franchises have done this. James Bond, Batman, Superman, Transformers, and many others too. Or you could do nothing and have all your fans leave while you sit there alone making comics about Rosechu putting in tampons.

I am working on the plots at my own pace; I HAVE A LIFE OF MY OWN, and it is NOT YET COMPLETE; I NEED MY WOMAN.

Gone Forever

The depths of Chris's hypocrisy

From: Toby Klein <tk4tw@gmail.com> Chris. Stop telling people to kill themselves every fucking video. What is it about you? It's like you're on a mission to drive away every last person that wants to defend you. PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE WHO ENCOURAGE SUICIDE AND DEATH TOWARDS EVERYBODY THAT ANNOYS THEM. THAT IS NOT HOW BEING A HUMAN BEING WORKS. Somebody pays for a gay ad on your website (which was GIVEN to you, by the way), and your response is they should die. Yeah, that's nice and balanced, Chris. Yet you're "caring". Bull fucking shit, dude. Honestly, as somebody who once did and no longer does, let me tell ya.... you're making it REAL hard for anybody to like you. I know you won't listen, you never do, but seriously. Sincerely, "Mr. Insanity" Toby Klein

Blasphemy's not cool

From: Thorgnzorrg Jenkins <thorgnzorrg@hotmail.com> Allow me to quoute you: "The Only Mistake of God were THE PEOPLE who contributed to the Original E.D. Page" Chris, do you realize that in the Christian religion, your god is the embodiment of perfection and can't make mistakes? The ED page was a joke, poking fun at your hilariously pathetic life. What you said; however, was an example of your own ignorance of the very religion you like to act as though you know so much about. You have a very warped view of Christianity, Chris. Y'alls is racist and homophobic too.

Expect the party van

From: Mihmed Mahmud <mihmedmahmud@gmail.com> Hi Chriss! I just wanted to say that showing pornographic material in comic targeted to children is a crime. I have informed FBI on your wrong doings. Expect their contact soon.

Justifiable rage

From: Josh connor <joshthebanditking@gmail.com> Chris I am shocked and appalled at your recent strips about taking down the "4_cent_garbage" building. You decided that people making fun of you and "mislabeling you" deserved to have a building crash down around them. MY FATHER DIED IN A BUILDING COLLAPSE! How dare you make light of something so serious and so life affecting as that, Those people might have had families who will never whole again because you decided to overreact to what people called you names. I am sorry but you are a FAT, STUPID, HOMOPHOBIC, RASICT, NARCISSISTIC, NAIVE, EVIL, VILE, DISHONEST, AND DESPICABLE PERSON AND THE WORLD WILL BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE WHEN YOU DROP DEAD AND ROT IN HELL< WHICH I HOPE WILL BE SOON. Also in regards to you challenge to anyone who is against you, I will come down to Virgina anytime you want so I can play a real life version of "Kick the autistic" with your fat ass.

Chris still can't handle the truth

From: Riff Riff <vonriff2@yahoo.co.uk> Hello, Chris. I've been watching your Youtube videos for a while now (never bothered with your comic; it's incredibly boring and equally disgusting in places), and I must ask; why are you such a spiteful person? You're always wishing death on people for no actual reason, trying to justify your stupid shit-slinging with petty excuses. Why do you act like this? It only drives people away, and adds to the ranks of the trolls. Recently you've begun hating on a perfectly good webcomic (Asperchu) simply because it's a parody. You yourself have declared Sonichu a parody time and again when people say it's a ripoff, yet when someone actually parodies Sonichu, you blow your top and start screaming death threats at the creator. Why are you so immature and spiteful? Did someone molest you as a child? You recently tried to justify your hatred by saying "I pray to God for forgiveness". You can't keep doing that; praying to God for forgiveness means that you are legitimately sorry for your sins and that you promise to never repeat them, yet here you are, shouting death threats at people once again. You spit in the face of your own God; I'm an atheist and I know that's fucking wrong. You're going straight to hell for lying to God. - Von Riffenstein P.S. Responding to people with "NO U" responses like "I say you have YOUR OWN ISSUES to make ammends to. Go See a Psychiatrist" is just childish and stupid. Stop avoiding your problems by pinning them on others, only unlikable idiots destined to die alone do that sort of thing.

Impervious in the face of logic

From: Keith Keithson <allisfine1@gmail.com> Chris, I don't see the point of your recent video. If Alec has fans of his comic, then they aren't going to be reading Sonichu or watching your videos or even visiting this site. So explain how you thought ordering his fans to leave him for no reason would work?

On Christian's Christianity

From: Apple Pie <effence@yahoo.ca> Chris, are you a christian or aren't you? You do not obey your father's wishes for you to take down the house tours, you support free love, prostitution, rape, underage sex, yet still claim yourself to be godly. By the Bible's terms, this makes you an Antichrist. Who is the Liar, Chris? It's you. So fuck you. I'm moving on to Asperchu, because he is an upstanding citizen.

For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 38