Mailbag 31

Mailbag 31 was uploaded to the CWCipedia 31 December 2009. On 1 January 2010, Chris answered the questions (which require far less reading) but not the letters. Shortly after, CWCipedia was issued cease and desist letters from both Coca-cola and 20th Century Fox for Chris's unauthorized placement of ads that suggested the Coke and the movie Avatar endorsed his bigoted views.

Awaiting Answers

From: Mike Jackson <mikejackson113@hotmail.com> Hi Chris! I just wanted to let you know that my kids and I are HUGE fans of your comic. I read a page to them every night before their bedtime. But in mailbag 23 you stated that it would be ok for kids to watch adult things with parental supervision. Does this mean that it would be ok for them to watch pornography with me? It's not like I'd be touching them or molesting them. I also wouldn't be jerking off- I just like watching girls & guys get it on with each other. I think it'd be pretty educational for them. They'd get to know where babies come from and I'd get to watch my porn without worrying about them walking in- they'd already be there! As long as I explain it to them, it's ok- right? I started doing this already and my kids haven't complained or anything! I've told all of my fellow fathers about your advice and they've already started doing it as well! Thanks Chris!! Mike

From: Kevin Sevakis <kerosenedreams77@gmail.com> Hey, CWC. If you put the words of the comic on the computer, why don't you just color the comic on the computer, too?

From: kawaiinamine32@aol.com Good day, Mr. Chandler. I have a few questions for you... 1) Seeing one of your answers from Mailbag 19, I have to ask, Do you really think of or see people with Asperger's Syndrome as "Competing Retards"? 2) What the hell is up with Black Sonichu/Blachu/Blake!? (He started out as a badass, now he's just pathetic...) 3) Is Sonichu really aimed towards children? (from all the pages I've read, it would be, at least TV MA...too mature for children.)

From: alphard@conexao-br.net Hey, CWC. I've heard that you're pretty good with HTML, so... What do you think about HTML5 and CSS3? Do you often use XHTML? And do you follow the W3C specifications correctly?

From: hyle.19@gmail.com Dear Chris, Why are homosexual women morally superior to homosexual men? If it is because of the book of Leviticus, would you also support the exile of a couple who have sexual relations while the woman is menstruating? (Leviticus 20:18) Does Cwcville have sex laws? How are these laws enforced? Yours, Caitlin

From: Zoie Klaus <gatsbysdeaddream@gmail.com> Dear Chris, Why don't you ever offer well-thought out answers to the questions you are asked? It seems that people put a lot of effort into their questions, but you only spend a minute (or less) answering each. Do you really think that's fair to your fans? It's not like you're very busy or anything, or have thousands of questions to answer. Don't you think you owe your fans a little bit more? -Zoie

From: Frank Marks <marksizm15@yahoo.com> What if the girl(or guy) you want to take your virginity doesn't want to be videotaped? Not everyone goes for that. And you seem to be more concerned with proving that you're straight than the pleasure you would get from having sex. And you didn't answer that one guy's question about asexual people. Frank Marks

From: Jorge Lopez <fuzziwuzzi80@yahoo.com> In Mailbag 28, you say you respected Bush because "he made some good decisions." Please elaborate on this. What decisions did he make that you thought were good (and why were they good, in your opinion)?

From: Stephen King <king.stephen@windowslive.com> I never wrote a novel called Vertigo. I did write the other novels you mentioned, though. But those were a long time ago. I used to be famous once - not anymore though. My novels don't sell a tenth of the copies they used to. Can't you see that I am desperate? I used to drink and do drugs when I couldn't write. This helped me in the 80s, but I won't do that anymore. I feel like my head is going blank, like there's an empty area where my creativity used to be. Even in the best of times, I was never the greatest writer in the world. You are not the best either. But AT LEAST you have the passion and raw potential. And creativity. I just... don't seem to have that anymore. Funny. I never knew it was there until it was gone. Ideas just used to come to me, you know? Now, no matter how hard I try... nothing. Nothing comes out. I stare at the blank screen for HOURS, and I don't get a single idea. I spend more and more time on the internet. One day, I stumbled upon your site. It was something new and refreshing. I saw that you upload a new page EVERY DAY. I was amazed at such efficiency. You don't know how lucky you are to have so many ideas. I asked you for help, but you gave me skepticism. I shouldn't be surprised though. This has happened to me before. Some time ago, I went into a book store in Australia unannounced, and started signing some of my books. The people there thought I was a VANDAL. Here's a link on the incident: http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/08/16/2006725.htm I hope you see that I am the true and honest (as you say) Stephen King. God bless, and I wish you all the best. Stephen Edwin King.

From: takemybythehand2@aol.com So is Patti a ghost or a zombie in the comic? because she's dead, yet she's still talking to people, so is she a ghost or zombie?

From: jackleapps@aol.com What's your stance on the immigration issues in America?

Rejected Mailbag

In which Chris hypothetically murders someone

From: J D <jdrexcess@gmail.com> Hi Chris, I'm a big fan of your work, and I share your views on homosexuality-- a topic which seems to pop up frequently in the mailbag. A friend of mine recently posed me a moral question, which I thought was pretty interesting: If you could save the life of a person you didn't know by having gay sex, would you do it? It's an interesting moral dilemma. Personally, I couldn't think of anything more repulsive in the world than having gay sex, but to save the life of a random person, I might actually do it. But I haven't quite made up my mind. How would you respond to this question? Would you have gay sex to save someone's life? Of course, this is a hypothetical situation and would probably never happen in real life, but I'm curious as to how you'd deal with it? JD

UGH!!! I would find a way to Trick the other and work around to save the person. NO GAY SEX!!!!!!!!!

Chris does not atone

From: creampie4sonichu@aol.com hello mr chandler my is rufus shinra and me and me fellow gay associates find sonicu to be a BIG testament to the gay community. We just love the way you lace each of your comics with gay tributes and etc. One thing that we really love is how you protray sonichu as a man struggling with his sexuality. On the outside he is "happily" married to rosechu but on the inside he is ready to come out. We have already figure out sonichus secret gay lover is magichan sonichu i mean magichan is purple (one of us gays most fabolous colors) he has no woman and he is mysterious. we can wait till you make sonichu and magichan and offical couple on your pages. Oh yeah me and my friend would like to invite you and another person to our gay club where we are going to have a sonichu theme party. We are going to pay your way here cause it would be a honor to have the man who made sonichu to be here. Who knows you might just find your significant other at this party. Once again thanks for makin sonichu for us gays to enjoy.

YOU ARE IN MAJOR ERROR!!! SONICHU IS STRAIGHT!!! AND MY COMIC SERIES IS A STRAIGHT COMIC SERIES!!! I DO NOT ATONE TO YOUR LETTER AND YOUR MISTAKEN EMOTIONS AT ALL!!! --ChrisChanSonichu 04:08, 5 January 2010 (CET)

God and Jesus have not yet told Chris to give it a rest

From: Trevor Wierzbowski <silentbughunters@yahoo.co.uk> What the hell is with the whole idea of brainwashing homosexuals into being straight? It isn't a choice for them, it's not like they woke up one morning and said "You know what? I feel like bumming a fellow male today and see if I like it!" It's who they are and they can't help that! The whole idea of forcing them into something they are not is just wrong! It would be like if someone rounded up everyone who had any form of autism and put them into a mental institution. What gives you the right to change other people into something they aren't? The hell is wrong with you? -Trevor P.S. You didn't bother answering the part of my previous email which asked you what you would think God and Jesus would think of your death threat to Jack.

I do not personally have the right, but I highly encourage Other People who are able to do that to do that to their fullest power. I have received no opinion on that video from God or Jesus as far as I know.

Asperchu is the shit

From: Alec-chan Asperchu <albasperchu@live.com> Christian, Thank you for accepting myself as a fellow Titan in the ranks of comic drawing! It is good to know that I have reached the top rank. I am currently in talks with the fellows on the Cartoon Network to possibly do a series of ASPERCHU-based short cartoons (3-5 minutes) that will air during their Adult Swim Broadcast; telling them that you have given me the Blessing as a Professional Artist will speed up the talks most certainly. Thank you as well for providing such a detailed answer to my question. I confess that You have confused me greatly. You say several things that make me wonder what it is you mean, and I would like if you can clarify. For example, You say the sentence "Aspergers supposed being similar to Autism, which although I have accepted that, I still disagree heavily on it being even ASSOCIATED with Autism as a type. Aspergers is NOT a Type Of Autism Whatsoever." Now, in the first part of that sentence, you say that you have accepted that the Aspergers is similar to the Autism, but in the next several words you say that Aspergers is NOT related to Autism. Your sentence has two parts, which each contradict the other. In another part of your response, You say that "I accept no relation between [Asperchu] and my works and characters, and with that I stand behind my statement of and labeling of Asperchu as a Parody." Now, this confuses me because a parody by definition is RELATED to its parent work, as parody is a deliberate imitation of the work on which it is based, yet you say that my ASPERCHU is not at all related to your Sonichu. That is true - My ASPERCHU is in fact my own ORIGINAL creation and not in any way related to your Sonichu. But then only several words after admitting this, you say that you stand behind your belief that ASPERCHU is a parody of Sonichu. I do believe that perhaps you do not have the good understanding of just what a Parody really is, and my attempt to show you through drawing an actual parody page has failed. Please clarify both of these statements, Christian, as as they are now it seems you are trying to have two outcomes that are the Mutually Exclusive be true in each one of them, which of course is not possible. Either Aspergers is related to Autism or it is not (IT IS), and Either ASPERCHU is a Parody of Sonichu or it's not (it is NOT). Also, I do have one last point to query about. You remark that I have made ASPERCHU into a "blatant homosexual male with such drawings of such dictation". I am confused by this, as I have NEVER drawn ASPERCHU to be making any dictations (by which I mean speaking, as that is the definition of the word) about being a homosexual; in fact throughout the Issues of the Comic he has pursued several GAL-PALS to make into a SWEETHEART, which is the heterosexual thing to be doing. In fact, you should read the conclusion of the latest Issue, as he does in fact acquire a sweetheart, the wonderful, caring, sweetest Dixie Chu. Perhaps your critical eye sees something in my Creation that I Myself did not notice putting in there, but to me ASPERCHU has always been a beacon of Heterosexual Virility and Pride. Conversely, you have yourself drawn Sonichu as being of the Homogay persuasion quite frequently, such as whenever Sonichu has intimations with his Boyfriend Rosechu, and also the Most Blatant Example is when you drew that Graphically Hardcore honeymoon comic where you had Sonichu turn blue and make sweet passionate love to that redheaded fellow. So please, be so kind as to explain these quandaries to a wondering mind such as mine. Your Protege and Bestest Joy-Boy, Alec Benson Leary

The drawing Chris refers to.

I have NEVER given you such an Outrageous Blessing to work with Adult Swim. DO NOT DO IT, PERIOD! I was saying that the two, Autism and Aspergers, have Similar Characteristics, but the two are NOT Linked to each other At All and Whatsoever. By the Relation link comment, I meant that I wanted nothing to do with Asperchu. And IT IS A GOD DAMN PARODY; You draw a Look-Alike Sonichu Character with a Look-Alike Sonichu Medallion, and you DRAW your character with a Striped Shirt like the one I draw myself in often, and you draw him with FATTNESS and MANBOOBS!!!! I FIND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT OFFENSIVE AS THEY ARE MOCKERIES TO MY OWN PERSON AND CHARACTERS. AND What about THIS DRAWING? YOU Personally Submitted this drawing, which the original letter FROM YOU is in the Parodies Mailbag, and EVERYTHING WITHIN THIS GOD DAMN DRAWING ONLY MAKES YOUR ASPERCHU A GOD DAMN BLATANT HOMOSEXUAL. You are STILL SO GOD DAMN HOMOSEXUALLY STUPID!!! --ChrisChanSonichu 05:24, 5 January 2010 (CET)

Questions

Q: Where do you think you'll go after you die and why do you think that will be the case? A: I do my best and what I can to end up in Heaven, I do a lot of good deeds.

Q: You follow the Bible rigorously and believe homosexuality will send you to Hell. However, the Bible says that having unmarried sex will send you to Hell as well. Explain your reasonings you choose to ignore God's word and not waiting until after marriage but instead "after the 3rd date". A: Those more strict rules apply to the Jewish, especially the book of Leviticus. I am a Christian Methodist, and as long as we feel comfortable and happy with our lives, if the Christian individual feels comfortable with premarital sex, then it is cool.

Q: Can you justify your anti-homosexuality? How exactly? A: Yes; the Homos I have heard from try to push their damn lifestyle in my face, and I DO NOT CARE FOR THAT AT ALL; What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it.

Q: Why does Rosechu wear clothes while Sonichu does not? Additionally, why are Lolisa, DJ Jamsta, and Rosechu the only Sonichus and Rosechus who wear clothing? A: Well, Why does Cindy Bear not wear clothes? Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants yet Sonic and Donald Duck do not? Why does Daisy Duck wear ONLY a Top, yet Minnie Mouse wears a skirt? IT'S A CARTOON; WHO CARES?!

Q: Are the Sonichu comics still aimed at children? If so, what age group? A: Yes, Ages 7 and Up.

Q: I am really interested in your Lego CWCville, could you please draw an elaborate map of it for me? A: One Day, I will draw a map, although it is similar to the City of Cwcville, VA.

For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 31