Mailbag 24

Mailbag 24 was uploaded to the CWCipedia on Christmas Day 2009. The letters addressed questions about Asperchu and the Missionary Cowgirl. Letter-writers included the True and Honest creator of Mario Potter, a schoolteacher in despair, mutants, and the crazy plant girl. Chris answered the mailbag on 29 December 2009. Notably, Chris offered some of the worst dating advice of all time. Despite the fact that he'd answered it, he still listed it as "to be answered."

Answered

Christmas with the Chandlers

From: kayohehl@yahoo.com Hello Christian, hope you are enjoying the holiday season! I was wondering (now that it's too late for me to spoil any surprises for anyone!) what gifts you purchased, and for whom? What did mom and dad get from you? They've done a lot for you, so I'm sure it was pretty special!

It was simple and nice; nothing too big. I purchased a few nice gifts for my friends at my church, and I got my mom and dad something nice; they enjoyed it. They gave me a game, a bit of chocolate, and a nice family time.

In which Chris reveals he hates parodies

From: Liz Borden <lizborden@gmail.com> Chris, Have you read the Asperchu comics? They are really awesome. I love Sonichu, but I have to tell you that the last few issues have been really boring and the Christmas story was a big disappointment, we didn't even get to see what happened and now Christmas is over! I have to tell you that I think the Sonichu comics have been getting stale and tiresome, I think you need to go back to what made them great in the first place, such as the subepisodes and more romance and real life stuff, or your fans are going to start following Asperchu! If you want an example of great storytelling, check out the subepisode in the latest Asperchu. Hope you had a merry Christmas! Sincerely yours, Lizzie

I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a Parody of a Sonichu with aspergers, which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like autism, then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.

CWCma Sutra

From: prettywoman@hotmail.com Hey Chris, Could you explain how "missionary cowgirl" in Sonichu 8 is supposed to work? I know a lot of sex positions and massages and I've never ever heard of this. I'm over 21, by the way. Take Care, Vivian Ward

When I stated that, I was only playing on the Cowgirl position, with "Missionary" meaning regular or standard.

Calm and rational stalking

From: zetsubousensei.itoshiki@gmail.com Hello, Christian. I am a schoolteacher, and while I don't particularly like my job, I've wanted to discuss something that's made my life tougher and more pointless than it already was. I've had a stalker for some time now, and she happens to be one of my students. I haven't gone to the local police or anything, as I don't want to get any of my students in trouble, no matter how disturbing they may act. She's probably watching me type this message, actually. I mean, she watches everything else. So I have to ask you: A man as famous as you must have to deal with stalkers and obsessive fans all the time, right? But even if you don't, I'd like to know how you'd handle a stalker. If you can help me, there's a spot for you in my will. And please, answer as soon as you can. I'm in despair. My stalker has left me in despair. -Zetsubou-sensei

Firstly, GO TO THE POLICE and seek their help. Second, confront your stalker and learn why she is stalking you; it may be just a small thing that can be discussed calmly and rationally. Other than that, I'd just ignore her.

Chris will elaborate attacks another time

From: thelman55@yahoo.com Dear chris, ive been a fan of sonichu for a LOOOONG time, and from what ive seen in your videos, your quite the fighter my friend, so I wanted to ask you, (my name is Logan btw) my brother victor has been picking on me a lot lately, recently he's gotten these really sharp fingernails and he runs at me on all fours! it's really scary! what do you think I should do? Also. When you, Clyde, and Mirror world chris have your final battle, do you think you will win? Do you have any special attacks? are there any i could use against my dang dirty brother victor? Your fan, Logan

Tell your brother that he is really bothering you, ask him to stop, and offer a reward for him stopping. I would win, but I have little time at the moment, so I will elaborate attacks another time.

Chris never got around to elaborating on attacks.

There are no elections

From: style88@mail.com What individuals did you run against during your election as CWCville mayor? Did your past purchases of anal beads and vibrators raise questions about your sexuality, or is the CWCville constituency gay-friendly?

There were no elections. That is a likely probability, but I AM STRAIGHT, and those items were FREE GIFTS that came with purchases of Women Love Dolls. Cwcville, Cwcipedia and myself are against the Homosexual Lifestyle altogether, but we do not discriminate against them as individual people.

Chris trying to curse people is "common"

From: magnetsarecool1963@genosha.com Dear Mr. Chandler, I've taken note of your claims of powers to "curse" and "bless" people, and I find it fascinating. I take a great interest in these situations, and would like some more information on your abilities, if you have any to offer. 1) Are you aware of any other abilities you might also possess? Any theories? I've heard you claim to have lifted 5-10 tons, do you have enhanced strength? 2) Do you know anything about the origins of your abilities? Is there an event in your past, perhaps a science experiment gone wrong, that triggered them? Or do you believe you were born with them? 3) Does your autism have any connection to your abilities? 4) Is there any history in your family of powers? Perhaps you could ask your parents if they ever displayed signs of similar abilities. I hope to hear from you soon. I believe you may be far superior most humans, and I would be extremely interested in working with you if my theories are correct. I look forward to learning more about these fantastic abilities of yours. Don't let anyone discriminate against you for these gifts of yours. The inferior will always hate and fear the advanced among us. Sincerely, Max Eisenhardt

Curses and Blessings are most common, and I can not life 5 tons; that is an exaggeration. I am not Superman.

Useless ass-kissing

From: frighteyes <frighteyes@gmail.com> I've been reading about you on the internet for a while now and I think you're fascinating. I was so excited to see that you have your own wiki. Just wanted to drop you a line saying hi and congratulating you on your accomplishments. You're truly a celebrity! Your fan, M from New Jersey

Thank you for your kind support.

Blah blah blah Chris's imaginary sister

From: J <misterbig45@yahoo.com> Hello there! I don't much get to read your comics (us Minish being too small to work computers and all that) but of the ones I have read I really like! It's so nice to see someone learning a useful skill like artistry. Anyway, on to my question. I noticed that in the last comic, you obtained all seven Sonichu Crystals (or did you? I wasn't sure). Since the point of gathering the crystals was to rescue Crystal from the Dark Mirror Hole, does that mean she'll b making a return to the comic soon? Keep drawing, Master Melari

All seven crystals have been gathered. She will make her return within the 10th book's later pages.

Chris gets called out, mentally blocks it

From: Shane Smith <donfelder1887@gmail.com> Why didn't you answer my questions? Why aren't you a real adult? They would've helped you understand your own fallacies and led you to be more adult! Masturbating to porn is not being "adult"; being adult is expanding your horizons rather than being confined to your video games and kids' movies. Being adult is understanding other peoples' feelings rather than assuming their own desires. Being adult is not screaming out every goddamn secret you have to your friends, family, and even girls you may be infatuated with. Being adult, especially, is respecting others rather than bringing revenge and curses upon them just because they gave you doses of tough love you couldn't understand. An adult is not somebody who's 18 or older; I'm 18 and I'm far from being an adult. I have Asperger's. I'm quite insulted by the way you dissed people with that disorder, calling them "retards" and other derogatory words of that caliber. It really sucks to see that a man who could've done so much with his life threw it all away to act like a child. Who do you think you are? Michael Jackson? I'm trying to communicate to you through here. Do you realize that instead of constant praise, you get derision from everybody? That's why "4centgarbage" and "Encyshlopeia Dramasska" exploited you; you couldn't take criticism. Well, Chris, I was once like you: a retard with bad art who retorted horribly at criticism. However, learning my lesson, I improved my writing, humor, and overall taste in everything...and that was in one year! You have taken about 15 years to correct yourself and you haven't not corrected yourself one bit. I won't be surprised to see if you ignored this or if you want to retort in your fancy way; you can't take it, not even from your parents. If I was you, I'd run away from home and discover myself. I wouldn't come back to my pleasure; I would find out why I'm the failure I am and humble myself. Lighting Advent candles and having people comment on your stuttering doesn't help. They know you can't talk well.

You, sir, do not know me, and your input has been taken under consideration.

Average C-cup size

From: captorima04@aim.com Hello there, Chris. A friend of mine told me about your comic a few days ago, and I must say, I enjoy your quirky Sonichu comic (sadly, I've read so much. I'll keep on reading it though!). I've drawn some fan art of your electric hedgehogs and as a curious woman I feel like I must ask these questions, lol. 1) Tell me a bit about Silvana, she was corrupted, right? Will she/he see the error of her/his ways and join Sonichu and the gang or stay as a villain? 2) Have you ever considered making reference sheets of your characters? Like if you made one of Sonichu or Rosechu (Full body pic in color, with details on certain parts of him and how to draw it, their heads in several angles, their info and maybe original concepts of them.) 3) Have you ever thought of introducing your Animal Crossing character and town in the Sonichu universe? (He's a cute little character.) 4) I noticed in one panel, Rosechu is a C cup size. What C size is she exactly? (Random question, I know.) 5) Have you ever thought of make spin off comics of other characters in the Sonichu Series? (Like how Archie Comics did with Tails and Knuckles.) If not, maybe a bit detailed background comic of each character (Even Rosechu's background). Hopefully, my questions didn't bore you. Ah, I forgot to mention I put Sonichu in a comic of mine, as a cameo. I hope you don't mind! From curious fan, Robin.

1) Yes, Silvana was corrupted; you will have to wait and see what her fate will be. 2) I have made reference sheets and drawings already, thank you. 3) That is a good idea. 4) Rosechu is of Average C-Cup Size. 5) That will happen soon enough. As long as you reference me as the original creator of Sonichu within the book, it is okay.

Chris gives girl advice

From: Thomas Landraw <neutralmilkman@live.com> Dear Christian; I desperately need your dating expertise (I know you're educated on the matter because of your "Date-Ed" issue). Recently my best friend broke up with his girlfriend, and she's been flirting with me a lot. A week ago now I went over her house and we made out, fondled each other, and etc., and we've done so since then too. I feel really guilty about it, and every time I do it I say it's the last time. Luckily I've prevented it from going any further (she wants to have sexual intercourse, but we aren't even dating), mainly because I'm only 17. Do you think I'm a horrendous person for doing this? I've told her I have no plans to ever date her, and she said she was fine with that but we would just be "friends with benefits"... is this wrong? Sincerely, Tom

You are not horrendous; you are only being honest about how you feel about the situation. You have two options here: you may take advantage of his loss of her in the breakup and start Dating her, then have sexual intercourse without regret or fear (especially if 17 is the legal age of consent in your state; check online in a search for verification), OR you may be strong and firm; break up with her; either she gives you space, and maybe go back to your friend, or you will get a Restraining Order against her.

Really short answers

From: fernando.thecourier.guerrero@gmail.com Hey it's me again, your biggest fan ever! And if anyone says otherwise I'll destroy them! Oh and Btw I was kinda hurt back in mailbag 4 when you gave those really short answers to my questions :' (. I kinda felt as If you didn't care about your biggest fan...well anyways on the the questions! 1) I noticed you've invented your own type of plant species (Zapbud) could you tell me about because they seem to show up alot. 2)What is your favorite Flower and why? (mine is the Morning Glory since it's really pretty and grows fast) 3) Have you ever thought of incoperating Enviromental issues into your comic to raise awarness? Anyways I hope you answer my questions , and could you please type alot? Cuz I am really interested with your comic :) Love your Biggest Fan IZZY

1) They are simple flowers of red and blue with natural lightning bolt imprints in the petals and central pollen area; they smell nice. 2) I like most flowers, and I am uncertain of a favorite at the moment. 3) That is an idea; I will take it under consideration.

Rejected Mailbag

So do we trust Chris, or the court record?

From: Ray Fry <stinkyxpete@yahoo.com> I looked up the court record. According to it, your father took Nathanael Greene Elementary School to court in order to prevent them from sending you to a private institution. According to it, the teachers claimed you were unruly in class, that you routinely shouted in class during lessons (they audio taped you being disruptive during class time), and even had to be physically restrained. According to it, you put a little kid in the hospital after biting off a chunk of his nose. What do you have to say to this? Why would you do this, and then lie about it and make it out like teachers were bullying you when, in reality, you were a bad child? Why the smear campaign? And why did your parents continue mainstreaming you when you obviously needed professional help and to be surrounded by people who understood your autism (mainstream teachers shouldn't have to accommodate for retards like you when retards get special schools and special teachers)? Why, Chris? Why?

WHAT? I never bit anyone in my life. Your sources are obviously false and faulty.

Autism Mailbag

Victory over Aspergers

From: Winston Quentin Shambler <WinstonQShambler@email.com> Dear Christian, You may not have heard, but I am Winston Quentin Shambler of Cleavland, Ohio. I am also the REAL and GENUINE Creator of Mario Potter, the Plumber Wizard Boy attending Hogwarts School in WQSville, Ohio. I regularly read your comic, but I was quite Angry when I read your CWCipedia Site and saw you insult the people with Aspergers. As a REAL and GENUINE growing 31 Year-Old with Aspergers All My Life, I am Offended. I was there to Nurture the First Generation of Asperger People, as well as go beyond my Asperger Dreams above and beyond. Those with Autism dare to try and take the Limelight away from us Asperger People with their inability to do anything useful. The Autistics also dare to imitate those with Aspergers to appear Normal, but they will never Match Up with a TRUE ASPERGER PERSON! VICTORY OVER ASPERGERS ONLY BELONGS TO US TRUE ASPERGER PEOPLE. - Winston Quentin Shambler

For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 24