Difference between revisions of "Sweetheart"

Latest revision as of 16:40, 21 August 2025

“	Kacey: Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? Chris: I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.	”
from Kacey Call 9

A flock of potential sweethearts.

A Sweetheart (sometimes heartsweet) is Chris's flavor-of-the-month.

Definition

Chris's goal is to build a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, lose his dreaded virginity (which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after "the illustrious metal" and a name similar to his own). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and having sex with his mother. Thus the sweetheart label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's Gal-Pals; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his Love Quest aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for Kacey, from which he was fired not long after. Based on his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever, it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with a kid or two.

During the late 2000s, Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents and their hoard, who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with. He was under the belief that his sweetheart would do all of the heavy lifting while he "watched over" the kids.

Qualifications

NOTE:

Be aware that the qualifications listed may not reflect Chris's current tastes.

See Also: Sonichu's News Dash and Attraction Sign

It's the one on the left.

In the early years of his Love Quest, Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the News Dash, and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be bent a little, as expedient.


18-Years Old ^{[note 1]} Boyfriend-Free Blonde or Brunette White Pretty Average or Slender Body Type 5' or Taller No Smoking or Drinking Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area Has Own Car Average to High Income Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:


No Children from Previous Relationships^[1] No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)^[2]

Present situation

This article is still yet to be completed due to stress.

We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!

This article is missing the following:

• Information about the Polyamrous marriage
• Everfree Northwest Love Triangle
• Lovers Attributes List

As of late, Chris's desire to find a sweetheart has somewhat weakened.

Related Terms

Chris has also used other affectionate terms for gal-pals and potential sweethearts.

Darling

Main article: Darling

Sweetbolt

What's wrong? More than you can possibly imagine.

Sweetbolt is a term of endearment coined by Chris and primarily used by his electric hedgehog characters. He considers it a clever play on the more familiar "sweetheart." The spelling of the word is somewhat fluid – Chris variously spells it "SweetBolt," "Sweet bolt," or "Sweet-bolt."

"Sweetbolt" sounds awfully strange even in the context of Chris's comics, as when Rosechu refers to Sonichu as her sweetbolt. However, it sounds an order of magnitude more bizarre when Chris uses it to describe himself:

“	I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your SweetBolt. :)	”
Chris, to PandaHalo, concerning her rape at the hands of Clyde Cash

Theoretical Exes

Chris has occasionally called past potential sweethearts theoretical exes.

Zapbud

“	Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, though a Zapbud is the flower that heals your woes.	”
^[3]

A Zapbud

The zapbud, first introduced in the Wall of Originals, was a part of Chris's half-assed attempt to create lore in his Sonichu comics, being a flower which he had created solely for this reason. In keeping with the comic's notorious lack of subtlety (if the name of the thing didn't give it away already), the flower itself is a generic sunflower design that has four magenta petals with yellow lightning bolts on it, and a blue center with a single yellow lighting bolt. Adding to this, Chris wanted to avoid making it ambiguous that they were supposedly Rosechu's most favorite things, and the chosen design for it, being the same color scheme as Rosechu, made this loud and clear (even ignoring the fact that Chris plastered Rosechu's name on it in one instance). Despite how special they supposedly are in the world of the comics, being Rosechu's favorite flower, and Chris even going out of his way to create a Magic Model mold of one in his Lego recreation of CWCville,^[4] they are so generic that the most that Chris could say about them is that they also just smell "nice".^[5] Chris's constant use of Zapbuds (despite how utterly generic they were) became a sort of in-joke amongst Christorians and observers, to the point where an OC, Cindy Zapbud, was created and named after it.

Nonetheless, the term "zapbud" was also used in the comics as a term of endearment, which is most noted when Sonichu referred to Rosechu as his "blossiming zapbud" in Sonichu 8.

Notes

↑ Chris's age then

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+<!--Editor's Note:Keep the page about Chris's definition of "sweethearts" and his relations to them. Avoid adding speculation on why he will or won't get one.-->
+{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"?<br>'''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}
 [[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
-{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"?<br>'''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}
-A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.
+A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.
 ==Definition==
-Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (side-quest complete), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself applied generously, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.
+Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.
+Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]], from which he was fired not long after. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]].
+During the late 2000s, Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with. He was under the belief that his sweetheart would do all of the heavy lifting while he "watched over" the kids.
 ==Qualifications==
+{{Misinfo|Be aware that the qualifications listed may not reflect Chris's current tastes.}}
 :''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]
-In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.
+In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.
-*18 - [insert current age] Years Old
+{{quotebox|
+*18-Years Old <ref group = note>Chris's age then</ref>
 *Boyfriend-Free
 *Blonde or Brunette
@@ Line 23: / Line 31: @@
 *Has Own Car
 *Average to High Income
-*Happy, Positive, Caring
+*Happy, Positive, Caring}}
-In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:
+In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:
+{{quotebox|
 *No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
-*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>
+*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>}}
-==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
-[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]
-Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.
-However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:
-'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need.]] On top of that, he implies a lot that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her, he'd dump this responsibility on his highly disturbed mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.
-'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan ... then ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, despite being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children.]] No self-respecting woman will ever put up with that nonsense.
-'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and currently has no plans to strike it out on his own, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own. It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.
-'''4) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.
-''' 5) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]]. And let's not get started on a certain medallion he always wore back in the day, which only made him look laughably worse. Long story short, if Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was, ignoring his obesity for a moment, rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.
+== Present situation ==
+{{Incomplete|Information about the Polyamrous marriage|Everfree Northwest Love Triangle|Lovers Attributes List}}
+As of late, Chris's desire to find a sweetheart has somewhat weakened.
-'''6) Chris acts like a dork.''' Again, although it sounds shallow, the fact remains that Chris' childish mannerisms can repel women. Take a look at [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|this video where he attempts to woo Ivy,]] for example. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either- he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which can cement in potential sweethearts' minds that he's possibly ''gay.'' (Sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])
+==Related Terms==
+Chris has also used other affectionate terms for gal-pals and potential sweethearts.
+===Darling===
+{{main|Darling}}
+===Sweetbolt===
+[[Image:sweetbolt.jpg|right|thumb||What's wrong? More than you can possibly imagine.]]
-'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.
+'''Sweetbolt''' is a term of endearment coined by [[Chris]] and primarily used by his electric hedgehog characters. He considers it a clever play on the more familiar "[[sweetheart]]." The spelling of the word is somewhat fluid – Chris variously spells it "SweetBolt," "Sweet bolt," or "Sweet-bolt."
-'''8) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)
+"Sweetbolt" sounds awfully strange even in the context of Chris's comics, as when [[Rosechu]] refers to [[Sonichu]] as her sweetbolt. However, it sounds an order of magnitude more bizarre when Chris uses it to describe himself:
-'''9) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.
+{{quote|I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your SweetBolt. :)|[[Chris]], to [[PandaHalo]], concerning her rape at the hands of [[Clyde Cash]]}}
-'''10) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be proficient [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?
+===Theoretical Exes===
+Chris has occasionally called past potential sweethearts '''theoretical exes'''.
-'''11) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.
+===Zapbud===
+{{quote|Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose,
+though a Zapbud is the flower that heals your woes.|<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>}}
+[[Image:Zapbud.jpg|thumb|100px|A Zapbud]]
+The '''zapbud''', first introduced in the [[Wall of Originals]], was a part of Chris's [[Anchuent Prophecy|half-assed attempt to create lore]] in his Sonichu comics, being a flower which he had created solely for this reason. In keeping with the comic's notorious lack of subtlety (if the name of the thing didn't give it away already), the flower itself is a generic sunflower design that has four magenta petals with yellow lightning bolts on it, and a blue center with a single yellow lighting bolt. Adding to this, Chris wanted to avoid making it ambiguous that they were supposedly Rosechu's most favorite things, and the chosen design for it, being the same color scheme as Rosechu, made this loud and clear (even ignoring the fact that Chris plastered Rosechu's name on it in one instance). Despite how special they supposedly are in the world of the comics, being Rosechu's favorite flower, and Chris even going out of his way to create a Magic Model mold of one in his Lego recreation of CWCville,<ref>[[:File:0881-Cwcville30.JPG]]</ref> they are so generic that the most that Chris could say about them is that they also just smell "nice".<ref>[[Mailbag 24#Really short answers]]</ref> Chris's constant use of Zapbuds (despite how utterly generic they were) became a sort of in-joke amongst Christorians and observers, to the point where an OC, Cindy Zapbud, was created and named after it.
-==Conclusion==
+Nonetheless, the term "zapbud" was also used in the comics as a term of endearment, which is most noted when Sonichu referred to Rosechu as his "blossiming zapbud" in [[Sonichu 8]].
-Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material.
-==References==
+{{Notes}}
-<references />
+{{References}}
 ==See also==
-*[[Love Quest]]
+* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
-*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]
+* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
-*[[Noviophobia]]
+* [[Gal pal]]
-*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
+* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
-*[[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]
+* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
-*[[Gal Pal]]
+* [[Love Quest]]
+* [[Noviophobia]]
+* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]
-{{Sweethearts}}
+{{Articleofthenow}}
+{{Love quest}}
+{{CWC-isms}}