Difference between revisions of "Sweetheart"

Latest revision as of 20:44, 8 April 2025

“	Kacey: Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? Chris: I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.	”
from Kacey Call 9

A flock of potential sweethearts.

A Sweetheart (sometimes heartsweet) is Chris's flavor-of-the-month.

Definition

Chris's goal is to build a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, lose his dreaded virginity (which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after "the illustrious metal" and a name similar to his own). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and having sex with his mother. Thus the sweetheart label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's Gal-Pals; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his Love Quest aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for Kacey. Based on his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever, it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with a kid or two. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents and their hoard, who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

Qualifications

NOTE:

Be aware that the qualifications listed may not reflect Chris's current tastes.

See Also: Sonichu's News Dash and Attraction Sign

It's the one on the left.

In the early years of his Love Quest, Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the News Dash, and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be bent a little, as expedient.


18-Years Old ^{[note 1]} Boyfriend-Free Blonde or Brunette White Pretty Average or Slender Body Type 5' or Taller No Smoking or Drinking Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area Has Own Car Average to High Income Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:


No Children from Previous Relationships^[1] No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)^[2]

Present situation

This is what Chris's break-ups are like.

In July 2015,^[3] the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or other - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the Dimensional Merge. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his Love Quest by marrying some of his imaginary OCs, and then declined an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even more unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late July 2021, the incest call was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the 9/11 of the internet" by many, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now another potential contender for this role, it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

Related Terms

Chris has also used other affectionate terms for gal-pals and potential sweethearts.

Darling

Main article: Darling

Sweetbolt

What's wrong? More than you can possibly imagine.

Sweetbolt is a term of endearment coined by Chris and primarily used by his electric hedgehog characters. He considers it a clever play on the more familiar "sweetheart." The spelling of the word is somewhat fluid – Chris variously spells it "SweetBolt," "Sweet bolt," or "Sweet-bolt."

"Sweetbolt" sounds awfully strange even in the context of Chris's comics, as when Rosechu refers to Sonichu as her sweetbolt. However, it sounds an order of magnitude more bizarre when Chris uses it to describe himself:

“	I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your SweetBolt. :)	”
Chris, to PandaHalo, concerning her rape at the hands of Clyde Cash

Zapbud

“	Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, though a Zapbud is the flower that heals your woes.	”
^[4]

A Zapbud

The zapbud, first introduced in the Wall of Originals, was a part of Chris's half-assed attempt to create lore in his Sonichu comics, being a flower which he had created solely for this reason. In keeping with the comic's notorious lack of subtlety (if the name of the thing didn't give it away already), the flower itself is a generic sunflower design that has four magenta petals with yellow lightning bolts on it, and a blue center with a single yellow lighting bolt. Adding to this, Chris wanted to avoid making it ambiguous that they were supposedly Rosechu's most favorite things, and the chosen design for it, being the same color scheme as Rosechu, made this loud and clear (even ignoring the fact that Chris plastered Rosechu's name on it in one instance). Despite how special they supposedly are in the world of the comics, being Rosechu's favorite flower, and Chris even going out of his way to create a Magic Model mold of one in his Lego recreation of CWCville,^[5] they are so generic that the most that Chris could say about them is that they also just smell "nice".^[6] Chris's constant use of Zapbuds (despite how utterly generic they were) became a sort of in-joke amongst Christorians and observers, to the point where an OC, Cindy Zapbud, was created and named after it.

Nonetheless, the term "zapbud" was also used in the comics as a term of endearment, which is most noted when Sonichu referred to Rosechu as his "blossiming zapbud" in Sonichu 8.

Notes

↑ Chris's age then

@@ Line 11: / Line 11: @@
 ==Qualifications==
+{{Misinfo|Be aware that the qualifications listed may not reflect Chris's current tastes.}}
 :''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]
 In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.
-*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
+{{quotebox|
+*18-Years Old <ref group = note>Chris's age then</ref>
 *Boyfriend-Free
 *Blonde or Brunette
@@ Line 26: / Line 28: @@
 *Has Own Car
 *Average to High Income
-*Happy, Positive, Caring
+*Happy, Positive, Caring}}
 In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:
+{{quotebox|
 *No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
-*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>
+*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>}}
-==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
+== Present situation ==
-[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]
-Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)
+[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]
-However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:
+In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.
-'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.
+Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.
-'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).
-'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.'''  Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.
-'''4) Chris has no manners.''' Autistic individuals often find it challenging to understand and interpret social norms and manners. That doesn't mean they are incapable of understanding or learning them, though. They acquire these skills during their childhood through therapies, special education programs, and parental guidance. In contrast, Chris received none of them, and as a result, he continues to lack an understanding of social norms and manners. Chris has a nasty habit of burping and farting in his videos as well as in public. While both are normal for people to do, they can be mitigated by suppressing them, going to the toilet, going on a diet, or apologizing when they do happen. Chris doesn't have the decency to do any of them. At one point, Chris was banned from [[Anytime Fitness]] after receiving multiple complaints from angry gymgoers. He also thought it would be a great idea to record himself  [[Fanta|drinking a concoction of Fanta and his own bodily fluids]].
-'''5) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.
-'''6) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]
-'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.
-'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].
-'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?
-'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.
+Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by many, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.
-'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.
+==Related Terms==
+Chris has also used other affectionate terms for gal-pals and potential sweethearts.
+===Darling===
+{{main|Darling}}
+===Sweetbolt===
+[[Image:sweetbolt.jpg|right|thumb||What's wrong? More than you can possibly imagine.]]
-== Present situation ==
+'''Sweetbolt''' is a term of endearment coined by [[Chris]] and primarily used by his electric hedgehog characters. He considers it a clever play on the more familiar "[[sweetheart]]." The spelling of the word is somewhat fluid – Chris variously spells it "SweetBolt," "Sweet bolt," or "Sweet-bolt."
-[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]
+"Sweetbolt" sounds awfully strange even in the context of Chris's comics, as when [[Rosechu]] refers to [[Sonichu]] as her sweetbolt. However, it sounds an order of magnitude more bizarre when Chris uses it to describe himself:
-In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.
+{{quote|I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your SweetBolt. :)|[[Chris]], to [[PandaHalo]], concerning her rape at the hands of [[Clyde Cash]]}}
-Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.
+===Zapbud===
+{{quote|Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose,
+though a Zapbud is the flower that heals your woes.|<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>}}
+[[Image:Zapbud.jpg|thumb|100px|A Zapbud]]
+The '''zapbud''', first introduced in the [[Wall of Originals]], was a part of Chris's [[Anchuent Prophecy|half-assed attempt to create lore]] in his Sonichu comics, being a flower which he had created solely for this reason. In keeping with the comic's notorious lack of subtlety (if the name of the thing didn't give it away already), the flower itself is a generic sunflower design that has four magenta petals with yellow lightning bolts on it, and a blue center with a single yellow lighting bolt. Adding to this, Chris wanted to avoid making it ambiguous that they were supposedly Rosechu's most favorite things, and the chosen design for it, being the same color scheme as Rosechu, made this loud and clear (even ignoring the fact that Chris plastered Rosechu's name on it in one instance). Despite how special they supposedly are in the world of the comics, being Rosechu's favorite flower, and Chris even going out of his way to create a Magic Model mold of one in his Lego recreation of CWCville,<ref>[[:File:0881-Cwcville30.JPG]]</ref> they are so generic that the most that Chris could say about them is that they also just smell "nice".<ref>[[Mailbag 24#Really short answers]]</ref> Chris's constant use of Zapbuds (despite how utterly generic they were) became a sort of in-joke amongst Christorians and observers, to the point where an OC, Cindy Zapbud, was created and named after it.
-Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.
+Nonetheless, the term "zapbud" was also used in the comics as a term of endearment, which is most noted when Sonichu referred to Rosechu as his "blossiming zapbud" in [[Sonichu 8]].
-==References==
+{{Notes}}
-<references />
+{{References}}
 ==See also==