Masturbating and squirtin'

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“	Every Person is Doing it!! Aahhhhhhhh...Relief... :)	”
Chris during his editing sessions on ED.

Masturbating and squirtin' refers to Chris's notorious response on 4 November 2007 to the fanart Evan culled from 4chan and mailed to Chris. It highlighted his intense homophobia, arrogance, and naïveté. Trolls also noted that he took no offense to the accusations of racism. Evan immediately posted Chris's reply to 4chan, which promptly lost its shit. Further correspondence only introduced the internet to other facets of his insanity. From here on out the trolling would never stop. This dialogue was among the earliest constituents to Chris's new Encyclopedia Dramatica page. All images can be found in the gallery.

Evan sent Chris the following on 3 November 2007:


This is some fanart of Sonichu my friends and I have drawn. I hope you enjoy it! [schu girlfriend auditions.jpg - An image of a happy, cartoonish Chris sitting at a table with two signs, one saying "GIRLFRIEND AUDITIONS" and the other saying "NO DARKIES".] [sonichu rule 34.PNG - A comic in which Chris whines to Sonichu about not having a girlfriend. Sonichu feels sad for Chris, and gives Chris a peck on the cheek. Chris is shocked, but Sonichu hushes Chris and says, "We need this." In the last panel, Sonichu is fucking Chris in the ass, the latter excited beyond belief about finally losing his virginity and soon getting to brag about it on YouTube.] [sonichu rule 34 2.jpg - A picture of Sonichu masturbating while saying "NO DARKIES, JERKOP!". Credits are listed as 'Bui Anon, © Anon 2007'] [sonichu fanart.gif - Chris and another Sonic-Pikachu hybrid waving their fists and glaring at each other.]

Chris responded:


CWCSonichu to [Evan] Thank you for your fanart contributions. In constructive criticism, I like the one with me and the "Girlfriend Auditions," as well as my glaring in the eyes of the blue guy. But I AM FEELING GREAT DETEST TOWARDS THE OTHER TWO; Sonichu and I are NOT of that nature at all!!!!! If you would like to make it up to me, though, please draw a strip of Rosechu stripping for Sonichu, and have him f* her, and draw Rosechu masturbating and squirtin'** [emphasis added]. I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT!!!! I WILL NOT BE VEERED IN ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!! Again, MOST Nasty Fanarts ARE NOT APPRECIATED AT ALL; please feel free to share that quote with the rest of the fans. Sincerely; Christian Weston Chandler. [Chris included a picture in the email of himself and Sonichu looking angry. Sonichu appears to be waving his hand awkwardly.] We're Keeping Track.

Evan bowed to Chris's request:


I'm very sorry I disappointed you, Chris-Chan. I drew what you wished. [Evan included a comic featuring Rosechu with a giant squirtin' penis.]

Evan followed this up with more fanart:


Oh, and here's more art from more of my friends. I didn't draw any of this stuff, though, so if you don't like it, I have no guilt! [Evan included four drawings, including depictions of more Rosechu penis and a naked Mary Lee Walsh].


Alright, I have one last batch of fanart! I'm sorry to send so many to you, but my friends are really eager to share it all. I hope you enjoy! [Evan appended five more drawings, with more dickgirl Rosechu and a parody of The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail].


CWCSonichu to [Evan] Thank You Very MUCH!!! You just saved me a lot of trouble on sorting out the pics from the hellish embelishment of my person that I am certain you are in on. [Chris included a link to the "Chris-chan" page on ED]


[Evan] to CWCSonichu What! What a horrible page. I'm sorry! I must wonder how they got pictures of our e-mails! I hope no one's hacking my e-mail account...

Chris responded in fury:


"CWCSonichu@aol.com" to [Evan] Do me a favor, draw a VAGINA on my Rosechu; Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' PICKLE!!!! IF I SEE ONE MORE FREAKIN' PICKLE, AND YOU MAY SPREAD THIS QUOTE TO OTHER ADULT FAN ARTISTS, I WILL CREATE YOU IN SOUL CALIBUR III AND BEAT YOU UP LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW!!!

Evan simply posted:


Uh oh. [This came with a drawing of Rosechu holding a pickle and saying, "I wish pickles could masturbate and squirt." Cartoon Evan replies, "Fudge, you're going to beat me up in SC now, aren't you? I shouldn't have let our souls get fiercely entangled."]