Muscle bra
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| “ | OMG, WOW! This material feel so, so, so good on my skin. | ” |
| Chris in the bra e-mail | ||
Muscle bra is a CWC-ism for the sports bra that Chris is wearing on his manboobs.
The muscle bra, also known as the Muscle Bra of Fail, first appeared in October 2009 in the leaked e-mail accompanied by photos. His usually bouncy moobs soon became less noticeable in subsequent videos.
Later the same month, Chris appealed to others to wear a muscle bra too:
| “ | I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a muscle bra. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out. | ” |
| Chris exhibiting his bizarre method of "not getting it" in Clyde is Weaker than Water | ||
Chris and bras
Chris seems to find the sight of bare male chests extremely unappealing and even offensive. In the April 2010 video message Men Should NEVER be Topless he strongly insisted all men should wear bras and said he would actually make it a law. It is likely he makes this claim in a shallow attempt to appear straighter than straight.
Despite saying that other men's chests are ugly, he has no problem depicting himself shirtless, without the bra, as in his ideal self-image his manboobs are non-existent and thus need no such support.
In the real world, though, Chris presumably finds his muscle bra to be a necessity, given his unusually large breasts. Due to his inability to differentiate differences in the anatomy of other human beings, Chris may see it as necessary for other males to cover up as well - or, more likely, he simply wants to rationalize the fact that he needs one because of his big breasts by encouraging people who do not need one to wear one as well, thus hiding the actual reason for him wearing his fashionable sports bra.
Chris clearly liked wearing a muscle bra so much that the same month he gave us a better look in a video. One might assume that the clean white bra here is a different one from the pale gray one in the photos, implying that Chris has bought multiple bras. Given that things never get cleaner in the Chandler household, only filthier, this seems a safe assumption to make. We already know from the below email that Chris bought one set of sports bras in a three-pack, and due to his notorious cheapness we have no reason to think he did not do the same with the second set of bras. This suggests Chris has at least six bras. Chris also reveals in the video in question that he wears bras with a band size of 42. His cup size is unknown at this time.
In June 2010 Chris went to Fridays After Five, where he continued to carry out his campaign against exposed manboobs among the general public by wearing his muscle bra to the event. It seems that Chris has also found another use for muscle bras, demonstrated by vandalizing his bra with a marker pen and converting it into an attraction sign. Whereas most normal people would perhaps draw on a T-shirt to make their point, Chris has devised a seemingly superior method of making his. That's right: for a woman to have read his statement of intent to engage in a romantic and sexual relationship with her, she'd have to have stared at one of the more disturbing outward pieces of evidence that he just doesn't understand how those relationships work, which may or may not be a poetic microcosm of his entire fucking life since puberty.
Chris may have actually had a fetish for wearing women's underwear longer than we think. Likely, the fetish began when Blanca made him dress in his mother's undergarments. For a period, he seems to have struggled with his urges — one image, drawn around the Ivy Saga, inexplicably shows Punchy Sonichu wearing a bra — and since he did not buy his sports bra until later in the year, we can only conclude that he was wrestling with his desire to steal his mother's underwear to support his manboobs.
The bra e-mail
The following e-mail was leaked in October 2009, along with a series of illustrative photos. The identity of the recipient has never been publicly revealed.
(omitted stuff)...
| Stress causes Memory Loss sometimes. At least I undid the hacker who got into my YouTube. Also, I did my shopping today; I haven't been able to draw or color today yet, but I will set some time tonight. I got my copy of G.H.5, my new 3-in-one-printer, and I found the sports bras at Wal-Mart; 3-packs for $10 a pack. In leiu of going into the fitting room, I asked the nearby female employee to measure my bust size; I'm a 43. So I got a 3-set of 42; I've been wearing one for try... It is sooo comfortable, and my manboobs do not bounce as easily; I jumped a few times to see. OMG, WOW! This material feel so, so, so good on my skin. It's like a Guitly Pleasure or something. Anyway, I got my exercise in today. I also went to McD, Toys 'R' Us, Sheetz, Food Lion and Target for applications; NO PAPER APPLICATIONS! OMG, it really ground my gears to realize that. Although at Target, I was not totally surprised; I went straight to their computer station and filled in their application online. But EVERYONE IS LIKE GOING DIGITAL WITH NO PAPER TRAIL; It Sucks! This is even WORSE Than that CRAPPY PowerWeb at PVCC. Yes, you have read correctly, I HAVE ALWAYS HATED THAT DAMN, STUPID POWERWEB![1] Even in it's pre-released Over Advertising, which was TOTALLY UNECCESSARY. Every time I was FORCED into using that Damn System, I was always reluctant, and I had to use my Student ID No., which I HAD NEVER CARED TO MEMORIZE; I only glanced at a few numbers at a time upon entry, and "In One Ear And Out The Other" with that soiled piece of what would have been valuable information. You said I was the first person you met to Hate Kenneth; well, I'm probably the first person you met who Always Loathed the PowerWeb since its PreBirth. *sigh* But I digress... and this bra feels sooo good. Something else, I'll forward you an e-mail I sent to Kacey last night after our conversation to best start another concern of mine. I'll TTYL, |
______________________________
I've just recently learned about Christian and in so, am new to this whole 'CWCki' but I would like to tell you all a story about his "Muscle Bra".
I am THE woman that he asked to measure him... And no, I was not a "nearby female employee", I was actually only suppose to be bringing back and putting away items that people give to the cashiers when they realize they don't want them anymore. There was a male employee closer to the section than I was (though learning what I have about him and guys, it makes sense he'd pick a girl), and there was even another girl closer than I was (though I've learned since then, Chris does not like "the blacks", and she was indeed black). He basically hunted me down and said "Umm.. I need a man br- a bra for men." I looked at him and said "Well they are right over here sir, if you'd follow me..." Like we are suppose to say when helping customers. Not only did he follow me, he asked me my name, my age, and if I had a boyfriend (No Joke...I answered all of these of course because we can't ignore the customers).
When I showed him where the women sports bras were (we do not have bras simply for men...) he stared at me a while before saying he didn't know his size. I asked him if he'd prefer a male to do the measuring so that he wouldn't have a girl invade his privacy..but he declined saying, "I don't care for men..I'd like you to do it". I'm not usually the person that works in that department, but we are are allowed (aka suppose) to help any customers, in any department, at any time, so I went behind the counter to get the measuring tape; he actually tried to follow me back there...
I measured him but don't remember what the number was...though 43 sounds right. Measuring him was very awkward for me though because:
1) He was a man...you'd think a guy would want more privacy if he needed a bra
2) He kept asking me for personal information that normal people wouldn't ask a stranger
3) Frankly, he smelled really bad (too much AXE, I assume, plus extreme BO... kinda like if you took a whole can of AXE and sprayed it on rotten garbage) and I was not comfortable being that close to him...I actually had to put my arms around him to get the measurement
4) He told me "You are very pretty and smell nice" which reminded me of a 5 year old or something
5) He asked me 3 times if I had a boyfriend and when I said no he replied, with a smile, "Oh, that's good."
6) He asked me, "Could you.. Would you go- Would you like to go to McDonald's or somewhere with me after your done working? My Mommy... My Mother is waiting out in the car though, so I..Well it'd have to be later." which I replied "No, but thanks for the offer." He actually looked quite angry with my answer, but he didn't ask me anymore
He did indeed ask for 3 packs and I rang up his total there. He walked away, but not before sliding a bent, damp (From sweat??) card with his name, number, address, and with some website I never went to on it. I hope I edited this correctly and I hope this gives light to the situation...It was quit a shock to learn that some random customer I'd talked to with fellow workers about was "famous". We've seen him since then, but he's usually alone and buys Video Game stuff.
Sincerely Yours, The Wal-Mart Girl (AKA: Amanda)
Gallery
E-mail images
Animated gifs
See also
References
- ↑ TwoMarys on CWCipedia Chris seems to hate the PowerWeb because it's a pet project of Mary Lee Walsh and he was too dumb to understand how to use it.
External links
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