Mailbag 14

Mailbag 14 was uploaded to the CWCipedia in the early hours of 10 December 2009.

A very diverse mailbag, the questions asked cover a wide range of topics, and the second mailbag to use letters sourced from Operation Mailbag. There's a notable lack of questions about Aspergers, and Chris's autism is only brought up once in an indirect manner. No shortage of questions on Chris's alleged straightness though.

Notably, Paul McCartney and Elton John out themselves as Sonichu fans. However, Chris appears to have no idea who these people are, so it doesn't affect him much. This mailbag also contains the single most blatant lie of any mailbag so far: what got Chris kicked out of Grace Baptist Church.

Answered

Pictures of women in bikinis... right...

From: Joseph Jackson <josephwalterjackson1929@gmail.com> Hi Christoper, I'm a long-time admirer of your Sonichu franchise... It's been about forty years since I've seen such a powerful and possibly lucrative franchising opportunity.... Sonichu could be huge! I've had a lot of questions that I've wanted to ask you since I discovered your fantastic series about three years ago. Here are some of them: 1. I know that you're a big fan of Britney Spears, but what did you think of Michael Jackson? I loved his music (RIP!), but I certainly thought he was a weird person. Do you think it's weird how he always tried to be a child even though he was over twenty years old? 2. My youngest son, who is 17 years old has a strange connection to my wife. He hates everything about me, but has an unnatural bond to his mother... I've even caught him sleeping in the same bed with her! I've tried talking to him about this, but just won't listen. Is this normal? What should I do? 3. What's going to happen in Book 10? The action and story in Book 9 was second to none... you gripped me from page one until the end! 4. Like yourself, I'm a very devout person, so I was surprised when I was told that you were kicked out of your old church! What happened? I'm still in shock that something like that would happen! Thank you so much for taking the time to answer these questions... I hope that you and your family have a very merry Christmas! Sincerely, Joseph

Michael Jackson was okay, although I did not care for his skin-color change and the molestations. I am not totally surprised on him trying to be a child at an adult age; obviously there was a piece of childhood or so that he missed out on the first time around, and maybe he was trying to locate that and feel like he hasn't missed a valuable piece of life. Your Son Needs A Girlfriend. Seriously, though, he should have developed the space between him and his mother by this age. I highly recommend finding a girl about his age and encourage the two to hang out together as much as reasonably possible (sub-suggestion: try finding a girl who Looks and maybe Acts like the boy's mother). You'll have to wait and see. The pastor did a background check on me, and found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended. You all have a Merry Christmas too. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:14, 11 December 2009 (CET)

Chris sez: Smile at bullies

From: Charles Whitman <belltower66@gmail.com> Chris, You've given great advice to high school kids before, and I was wondering if you could help me. I'm emailing you because I'm having a real problem with bullying at my school. It started my freshman year with teasing and name-calling, and maybe getting pushed around a bit. I'm a junior now and the problem has continued, and it's getting worse and worse. It's escalated to death threats, the occasional beating, and the bullies will throw things at me from their cars with increasing accuracy. I've tried telling my parents, my teachers, and the principal and no one is willing to believe me or help. Were you ever bullied in school? If so, what did they do? How did you deal with this? I know you have problems with trolls now, but what were things like at Manchester High? You make out your high school days to be pretty great and it makes me wonder if there's stuff you're not letting on. I could see a lot of people being jealous of your artistic abilities and your wide circle of female friends. What advice do you have on dealing with bullies? If you were bullied how did you deal with it or make them stop? Any help you could give would be most appreciated. Charles Whitman

Well, your bullies were worse than mine in Middle and High School; mine only Teased me by saying stuff like "Sonic's Dead", and throwing coins my way so I would pick them up. Although, I was beat up a bit in 4th grade by a couple of teachers, an aide and a guidance counselor. I told my parents about that; they ended up fighting the school system, and we had to move so I could go to the better schools there. My best advice is to ignore their plights upon you and count your blessings. Also, if you are objecting to their beatings and whatnot, I would advise you try Being Nice to them; when they threaten you, you Smile and tell them "Stay safe and have a good day." And when they beat you up, you Smile and tell them, "Thank you for the massage, I feel much better now." And depending on what they throw at you, Smile and say "Thank you, I (was hungry/thirsty) (wanted this (item) for a while) (think this will look great in my collection). The point is to make their bullying look more like a pleasantry to you, because that is the response bullies are NOT looking for. In any case, eventually the bullies will tire from it and give up; this will speed that up a bit. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:14, 11 December 2009 (CET)

The pedoglasses stay

From: Johnny Marcus <johnny2day67@yahoo.com> Hello Chris, I like your comics a lot, but I noticed your glasses in a lot of your videos are pretty unstylish, and I was curious as to why you wear those frames when there lots of different styles out there. I'm pretty sure you can find a pair that's more flattering for your face and will help you attract more boyfriend-free girls. Cheers, Johnny

My frames are good; they look good to me, and they are the best fit for my lenses anyway.

He's a real Nowhere Man

From: 'Paul McCartney' <paul@paulmccartney.com> Hello there Christian. Last Night I popped in one of your records after being recommended it by my former bandmate Ringo, while recording a bass line for his latest album. Now, usually, whenever he said 'O.K., play that part like Entwhistle would' or 'make it like Ronnie Wood' I would really understand what he was trying to tell me. But then, yeah, one time he told me something around the lines of 'Hey Paul. That was great, I love that one. Reminds me of Chris Chandler' Naturally, I was thinking, 'Who?' 'Cause, you know, I've never heard of this Chris Chandler guy before. And Well, anyways, he told me about your COMEBACK album, which he gave me a copy after recording was finished, and I have to say. It's absolutely fantastic. I've never heard such a crisp, creative vocal style in my life. Truly amazing work. How about you recording a new LP? Is it going to happen any time soon?

Firstly, the tunes your friend gave you were only tracks that were available online, yet I did record them myself for a past girlfriend of mine, and some troll got to the tracks and made them more available for download. But when the merchandise thing goes underway, my two CDs will be among them, THEN I may record new albums. So at the moment it is uncertain. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:14, 11 December 2009 (CET)

Chris's most in-depth answer yet

From: Pugs Malone <pugsmalone@gmail.com> Dear Chris, I've been following your comic and videos for quite a while, and a lot of places have kicked you out due to your autism. Besides the Game Place, Wal-Mart, the Boy Scouts, the mall, your old church, Target, and PVCC, are there any other places which have unfairly banned you? Chris Barnes

No.

Silvana straightness quotient

From: Lyle Stevenson <sonichuforthewin@hotmail.com> I have been a huge fan of your work for years, and i love every single comic you have ever made, but i have a bit of a problem and I would be in your debt if you could help me. My favorite character is silvana, and i must admit I have developed a crush on her. Since shes both male and female, does this mean I am on the slippery slope of becoming a homo? If so, how can I prevent this from happening and remain GOOD and STRAIGHT??? Thank you for your time, Lyle

That depends, if you are more attracted to the Vagina, then you are straight

Cuisine and Star Trek

From: Crystle Lumpie <crystlelumpie@live.com> When I asked what is your favorite food, I meant cuisine, so the confusion is entirely my part. Could I get that more accurately answered, if you don't mind? Also, about my Star Trek question, you said yes and no. What does that mean?

Cuisine... I am not sure. Yes, it is a line from Star Trek; No, I use the line as a neutral element for an entry. Similarly, I could have said "Dear Diary", but I chose not to use that line.

Chris's hideous website explained

From: Chad Warden <loltheinterwebs@gmail.com> Hello, Chris. What is the story behind the background image you always use in all of your webpages? I never understood why you keep using it. It looks distorted (like a TV tuned to the wrong channel, yuck) and has a rather ugly puke green shade to it. It makes me feel kinda nauseous. Did you make it by scribing together yellow, green, and blue crayons? It's very hard to look at. You said you took two HTML classes. I thought they'd at least teach you about good web design. Why not use something like a smooth shade of white, or a nice slick gradient texture? Maybe something slick, like a nice, slick black texture like the color of the PS triple. Now that would be just straight up ballin'. Sincerely, Chad Warden

Chris struck out the word "ballin'" because Chris is weird like that. He removed the strikthrough on 15 December 2009, apparently as a part of a mass decensoring campaign. It has been retained here for the sake of completeness.

The background design is a theme of Sonichu Running; the blue stripe on the bottom is his shoe-color, and the yellow is the rest of him.

Chris's confused answer on child abuse, and The Passion of Our Lord rattles Chris's nerves

Sacrilege of the highest order.

From: Nick Sikora <nsiky@hotmail.co.uk> hello to mr chandler! i am 9 year old called kele and i am write from the city of ndolo in zambia in africa sonichu is a very big in my town. we all talk of sonichu and sonichu adventures at school. sometimes we must wait 20 minutes to download a page of comic because internet is slow in my town. but we do it still because sonichu is so fun! the school is run by white christian men like you and so i am very thankful of you and all of american christians for giving me school! i love jesus and he died for us all! thank you! the only time i am not at school talking about sonichu is when my father beats me with his belt for going to the school and makes me plant grain instead! what should i do about father so that i can spend more time at school learning about christian and jesus and sonichu? thank you for response! kele PS i have drawn pictures of my heros sonichu and rosechu and jesus all together i have drawn it for you chris. :) what do you think of my drawing? thank you!

OMG! I do not condone parents abusing their children in any form, especially with a belt. On one hand, I should advise you to follow your parental requests to do chores. And on the other, I would tell someone of authority about him abusing you, so he can learn that such torture is no way to raise a child. Aside from that, I thank you for your support, and I appreciate the drawing, but I feel it would have been better with a hand-drawn Jesus instead of the tortured image; it rattled my nerves a bit. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:14, 11 December 2009 (CET)

Rejected Mailbag

In which Chris claims it was not rape because she was "asking for it"

From: Gloria Steinem <gsteinem71@mail.com> I have been an avid reader of your comic ever since I heard of the wonderful Sonichu #8. The Rosechus' fight for women's rights was the most beautiful depiction of a woman's fight for equality that I have seen in a long time. However, I was deeply disturbed by the second page of the new comic. You say that you "did the do" with your future self's wife without her knowing it! I was appalled by this horrific act of rape in what I had thought was a brilliant comic book! A children's comic book! Lovely never really consented to having sex with you, but with your future self! The fact that you took advantage of her absolutely disgusts me. You were not the man she loved all those years. You were not the man she married. You knew that you could pass yourself off as being your future self and you used that to satiate your perverse sexual needs. How dare you.

You are misunderstood, it was not rape; She mistook me for my future self, and She Asked Me to have sex with her.

Homosexuality is a mental problem

From: Alan McCallister <pushingdaisiesup@live.com> Hi Chris, I've been a longtime Sonichu fan and have been too afraid to e-mail you since I was too afraid you'd judge me. I'm a homosexual atheist doing undergraduate research at the University of Virginia on the effects of being a homosexual in predominantly Christian surroundings. I've had the good fortune of being able to see you on campus while I was collecting data. As a scientific man, I was taken aback by a recent mailbag where you stated that drinking promotes homosexuality in children. What study did you cite for this? My mom never drank until after she had me and I turned out gay. After that she drank like a fish and my three brothers turned out straight. Are you sure because your mother didn't drink while you were pregant maybe that's why you turned out gay? I mean, come on man ... I know about the vibrator and anal beads. Truly and Honestly, Alan McCallister

Strike through added by Chris because... well he's Chris.

I am straight, and I do not care for your comments. Also, I know that drinking while pregnant will make the child come out with a mental problem of some sort.

Because claiming Chris is gay never gets old

From: Reginald Dwight <reginaldqdwight@gmail.com> Hey Chris, We have a lot in common. We both like to dress in bright clothes, we're both rude and we're both "possibly retarded" (your words). The one difference we have is that I am openly gay and you have yet to come out of the closet. I was once like you. I even married a woman. I used to have sex with women a lot, but it was nothing. I had to accept I was gay and now I'm in a happy relationship. Just remember this, Chris - if you weren't gay, you wouldn't have had sex with a woman by now. Love Reginald xx

Let me get back to you on that

In which Chris does not reject a letter from a white supremacist

From: Herr Feldgrau <reichsmarschallfeldgrau@gmail.com> Heil my white brother! I was reading your comics and I find them to be a good representative of white nationalist values. The overwhelming presence of whites in your stories led me to believe that you would be sympathetic to our cause. I was thinking that Sonichu stories would be a great way to teach our beliefs to children. Would you be willing to give me permission to use Sonichu in such an educational manner? I promise full credit to you will be given on any work I may produce. Blut und Ehre, Herr Feldgrau

Business sense

From: Eddie Berganza <berganzadc@gmail.com> Hello Chris- My name is Eddie Berganza, and I work in the American comic industry. Your comic "Sonichu" was recently brought to my attention by an intern at my company and I viewed your recent videos on Youtube pitching the concept to "business people." As someone with years of experience in dealing with copyrighted characters, I feel like I need to let you know of some problems I see with you trying to sell your Sonichu character. Sonichu's creation, in the comics you present, involves two characters who are owned by other companies: Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog are owned by Nintendo and Sega, respectively. Do you have the full written consent of Nintendo and Sega to use their characters? I understand you believe Sonichu himself is an original character, but the fact that a key part of his story infringes on other companies' copyrights makes it virtually IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to get in business with you. I suggest you change Sonichu's origin story to not involve characters you do not have the rights to. That you continue to refer to him as a Pokemon also presents a problem. Referencing Pokemon and using characters from that franchise in your own Sonichu franchise is an INFRINGEMENT ON NINTENDO'S POKEMON COPYRIGHT. As just a fan product, this is fine, but your efforts to sell Sonichu into other forms of media and make money off it puts you and anyone who would do business with you at legal risk. As I have come to understand Sonichu, I have to tell you that Sonichu can NEVER BE USED FOR PROFIT under current copyright law. You are pulling in too many characters and concepts from other franchises (Sonic the Hedgehog, Power Rangers, Transformers, Pokemon, to name just a few) to claim your series is fully original. I am sorry if this news disappoints you. I see a lot of young artists who are naive about copyright law make the same mistakes. Hopefully, you will learn from them and develop a new concept that you will be able to make money on some day. You have a lot of talent for a special needs child and I look forward to seeing the kind of art you produce when you grow up and become an adult. Good luck!

For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 14