CWC Update 29 July 2009

In "CWC Update 29 July 2009" (officially "CWC Update 07292009" for the original video and its extended cut, "CWC Update 07292009-2" for the Spanish companion video), Chris explains that he is a troll trolling trolls. Note that he somehow grew his full goatee back instantly.

He would later replace the video with an extended version, which adds a close-up of his driver's license and Chris asking his viewers to read about the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens on CWCipedia, which he claims to be the new, official Sonichu website. Also of note is the addendum, in which Chris horribly mangles the language of Cervantes and infuriates many a speaker of the world's second language with most native speakers.

Video

CWC Update 29 July 2009
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Stardate	29 July 2009
Performance Style	Reason Reason
Saga	Liquid Liquid
Shirt	Red Stuttgart Red Stuttgart
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous CWC More than a Feeling	next That Goatee WILL Grow Back

Transcript

Alright... Captain's Log, Stardate: July 29th, 2009.

Let's get this over with right off the bat. Dispelling rumors and making a few points. There are NO official Sonichu and Rosechu merchandise yet. Whatever you're buying right now, it's fake, especially from the damn black—brown... brown striped impostor posing as me. Ignore all YouTube videos portraying me in a wrong sense, especially if it is not on my TRUE YouTube account, this one: I-B-A Chandler! Portra—playing also playing off of my father's license plate... a little bit. I B Mr. C! Follow Mr. C's, I'm an important C. (?) Mr. Chandler. IBAChandler.

And yes, it is true, I have called myself a troll, because I am trolling my trolls back! So, in a sense, I am a troll to those trolls ONLY. I am not a troll to any of the TRUE, HONEST people out there. I just—because of the Internet, and whatnot, it's hard to tell the difference. So, if you're not a troll, and you know you're not, it does not apply to you. Otherwise, you know you're a troll. I'M TROLLIN' YOU BACK!

And... it's okay to be... stupid sometimes. Stupid... damn, dirty song! While it is NOT okay to be homosexual, I will let—I will personally not judge any individual of that... one trait. I am willing to be friends with homosexuals. And let me make it clear: I will NOT TOLERATE ANY FURTHER DAMN, DIRTY STUPID QUESTIONS QUESTIONING MY DANG ORIENTATION! I, CHRISTOPHER "CHRISTIAN" WESTON CHANDLER, AM STRAIGHT! Have good faith... in me. And... to all my loyal, true viewers, fans everybody: you will be rewarded.

I leave that with you. Peace, and have a good day.

Extended version

CWC Update 29 July 2009 (Extended)
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Stardate	29 July 2009
Performance Style	Reason Reason
Saga	Liquid Liquid
Shirt	Red Stuttgart Red Stuttgart
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous CWC More than a Feeling	next That Goatee WILL Grow Back

Transcript

Alright. Captain's Log, Stardate: July 29th, 2009.

Let's get this over with, right off the bat. Dispelling... rumors. And making a few points. [looks at a piece of paper, apparently with his notes] There are no... official... Sonichu or Rosechu merchandise yet. Whatever you're buying, right now, it's FAKE, especially from the damn black—brown—brown-STRIPED impostor posing as me. [looks back at paper] And I can best prove who I am. [moves away from camera, but comes closer to it and shoves his face in the camera] CLOSE UP. ZOOMING in on ME. [shoves driver's license into the camera, mumbles] With... my driver's license... with the customer number censored. [flips the license around] Can you copy FRONT and BACK? FRONT and BACK? [turns it to its side] THICKNESS? [flips to the back] Front... [flips back to the front] Front reflective Virginia... Can you see it? [pulls license away and shoves his face back in] I think... [dramatic glasses removal] ...not.

I think not. flashes license again]

[steps back into proper frame, reads off of paper]

Ignore all YouTube videos portraying me in a wrong sense. Especially if it's not on my true YouTube account, this one, IBAChandler. Portray—playing—also playing off my father's license plate. Little bit. I be Mr C. A lot of Mr. C's... I'm an important C.: Mr. Chandler. I be a Chandler.

[looks back at paper]

And yes, it is true: I have called myself a troll because I'm trolling my trolls back, so, in a sense, I am a troll to those trolls only. I am NOT a troll to any of the other True and Honest people out there. [replaces glasses] I just—because of the internet and whatnot, it's hard to tell the difference. So, if you are not a troll, and you know you're not, this does not apply to you. Otherwise, if you know you're a troll... [shrugs, then points dramatically] I'M TROLLING YOU BACK! [points and goes to say something, but doesn't]

AND... it'sokaytobestupids. [he says this fast and softly, then mumbles] ...That damn, dirty song. [looks at paper, ponders.] While it's NOT okay to be homosexual, I will not j—I will not personally judge any individual [removes glasses again, and starts reading off the paper] ...that one trait. I am willing to be friends with the homosexuals. And let me make it clear: [drops glasses, lifts finger] I will not tolerate any more damn, dirty, stupid question my dang orientation! I, Christopher Christian Weston Chandler, am STUH-RAIGHT! Have good faith in me.

And to all my True, Loyal viewers, fans, everybody. You will be rewarded. Look up the history of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens for one, a full, extended story from. My. Head. And my hands, typed. On the new, the official, as of 2009, the new s—the official s—CWC's Sonichu and Rosechu Site.

I will leave that with you. Peace, and have a good day.

Addendum

CWC Update 29 July 2009 (Addendum)
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Stardate	29 July 2009
Performance Style	Reason Reason
Saga	Liquid Liquid
Shirt	Template:GreenStripeShirt2 Green Striped
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous CWC More than a Feeling	next That Goatee WILL Grow Back

Transcript

Original

Captain's Log, Stardate: May(?) 29th, 2009

¡AY! Impostor en rayas de marrón. [cut] Yo tenía dos años de español en mi escuella secundaria, Manchester High. Con mi señora bonita. [cut]

Y yo recibe durante los classes [cut] el apodo que yo use para mi Internet, RICARDO, mi nombre fue Ricardo en las clases de español. [cut] Recuerde el es- el Pokésite de R.W.C [the W is pronounced doble ve like in Spain] con CWC Pokésite 2, CWC's Bionicle site, CWC's Hot Wheels site, the original CWC Sonichu site. [cut]

Yo voy a hacer una apuesta. Que tu el impostor no graduaste desde [high pitch] TU escuela secundaria. ¡En serio! [cut] Yo, el verdad, Christopher Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler, [cut] no solamente me gradue de Manchester High con mi TITÚLIO [shows degree, then puts it down]. Mi titúlio de basketball en mi fi- en mi año de freshman [shows his basketball degree, proceeds to put it down]. ¡Stupido! TU ERES STUPIDO. [cut]

No solamente con ellos, pero con mis puntos de HONOR ROLL. ¡Bueño! [cut]

¿Y como fue escribe en los comicos de Sonichu [feels his badge], Rosechu y yo? [semi-gangster expression] ¡Yo! [cut]

Yo fue a Piedmont Virginia Community College para mi—[cut] Para mi titulo y certificado para COMPUTA EDIT DRAFTING AND DEZAIN. [shows both certificates, and the second one seems to have some Chris-chan Sonichu & Megan art] [cut]

Que yo diplomade muy bueño y recibe en... June, 2006. [guess he never learned how to say dates in Spanish] [cut]

¿Donde está tu titulo de Manchester High? Tu titulo de Piedmont de t—¿Tu certificado de Piedmont de Computer-Ai—drafting & design?

¿Donde estan? [cut] Tu no tienes. [dramatic glasses removal] Tu no tienes. ¿VERRRRDAD?

Tu no tienes, yo tiene. Yo soy el verdad Christopher Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler. Entonces, POR FAVOR. Para todo el—todos los veces en el futuro y ahora. [hand gestures] [cut] ¡Dejar de este juego maldito! Impostor, tonto y estupido. [homo pose] [cut]

También. Mi presente. Responde en español bueño. [because your Spanish is excellent, Ricardo] ¿Si no que bueño? Tu no eres el verdad. Tu eres el impostor. [cut]

¿Responde en Ingles? No es bueño. No es bueño, tonto impostor en rayas de marrón. [cut]

Paz.

English translation

Captain's Log, Stardate May(?) 29th, 2009

Aye! The impostor in brown stripes! I have two years of Spanish in my secondary school, Manchester High, with my pretty lady.

And during class I received the nickname I use on the Internet "Ricardo". Ricardo, my name in Spanish is Ricardo. Remember the Pokésite of RWC with CWC Pokésite 2 CWC Bionicle site and original Sonichu site.

I'm gonna bet you impostor that you didn't graduate from your high school. Really? I the real Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler not only did I graduate from Manchester High School [shows his high school diploma] with my diploma. My basketball diploma from my freshman year [shows his stupid diploma] Stupid.... You are stupid!

Not only with them but with my honor roll points, good!

And how was it that I wrote the comedians [translator's note: He actually says comedians, instead of comics] of Sonichu Rosechu and me?

I went to PVCC for my title, certificate of CADD [shows a couple of diplomas, and second one of the them with his stupid Chris-chan drawing holding Megan] I received a very good diploma in June 2006.

Where is your title from Manchester High? Where is your certifica...—your certificate from PVCC for CADD? WHERE ARE THEY? You don't have them.... You don't have them, right?

You don't have them; I have them. I am the real Christopher "Christian" "Ricardo" Weston Chandler. So, please, for eve... for all time in the future and now. Leave this damned game, you stupid dumb impostor.

Also, please respond in good Spanish, if not good? You are not real, you are the impostor, respond in English? NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD, YOU DUMB IMPOSTOR!!!

Peace

Alternate translation

Captain's Log, Stardate: May(?) 29th, 2009

Aye! The impostor in brown stripes! I have two years of Spanish in my secondary school, Manchester High, with my pretty lady. And I received during my classes [jump/pause] the nickname that I used for my Internet: Ricardo. My name is Ricardo in the Spanish classes.

Remember the Pokésite de R.W.C con CWC Pokésite 2, CWC [unintelligible], the Original CWC Sonichu site.

I am going to make a bet: that you, the impostor didn't graduated from High School. Really? I the true, Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler. Didn't just graduated from Manchester High with my DEGREE. [shows degree, then lowers it] my degree of Basketball in my freshman year [same previous motion]. Stupid, you are stupid!

Not only it takes years but with my points of Honor Roll. Good! [cut] And how it was who wrote in the comics of Sonichu, Rosechu and me, me! I went to Piedmont Virginia Community College for my title and certificate for Computer-Aided Drafting and Design. [shows both certificates, and the second one seems to have some Chris-chan Sonichu & Megan art] That I diplomated and received in June 2006.

Where is your title from Manchester High? Your title from Piedmont, your certificate from Piedmont for Computer-Aided Drafting and Design.

Where are they? You don't have them. [dramatic glasses removal] You don't have them, RIGHT?

You don't have them, I do. I am the true Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler. So, PLEASE, for all future and now actions. Stop this damned game! You stupid and dumb impostor.

Also, I present. Respond in good Spanish. If not, what good? You are not the real one. You are the impostor.

Respond in English? Not good. Not good, dumb impostor in brown stripes.

Peace.

A Spanish correction (AKA what Chris would've said if he could speak in Spanish at all)

Bitácora del Capitán, Fecha Estelar: 29 de Mayo, 2009

¡Ay, impostor de rayas cafés! Yo llevé dos años de Español en mi preparatoria, Manchester High, con mi querida maestra. Durante estas clases, recibí el apodo que uso en internet, RICARDO. Este fue mi nombre en las clases de Español. Recuerden el Pokésite de R.W.C, el segundo Pokésite de CWC, el sitio de bionic de CWC y el sitio original de Sonichu.

Voy a hacer una apuesta. Apuesto a que tú, impostor, no te graduaste de tu preparatoria. ¡En serio! Yo el verdadero, Christopher "Christian" "Ricardo" Weston Chandler, no solamente me gradué de Manchester High con mi TÍTULO, sino también con mi título de Basquetbol en mi primer año. ¡Estúpido! ERES UN ESTÚPIDO.

Y no solamente me gradué con éstos [diplomas], sino también con mis puntos en el Cuadro de Honor. ¿Cómo ves?

¿Y quien fue el que escribió los cómics de Sonichu, Rosechu, y yo? ¡YO!

YO fui a la Universidad Comunitaria de Piedmont Virginia para obtener mi título y certificado en Diseño Asistido por Computadora.

Me gradué perfectamente, y me recibí en Junio del 2006.

¿Donde está tu titulo de Manchester High? ¿Tu título de Piedmont de t— ¿Tu certificado de Piedmont en Diseño Asistido por Computadora?

¿Donde están? No los tienes, Tú no los tienes, ¿VERDAD?

Tú no los tienes, pero yo sí. Yo soy el verdadero Christopher Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler. Entonces, por favor, para siempre, ahora y en el futuro, ¡deja este maldito juego! Impostor tonto y estúpido.

Además, me presenté. Ahora tú responde en español correcto. ¿No puedes? Entonces no eres el verdadero. Tú eres el impostor.

¿Respondes en inglés? Eso no es bueno, no está bien, tonto impostor de rayas marrones.

Paz.

Liquid's response

Liquid's Response
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Stardate	29 July 2009
Performance Style	Reason
Saga	Liquid
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous CWC More Than A Feeling	next That Goatee WILL Grow Back

Transcript

Hola! Este es el verdadero Ricardo Weston Chandler. Impostor en el pequeño chaleco, yo no solo comprender su ultimo video, pero tiene excelente dominio de la idioma de Cervantes. Puedo establecer mi identidad hablan muchos idiomas. Je parle aussi Français comme je l'ai pris dans le français des mes années lycées à Manchester. Avec ma jolie professeure de français. J'ai obtenu ma [sic] diplôme avec mes [????]. J'ai même un certificat

[This translation stops at about 1:02 because for some reason his voice becomes really squeaky and his pronunciation is really bad in the first place. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt in every possible situation. If anyone else would like to have a go, enjoy.]

Translation

Hello! This is the real Ricardo Weston Chandler. Impostor in the vest small, I do not only to understand your last video, but it has excellent command over the Spanish language. I can establish my identity they speak many languages. I also speak French as I learned it in the French some my high school years at Manchester. With my pretty French teacher. I got my diploma with my [????]. I even have a certificate

⇐ CWC More Than A Feeling

Chris's videos

That Goatee WILL Grow Back ⇒