Chris and the Internet

The Internet is a specialized computer programming that allows the transmission of data through long distances through a massive collection of networks connected all over the world. The Internet has grown since its first real conception in the 1980s as a means for universities to communicate with each other. It is said that nearly 2 billion people are connected to the Internet.

One of those is a fat, homophobic, whiny manchild. He is the internet's battered girlfriend who always comes back for more.

Understanding

Chris seems to be aware that the internet is a place where, once you put something up, anyone with access to a computer could see it. However, due to a combination of his ego and his general inability to understand others, Chris has come to the conclusion that if he puts anything on the Internet, everyone will see it; and if you direct a message to someone, only they will see it. Chris has in the past attempted to address videos to specific people, from celebrities to potential employers to internet girlfriends. Most telling is his 8 May 2010 rant, which was addressed to anyone who served on the Green County School Board in the early 1990's.

Chris sees no problem in dropping highly sensitive information over his videos — including his phone number, street address, and the secret name of the girl he desperately wants to be his girlfriend. He doesn't understand that YouTube is a public website and not an instant messaging service, never paying attention to the deluge of comments he gets from horrified onlookers that definitively prove his "private" messages are anything but.

Chris has been on the internet for some time, yet does not understand how to act online any more than he does in real life. While many users of the internet contribute content, are polite and helpful, and generally follow any established rules, Chris sees all websites as vehicles to spew his self-serving version of the truth.

Even worse, when given his own website, he audaciously claims that it is he who has control over the site, not the Sysop.

The logical consequences of this behavior?

Forums and Bans

As with many places in real life, Chris has found himself banned from the few places he frequents online.

Chris does not normally participate in forum discussions, either due to a dislike of reading or simple egotism. When he does, he always signs his message — be it a comment on YouTube, a rant on the Adult Swim boards, or a complaint about something in LBP. He never follows up on these posts either, nor does he read the comments left by other users, just like on YouTube. Any retractions or responses are saved for completely unrelated posts elsewhere on the internet.

Coincidentally, Internet forums are havens for socially retarded, thirty-something man-children who still live with Mommy and Daddy. By simply choosing a handle that has nothing to do with Sonichu, and participating even a little in forum discussions, Chris could shed (for a while) his lolcow status and form online friendships with other sad bastards like himself.

Due to his relative inactivity concerning Internet forums, he's banned from fewer places online than expected. He was banned from DeviantArt in the summer of 2009 for posting the uncensored version of Sonichu 9 without an NSFW tag, though he doesn't understand why--comments left on his talk page suggest that he is under the impression that his DA account simply vanished into cyberspace for no reason. As well, despite bouncing from one account to the next, Chris has only been banned once from YouTube. However, unlike DA, Chris has constantly made new accounts after one was taken down or abandoned.

Attempts to leave the Internet

As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. However, in Chris's case, he takes this and butchers it — when trolls descend on him and torture him, he gets up and leaves. He's like a child who packs up all of his toys and goes home when things don't go his way. For many trolls, this would be a great victory — threatening to quit the internet forever is such a common reaction to trolling it has it's own ED article. However, Chris just can't stand to get away from the Internet.

His first attempt to abandon the Internet was in the aftermath of the Julie incident; tired of Clyde Cash's trolling, Chris proclaimed that he was leaving the Internet. Instead of doing that, he disappeared for all of two weeks, before creating a new account on YouTube. His second, third, and fourth attempts all seemed to have been directed by an outside force. Of course, Chris being Chris, he never made good on his word to stay off.

After he made his second announcement of leaving the internet, he made a rant about the Cleveland Show a mere 36 hours later. He also made his fourth announcement of leaving the internet just four days after making his third announcement, saying that the trolls have scared him from the internet, that he is literally afraid of the internet. Chris being Chris, he returned just one week after this grand proclamation, and after he talks about how he almost committed vehicular homicide, he makes his fifth announcement that he is leaving the internet.

What Chris doesn't seem to realize is that the PSN he loves so dearly is technically a part of the internet, as it consists of a network of computers all interconnected with each other. So when he says that he will be leaving the internet, he is clearly full of shit, as he has only sworn off the parts of the internet that bother him.

Will Chris ever really leave?

It's possible, perhaps even inevitable, that circumstances will enable Chris to really leave the internet. The most likely reason would be the death or intervention of certain benefactors that keep the internet train a-rolling. Another, only marginally less likely, would be the end-result of Chris's terminal slothfulness: just ceasing to give a shit about anything except video games, toys, and his Happy Place. If pressed, Chris always claims to be "workin' on it (Sonichu/employment/the Love Quest/etc.)," but effort is anathema to Chris.

It is highly unlikely that he'll ever leave the internet of his own volition. Chris thrives on attention just as much as he is burned by the terrible strain of effort. Like an abused spouse, he may never leave unless someone else steps in. Being the horrible people we are, we'd rather he stay.