Muscle bra
|
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK! The contents of this page have been bought with taxpayer money! |
|
| “ | OMG, WOW! This material feel so, so, so good on my skin. | ” |
| Chris in the bra e-mail | ||
Muscle bra is a CWC-ism for the sports bra that Chris is wearing on his manboobs.
The muscle bra, also known as the Muscle Bra of Fail, first appeared in October 2009 in the leaked e-mail accompanied by photos. His usually bouncy moobs soon became less noticeable in subsequent videos.
Later the same month, Chris appealed to others to wear a muscle bra too:
| “ | I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a muscle bra. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out. | ” |
| Chris exhibiting his bizarre method of "not getting it" in Clyde is Weaker than Water | ||
Chris and bras
Chris seems to find the sight of bare male chests extremely unappealing and even offensive. In the April 2010 video message Men Should NEVER be Topless he strongly insisted all men should wear bras and said he would actually make it a law. It is likely he makes this claim in a shallow attempt to appear straighter than straight.
Despite saying that other men's chests are ugly, he has no problem depicting himself shirtless, without the bra, as in his ideal self-image his manboobs are non-existent and thus need no such support.
In the real world, though, Chris presumably finds his muscle bra to be a necessity, given his unusually large breasts. Due to his inability to differentiate differences in the anatomy of other human beings, Chris may see it as necessary for other males to cover up as well - or, more likely, he simply wants to rationalize the fact that he needs one because of his big breasts by encouraging people who do not need one to wear one as well, thus hiding the actual reason for him wearing his fashionable sports bra.
Chris clearly liked wearing a muscle bra so much that the same month he gave us a better look in a video. One might assume that the clean white bra here is a different one from the pale gray one in the photos, implying that Chris has bought multiple bras. Given that things never get cleaner in the Chandler household, only filthier, this seems a safe assumption to make. We already know from the below email that Chris bought one set of sports bras in a three-pack, and due to his notorious cheapness we have no reason to think he did not do the same with the second set of bras. This suggests Chris has at least six bras. Chris also reveals in the video in question that he wears bras with a band size of 42. His cup size is unknown at this time.
In June 2010 Chris went to Fridays After Five, where he continued to carry out his campaign against exposed manboobs among the general public by wearing his muscle bra to the event. It seems that Chris has also found another use for muscle bras, demonstrated by vandalizing his bra with a marker pen and converting it into an attraction sign. Whereas most normal people would perhaps draw on a T-shirt to make their point, Chris has devised a seemingly superior method of making his. That's right: for a woman to have read his statement of intent to engage in a romantic and sexual relationship with her, she'd have to have stared at one of the more disturbing outward pieces of evidence that he just doesn't understand how those relationships work, which may or may not be a poetic microcosm of his entire fucking life since puberty.
Chris may have actually had a fetish for wearing women's underwear longer than we think. Likely, the fetish began when Blanca made him dress in his mother's undergarments. For a period, he seems to have struggled with his urges — one image, drawn around the Ivy Saga, inexplicably shows Punchy Sonichu wearing a bra — and since he did not buy his sports bra until later in the year, we can only conclude that he was wrestling with his desire to steal his mother's underwear to support his manboobs.
The bra e-mail
The following e-mail was leaked in October 2009, along with a series of illustrative photos. The identity of the recipient has never been publicly revealed.
(omitted stuff)...
Stress causes Memory Loss sometimes. At least I undid the hacker who got into my YouTube.
Also, I did my shopping today; I haven't been able to draw or color today yet, but I will set some time tonight. I got my copy of G.H.5, my new 3-in-one-printer, and I found the sports bras at Wal-Mart; 3-packs for $10 a pack. In leiu of going into the fitting room, I asked the nearby female employee to measure my bust size; I'm a 43. So I got a 3-set of 42; I've been wearing one for try... It is sooo comfortable, and my manboobs do not bounce as easily; I jumped a few times to see. OMG, WOW! This material feel so, so, so good on my skin. It's like a Guitly Pleasure or something.
Anyway, I got my exercise in today. I also went to McD, Toys 'R' Us, Sheetz, Food Lion and Target for applications; NO PAPER APPLICATIONS! OMG, it really ground my gears to realize that. Although at Target, I was not totally surprised; I went straight to their computer station and filled in their application online. But EVERYONE IS LIKE GOING DIGITAL WITH NO PAPER TRAIL; It Sucks! This is even WORSE Than that CRAPPY PowerWeb at PVCC.
Yes, you have read correctly, I HAVE ALWAYS HATED THAT DAMN, STUPID POWERWEB![1] Even in it's pre-released Over Advertising, which was TOTALLY UNECCESSARY. Every time I was FORCED into using that Damn System, I was always reluctant, and I had to use my Student ID No., which I HAD NEVER CARED TO MEMORIZE; I only glanced at a few numbers at a time upon entry, and "In One Ear And Out The Other" with that soiled piece of what would have been valuable information. You said I was the first person you met to Hate Kenneth; well, I'm probably the first person you met who Always Loathed the PowerWeb since its PreBirth.
*sigh*
But I digress... and this bra feels sooo good.
Something else, I'll forward you an e-mail I sent to Kacey last night after our conversation to best start another concern of mine.
I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Chris.Gallery
E-mail images
Animated gifs
See also
References
- ↑ TwoMarys on CWCipedia Chris seems to hate the PowerWeb because it's a pet project of Mary Lee Walsh and he was too dumb to understand how to use it.
External links
Identity Love Quest Transgender Toys Art Rage Fashion Other Shrines of Fail The Holy Fails
