Difference between revisions of "Jail Letter Gifts"

From CWCki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
(expansion of the first paragraph)
(Added category)
 
(35 intermediate revisions by 10 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
'''Holy Labels''' are ''bottle wrappers'' which Chris's [[slow-in-the-mind|small brain]] thinks will bless the drinker and purify the water. Chris deadass wants you to laminate those pieces of shit and copy them because you will get his [[messiah_complex|blessing]]. Chris's fried, little, slow, egotistic brain is '''SOOOOOO''' far gone to the point where he thinks '''PAPER''' will '''BLESS''' you. He sends these pieces of ''garbage'' to [[weens|people]] and expects them to put that shit on their plastic water bottles to drink it. Drinking that water will probably give you cholera or some shit since only [[Christian_Weston_Chandler|god]] knows how unhygienic Chris is in jail.
Over the months, Chris has sent '''various holy items''' to the senders of the respectful letters he receives from jail. A truly resourceful [[art]]ist, Chris created these from what would otherwise be trash. Whether this counts as upcycling or downcycling is up to you.
==Analysis==
 
==Types of Gifts==
 
===Holy Labels===
 
'''Holy Labels''' are bottle wrappers featuring illustrations made by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] that he thinks will bless the drinker and purify the liquid being consumed. Chris believes that, by photocopying his scribbles, laminating them, and placing them around beverages, you will get [[Messiah complex|his blessing]]. Chris sends these labels to [[True and Loyal Fanbase|his adoring fans]] and expects them to actually do as he commands.  


All of the Holy Labels that have been sent thus far are written like this:
All of the Holy Labels that have been sent thus far are written like this:
Line 6: Line 11:
{{BottleWrapper}}
{{BottleWrapper}}


All labels have a drawing of a Sonichu cross, meant to resemble a human uterus, in the center.
All labels have a drawing of a Sonichu cross, [[Women's rights|meant to resemble]] [[China|a human uterus]], in the center.


On the left are the words:
On the left are the words:


{{quote|The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and the recombined new Earth!}}
{{quote|The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and [[Dimensional Merge|the recombined new Earth]]!}}


And on the right are the words:
And on the right are the words:


{{quote|Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart.}}
{{quote|[[Chris and his ego|Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu,]] [[CPU Blue Heart|the Goddess Blue Heart.]]}}
 
In [[Jail Letter - 30 October 2021|a letter sent to Kengle]] Chris quotes how to "properly" use his labels, "laminate it, or cover it with shipping tape, attach it to a bottle (mainly for water and NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages) to enjoy thy liquid consumptions [sic] with my Blessings, safely, from that bottle". Chris's stipulation that the Holy Labels not be used for [[alcohol|alcoholic]] beverages makes the ritual a sort of inversion of Christian [[wikipedia:Eucharist|Holy Communion]], which is usually celebrated with wine. Whether Chris's predilection for grape Fanta labels over other flavors is a nod to the rite of Communion or simply his own preference for grape soda is anyone's guess.
 
Given that [[Chris and hygiene|Chris's hygiene]] is most likely abysmal in jail, these bottle wrappers can be deemed utterly useless, and probably not advisable to use for one's own health.
 
===NSC Tokens===


In [[Jail Letter - 30 October 2021|a letter sent to Kengle]] Chris quotes how to "properly" use his labels, "laminate it, or cover it with shipping tape, attach it to a bottle (mainly for water and NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages) to enjoy thy liquid consumptions [sic] with my Blessings, safely, from that bottle".
'''NSC Tokens''' (short for '''Neo Spiritual Christianity Tokens''') are hand-made coins Chris has created out of the bottoms of styrofoam cups for his newfound religion. The exact purpose of these are yet to be revealed by Chris.


==List of Labels Mailed==
==List of Gifts Mailed==


{| class="wikitable sortable"
{| class="wikitable sortable"
! style="background;"  | Front
! style="background;"  | Front
! style="background;"  | Back
! style="background;"  | Back
! style="background;"  | Gift Type
! style="background;"  | Product
! style="background;"  | Product
! style="background;" | Date Sent
! style="background;" | Date Sent
Line 29: Line 41:
|[[File:KengleCocaColaFront.jpg|100px]]
|[[File:KengleCocaColaFront.jpg|100px]]
|[[File:KengleCocaColaBack.jpg|100px]]
|[[File:KengleCocaColaBack.jpg|100px]]
|Holy Label
|Coca Cola
|Coca Cola
|[[Jail Letter - 30 October 2021|30 October 2021]]
|[[Jail Letter - 30 October 2021|30 October 2021]]
Line 35: Line 48:
|[[File:11.8.21MailFantafront.jpeg|100px]]
|[[File:11.8.21MailFantafront.jpeg|100px]]
|[[File:11.8.21MailFantaback.jpeg|100px]]
|[[File:11.8.21MailFantaback.jpeg|100px]]
|Holy Label
|Grape Fanta
|Grape Fanta
|[[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021|8 November 2021]]
|[[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (Stories from the Penitentiary)|8 November 2021]]
|Stories from the Penitentiary
|Stories from the Penitentiary
|-
|-
|[[File:Jail Letter - 30 November 2021 - part 3.jpg|100px]]
|[[File:Jail Letter - 30 November 2021 - part 3.jpg|100px]]
|
|
|Holy Label
|Coca Cola
|Coca Cola
|[[Jail Letter - 30 November 2021|30 November 2021]]
|[[Jail Letter - 30 November 2021 (Celestia)|30 November 2021]]
|Celestia
|-
|[[File:JailLetter9Dec2021NSCFront.png|100px]]
|[[File:JailLetter9Dec2021NSCBack.png|100px]]
|NSC Token
|Styrofoam Cup
|[[Jail Letter - 9 December 2021|9 December 2021]]
|Celestia
|Celestia
|-
|
|
|Holy Label
|Coca Cola
|[[Jail Letter - 22 December 2021|22 December 2021]]
|Spamton
|-
|
|
|Holy Label
|Grape Fanta
|[[Jail Letter - 22 December 2021|22 December 2021]]
|Spamton
|-
|
|
|NSC Token
|Styrofoam Cup
|[[Jail Letter - 22 December 2021|22 December 2021]]
|Spamton
|-
|[[File:J4HolyLabelBack.png|100px]]
|[[File:J4HolyLabelFront.png|100px]]
|Holy Label
|Grape Fanta
|[[Jail Letter - 4 January 2022|4 January 2022]]
|Bizarre Bazarr
|-
|[[File:J4NSCTokenFront.png|100px]]
|[[File:J4NSCTokenBack.png|100px]]
|NSC Token
|Styrofoam Cup
|[[Jail Letter - 4 January 2022|4 January 2022]]
|Bizarre Bazarr
|}
|}


==See Also==
==See Also==


*[[Jail letters]]
*[[Prison Communications]]
*[[Chris and Reality]]
*[[Chris and Religion]]


{{PrisonSaga}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
{{JailLetter}}
[[Category:Jail Saga]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Latest revision as of 13:07, 27 September 2024

Over the months, Chris has sent various holy items to the senders of the respectful letters he receives from jail. A truly resourceful artist, Chris created these from what would otherwise be trash. Whether this counts as upcycling or downcycling is up to you.

Types of Gifts

Holy Labels

Holy Labels are bottle wrappers featuring illustrations made by Chris that he thinks will bless the drinker and purify the liquid being consumed. Chris believes that, by photocopying his scribbles, laminating them, and placing them around beverages, you will get his blessing. Chris sends these labels to his adoring fans and expects them to actually do as he commands.

All of the Holy Labels that have been sent thus far are written like this:

Scrawled on the back of a plastic bottle wrapper:
The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and the recombined new Earth! JailLetter2NewCWCCross.jpeg Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart.

All labels have a drawing of a Sonichu cross, meant to resemble a human uterus, in the center.

On the left are the words:

“ The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and the recombined new Earth! ”

And on the right are the words:

“ Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart. ”

In a letter sent to Kengle Chris quotes how to "properly" use his labels, "laminate it, or cover it with shipping tape, attach it to a bottle (mainly for water and NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages) to enjoy thy liquid consumptions [sic] with my Blessings, safely, from that bottle". Chris's stipulation that the Holy Labels not be used for alcoholic beverages makes the ritual a sort of inversion of Christian Holy Communion, which is usually celebrated with wine. Whether Chris's predilection for grape Fanta labels over other flavors is a nod to the rite of Communion or simply his own preference for grape soda is anyone's guess.

Given that Chris's hygiene is most likely abysmal in jail, these bottle wrappers can be deemed utterly useless, and probably not advisable to use for one's own health.

NSC Tokens

NSC Tokens (short for Neo Spiritual Christianity Tokens) are hand-made coins Chris has created out of the bottoms of styrofoam cups for his newfound religion. The exact purpose of these are yet to be revealed by Chris.

List of Gifts Mailed

Front Back Gift Type Product Date Sent Sent To
KengleCocaColaFront.jpg KengleCocaColaBack.jpg Holy Label Coca Cola 30 October 2021 Kenneth Englehardt
11.8.21MailFantafront.jpeg 11.8.21MailFantaback.jpeg Holy Label Grape Fanta 8 November 2021 Stories from the Penitentiary
Jail Letter - 30 November 2021 - part 3.jpg Holy Label Coca Cola 30 November 2021 Celestia
JailLetter9Dec2021NSCFront.png JailLetter9Dec2021NSCBack.png NSC Token Styrofoam Cup 9 December 2021 Celestia
Holy Label Coca Cola 22 December 2021 Spamton
Holy Label Grape Fanta 22 December 2021 Spamton
NSC Token Styrofoam Cup 22 December 2021 Spamton
J4HolyLabelBack.png J4HolyLabelFront.png Holy Label Grape Fanta 4 January 2022 Bizarre Bazarr
J4NSCTokenFront.png J4NSCTokenBack.png NSC Token Styrofoam Cup 4 January 2022 Bizarre Bazarr

See Also

Incest saga icon.png Jail Saga NuthouseSagaIcon.png
The Players

People: Chris • David Heilberg • Praetor • Kenneth Engelhardt • Barbara Chandler • Helena Fiorenza • Eels and the Egg-man • Flutter • Spamton G. Spamton • Zombo • Cory Allison • The Crusader • Bizarre Bazaar • Celestia • Michael Afghani • Jacob Sockness

Places Misc Jail Communications:
Coinciding Sagas: Praetor

v • d • e  
Relics of Fail
Identity
Love Quest
Transgender
Toys
Art
Rage
Fashion
Other
Shrines of Fail
The Holy Fails


v • d • e  
Jail Communications (2021–22)
Letters
All Letters
1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • 29 • 30 • 31 • 32 • 33 • 34 • 35 • 36 • 37 • 38 • 39 • 40 • 41 • 42 • 43 • 44 • 45 • 46
By recipient
Miscellaneous
1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8
Bizarre Bazaar
1 • 2
Celestia
1 • 2
Eels / Helena
1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11
Kenneth Engelhardt
1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20
Spamton
1 • 2 • 3
Calls
1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6
See Also
Retrieved from "http://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Jail_Letter_Gifts&oldid=327534"