Jail Letter Gifts
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Delusion disclosure: This article or section takes place during Chris's phase of role-playing as Jesus Christ. He may refer to his Christine Chandler personality and physical body in the third person by using terms such as "soul partner". |
Over the months, Chris has sent various holy items to the senders of the respectful letters he receives from jail. A truly resourceful artist, Chris created these from what would otherwise be trash. Whether this counts as upcycling or downcycling is up to you.
Types of Gifts
Holy Labels
Holy Labels are bottle wrappers featuring illustrations made by Chris that he thinks will bless the drinker and purify the liquid being consumed. Chris believes that, by photocopying his scribbles, laminating them, and placing them around beverages, you will get his blessing. Chris sends these labels to his adoring fans and expects them to actually do as he commands.
All of the Holy Labels that have been sent thus far are written like this:
| Scrawled on the back of a plastic bottle wrapper: | ||
| The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and the recombined new Earth! | 
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Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart. |
All labels have a drawing of a Sonichu cross, meant to resemble a human uterus, in the center.
On the left are the words:
| “ | The Joy of Gods, Goddesses, the Heavens, and the recombined new Earth! | ” |
And on the right are the words:
| “ | Lord, Messiah & Savior, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart. | ” |
In a letter sent to Kengle Chris quotes how to "properly" use his labels, "laminate it, or cover it with shipping tape, attach it to a bottle (mainly for water and NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages) to enjoy thy liquid consumptions [sic] with my Blessings, safely, from that bottle". Chris's stipulation that the Holy Labels not be used for alcoholic beverages makes the ritual a sort of inversion of Christian Holy Communion, which is usually celebrated with wine. Whether Chris's predilection for grape Fanta labels over other flavors is a nod to the rite of Communion or simply his own preference for grape soda is anyone's guess.
Given that Chris's hygiene is most likely abysmal in jail, these bottle wrappers can be deemed utterly useless, and probably not advisable to use for one's own health.
NSC Tokens
NSC Tokens (short for Neo Spiritual Christianity Tokens) are hand-made coins Chris has created out of the bottoms of styrofoam cups for his newfound religion. The exact purpose of these are yet to be revealed by Chris.
List of Gifts Mailed
| Front | Back | Gift Type | Product | Date Sent | Sent To |
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Holy Label | Coca Cola | 30 October 2021 | Kenneth Englehardt |
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Holy Label | Grape Fanta | 8 November 2021 | Stories from the Penitentiary |
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Holy Label | Coca Cola | 30 November 2021 | Celestia | |
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NSC Token | Styrofoam Cup | 9 December 2021 | Celestia |
| Holy Label | Coca Cola | 22 December 2021 | Spamton | ||
| Holy Label | Grape Fanta | 22 December 2021 | Spamton | ||
| NSC Token | Styrofoam Cup | 22 December 2021 | Spamton | ||
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Holy Label | Grape Fanta | 4 January 2022 | Bizarre Bazarr |
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NSC Token | Styrofoam Cup | 4 January 2022 | Bizarre Bazarr |
See Also
 Jail Saga 
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People: Chris • David Heilberg • Praetor • Kenneth Engelhardt • Barbara Chandler • Helena Fiorenza • Eels and the Egg-man • Flutter • Spamton G. Spamton • Zombo • Cory Allison • The Crusader • Bizarre Bazaar • Celestia • Michael Afghani • Jacob Sockness | ||||
| Places | Misc Jail Communications: | |||
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| Coinciding Sagas: Praetor | ||||
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