OkCupid
OkCupid, one of the more popular dating websites, matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure. Unlike sites such as Match.com, OkCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. Like so many other dating websites before, Christian Weston Chandler joined this one with high hopes.
CWCSONICHU profile
Chris created his first OkCupid profile in late February 2009. He gave up on it quickly, and he never answered any of the questions or quizzes that the site uses to build a personality profile of each user. It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of True and Honest love. In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."
While mildly entertaining, this profile has been quickly overtaken by the veritable train wreck that is his current profile. After a short time, the profile was hacked by trolls.
Profile text
I am Autistic, Fun, and Creative.
My Self-Summary
I'm young at heart. I'm currently writing a comic book, and I've written quite a few issues so far. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a beautiful girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone.
I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I am doing very well at PVCC. A lot of men make false promises to their girlfriends, but I am totally different. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) girls deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them.
I haven't had the best of luck with girlfriends in my past. There was a lot of lying and backstabbing done to me, and I'm looking for someone who is honest and will love me for me.
Who I'd like to meet:
Someone with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, 18-23-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-alcholoic, white and does not already have a Boyfriend.
Looking for: New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating, Activity partners, Long-distance penpals, Casual sex
OKCupid has a variety of other fields such as religion, height, race, ect, all of which Chris left blank.
ChrisCSonichu profile
Chris's return to OkCupid started on 4 April 2009 under the name "ChrisCSonichu." This was a much more involved affair than his earlier profile, as Chris updated this profile frequently. These updates slowly changed the page from a badly-written but largely benign profile, into a violently insane, sex-obsessed manifesto about how awesome Chris is, and how hot girls should be having sex with him right now. This slow evolution from stupid and relatively innocent to stupid, filthy and deranged can be found in virtually everything Chris has ever made, but is perhaps most evident in his Sonichu comics.
The earliest saved version we have of Chris's page is relatively harmless. Chris makes an ass of himself in two languages, and refers to himself as a creative genius, but on the whole there's nothing too outlandish. This easygoing period would not last.
| Full text of the first version. |
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My Self-SummaryI'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when possible. I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I have graduated from Piedmong Virginia Community College with a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them. I am looking for a woman who is honest and will love me for me; a woman with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, pretty, 21-28-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-black and single. Now in Spanish Yo soy joven en mi corizon. Yo tengo un serie de libros comicos. Me gusta la compaña de una mujer bonita quién la gusta mas o menos de las cosas me gusta. Me gusta tener diversion cuando posible, y hago hechos de benevolencia cuando posible. Yo gradue de me escuela secundarie con Honor Roll, y gradue desde Piedmont Virginia Community College con un tÃtulo y certificado en Computer Aided Drafting & Design. Yo prometo cuidar, respetar, empatÃa y amor. Yo penso que (muchas) mujers ameriten el mundo, ye yo querÃa hacer mi mejor para dar lo por ellas. Yo estoy buscando por una mujer honesta y va a amor mi por mi; una mujer con una personalidad feliz y positiva, joven en su corizon, bonita, tenga 21-28 anos, resida en, o cerca de, Charlottesville o Ruckersvlle, VA, Sin Fumar, no es negra y soltero. What I’m doing with my lifeI'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects and helping my family. I’m really good atDrawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy lifting and other things. The first things people usually notice about meI would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. My favorite books, movies, music, and foodGoosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken. The six things I could never do without-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart.
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutHow and where to socialize better. On a typical Friday night I amAt home playing my "Sonichu's Adventures" on LittleBiGPlanet, or Guitar Hero or the current video game I'm playing. The most private thing I’m willing to admit hereNow in Spanish Yo soy autÃstico altamente funcionales, y estoy un virgen esperando por mi novia bonita. English Translation: I am an Autistic functioning at a high level, and I am a virgin searching for my pretty girlfriend. You should message me ifYou're A) 21-28 years old, B) not black (no personal offense), C) NOT a Smoker, D) Honest, Compassionate and Pretty, E) no taller than 5'10" and F) (the old expression) Boyfriend-Free. |
Over the course of several edits, Chris's profile eventually reached its current, horrifying form. All references to childish things, such as LittleBigPlanet and Sonichu were removed, and replaced with things Chris thought of as "manly" like Guitar Hero. The sheer importance that women meet him "in person" became more and more emphasized, as well as constant references to how much he needs sex as soon as humanly possible. The legendary Third Date is completely foregone in favor of Chris getting precious China on his very first encounter with a woman, and requirements were added demanding that in-person contact must be had no later than two days after the first online contact. Despite his attempts to avoid embarrassing himself with his profile, Chris still misspelled the name of his alma mater, referring to it as "Piedmong Valley Community College".
| Full text of the second version. |
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My Self-SummaryI'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when possible. I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I have graduated from Piedmong Virginia Community College with a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them. I am looking for a woman who is honest and will love me for me, and sex is an eventual must; a woman with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, pretty, 21-28-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-black and single. Now in Spanish Yo soy joven en mi corizon. Yo tengo un serie de libros comicos. Me gusta la compaña de una mujer bonita quién la gusta mas o menos de las cosas me gusta. Me gusta tener diversion cuando posible, y hago hechos de benevolencia cuando posible. Yo gradue de me escuela secundarie con Honor Roll, y gradue desde Piedmont Virginia Community College con un tÃtulo y certificado en Computer Aided Drafting & Design. Yo prometo cuidar, respetar, empatÃa y amor. Yo penso que (muchas) mujers ameriten el mundo, ye yo querÃa hacer mi mejor para dar lo por ellas. Yo estoy buscando por una mujer honesta y va a amor mi por mi; una mujer con una personalidad feliz y positiva, joven en su corizon, bonita, tenga 21-28 anos, resida en, o cerca de, Charlottesville o Ruckersvlle, VA, Sin Fumar, no es negra y soltero. What I’m doing with my lifeI'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects and helping my family. I also work on my art projects, get some exercise in; all that good stuff. I’m really good atDrawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy lifting, holding a conversation, showing a woman a good time (on a date with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out and share). The first things people usually notice about meI would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse with. My favorite books, movies, music, and foodGoosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken. The six things I could never do without-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart.
Note:Chris has recently removed the Sex, Sex, and Sex LOL requirements from this list, replacing them with a single entry for "Food and Water". We have retained them in our version for the sake of completeness. I spend a lot of time thinking aboutHow and where to socialize better. On a typical Friday night I amAt home playing Guitar Hero or working on my current project. I am Very Interested in livening up my Friday and Saturday Nights; I am open for suggestions. ;) The most private thing I’m willing to admit hereI am very interested in sex as well as ALL of the True Love emotions, loyalty and honesty that go along with it. I am Compassionate And Passionate. You should message me ifYou can MEET ME IN PERSON within TWO days of First Communication and that you are able to CALL ME and Accept CALLS FROM ME. As Well As If You are A) 21-28 years old, B) not black (no personal offense), C) NOT a Smoker, D) Honest, Compassionate and Pretty, E) no taller than 5'10" F) Single, G) Reside in or around Charlottesville or Ruckersville, VA and H) You'd Like to Get To Know Me Better In Person, share a pleasant conversation, etc. And if you are cool with getting to the bedroom as quickly as right after the First Date. |
The only interim change between the first and final versions of this page is Chris's most private thing, where he briefly stated in English that he was an autistic virgin.
| “ | I am high-functioning autistic, and I am a virgin; do not be afraid of me nor judge me. I've conquered most of my autistic traits (more of which can be learned on wikipedia or on autism.org) | ” |
| Chris, before expunging it from the record entirely. | ||
On or around June 12, Chris revisited his OKCupid entry and updated it briefly. Beyond an extra line, Chris added in a new section to the list. Leaving the Internet, our ass.
| Full text of the third version. |
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My Self-SummaryI'm young at heart. I have a comic book series. I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I am able to, and do acts of kindness when possible. I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I have graduated from Piedmong Virginia Community College with a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) women deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them. I am looking for a woman who is honest and will love me for me, and sex is an eventual must; a woman with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, pretty, 21-28-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-black and single. Now in Spanish Yo soy joven en mi corizon. Yo tengo un serie de libros comicos. Me gusta la compaña de una mujer bonita quién la gusta mas o menos de las cosas me gusta. Me gusta tener diversion cuando posible, y hago hechos de benevolencia cuando posible. Yo gradue de me escuela secundarie con Honor Roll, y gradue desde Piedmont Virginia Community College con un tÃtulo y certificado en Computer Aided Drafting & Design. Yo prometo cuidar, respetar, empatÃa y amor. Yo penso que (muchas) mujers ameriten el mundo, ye yo querÃa hacer mi mejor para dar lo por ellas. Yo estoy buscando por una mujer honesta y va a amor mi por mi; una mujer con una personalidad feliz y positiva, joven en su corizon, bonita, tenga 21-28 anos, resida en, o cerca de, Charlottesville o Ruckersvlle, VA, Sin Fumar, no es negra y soltero. I am compassionate, reliable, and honest What I’m doing with my lifeI'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects and helping my family. I also work on my art projects, get some exercise in; all that good stuff. I’m really good atDrawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy lifting, holding a conversation, showing a woman a good time (on a date with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out and share). The first things people usually notice about meI would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse with. My favorite books, movies, music, and foodGoosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken. The six things I could never do without-(After I've found the one) My Girlfriend/Sweetheart.
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutHow and where to socialize better. On a typical Friday night I amAt home playing Guitar Hero or working on my current project. I am Very Interested in livening up my Friday and Saturday Nights; I am open for suggestions. ;) The most private thing I’m willing to admit hereI am very interested in sex as well as ALL of the True Love emotions, loyalty and honesty that go along with it. I am Compassionate And Passionate. I'm Looking For
You should message me ifYou can MEET ME IN PERSON within TWO days of First Communication and that you are able to CALL ME and Accept CALLS FROM ME. As Well As If You are A) 21-28 years old, B) not black (no personal offense), C) NOT a Smoker, D) Honest, Compassionate and Pretty, E) no taller than 5'10" F) Single, G) Reside in or around Charlottesville or Ruckersville, VA and H) You'd Like to Get To Know Me Better In Person, share a pleasant conversation, etc. And if you are cool with getting to the bedroom as quickly as right after the First Date. |
As of February 2013, Chris's profile has been updated once again. The latest version of his profile now features new references to tomgirlism and a considerable de-emphasis on the importance of quick sex. Particularly notable about this update is the addition of a new photo, showing Chris to have a sickly blue complexion, thinning uncut hair, and worsening obesity. This apparent decline in health is hardly suprising, considering Chris' sedentary lifestyle and gratuitous consumption of McDonald's.
Also of note is Chris' insistence that all potential dates "IGNORE ALL GOOGLE RESULTS", a mantra he has repeated on his Facebook profile and even in personal correspondence, referring people who wish to know more about him to the CWCki while simultaneously instructing them to IGNORE ALL DEROGATORY CONTENT. Obviously, Chris has failed to realize the paradoxical effect of preemptively instructing people to ignore anything bad they may read about him, only serving to further interest in his autistic antics.
| Full text of the fourth version. |
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My self-summaryI am an all-around, emotionally mature, good natured, high-functioning autistic, heterosexual tomgirl artist. I feel better being treated as a person than some sort of freak or something. I am a good listener, and sometimes I have to take my time thinking about a topic or issue. I am the Original Creator of Sonichu, Rosechu, and the city of Cwcville, VA. (IGNORE ALL GOOGLE RESULTS) I like making those close to me emotionally happy. Even though, I have been feeling seriously depressed, lonely and having constant heartaches. I am looking for a woman to be my friend/Sweetheart/Future Wife from the ground up. She should be true and honest in personality, all-around, compassionate, understanding and patient. ALL Women interested in me MUST be willing to meet in person/in real life IMMEDIATELY; I have had bad online experiences numerously from a lot of fake people. Finding me in Person at my hangout is the best bet; I usually am Very cautious about any and all messages I receive online and I screen my phone calls. AND getting my attention must be direct with a pleasant greeting and introduction. Please forgive me if I respond coldly or timidly at first, I am very shy, and I am paranoid of most people and the kind of bad person they may be. What I’m doing with my lifeI'm keeping it real; taking it one day at a time working on my projects and helping my family. I also work on my art projects, get some exercise in; all that good stuff. I’m really good atDrawing, writing, crafting, making well-thought decisions, heavy lifting, holding a conversation, showing a woman a good time (on a date with taking her to a restaurant and/or finding a fun event to check out and share). The first things people usually notice about meI would have to give it to my face, especially in in-person times. When I look at other people, I notice their faces first most often. Aside from that, they notice my being friendly, kind and easy to converse with. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and foodGoosebumps or Fear Street Novels from R.L. Stein; "Mary Poppins" is my favorite movie of all time; I like most kinds of music (but my favorite singer is Britney Spears); Mac & Cheese, Grilled Chicken. The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutHow and where to socialize better. On a typical Friday night I amI am Very Interested in pleasantly livening up my Friday and Saturday Nights. ;) The most private thing I’m willing to admitI am very interested in sex as well as ALL of the True Love emotions, loyalty and honesty that go along with it. I am Compassionate And Passionate. I’m looking for
You should message me ifYou can MEET ME IN PERSON Right Now; Online Communications are OUT. As Well As If You are A) 25-30 years old, B) not black (no personal offense), C) NOT a Smoker, D) Honest, Compassionate and Pretty, E) no taller than 5'10" F) Single, G) Reside in or around Charlottesville or Ruckersville, VA, H) financially stable (I get along fair and surviving), and You'd Like to Get To Know Me Better In Person, share a pleasant conversation, etc. |
LevelUpKing Profile
In July 2014, a CWCki Forums member found yet another OkCupid profile that Chris created.[1]
However, the profile is mostly unused as of September, due to mysterious reasons.
About
My self-summary
I'm an empathetic artistic individual with honest emotions. I'm genuine about how I feel and I stick to my beliefs. I care about those closest to me, especially my family. I have a big imagination and love using it towards my creations. I graduated from PVCC with an associates in Computer Aided Drafting. I try to think outside the box. My sense of fashion matches my personality and how I emotionally feel. Sometimes I'm a little scatterbrained, so please don't mind me if I jump topics. :)
My hobbies/interests include creating, drawing/coloring, creating with Lego, video games, walking, music, and shopping.
What I’m doing with my life
Taking care of my mother and pets.
I’m really good at
Anything art related. I'm also pretty good at video games.
The first things people usually notice about me
My fashion. ;)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: tied for #1, Mary Poppins and My Little Pony - Equeatria Girls. #2: The Lego Movie. #3: Yellow Submarine. Meet Me In St. Louis, Singin' in the Rain, On the Town, and other musicals.
TV Shows: My Little Pony (all generations), Sonic the Hedgehog, Transformers, Fraiser, Keeping Up Appearances, Daria, Sailor Moon and other anime.
Music: I like most types of music, including Pop, Jazz, Rock and Classic. Artists: Britney Spears, Katy Perry, the Beatles and others.
The six things I could never do without
No particular order. My iPhone, Lego collection and creations, video games, my family of mother, 2 beagles and cat, my artworks, my future sweetheart and children (still yet to be determined).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How I can improve my life and future.
On a typical Friday night I am
At home, minding my small family, piddling with my Legos, watching a flick, playing a video game or whatever. And definitely Feeling lonely for an eligible woman to be my Sweetheart, closest friend and Future Wife.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have been emotionally hurt a lot before, and I am reasonably paranoid of others, especially online. Which is WHY it is Mandetory for immediate in person meeting with me.
I’m looking for
- Girls who like guys
- Ages 23–32
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
YOU Make the First Move and Ask ME Out, Please.
And if you are single, caring, compassionate, confident, honest, smoke-free, and you MUST be willing to Meet In Person IMMEDIATELY or ASAP. :)
"My Details"
Orientation: straight
Ethnicity: Native American, White
Height: 5`10"(1.78m)
Body type: Average
Diet: Mostly anything
Smokes: No
Drinks: Socially
Drugs: Never
Religion: christianity, and somewhat serious about it
Sign: Pisces, and it`s fun to think about
Education: graduated from two-year college
Job: other
Income: -
Relationship status: single
Relationship type: strictly monogamous
Offspring: doesn`t have kids but wants them
Pets: has cats and has dogs
Speaks: english(fluently), spanish(okay)
It should be noted that as of this edit (July 9th, 2014), Chris had answered at least 1,333 questions (that's 134 pages).
He Might Be...
The chart OkCupid generated to summarize Chris compares his traits against other members of the site, claiming that he might be "more morally conventional", "more spiritual", "more artsy", "more sloppy", "worse mannered", "less sex driven", "less independent", "less compassionate", "less experienced in love", "less arrogant", "less scientific", and "less experienced in life" than the average OkCupid user.
Take that however you like.
Photos
See also
Sources
External links