Chris and hypocrisy

“	I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.	”
Chris, on remaining faithful to Ivy

“	I love you.	”
Chris to Vanessa Hudgens, 35 minutes later

Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of The Simpsons

Hypocrisy is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.

Chris is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his autism. Chris believes that he is a blameless, holy creature that is practically perfect in every way. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him stress. He blames all of his problems on external factors like trolls, homos, conspiracies or the entire male sex. In the past he's faulted the police, store managers and mall security guards for complications during his Love Quest, although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to McDonald's. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a role model that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to feel uncomfortable, suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's Mailbag answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

Examples

"Grow up!" — Maturity

In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his trolls and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, has only been employed for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with childish euphemisms, dresses like a toddler, and is overly dependent on his parents (and the U.S. government) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can masturbate to Kellie Andes without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon sometimes don cheerleading outfits outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Then he created a fourteen-year-old character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed dating advice to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "Count Graduon."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "naïve", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a social circle, regular sleep patterns, and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

"GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work

"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris sometimes claims he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played card games.

Much like how acclaimed author J. K. Rowling went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first Harry Potter book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him a penny). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his Parkay skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing video games, watching TV and downloading extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would impersonate Donald Duck and it would be Wendy's all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his murderous rage in check, maintaining basic hygiene, dressing appropriately, showing tolerance and respect for other people, and keeping his hands off women.

"WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the special classes Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of Christian's Favorite Hits! and nowhere else.

In the Mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a frothing rant on CWCipedia where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers everything he's done so far special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a third-rate community college, which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play LittleBigPlanet all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants, and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a cup and chugging it down. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk fit him for a bra that he wears happily. He uses his children's comic to express and explore his sexual fantasies and desires, and to mete out harsh, sometimes lethal punishment on his perceived antagonists. And he's made statements to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. When a fan mail submission pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her mind.

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of homosexuality and can't even bring himself to say the word "gay," though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he hates gay people, is afraid of them, and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay, and has incorporated this idea into issue ten of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his elementary school principal) had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until Jack Thaddeus began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the CWCipedia, which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that Clyde Cash was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an omniscient being to spy on people and punish them for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

"I fear them all" — Homosexuality

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a china. During an IRC Chat he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are JERKS" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a Mumble chat, he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on Family Guy is still valid.

In the world of Sonichu, the villainous Reldnahc is gay, but the nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. A fan letter confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to fap to all the lesbian porn he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his favorite video games. A member of his favorite comedy troupe was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as licking his semen off his beloved. He's admitted to being plagued by homoerotic thoughts. He loves rainbows and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game Katamari Damacy enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge schlong clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming "out of his autistic closet." He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the Backstreet Boys. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the Sex and the City movie. Chris also practices crossdressing.

Chris shoves things up his ass. That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

"And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations

Chris is extremely protective of Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As discussed elsewhere, however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a great number of sources. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows. At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it. In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the exact same process he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since LittleBigPlanet allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in LittleBigPlanet and used them in his own levels — only to tell people not to do the same with his levels when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

"Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy

In the Mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by Magi-chan, who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then fined US$500.

Several days later, Chris used the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ.com for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from Family Guy, and Robbie Sonee describing unusual interactions with a lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to distribute a video of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would blur the participating woman's face, and upon further questioning changed his proposal to involve a woman actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when Lucas and Mimms released a candid photograph of him at The GAMe PLACe to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and surreptitiously recording an audio conversation without the other party's consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later tried to take a photograph of that same person, but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

"They set me on fire!" — Slander

Chris, March 2008: "I set my ASS ON FIRE!" Chris, January 2010: "He sets me on fire!"

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the Piedmont Virginia Community College. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his Love Quest on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had frustrated him. The list includes a police officer called in to evict him from a Target store, various store security guards and managers, romantic rivals, old teachers and even fellow students only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many Death threats he issued to individuals on the net. Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to commit suicide. In Sonichu #10, they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. Jason Kendrick Howell, the creator of the Encyclopedia Dramatica page regarding Chris's antics, not only received cryptic messages from Chris, but saw his own character left for dead in a pool of his own blood after being battered by Rosechu's genitalia. After a long feud with Liquid Chris, he issued death threats and tried to steal his girlfriend. When this failed, he made a comic of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad since he barely shot him in the legs.

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When he attacked Alec Benson Leary for the creation of Asperchu, Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the business end of a flamethrower. Chris retaliated with a long video where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the spirit of his dead dog would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

"A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "sweetheart" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the attraction sign. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on welfare checks, yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can spend her money on video games and sex toys.

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an obese, lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have autism." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

"I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is opposed to the death penalty. However, in 02092010.MOV, after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao executed. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from stealing intellectual property deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of Sonichu #10, hypocritically, as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was 05142010, in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was DivineTrial, in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for Clyde Cash, using a Shadow the Hedgehog doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his wife and child would be given to another man, as appointed by the government.

"Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content

“	I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross	”
Chris, on 22 January 2010.

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with death. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him. Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. Jason Kendrick Howell was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and Liquid Chris was shot in the legs, as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of PandaHalo and Ivy, while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

You know, for kids!

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of Sonichu #10. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the Asperpedia staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and genital mutilation via a giant drill. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program, which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, Sonichu is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because he puts stickers over genitalia. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC. Chris has stated that showing kids pornography is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. Sonichu #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

"Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was leaving the Internet for good with a pompous and bombastic speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a stupid fad which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his personal information on the Internet was a bad idea (one of many), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his community.

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on Family Guy spin-off The Cleveland Show and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a death in the family, returning to school, finding gainful employment, or even giving an actual apology to a former friend he offended with his behavior. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

"They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry

One thing consistent in his efforts to get laid is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other men simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a sweetheart, he's insecure and jealous that someone will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage other people's relationships and taunting former boyfriends.

Chris on hypocrisy

“	A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) an UNTRUE Fan. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for a newer, yet badly drawn, thing, after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.	”
Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite

In the Mailbag questions, Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take drastic measures to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to describe a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

See also

• List of Chris's lies
• Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9