Chris and health

“	Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. Vegetables and Fruit are a must; Walking or Jogging is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some Guitar Hero on Guitar, you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.	”
Chris's ironic advice for Ivan Drago

A rather optimistic depiction of Chris in later life.

Chris, as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good health. Considering his obesity, lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, atherosclerosis, and possibly a premature death.

Diet and nutrition

Main article: Obesity

Chris visited McDonalds 10 times in 13 days. It's not even the only fast-food place on the list.

Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily. Occasionally, he mixes them with a special ingredient.

Chris wants to use subliminal hypnosis to make his belly slimmer but his ass fatter.

Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either McDonald's or Burger King at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely. The frequency of his fast food trips was confirmed in 2015 when a Kiwi Farms user sent him $500 to see what he would do with it.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week, making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cookbooks. However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video--an incredibly basic dish, mind you--he dodged responsibility by claiming that Barbara had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead mimed the act and microwaved some canned spaghetti and meatballs. It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwaveable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and focuses a lot more on carbonated drinks and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

• Breakfast: Often nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon, but when he doesn't do that, he travels to McDonald's or another fast food restaurant with a breakfast menu.
• Lunch: Something quick at home or fast food.
• Dinner: Dine out at a fast food place with family, or have a poorly-cooked microwave meal.

Chris showing off his gut in October 2017, as an attempt to make Jessica Quinn regret breaking up with him.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his fecal incontinence (the other one being ramming stuff in his rectum), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence; casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other food group. The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the conversation with Kacey's father that he was prescribed Lipitor for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious lies he told about his health in the course of the rest of the call) is uncertain.

In 2016, he began listening to Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis videos as an attempt to improve his health. He liked videos such as Lose Weight Super Fast!, Produce Odorless Farts Fast!, Eliminate Armpit Odor Permanently Fast! and Lower Your Blood Pressure Fast! Hypertension Treatment.

In 2017, Chris had a brief online relationship with Jessica Quinn, who has a fat fetish and influenced Chris with it. The Sonichu comic features an obese Rosechu in issue 12. After their breakup, Chris consumed a large bowl of ice cream, then took a side photo of his gut, saying, "THIS!!! Right Here was ALLLLL HERS!!!!!!"

In short, Chris is a fatty, yet he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

Places where Chris likes to eat

• Country Cookin
• McDonald's
• Golden Corral (has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
• Chick-fil-A
• Bedroom
• Burger King

Exercise

Click to load content

“	[…] while my body is Strong and Powerful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in Sonic-Running Speed.	”
CWCipedia

I AM STRONG!

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving high school, and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing vidya, his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than standing up, his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks and barely capable of tearing cardboard.

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing Guitar Hero as exercise. Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's PaRappa the Rapper contest entry, where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending Fridays After Five for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors. Despite this, in WelcometoBollywood he is capable of dancing in place for over 7 minutes. Whether or not he did this with the magic of jump cuts remains to be seen.

During the later stages of his infatuation with Kacey, many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to flexing and feats of strength, performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of Minute Maid lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could've defeated both his rivals Gregg Mays and Liquid Chris should've it to came to blows, and as such had challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the fighting moves he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the Father Call and the subsequent Kacey and Liquid Call, Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog 5 miles (8 kilometers) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in Sonichu's Edge, where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take 6 breaks to catch his breath, whereas a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.

Chris's lack of muscle tone may stem from hypotonia (lack of muscle tone), which can occur in people on the autism spectrum, although it is clear that his poor lifestyle has only exacerbated this.

Anytime Fitness

A fan spotted him at the gym and snapped his photo.

It wouldn't be until early 2018 that Chris would officially start some form of exercise regime, specifically taking frequent workouts at Anytime Fitness. He uploaded One-Hundred!, a video of him working out with actual dumbbells of 20 pounds each. He followed up by taking a selfie at an Anytime gym of him on a treadmill "speed walking 4 mph for two hours".

A couple of weeks after the treadmill update, Chris was cocky enough about his new lifestyle change to use a put-down of telling other people they could stand to go to the gym to lose weight.

You are now Blocked. Before continuing to insult me whenever possible you should consider Going to the Gym Yourself, as I feel YOU could stand to Lose Some Weight!

On 7 May, Chris lamented the fact that weens had been calling up the gym to harass management about him:

You Jerks and Trolls ruin EVERYTHING! I CAN'T EVEN GO TO THE GYM WITHOUT YOU HARASSING THE GYM THAT I GO TO!

Later, Emily shared information that Chris had been banned:

Chris was legitimately getting complaints from fellow gym goers regarding being gassy and burping a whole lot. So he already had a strike against him for that, then couple that with people calling them inevitably got him banned.

In the Copitz interview, Chris claimed that he had only been banned from the Ruckersville location, and was still regularly going to another undisclosed location in the Charlottesville area.

Walking for exercise

“	Yes, the nature today is beautiful, and it was great temperature for a four-plus mile walk up the Monticello Trail. 😊 ⚡️💙⚡️	”
Chris

The exercise habit from Anytime Fitness stuck with Chris, as he continued to go on walks, as seen in Walking to the post office and him mentioning that he goes on nature walks with his support group. In December 2018, he purchased a treadmill, and filmed himself using it. For the first time in a long time, it would seem that Chris has started paying at least some attention to one facet of his health.

#BronyBabes

Main article: Brony Babes

Chris began 2019 by participating in the #BronyBabes challenge on Twitter with the goal of losing weight.

Hygiene

“	I shower Daily.	”
Chris

"Did you bathe?" "No"

Where Chris marinates in his own filth.

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his propensity to lie and reports from people who have interacted with him suggest otherwise. According to Emily, he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; Robert Simmons V said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards Axe as a substitute for a shower. Rosechu seems to confirm this belief, as upon being told of the Axe usage she makes an awful attempt at suggestive wordplay, suggesting both that using Axe makes Sonichu clean enough for sex and that cheap deodorant has an aphrodisiac effect on Rosechu.

It would appear that Chris compounds this hygiene problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row. It may be that Chris just gets into "nice" clothing to make his videos and as such doesn't get them dirty, allowing for him to use the same ones repeatedly, although this hygienic habit would be at odds with everything else he does.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the Tomgirl Pictures, many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man. And even when washed, it looks exactly as greasy and unkempt as it did before, as seen in the HairDifference videos. This neglect will only make his hair fall out even faster than it already is.

This lack of cleanliness, combined with the state of his room where he spends almost all his time, means that Chris and his surroundings must smell absolutely disgusting. Chris evidently simply tolerates the horrible odors, perhaps not noticing them anymore. It may be that he has an abnormally weak or insensitive sense of smell or has gone nose-blind; few other things would allow for such living conditions.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. Mimms and Lucas recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at The GAMe PLACe (doubtlessly offending his victorious opponents) and photographs of Chris at Fridays After Five suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their Q&A session that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems would only worsen from that time onward. BlueSpike also mentions Chris's usage of hand sanitizer throughout Julie Reveals Herself.

Living conditions

Main article: 14 Branchland Court, Rental House

Only half a year in and already an inhuman cesspool; quite the accomplishment.

Simply put, Chris has spent many years growing acclimated to living in conditions of abject filth and untidiness. The photographs and videos of 14 Branchland Court that he has so unwisely shared with the world showcased to us his filthy bathtub, as well as what appeared to be overflowing bins that looked more like mounds of trash, a kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed plates and cutlery, and even an instance of Chris slipping on cat shit. Trolls also managed to extract from Rocky Shoemaker that the house was suffering some sort of infestation, which led to Bob being quarantined after being brought to hospital, and Chris being confined to his room to avoid being bitten. When Chris's last video of the house emerged in the months before the fire, it was revealed that the problem had only gotten worse since Bob's passing, with whole rooms literally rendered inaccessible, and some filled almost to the ceiling with items Barb had hoarded, and with various other rooms reduced to crevices carved into Barb's mountains of junk.

Even after the fire, Chris and Barb have seemingly not amended their habits, as far as housekeeping goes. Photographs of the rental house revealed a steadily growing number of Lego boxes strewn around, as well as something much more alarming; when Chris was taking photographs of his merchandise for eBay, he inadvertently photographed rat feces on the carpet as well. When concerned customers pointed this out Chris flatly denied it, even though he had given them photographic proof to the contrary. Moreover, after Catherine visited in August 2014, she recalled seeing junk "piled up to the ceiling" and the dogs not being housebroken and allowed to urinate and defecate in piles of newspaper on the floor. While Chris and Barb returned to the renovated 14 Branchland Court in January 2015, one can only imagine the reaction of the landlord to the state in which they left the house, which, as of April 2015, was still vacant, probably due to the mess they made.

Vision

As evidenced by his oversized, aviator-like glasses, Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered high school. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and dirty, thus simultaneously improving and worsening his sight along different feature dimensions. Chris often takes them off when things are "getting serious", but keeps them on to read. This is evident in the video in which he reads a letter from Nintendo, and in the "FUTURE MESSAGE" video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the numerous vehicular incidents he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

In his CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE video, Chris's left eye is drooping noticeably, which may imply either an early sign of a stroke or substance abuse. Both of these are plausible due to his obesity and poor nutrition for the former, and his abuse of a black-market drug for the latter.

Dental health

Main article: Fangs

He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Talk about honest content!

Chris's fondness for bearing his fangs in moments of tard rage has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell (partly due to Chris's awful camerawork), in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of carbonated drinks, poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive narcissism. He seems to be unwilling to brush his teeth, or even at least chew some Orbit gum.

Cardiovascular health

Chris thinks this will help him grow his breasts. To be fair, he's not wrong.

In August 2013, Chris indicated that the stress he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. In 2016, he implied that he has hypertension; this was later confirmed in August 2017, when he stated that he takes prescription medicine for it.

In September 2017, Chris discussed his new method for growing larger breasts, which involves flavoring his food with soy sauce. As an example, he posted a picture of McDonald's fries doused in soy sauce. It is evident that he has conflated soy-based foods with soy sauce, thinking the latter would be a good way to boost estrogen levels. In reality, the phytoestrogens found in soy products do not bind to the body's estradiol receptors, and thus will have no effect on his manboobs. Conversely, soy sauce is loaded with sodium, and said sodium is actually making him fatter due to weight gain and fluid retention, as well as inflicting further damage to his heart, which is already straining under the effects of hypertension. Although drinking water does help offset the effects of sodium-laden foods, Chris is too busy slurping on Coca-Cola to ever consider adding that to his daily food regime.

In January 2019, Chris uploaded the results of a blood sugar and blood pressure screening. Chris' blood pressure is shown to be 121 over 84, classified as pre-high blood pressure. His blood glucose is 63 mg/dL and his total cholesterol is 140, both of which are healthy levels.

Excretory health

Chris has had a long history of fecal incontinence. One factor likely contributing to this is his diet. His continued abuse of his anus and rectum has not helped.

In July 2017, Chris passed his first kidney stone. Obesity and a high intake of sodium are known risk factors, and seeing as how both of these apply to Chris, he can expect to see more calculi in the future unless he changes his ways.

As mentioned in the previous section, Chris has revealed that he is now putting soy sauce on everything that is not sweet. In addition to worsening his renal health, when combined with the laxative effects of his intake of twelve prunes a day (part of the same breast growth formula), this is only likely to result in a higher frequency of DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS.

Mental health

Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.

As noted, Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto), to schizophrenia (signs include his disorganized speech and writing, loss of contact with reality, and paranoid ideas about being the victim of persecution or "conspiracies" – such as his delusional belief that Megan Schroeder and Michael Snyder were somehow responsible for him getting banned from Walmart).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch – he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some Playboy magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics. For over 6 years, he has been led on by various trolls pretending to be young white women who are interested in a relationship with him, and yet he still falls for it time after time. It is Chris's refusal to listen or learn that ensures that he will continue to live in ignorance, isolation and misery, and until he decides to change, it always will, irrespective of whether his trolls stay interested in him.

It was once thought possible that Chris didn't feel like his life had truly begun, that he was still in the "pre-adult" years – because he remained a virgin into his early 30s, and judging by his oversimplified, black-and-white view of the world tainted by fiction and media messages, treatment of women and stunted understanding of sexual relationships, because he saw sex not as a biological or recreational function, or an expression of love, but rather as a rite of passage, of sorts, and he therefore believed that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he had sex. Chris later would lose his virginity for real, albeit to a hooker; as of yet, he has made few to no changes that will tangibly improve his life. In fact, he has been plunging himself and his mother even further into debt to buy toys, of all things, as well as a new car. Needless to say, no one expects Chris and Barb to be able to afford to keep the car for long.

Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism or the trolls themselves for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a dildo or his camera.

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of hair and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

• His mother would always tell him how "handsome" he was. This might simply be Barbara telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
• He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the Blanca incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and BILLY MAYS would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In high school, he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind. The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a shitty artist.

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. However...

In the July 2012 arraignment for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe the previous fall, Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jail time in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which meant that Chris was forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing an un-certified pastoral "counselor"), or risk being imprisoned. Given that most, if not all of the problems described above persist in some form or another to this day, it seems that Chris reacted to psychiatric treatment in much the same way he reacted to the education system, as it seems that, whatever his psychiatrist said, he took none of it in, probably taking out his anger at being forced to obey the law on the psychiatrist by simply refusing to co-operate.

Chris began listening to Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis videos on YouTube in 2016. On 29 June, he uploaded Announcement 06292016-2, in which he claimed that the music cured his autism:

Hey fans, I forgot one thing to mention. I have- I've actually been on a- subliminal project, as a lot of you- or some of you- might have been... aware of, through my history or whatever... That I try to keep private amongst my YouTube settings. But I have been enjoying for the past 3 months the "Get Rid of Autism" subliminal. The one that actually works in three months so less than [stutters] three times per day. 36 times. I have been doin' that I've actually found myself more mentally capable. I don't- I do not blank out as much, I feel a little bit faster in mental processing... Aaand I feel a whole lot better so with that [puts out hands] I'm essentially cured of autism. Oh and also I actually have been able to socialize better out in public, so that's another good deal right there. I'm gonna put the link underneath this video... And those of y'all with autism... Try for yourself. Three- play it three times, per day... for three months. [Points to head] It worked for me. [Thumbs up]

However, in a November Facebook post, he was back to referring to himself as a "high-functioning autistic person."

Chris mentioned in August 2017 that he takes Valium, a drug used to treat anxiety and nervousness.

“	I took a rest and some valium after I got back home. I feel some recovered, but feel some mild headache now.	”
Chris, on taking the drug after feeling stress from being told not to wear his unicorn cosplay at church.

Sexual health

Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's duck is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly Peyronie's disease or the result of engaging in dangerous prone masturbation), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (or rather, taxpayers') money.

In correspondence with Jackie, Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early 2010. He didn't have any; you can probably guess why.

Gender transitioning

See also: Tomgirl

Hormone treatment

Chris believes this is an appropriate form of hormone therapy.

Normally, transgender people plan out their gender transitions with doctors to ensure safety throughout the process, especially if they are taking hormones (which can cause health issues unless strictly monitored according to the patient's health profile).

Unfortunately, Chris has done the opposite. In 2015, he acquired Oestrogel, a hormone replacement therapy cream meant for post-menopausal women. It is meant to be prescription-only, but Chris got around the requirement to see a doctor by ordering it through Offshore Pharmacy. Oestrogel has health risks, such as fluid retention, weight changes, rise in blood pressure (disastrous for an obese person like Chris) and blood clots, and that is when it is applied properly via a small dosage on the arm once per day. He even managed to fail at following the directions on the package, as shown in Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To., in which he slathers the cream onto his stomach "like buttering bread".

Kim Wilson revealed that he was taking the hormones in May 2015, and Chris mentioned the drug again as late as August 2016. Throughout 2015-2016, he repeatedly complained, via Facebook posts, of feeling dizzy and ill, but has failed to connect the dots and see that taking over-dosages of a black-market drug without a physician's approval could be a reason for it.

In addition to Oestrogel, Chris has been taking supplements such as vitamins. He purchased a jar of Solaray Female Hormone Blend Vitamins in August 2016, which is meant to ease menopausal symptoms. Arthur Spatchcock also learned that, around May 2016, Chris was fond of eating Fenugreek seeds because he believed it would increase his estrogen levels (being unaware that it would have no effect on him, since he is not on estrogen).

At some point in fall 2016, he finally went to a medical professional and was prescribed proper HRT.

Un-clit

One day in September 2014, Chris decided to get a piercing on his perineum. Piercings require constant disinfection while they heal, anywhere on the body, even for very clean people, and so many trolls were concerned that considering Chris's general filthiness and the fact that the location of the piercing would receive very little air, there was a serious risk of infection. In December, he shared another picture of this piercing which showed that, while it wasn't infected, the piercing had begun to reject (tearing the skin in the process). Making lemonade out of lemons, Chris (now in the throes of his transwoman fantasy) noted with pride the tear's semblance to a vagina and actually got it re-pierced, without giving the original wound any longer than about a week to heal. Fortunately, Chris gave up on it after it became clear that the piercing was going to be more hassle than it was worth, and removed it for good before any serious harm was done.

Self-inflicted taint wound

Main article: Self-inflicted taint wound

In July 2016, Chris posted about a wound on his taint, announcing that he had gotten it as a result of Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis and would be growing new labia as a result. However, as the Man in the Pickle Suit later discovered, Chris actually went ahead and sliced himself open with a knife in order to free the vagina he thought was growing within him.

So, Chris was feeling up his junk, and he felt something "growing in". He believed his labia were growing in. He knew, logically, that he probably should let it... ahem... "erupt" on its own, because cutting himself open is crazy and he would probably get in trouble. But one night he was drunk and was sad that someone pointed out he didn't have an actual vagina, so he thought he'd help it along. In the morning he was very embarrassed and sheepish about it. Chris is fucking lucky he posted about it online, and got pestered into getting help by weens, because if he hadn't, he'd probably end up in the hospital, fighting off a potentially lethal infection. So technically speaking, in Chris logic, it was indeed a wound, but his vagina was going to come out and the wound would heal and everything would be alright. It's kind of like he was Brundlewoman and he was pulling off his old ear and face and shit, and the beautiful Pam Anderson Christine would be underneath.

Rejected by a blood bank

In January 2017, Chris complained on Facebook that he had been turned away from a blood drive for being transgender. He stated that the given reason was "the FDA saw to not accept blood from Transgender people, due to the varying levels of testosterone/estrogen balances in our blood." Chris does not realize how medically sensitive patients will be when receiving blood transfusions, and that it would not be in their interests to be taking blood with hormonal imbalances, especially from Chris, whose blood has been affected by both his unhealthy lifestyle and the dangerous intake of the unsupervised Oestrogel drug.

Other deformities

"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."

Chris also has mild heterochromia, which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green. He probably tells this story so people think he's special.

His voice is also a very severe deformity, ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to Gilbert Gottfried. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of Asperger's syndrome is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his Song of Christian video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal and even deeper than later years, except for the occasional times where he recalls Conker of Conker's Bad Fur Day. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. Chances are likely this has become permanent for Chris, given his decades of isolation.

Some have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide septum, as seen in his MySpace picture. Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent duck, is as yet unknown.

See also

• Autism
• Hair
• Obesity
• Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis