Emails

This page covers e-mails exchanged by Christian Weston Chandler and others.

Chris Emails 2004-2006

Miscellaneous Emails sent to, and received by, Chris in 2004, 2005, and 2006

February 2004 An email sent to Mary Lee Walsh, showcasing Chris's humongous ego. Mary tells Chris that the meeting is necessary and will happen.

October 2005 Nintendo sends a form letter to Chris after much pestering.

November 2005 Megan sends an email to Chris about getting her a Tintin video. This is the first documented Megan email.

December 2005 Chris tells Megan he'd like to go out with her to McDonald's before thanking her for pictures she sent him. Megan responds with an email asking him to stop trying to kiss her.

May 2006 Chris asks Megan for her number after telling her he's going to send her pictures of his stuff.

June 2006 Megan sends Chris two emails: one regarding the photos he sent her, and another telling him once again that she would like him to stop trying to make unwanted advances to her.

July 2006 Megan sends Chris more mixed signals in an email, saying she believes he copies her art and her interests.

August 2006 Megan sends the controversial email containing the ever-famous quote:

“

If I was an ugly girl, you wouldn't even come near me would you?

”

September 2006 Chris sends Anna an email, containing an eulogy to Patti. Strangely, picking up her litter, giving her a Bally Scratch, and feeding her are lovely memories.

Chris Emails 2007

Miscellaneous Emails sent to, and received by, Chris in 2007

February

An email addressed to one of his old teachers, Mrs. Sanford. It talks about the people in the class, the PVCC incident, is first meeting with Megan, a DVD, and Sonichu. Thus begins the Megan Saga...

March

Chris sends Megan an apology about his recent behavior via email. Megan completely ignores the apology, starting on a different subject matter: how he portrays her characters. She then requests he stop drawing them with human-like characteristics.

April

Megan adds one more email to the "Stop Fucking Touching Me" collection, filled with complaints of his lack of personal space and her lack for needing money.

May

Chris introduces the legendary Soul Calibur video, along with some shitty poem about game consoles.

June

Chris emails Megan while she's in Kentucky about video games. A day later, he mourns the 1 year anniversary of Patti's death.

July

Chris asks someone named Susan Hannifan to vote for his PaRappa the Rapper contest entry. She says she will. He then sends Megan, who is still on vacation, a series of emails about various subject matter, including Pokemon League, Transformers, his gunky ear and a long list of shit nobody cares about.

August

Chris rages at Sony about him losing the contest, and he reveals that the only reason Chris wanted to win was because he wanted to have sex with Megan. She would have said no either way. He also lists all the reasons the other videos cheated. He, of course, does not mention that he voted for himself many, many, many times. He then says that he was just depressed, not to make up for the raging, but so he could still collect the prizes. Sony sends him a form letter. Megan finally responds to his earlier emails, going on a well-reasoned rant:

“

With all that said, we're down to two options: A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. -or- B: Never see me again

”

After this, Megan goes on a month-long hiatus from checking her email, creating one more stack of useless emails from Chris. In them, he begs for her not to leave her and how he's not jealous of Adam Stackhouse any longer.

October

Megan comes back. She offers Chris things she no longer wants that she has found in her room, much like Chris's wardrobe. The two of them converse about cards, Crocs, an incident in the library, and Megan's then-boyfriend.

November

The shit hits the fan. Chris is informed that somebody is pretending to be a girl to get some nudes of him. He doesn't listen. Chris emails Anna, telling her about the terrible things ED has done. She tells him to sue them. Chris tells her that it's just some guy with some time on his hands (Which is the first time he has actually seen a troll as just a guy.) and then tells her about Joshua Martinez and how Megan broke up with him (when they were not in a relationship.) and says he's met someone named Lori Lopez. Matthew Kelly tells Chris he can't use Sonichu, because it's Matt's character. Chris doesn't respond. Meanwhile, on Planet Megan, Chris brings up Evan's fanart and a girl he met, Lori. Megan is curious about Lori, asking for further explanation. Chris is quick to dismiss the question, talking about Pokemon once more. Megan tries to bring up Lori again while asking Chris to download music for her.

December

Chris replies to Megan about something completely different, disregarding her last email. This is the last Megan email of 2007. The worst love poem ever.

Chris Emails 2008

Miscellaneous Emails sent to, and received by, Chris in 2008

January

Chris tells Anna about ED, and asks her if the Tale of the Crazy Pacer was really written by her.

March

Chris tells Anna how to edit ED. He also emails WikiMedia, asking them how to Edit Lock the ED page. They tell him that they are not in control of it.

June

Chris asks a man name Tyler Wayne to give Megan a present that he was unable to give due to Michael Snyder. Tyler tells him to arrange a meeting with her elsewhere, and give it to her then. A white knight tries in vain to get through to Chris on many matters: Blaming Autism on everything; the love quest; the Attraction Sign; his wardrobe; the Medallion of Fail; and MySpace.

July

Apparently the only thing that keeps Chris sane is video games. This is not surprising.

August

Chris thinks Fox News will actually care enough about him that they'll attempt to take down the ED page. He also believes that Reporters=FBI agents. He also sends an email to a woman named Elizabeth, informing her about ED. He sends another email to Robert Simmons V. He talks about how ED is losing it's power (apparently) and about how Megan from Family Guy is, in his eyes, pretty. Megan is meant to be an ugly character, but Chris can't catch on to this. He sends yet another Email. this time to Kathleen Nicole Wallace, who he believes, using his amazing Autism logic, had sex with Jason Kendrick Howell, and since she's seventeen, this means that Jason is a pedofork. It should be noted that in certain states of America, the age of consent is 16, and that the only reason he thinks they had sex was because they were in a relationship.

September

Chris sends another email to Elizabeth, talking about how evil the trolls are, and telling her that he's repented. She replies, and sets him up with Rocky Shoemaker. Somebody has stolen Chris's YouTube account, and a troll seems to forget how YouTube messaging works and ends up revealing to Chris this fact.

I'll do the rest of the emails in a minute, stop being so pushy person who's reading this article!