List of Love Quest candidates

Chris, despite being autistic, lazy, and fat, has had many attractive young ladies thrown themselves upon him, or have unintentionally been dragged into drama surrounding him, to hold the title of being Chris's TRUE and HONEST sweetheart.

How does Chris get so many women?

Originally, he would make the ladies swoon with his to-the-point signs and his excessive burl but in more recent times his bubbly nature has subsided. For at least a decade he was so desperate to lose his moniker of "Virgin with rage," that when a girl threw herself at Chris saying how awesome and hunky he was, Chris was ready and willing to sweep them off their feet and bring them into his life. Until recently, that was what you would expect from him.

The Women and Man in Chris's Life

Sarah Hammer

The original, and the first person that Chris tried to bond with, as well as Chris' first manipulator, even before Encyclopedia Dramatica. Once a gal-pal of his, Sarah Hammer was a childhood "friend" of Chris who tricked him into crawling into a tight, dark, cobweb infested space. Her relationship with another lover was also part of the reason as to why Chris began his Love Quest. When Wes Iseli started dating her, Chris had felt there was a romantic rivalry going on between the both of them, even though Sarah had little concern about Chris at the time, and Wes barely even knew him.

Laura

Being his first major high school crush, Chris began seeking out Laura Dorazio, a cheerleader, during his sophomore year. Despite being told that she merely sees him as a "friend", Chris would continue thinking about her, even after leaving high school, habitually poring over old yearbooks with pictures of her. In several ways, his feelings towards her would indicate similar behaviors he'd show with many of the candidates that appear later on this list. Chris had appeared to take no for an answer, but would still obsess over her, mentioning her in several future videos and comics.

Kellie

Kellie Andes was another high school crush of Chris's starting in his sophomore year, being Chris's lab partner in his chemistry class. Chris considers her to be his "High School Sweetheart", and believed that he had a shot with her, but blew it as a result of naïveté. Unlike most other high school gal-pals, Chris was able to continue contact with Kellie for an entire year after graduating. The stories as to what came of this are highly conflicting, but Chris would attempt to call her weekly in vain. Nevertheless, despite Chris's belief that he had a "shot" with her, he stood no chance with her whatsoever. Kellie had already been happily married to a firefighter with two children.

Tiffany

Tiffany Gowen was yet another High School gal-pal that Chris had developed feelings for. Chris sat at her lunch table everyday and she attended his 18th birthday party. Out of pity after learning that Chris brought his mom as his prom date, Tiffany asked Chris to dance, as well as being the only student to console him during his graduation. Like all his other gal pals at the time, communication between the two ended after high school.

Hanna

One of the first incidents of Chris being lured in by a fake sweetheart. Hanna "Fandana" was a Starbucks employee at the fashion square mall and an acquaintance of Anna McLerran who was the first person in Chris’s life to ask him out on a date. After the date, Anna told Chris that Hanna was messing with him, to which Hanna would admit to, dropping Chris's Heart Level down to 15%, when previously it jumped from 20% to 100%.

Megan

Megan Schroeder is possibly the epitome of the term "sweetheart". The “love story” began between her and Chris around 2004, and all seemed well even amidst Megan's discomfort and constantly reminding Chris to keep his hands off of her. However, things would come crashing down one summer day in 2007, when some Manajerks decided to play Kick the Autistic and cheat Chris out of a contest in which he had hoped would tie the knot with her once and for all. Chris's anger at his loss, combined with certain other actions, somehow drove her away, as well as any chance at winning back her heart.

Lori

An American/Spanish girl who Chris met through MySpace via Joshua Martinez in November 2007, making her the first person to catfish Chris online. Not much is known about these two during their short time together.

Blanca

A girl Chris met online around August 2008. She was the first to introduce a character for the Sonichu comics. Things had pretty much gone swimmingly between the two until Chris began suspecting something about her. At the same time, he began seeing another woman, causing friction between the two of them. When Blanca asked to see his medallions, Chris happily obliged until trolls intercepted and destroyed them. Soon after, Blanca broke up with Chris, shattering his heart (Chris would revision this event with him dumping her.)

Sarah Jackson

A woman Chris met the same time he was with Blanca. When the two women finally confronted each other, Chris chose Blanca. Sarah would later die by a truck hitting her

Jessie

Jessica "Jessie" Ruddy was a troll gal-pal created in September 2008, which Chris had met in a chat. Very little is actually known about Jessie, or the troll behind her, outside of her alleged interactions with Chris which have been shared in a talk page on this website.

Jessie was later mentioned in a video which was directed towards Ivy, which showcased some of Chris's past sweethearts. In the description of that video, she is listed as "Woman #3" among a list of 5 women he's previously considered his "sweetheart".

Chloe

A possible codename for PandaHalo. When Chris broke up with Blanca, Chris claimed he was seeing a girl named Chloe, whom he claimed to have met at a GameStop. Many never bought Chris's claims and Chloe was never mentioned again.

PandaHalo

A girl Chris met at the same time he was seeing Blanca. When he and Blanca broke up, Chris immediately set his sights on Panda. Panda discovered just how desperate he was for sex when he admitted he would gladly have sex with an animal for her pleasure. Panda would later be raped by Clyde Cash and be pregnant with his child. Chris tried to get her to have an abortion while Panda attempted to get him to join her and Clyde in Clyde's mansion. In the end, Chris gave up Panda to Clyde when she told him he if they wanted to stay together, he should make Sonichu a reality, and Chris didn't want to put that much work into it.

Julie

Soon after breaking up with Panda, Chris immediately began seeing Julie. Through Julie, Chris began doing a number of sex acts and recording them. One of these moments was interrupted by Bob Chandler. In late February, Max, Julie's brother, held her against her will, forcing Chris to mount a daring rescue, driving all the way to Ohio to rescue her only to arrive at a fake address. Max would put Chris through the rings, showing how desperate Chris was for a girl while taunting him before revealing that both Max and Julie never existed - they were the same person, portrayed by 13 year old boy with too much free time.

Emily

Emily Schifflet was Chris's first real date, and one of the very few gal-pals Chris ever had the decency & privilege of dating. However, their time together would be cut short after a Man in a Pickle Suit scared her away. Emily would soon after be the mastermind behind several other trolling schemes soon after, such as placing a sign on lawn and taking the role as his troll some gal-pal Kim Wilson

Ivy

Another girl Chris had eyes for. He began seeing Ivy O'Neil not long after the incident with Julie. During this time, Chris went to great lengths to show how much he was in love with Ivy. Unlike Panda and Julie, Ivy never showed any interest in sexual acts, preferring seeing the comics instead. Chris happily obliged, creating three special comics in the process as well as multiple creepy videos, a video of him drinking his own semen, and an entire album of songs about her. While he was with Ivy, he also proceeded to cheat on her with Vanessa Hudgens which would ultimately end their relationship.

Vanessa

She Has Exganged Several AIM Messages And Nudie woman pics with Chris on facebook. This relationship truly highlighted how Naive Chris was and how willing he was to cheat on his sweetheart to get some China. Aside from this, she's been much too preoccupied with her celebrity life to really care about Chris.

Faeryn

An obese woman who Chris met at Applebee's through Kim Wilson. Their time was short due to a mutual lack of interest in fat, unattractive, and disgusting people.

Kacey

When Liquid Chris made his appearance, Chris fought valiantly to prove his identity. When Chris discovered that Liquid had a girlfriend named Kacey, he attempted to win her over, the assumption being that, as the TRUE and HONEST Chris, she should be his girlfriend. When Liquid made his comeback months later, Chris would successfully win Kacey over. He would lose her not even weeks later due to a combination of being stood up for a date, a confrontation with her father, and a horrific comic. Kacey would later break up with Chris and be happily married to Liquid.

Regina

Regina Novakova was a Czech foreign exchange student studying at UVA who was interested in buying a Guitar Hero guitar from Chris, although he believed she was also trying to pursue a romantic relationship with him. Chris quickly discontinued contact with her, leaving her guitarless.

"The Wallflower"

According to a set of e-mails that Chris sent to Vivian Gee, on 22 January 2010, Chris had met the Wallflower at a "Young Adult Social Group". Apparently learning nothing from the Megan drama, and despite her insistence that they weren't dating and that he was asexual, Chris committed extensively to forming a romantic relationship with her. Like Megan, she cut all ties with Chris after finding out about his status as a lolcow and what he was saying about her on the internet. Chris would begin to attack her new boyfriend Surfshack Tito after stealing his girl.

Jackie

Chris' sweetheart from April to October 2010. Chris met her on the HooK Café. While Jackie was less brutal than most of his fake sweethearts, trying to get him to make more positive changes in his life and encourage him to play less video games, she still influenced him to make more videos on the internet and further embarrass himself and having him do a voice call with her ex boyfriend Lars, a black man who made miniature boats. Chris (for once) eventually saw through Jackie's trolling and ended the relationship.

Catherine

Catherine was a sweetheart/troll that Chris pursued in mid-2014, the first woman to troll him after the death of Bob, after he found that she was a 97% match on OkCupid in July 2014. Catherine saw an opportunity to document our TRUE and HONEST hero and accepted a lunch date at Applebees. They chatted until Catherine friendzoned Chris in September 2014 for being creepy and generally clingy, which resulted in I Love You, Catherine. Catherine cut Chris off completely in December 2014.

DoopieDoOver

Doopie DoOver is an artist, animator, and voice actor for the YouTube channel planet Dolan, and a cohost on the lazycast podcast. While Chris appeared to have thought of her as a potential gal pal or maybe even someone who was interested in him, she simply saw him as just another customer. She eventually blocked him and removed him as a patron from her patreon after being harassed by weens, as well as being uncomfortable with someone who was struggling financially giving her money. But more importantly, because Chris was making her uncomfortable period. Needless to say, Chris did his absolute best to become her knight in shining armor when the times were dire not realizing the main reason was because he was being creepy to her.

Jessica

Jessica Quinn started as a white knight in 2015. She stayed on the back burner until a few months after Chris was friendzoned by Doopie in September 2017, when they entered a complicated relationship on Facebook. She is noted by her fat fetish and encouraging Chris to gain weight to fulfill her fat fantasy. Most of their dating involved talking through Facebook posts, eventually, Chris liked a Tweet from a female complimenting him which caused her to temporarily break up with him. This caused Chris to upload a crying video and Barb to win her back for Chris. They patched things up after a couple of days and then planned to see the My Little Pony movie that was coming out that October. In early October Chris was encouraged to rejoin Kiwi Farms and do a Q&A thread with a video shortly afterward. The day after Chris answered questions on video Quinn's account shut down and she blamed Chris for it, saying that he attracted hackers from Kiwi Farms. Thus breaking up with him a final time and causing him to have his biggest tard rage video since Surfshack Tito. She tried to re-insert herself in early 2018 but by then Chris was entrenched in the Idea Guy Saga and was thwarted by the Idea Guys themselves.

Jessica Quinn serves as the final sweetheart of the Lovequest as Chris abandoned the quest in March 2018 due to influence from the Idea Guys. Despite this, Chris's search for a sweetheart wouldn't end there.

Various OCs (Cryzel, Magi-Chan, Sylvana, and Mewtwo)

Chris's polyamorous marriage to fictional characters, a belief planted in his mind by the Idea Guys beginning in March 2018. This is by far the most bizarre relationship Chris has found himself in. At first Chris was strongly opposed to people falling in love with fictional characters, despite him falling in love with Meg Griffin from family guy, however after realizing that he might never find a sweetheart in real life, he decided to settle for his own fictional creations, ending his love quest. He would first marry Cryzel Rosechu and Magi-Chan Sonichu, before adding Sylvana Rosechu and Mewtwo into his haram. Unfortunately this would fail to keep Chris satisfied for long and would result to him starting a sexual relationship with an older woman who happened to be boyfriend free.

Jacob

Jacob Sockness started out as a hardcore white knight in September 2018 and had a stroke of luck in July 2019 when Chris followed him on Twitter. Despite Chris's blatant homophobia during the lovequest, he was brainwashed into identifying as bisexual by the Idea Guys in 2018. Jacob, who has been open about his sexual desires for Chris, took things a step further and groomed Chris into warming up to the idea of a relationship by manipulating him using Magi-Chan and the Dimensional Merge. Despite Jacob being forced to turn back en route to visit Chris in September 2019, Chris still keeps in contact with Jacob as he was led to believe he is the key to unlocking the Dimensional Merge and is going along with Jacob's suggestion for a relationship, stating that they could kiss at some point. Jacob was later friendzoned on 27 November in a Twitter thread by Chris stating that he didn't need to be in a relationship with Jacob in order for the Dimensional Merge to happen and was blocked once and for all in August 2020.

MKRNightVee

Starting off as a white knight in 2019 and eventually turning into an enabler, MKRNightVee had created a character based off of Nights and the Pokemon Evee, NightVee, taking a cue from Sonichu being a cross between Sonic and Pikachu. MKR would create fan art and a medallion for Chris. She eventually got into contact with Chris via a friend and she would proclaim herself as the “CPU goddess of the Nintendo switch”. She grew increasingly possessive towards Chris which would lead to him eventually cutting her off and leaving the discord server they were in together. This would be one of the rare cases where Chris turned down the boyfriend free girl.

Annie

Annie Ikenberry was a Praetor member and OnlyFans camgirl that Chris had stated to see as a potential sweetheart.

Bella

Isabella Loretta Janke was a troll who had gotten engagement from Chris, infamous for her involvement in a call where Chris describes his relationship with his mother in graphic detail. She claimed that Chris has been insistent on booking a room with her, rather than the Suitress. Along with that, Bella would claim to the Suitress that Chris would make sexual remarks towards her. Unfortunately Chris was unaware about Bella’s A-logging directed towards him, stealing his credit card information, creating fake texts where he admits to performing BDSM-style sex on Barb, and claiming to want to get him into killing/harming himself, though he was arrested before she could succeed in her claimed plans.

"The Suitress"

File:AHiddenSuitress.jpg

The youngest sweetheart to date that wasn't a troll persona. The Suitress, a young autistic woman who Chris declared as his "first real sweetheart", had formed a genuine crush on Chris. She was in contact with Chris by mid-July 2021, and they were in video calls together, including one in which they simulated kissing each other. After she began texting Chris under a pseudonym, Chris sent both her and Bella an invite to the Knights of CWC Discord Server run by The WCT, and the Suitress and Bella got in contact over DMs. She believed that following through with Bella's plan to get her closer to Chris would ultimately work in her favor and appeared unaware of Bella's edgy and A-Loggish side or that Bella had a habit of claiming to have plots to harm Chris. On 28 July, Bella recorded the incest call and sent a nine minute version of it to Suitress the following day. She would be the one who initiated leaks of this call, first sharing a futher edited four minute version of the call, then the full nine minutes, ultimately leading to Chris getting put in jail.

The Suitress would also recount an instance of Chris being turned on by her when she exposed herself to him.

Barbara

It seems that after all these years, the sweetheart Chris sought after was right in front of him all along, laying there amidst the heaps of trash and toys within 14 Branchland Court. But we, the people of 1218, would never let them be together, and so the authorities tragically took them away from each other, with Chris being locked up and Barb being left to sulk in her chamber, both lonely and heartbroken...