So Need a Cute Girl
| “ | Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, lonliness [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that Witch Bitch, I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the SALTY, AGGRESSIVE, and TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES and NOT TO MOST MEN type of MAN that I AM. | ” |
| Chris commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 November 2007, ED edit[1] | ||
"So Need a Cute Girl" is the first track off of Christian and the Hedgehog Boys, by the titular band. It is sung over "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys. Chris describes it in an Encyclopedia Dramatica edit as his "sweetheart search theme song."[1] It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.
Bizarrely enough, the song can be downloaded for 89 cents on Amazon's MP3 store since November 2013. According to the copyright date, Chris used Distrokid.com and some of his monthly tugboat to get it up on there. Of course, there could be the possibility that a troll put it up there and is making money off of Chris's work.
Song
| So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | August 2003 |
| Subject Matter |  Music,  Sex,  Virgin with Rage,  Love Quest,  Noviophobia
|
| Performance Style |  Crazy
|
| Other |  Audio
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special |
next So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video |
Lyrics
[sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"]
Hey! Look at me!
I'm sitting here sad and lonely!
Without a fire,
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
And I see da ladies walking
Along one by one,
And I never wanna hear,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
And I have no fire
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
(Tell me why)
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Why do all of the jerks
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!)
You may not notice,
But I want you to know
That I am a lonesome heart!
And I have no fire,
But a desire
To not, to not, to not
Heeeaaar…
Stuck as a virgin with rage!
So need a cute girl my age!
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
I so need a cute girl my age!
I ain’t never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Never say it, now!
* In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."
** In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of his ED edits, these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"[1]
Music video
- Main article: All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend
Live performance
| So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 12 July 2009 |
| Subject Matter | Music, Sex, Virgin with Rage, Love Quest, Noviophobia
|
| Performance Style | Drunk
|
| Shirt |  The Referee
|
| Other |  Live
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video |
next Harvey Birdman Commercial |
On 12 July 2009, one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving their first public performance (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video (in which, in an attempt to evoke Michael Jackson, he slaps his hand on grabs his crotch) makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.
Transcript
Chris: (Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. (There are no takers, just laughter)
Man: (Bewildered) Oh-ohh-OHHH, buddy!! Whoa-ho, you got that on film!
Covers
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| So Need a Cute Girl (Medley) | |
| Stardate | 11 June 2012 |
| Made By | GhostofBillRiley |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | A medley of several covers mixed together with the original. |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
References
See also
- All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend
- Chris and music
- Chris's Big Night Out II
- Christian and the Hedgehog Boys
- Virgin with rage
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