Emails
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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This page covers miscellaneous emails exchanged between Christian Weston Chandler and others.
Chris
2004-2006
- Main page: Chris_E-mails_2004-2006
February 2004
An email sent to Mary Lee Walsh, showcasing Chris's humongous ego. Mary tells Chris that a meeting is necessary and will happen.
October 2005
Nintendo sends a form letter to Chris after he asks them to employ him so he can get paid to play test video games from home.
September 2006
Chris sends Anna an email containing a eulogy to Patti. Strangely, picking up her litter, giving her a Bally Scratch, and feeding her are lovely memories.
2007
- Main page: Chris_E-mails_2007
February
An email addressed to one of his old teachers, Mrs. Sanford. It talks about the people in the class, the PVCC incident, his first meeting with Megan, a DVD, and Sonichu. Thus begins the Megan Saga...
March
Chris touches base with his brother and Cole sheds some light on his relationship (or lack thereof) with Barb and his stepfather, Bob.
| “ | I really don't give a fuck about her or about her fucking lies.. | ” |
July
Chris asks someone named Susan Hannifan to vote for his PaRappa the Rapper contest entry. She says she will.
In another e-mail, Chris calls in a favor from Cole, requesting that he vote for his PaRappa the Rapper contest entry. Cole asks him to first convince Barb to tell him the identity of his biological father. This chore is begrudgingly carried through, with minimal effort of course. Cole is never given the true identity of his biological father, and Chris never receives his vote.
August
Chris rages at Sony about him losing the contest, and he reveals that the only reason Chris wanted to win was because he wanted to have sex with Megan. She would have said no either way. He also lists all the reasons the other videos cheated. He, of course, does not mention that he voted for himself many, many, many times. He then says that he was just depressed, not to make up for the raging, but so he could still collect the prizes. Sony sends him a form letter.
November
The shit hits the fan. Chris is informed that somebody is pretending to be a girl to get some nudes of him. He doesn't listen. Chris emails Anna, telling her about the terrible things ED has done. She tells him to sue them. Chris tells her that it's just some guy with some time on his hands (Which is the first time he has actually seen a troll as just a guy) and then tells her about Joshua Martinez and how Megan broke up with him (when they were not in a relationship.) and says he's met someone named Lori Lopez. Matthew Kelly tells Chris he can't use Sonichu, because it's Matt's character. Chris doesn't respond.
2008
- Main page: Chris_E-mails_2008
January
Chris tells Anna about ED, and asks her if the Tale of the Crazy Pacer was really written by her.
March
Chris tells Anna how to edit ED. He also emails WikiMedia, asking them how to Edit Lock the ED page. They tell him that they are not in control of it.
June
Chris asks a man named Tyler Wayne to give Megan a present that he was unable to give due to Michael Snyder. Tyler tells him to arrange a meeting with her elsewhere, and give it to her then. A white knight tries in vain to get through to Chris on many matters: Blaming Autism on everything; the love quest; the Attraction Sign; his wardrobe; the Medallion of Fail; and MySpace.
July
Apparently the only thing that keeps Chris sane is video games. This is not surprising.
August
Chris thinks Fox News will actually care enough about him that they'll attempt to take down the ED page. He also believes that Reporters=FBI agents. He also sends an email to a woman named Elizabeth, informing her about ED. He sends another email to Robert Simmons V. He talks about how ED is losing its power (apparently) and about how Meg from Family Guy is, in his eyes, pretty. Meg is meant to be an ugly character, but Chris can't catch on to this. He sends yet another Email. this time to Kathleen Nicole Wallace, who he believes, using his amazing Autism logic, had sex with Jason Kendrick Howell, and since she's seventeen, this means that Jason is a pedofork. It should be noted that in certain states of America, the age of consent is 16, and that the only reason he thinks they had sex was because they were in a relationship.
September
Chris sends another email to Elizabeth, talking about how evil the trolls are, and telling her that he's repented. She replies, and sets him up with Rocky Shoemaker. Somebody has stolen Chris's YouTube account, and a troll seems to forget how YouTube messaging works and ends up revealing to Chris this fact.
Megan
2005-2006
- Main page: Megan_Emails,_2005-2006
November 2005
Megan sends an email to Chris about getting her a Tintin video. This is the first documented Megan email.
December 2005
Chris tells Megan he'd like to go out with her to McDonald's before thanking her for pictures she sent him. Megan responds with an email asking him to stop trying to kiss her.
May 2006
Chris asks Megan for her number after telling her he's going to send her pictures of his stuff.
June 2006
Megan sends Chris two emails: one regarding the photos he sent her, and another telling him once again that she would like him to stop trying to make unwanted advances to her.
July 2006
Megan sends Chris more mixed signals in an email, saying she believes he copies her art and her interests.
August 2006
Megan sends the controversial email containing the ever-famous quote:
| “ | If I was an ugly girl, you wouldn't even come near me would you? | ” |
2007
- Main page: Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007
March
Chris sends Megan an apology about his recent behavior via email. Megan completely ignores the apology, starting on a different subject matter: how he portrays her characters. She then requests he stop drawing them with human-like characteristics.
April
Megan adds one more email to the "Stop Fucking Touching Me" collection, filled with complaints of his lack of personal space and her lack for needing money.
May
Chris introduces the legendary Soul Calibur video, along with some shitty poem about game consoles.
June
Chris emails Megan while she's in Kentucky about video games. A day later, he mourns the 1 year anniversary of Patti's death.
July
Chris sends Megan, who is still on vacation, a series of emails about various subject matter, including Pokemon League, Transformers, his gunky ear and a long list of shit nobody cares about.
- Main page: Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007
August
Megan finally responds to his earlier emails, going on a well-reasoned rant:
| “ | With all that said, we're down to two options:
A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. -or- B: Never see me again |
” |
After this, Megan goes on a month-long hiatus from checking her email, creating one more stack of useless emails from Chris. In them, he begs for her not to leave her and how he's not jealous of Adam Stackhouse any longer.
October
Megan comes back. She offers Chris things she no longer wants that she has found in her room, much like Chris's wardrobe. The two of them converse about cards, Crocs, an incident in the library, and Megan's then-boyfriend.
November
Chris brings up Evan's fanart and Lori. Megan is curious about Lori, asking for further explanation. Chris is quick to dismiss the question, talking about Pokemon once more. Megan tries to bring up Lori again while asking Chris to download music for her.
December
Chris replies to Megan about something completely different, disregarding her last email. This is the last Megan email of 2007.
2008
- Main page: Megan_Emails,_2008
January Chris says he wants Megan to live with him.
March
Megan asks Chris to remove any and all information of her on the internet, including pictures. Things seemed to be going alright, until it took the turn for the worst: Megan finds out about Chris's hand-drawn Rule 34 that he has drawn of the both of them.
| “ | I am very much scarred by that image and it will never leave me. | ” |
She asks him to leave her alone for a while, and he mistakes her being scarred as a lack of sex knowledge. Chris manages to remove the image from ED, but only for a while. Megan gets fed up but Chris continues to pester her, claiming drawing the picture helped him from raping her. She repeatedly asks Chris to leave her alone.
April
The last of the Megan emails. Megan responds to an email Chris sent about his feelings, saying she can't trust him anymore. This brings the Megan Saga to a close.
Vivian
2007
November
Vivian Gee sends Chris an email, claiming to be the original creator of Sonichu, in an attempt to troll him. She also sends an email telling him to "get rid of that damn medallion" so girls will like him more.
2008
August
Vivian contacts Chris after nine long months, sending him an email about Liquid. Chris responds with more regard to Sonichu than the matter at hand.
September
Vivian emails Chris about his recent comic. No reply. She then sends an email about how Jason is not to blame for most of the content on the ED page. Still no reply. After warning him about Blanca, SonichuFan1985 and Panda, Chris finally listens...only to talk about his beloved electric hedgehog Pokemon. Vivi sends two more emails concerning the fate of Sonichu that are never replied to.
October
Vivi sends three last emails to Chris about Blanca, his medallion, and to seek some psychiatric help. These also came with no reply.
2009
February
Vivian sends our favorite manchild an interesting idea: A daily webshow with various segments on Chris and Sonichu. Chris "considers it", but it was never brought into action. A few days later, Chris tells Vivi to tell Clyde to stop picking on him. Vivi says she has no power over that, but does suggest he start cleaning up his act by getting a job and pay off his debts.
May
Chris informs Vivi that Clyde has hacked into his PSN account, costing him $15.98 of his $20 PSN card. He then asks Vivi to send him a check for the lost money, thinking Vivian is "taking the reigns [sic]" for Clyde. Vivian, like most would, does not send him the money.
August
Chris thanks the trolls for making him grow up to be a stronger person.
| “ | You still haven't learned anything have you? | ” |
| Vivian's response, telling it like it is. | ||
He then finds out that Vivian is getting paid for selling copies of his DVD. Enraged, Chris claims Vivi to be in violation "of the Counterfeit Laws". He asks her to scan her driver's license for proof of her identity, unaware that she does not drive a car. Realizing his false accusation, he asks her to upload her passport.
September
After no reply, Chris sends her death threats before blocking Vivian's email for two months.
November
Chris contacts Vivian for the first time since blocking her. He apologizes for his previous outbursts and asks for 25% of all the money she has, "and will have, made from all that you have put together and sold, as well as two copies of each CD/DVD of the Audiobooks, and two of each other additional merchandise aside from the Audiobooks." Immediately, Vivian tells him to go fuck himself. Chris then asks Vivian to be his manager of business relations. Vivian says he'd be better off making a promotional video of his pitch for Sonichu.
The next few emails Chris sends are not as frequent, leaving Vivian to believe he's being a lazy shit as always. Chris is indeed being undoubtedly lazy, not working on Sonichu pages much of the Thanksgiving weekend.
Blanca Emails August 2008
Tuesday (Quick note, and I'll remove this note later: Anything in brackets is something that I think might not be up to the CWCki standards, but kept in there anyways. If you object to any of these, discuss it on the talk page. I'll remove this message on Saturday, just so you guys have the chance to see this.) In the first email, Blanca sends Chris an image of Jiggliami and gives him permission to use her character in the comics. She also includes a biography of her character, and proposes a story idea (One that seems to have been made to make fun of Chris's feeble grasp on Christianity. He responds, saying that she's cute and that he wants a full body colour picture. He 'Applaudes' her. In response, Blanca directs him to a black and white image and, in turn, her deviantART account. Chris immediately requests that she wear high heels, thus taking his first step into making this character just another lifeless husk along with the rest of the females in his comic. Blanca agrees, because 'she's a diva and all.' Chris then creates an image of Jiggliami, and suggests that he mail her a physical copy for decorative purposes, under the assumption that his art is high quality. However, as this copy has his home address on it, he asks her to swear never to reveal the picture to the internet, asking her to 'emotionally open her heart to him.' He also asks for her age, so that he can find out whether or not it's legal for him to fuck her. Blanca says she would love a copy, and says she's 25. Chris then says that he has 'fallen' for Jiggliami, and that he MUST know the woman behind her, saying that he 'would likely love her honestly and truly.' (The translation is 'The creator of this image has boobs, and is expressing non-hostile interest in me, so therefore sex is imminent.') He then tells her EVERYTHING about him. Please note that it has only been 7 emails of interaction, and he's already given her his life story, his address, and his love (i.e. His wish to have sex with her) Also note that this is not the first sweetheart to have duped him. He is still ever trusting towards anything with a pair of boobs. Blanca responds with her own info, and a picture of herself. Chris replies with the rest of the everything that he left out last time he told her everything, as well as stating that she is gorgeous. Blanca responds, saying she's a bad singer, and that she, unlike a certain someone, is careful on the internet.
Wednesday
Chris says that he would love a song, and mentions the KCWC interview with Jiggliami. “”Also, I am drawing the bit with Jiggliami; she is being interviewed in the studio of Station KCWC, and you're there with her as her lead Guitar Hero and business manager. It's a "Just gettin' started" kinda situation. So she's excited about her single's "June Release", and for being on her first Radio Show. Then she continues to talk about her single, "I sing lead vocals with Blanca at Lead Guitar Hero." You add, "Yeah, while Jiggliami sang on SingStar, I would play my Ax on the Wii. Getting the high scores scored better real-play for my benefit. Jiggliami continues, "I can't help but appreciate her excellent skills. After being discovered playing at her family's business, we were in!" "Oh my God!" you add. Jiggliami replies, "I know, right? i just couldn't believe it. But now, we're gigged at max's Kansas City. if we get lucky like Joe, we'll have a "No Surprize" contract." (an Aerosmith reference in that joke). then simultaneously, you both say, "Hello, Joke!" "Jynx!," and you both have a laugh. I hope you like that foretaste for the comic; I note you as original creator of Jiggliami. I have another page to draw for your bit yet.”” Blanca sends 3 emails. The first is her asking Chris not to shout at her about copyright for posting Chris's picture of Jiggliami on deviantART. The second is her drooling over the concept of being in his comic, and the third is the lyrics to 'The War of Love,' which Jiggliami sings in Sonichu 8. Chris responds, saying that he loves the lyrics. He also wants to know what colour her eyes are. For some reason. He also mentions the completion of Sonichu 7. Blanca says her eyes are blue, and this revelation surely changed the course of the universe. She also reveals she just got out of a really bad relationship. She's in for a case of Deja Vu. Chris says he's a bit of a gamer nerd. He also goes out of his way to be as creepy as possible. “”And I do not mean to sound like a panther, ready to sieze[sic] the moment... although the thought obviously passed my mind... *blush*”” Blanca is nervous, and rightfully so, as Christian Weston Chandler now officially has his sights on her. Chris sends her an email, talking about his CADD certificate, among other useless things, including him being as yippy as a small dog. Given previous chats (Somebody insert a link to that chat with Vanessa Hudgens, where he barks like a dog during sex because he's a psychotic manchild.), this is an extremely creepy thing to say. Blanca says that he isn't as hated as he says he is and says that she doesn't know what to major in. Chris tells her about Jiggliami's role in Sonichu 8, ignoring the fact that she has none, and asks her what timezone she is in. She replies EST, and says that she, like Chris, has a broken Biological Clock. Chris comments on what I just told you, and asks if her favorite is pink, because he thinks all women love the color pink and do nothing but fuck, cook, fuck, shop, and fuck. Blanca responds purple, and says she is 'newly addicted to the internet.' Chris sends her an image of the new cover, and tells her who each of the characters are, because otherwise she wouldn't be able to tell, as other then color, they are all the exact same. Blanca says that they are all pretty, and that she wants to go to the beach.
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