Bionic the Hedgehog
| “ | Fuck bionic! It's ironic! | ” |
| Nelly | ||
| “ | Bionic the Hedgehog is Sonic the Hedgehog's long-lost brother. He is a professional basketball star and hand with tools in mechanics. He can score over 100 baskets in a single B-Ball game. | ” |
| Bionic the Hedgehog Animal Crossing card | ||
Bionic the Hedgehog (born 13 November 1986[1]) was Chris's first major creation recolor, predating even Chris's crowning achievement. Brother of Sonic the Hedgehog, Bionic loves to play basketball, and is also the most flamboyantly gay of Chris's characters. This is emphasised by the fact that Chris hooked him up with the comic's token lesbian, Megagi Skunk.
Chris claims to have created Bionic way back in November 13, 1996, when he was standing in the middle of the hallway of his high school next to the basketball courts, staring into the void like a retard. He claims that he was daydreaming about Sonic the Hedgehog character Mighty the Armadillo.[2]
Standing there motionless, daydreaming about Mighty, Chris was - you guessed it - hit in the face with a basketball. This, in Chris's words, "opened the lockers to his mind", and lead to the creation of the recolor we know and tolerate today as the completely original character of Bionic the Hedgehog.
Bionic's backstory tells us that he was Sonic's brother, and that when they were young, Bionic fell through a portal into a world filled with basketball players. Sonic, for his part, forgot all about his dimwitted sibling, and went on to be a real star. Cut to years later, when Bionic showed up to save his brother, and then go on to have other exciting adventures. It's interesting to note that, unlike all of Chris's other characters, Bionic was created within the SatAM/Archie Comic universe and NOT the video game universe. How and why is Bionic here in the Sonichuverse? NOBODY KNOWS... or cares, for that matter.
Much like the other characters in Chris's comic, Bionic is yet another Mary Sue. In issue 8, he brags to his father about how his skunk girlfriend blew him on the second date, and that on the third they were gonna go for some hot hedgehog yiffing. Yet another airing of Chris's insane belief that the third date is the gateway to all the china you can handle.
Despite his name, Bionic is not a cyborg. In fact, there appears to be no reason for his name other than that he's a mechanic, and that... well, it's Chris.
Bionic used to look rather different to Sonic the Hedgehog, with smaller head-spines and much larger back-spines. This different (but no less stupid) profile shape is likely not so much an act of originality, as much as a simple inability to properly copy Sonic the Hedgehog's design. Chris being Chris, Bionic currently looks like the pallet-swapped Sonic the Hedgehog he always was at heart.
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