Bionic the Hedgehog
| “ | Fuck bionic! It's ironic! | ” |
| Nelly | ||
| “ | Bionic the Hedgehog is Sonic the Hedgehog's long-lost butt buddy. He is a professional porn star and hand with tools in mechanics. He can score over 100 baskets in a single B-Ball game. | ” |
| Bionic the Hedgehog Animal Crossing card | ||
Bionic the Hedgehog (born 13 November 1986[1]) was Chris's first major creation recolor. Brother of Sonic the Hedgehog. Loves to play basketball.
Bionic is the most flamboyantly gay of Chris's characters and, to emphasise that fact, Chris hooked him up with the comic's token lesbian, Megagi Skunk.
It is known that Chris created him way back in high school, November 13 1996. When he was standing in the middle of the hallway next to a basketball field staring into nothingness like a retard. He claims that he was daydreaming about another Sega-made "Mighty the Armadillo".[2]
Anyway he's standing there like a dipshit, next thing you know BLAM! Nigra gets hit on his face with a basketball. So CWC claims that "opened the lockers to his mind" and inspired him to create his first Sonic recolor. PUFF! We gots ourselves an original character. Don't steal it you guys he created it first!
Around that time, Chris decided to write up Bionic's story, in which we learn all his backstory: that he was Sonic's brother and that, when they were young, Bionic fell through a portal into a world filled with basketball players. Sonic, for his sake, forgot all about his dimwitted "little brother" and went on to be a real star until years later Bionic showed up, saved his brother and went on to have other adventures. It's interesting to note that, unlike all the other characters, Bionic was created within the ever-popular Saturday Morning cartoon/Archie Comic universe and NOT the normal video game universe. How and why Bionic's here in the Sonichuverse? NO ONE KNOWS... or cares, really.
Much like the other characters in his shitty comic, Bionic represents some elements of Chris, like how Naitsirch is gay. On issue 8, he goes on claiming showing off to his autistic Daddy how his skunk girlfriend blew him on the second date, and that on the third they were gonna get some hot hedgehog yiffing action. Chris has gone on record saying that couples usually get it on on the third date.
Despite his name, Bionic is not a cyborg, nor does he have a bionic arm ala Bionic Commando. So why did Chris decided to name him "Bionic"? Because, well, it's Chris.
Interestingly, Bionic used to look rather different than Sonic the Hedgehog, with smaller head-spines and much larger back-spines. Not that it didn't look stupid, but he had a different profile shape, at least. This is likely not so much an act of originality by Chris so much as just an inability to properly copy the Sonic the Hedgehog design. Chris being Chris, now Bionic looks like the pallet-swapped Sonic the Hedgehog he always was at heart.
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