Sonichu 6

Sonichu: Issue #6 Cover.

The seventh issue of Christian's Sonichu comic book. Whilst the others contain either retarded, one dimensional characters or narcissistic monologues of Chris's own life. This issue is unique to the series in that it does actually genuinely convey true heart-felt emotion with Chris's love and loss of his beloved dog, Patti.

Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"

This story is unique among the Sonichu canon, as Chris experiments with a Fumetti style, adding his own artwork to photographs of himself and his home. Since Sonichu #5 ended with a cliffhanger, this story is set between Episodes 12 and 13 of that issue.

Chris introduces his IRL dog, Patti, and retcons the circumstances of her death on June 27, 2006. Old and suffering from an "itchy" rump, Patti looks up at the full moon and wishes for the ability to walk and talk like Chris, solely for the chance to thank him for his years of kindness. After baying at the moon, Patti eats some grass in the backyard, unknowingly catching a four-leaf clover in her teeth. She then lays in the yard and dies in her sleep sleeps while the magic power of moonbeams does some sort of magic shit to her.

FUN FACT: The moon wasn't full on the night of June 26, 2006.

The following day, Chris emerges from his house to feed Patti, only to discover her dead transformed into a bizarre animu humanoid dog-creature. When Patti speaks aloud for the first time, both she and Chris are shocked. Patti realizes her wish came true, although neither she nor Chris knows how this has happened.

After buryingfeeding and cleaning Patti, Chris gives her a a clover medallion, and a green sash to cover her dog junk. Together, they sit on a bench swing outside, and Patti thanks Chris for having his mom taketaking care of her over her lifetime. Rejuvenated by her transformation, Patti expresses a desire to roam the world beyond her pen, but doesn't know where to go. After considering the matter for a moment, Chris decides to take her corpse to CWCville, where she can decomposewander the city without frightening the populace. Unlike Ruckersville, CWCville's citizens are used to monstrous animal-men wandering their city and living off of welfare.

To get to CWCville, Chris leads Patti into his house (apparently for the first time), and takes her to his bedroom. Using his Nintendo DS, Chris opens a portal that leads into his mayoral office in CWCville Mall. From this point forward, all scenery and characters are depicted as Chris's drawings.

Patti wonders how Chris can run CWCville from his home in Ruckersville, but Chris explains that most of the work is handled by his secretary Allison Amber, who coordinates with Chris using a satellite link-up to his DS.

Chris provides Pattie with a scepter and bracelets, each imbued with a portion of his own power, to defend herself from Chris's enemies. He also gives her a "Golden CWCville Card", a debit card of sorts to purchase food, and a cell phone in case of emergencies. After an emotional embrace, it is implied that Patti will wander off on her own.

The final page of the story marks its dedication to Patti, and includes a memorial photograph, with the birth and death dates, completely contradicting the premise of the story that Patti is still alive.

Despite the extensive use of photography in the first half of the story, no photographer is credited.

Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"

Continuing from Episode 13's cliffhanger, Mary Lee Walsh continues to gloat over her imprisonment of Crystal in the dark mirror. Patti-Chan and Darkbind Sonichu arrive to steal the mirror away from Walsh. Distracted, Walsh is easily defeated by Sailor Megtune, and is forced to retreat.

The heroes return to Christian's mayoral office, where Christian and Magi-Chan work on ways to retrieve Crystal from the mirror. While they wait for da update, the others discuss various subjects of no particular relevance.

Magi-Chan announces that the only hope to save Crystal are the seven Sonichu Balls, of which they only currently possess one. However, the attractive properties of the balls cause Magi-Chan to realize that Darkbind is hiding two more balls, and that he also needs all seven to save Zelina Rosechu.

Conveniently enough, a fourth ball is revealed when Black Sonichu and a mysterious green Sonichu commit a daring daylight robbery of the Kay Jewelers store in the CWCville Mall. Somehow, the villains have learned of the Sonichu ball's presence there, and have stolen it as part of a larger scheme of world domination.

Chris teleports to the scene with Magi-Chan and Sonichu, but the combined power of the evil Sonichus is too great. The green Sonichu envelops Chris in a dark dimension, and explains that he is Reldnahc Ha-Taque Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog form of Naitsirhc Giovanni. When Chris was briefly submerged in the Dark Mirror Hole, this caused a Dark Sonichu Medallion to be created, awakening sleeping evil powers within Naitsitch, such as the ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Now realized as the evil, opposite counterpart to Chris, he has dubbed himself as Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc.

When Reldnahc reverts to human form, we see he has been changed into a duplicate of Chris, with torn blue jeans, and a green harness, reflecting his homoerotic tendencies. Chris is naturally horrified by his partial nudity.

Outside the Dark Dimension, Magi-Chan and Sonichu demand an explanation from Black Sonichu, who explains that Naitsirch has become far more evil and ruthless since his transformation. He has completely abandoned his adoptive father Giovanni, and while Black Sonichu has followed him out of loyalty, Naitsirhc has insulted him constantly in return, even putting whipped cream in his rocket shoes.

Additionally, Black Sonichu inquires about Bubbles, having randomly developed an infatuation with her.

Christian and Reldnahc, as Chris-Chan Sonichu and Reldnahc Ha-Taque, begin a pitched battle, racing across CWCville at high speeds, proving to be evenly matched. Christian, as ever, attempts to fight dirty, but his kick to Reldnahc's groin is met only by Reldnahc's powerful cup.

Reldnahc finally gains the upper hand, blasting Chris into the gym of Manchester High School, incapacitating him. But, before Reldnahc can deliver the final blow using his Sonichu Ball, a basketball strikes Reldnahc, causing his head to hit the bleaches, knocking him out. Christian awakes to learn that Bionic the Hedgehog saved him from certain doom, and that Reldnahc is in a coma.

Bionic gives Chris the Sonichu Ball Reldnahc had stolen, and asks him to provide him with a fictional girlfriend, just as Chris created Rosechu to be Sonichu's personal semen recepticle. Too lazy to do even that, Chris suggests Bionic hook up with one of Megan's characters.

Christian then launches into an advertisement for his homemade DVD "Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)". He describes every single feature on the disc, despite the fact that he has no intention of making it available outside of his own circle of acquaintances.

Ten weeks later (presumably after several of the events in Sonichu 7), Reldnahc awakens in the hospital, with a white-hot hatred for Bionic....

Other Features

This issue also includes a CWC's Art Gallery page, featuring "Bionic Over Autism" a drawing Chris shat out on February 24, 1999. The Sonichu Adventure ad is also repeated.

Links

• Sonichu #6

• Episode 12.5 Comic Audibook Chris's Videobook
• Episode 14 Comic Audiobook Part 1 Audiobook Part 2 Chris's Videobook