Allison Amber

Allison Amber (born 1979/80) is Chris's secretary in Sonichu. She was introduced in Sonichu #6 to explain how Chris can be Mayor of CWCville without actually doing any real work.

Biography

What's that, Mr. Chandler? You want me to take care of your talking zombie dog? Well, I guess the Fire Department's payroll can wait until tomorrow...

In Episode 12.5, Chris introduced his dog Patti (1988–2006) to the storyline by having her magically transformed into the talking, bipedal Patti-Chan. Chris took her to the CWCville Mayoral Office, where she could run free among the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon without grossing anyone out.

“	Not only is it a home-away-from-home, but every city document, every public decision, every single fun event that goes on in this community are all planned and stored here in these four walls.	”
Chris, describing his Stasi hallucinations to his dead dog

Writing this part of the story must have forced Chris to give serious thought to his fictional duties as Mayor, in light of the events of Sonichu #4, where he was shown mostly sitting around in various shops and fast food places eating junk food and hoping that women would notice him. Typical of Chris's thought process, he quickly realized the solution to this plot hole: he has his secretary do everything for him.

Enter Allison Amber, a former movie star who "retired early to pursue her dream of being the aide of a big cheese like [Chris]." This would be an interesting premise, except Chris has no interest in exploring the irony of a successful movie star aspiring to be a humble Mayor's aide. Instead, this seems to just be more window dressing for Chris's fantasy life of having the ultimate goal of all women being submissive to him. Not only does he have super powers and rule a whole city like a king, but he's also got a movie star handling his paperwork.

Allison is 26 years old, white and blonde. One would wonder why he doesn't just go out with her instead of getting arrested for loitering at Target, so Chris established that Allison is currently "in a relationship with her... ugh... boyfriend." Observers at first assumed that Chris still had too much pride to create a fictitious sexual partner for himself, but such optimism has since been scuttled.

Allison is quite possibly the most depressing character in the series. Because, let's face it, the only thing more pathetic than being Christian Weston Chandler would have to be being his assistant. This makes Allison a popular character in troll works, usually played up as a sensible woman who grudgingly tolerates Chris's madness.

Duties

Shit was SO cash!

PROTIP: Don't reference good comics in your crappy comic.

As Chris explains to Patti, Allison receives "incoming documents," looks them over, and then explains the gist of them to Chris over the phone. She then scans the documents, and uploads them to the "CWCville Sattelite", which relays the information to Chris's Nintendo DS, which has Wi-Fi capabilities as well as PDA functions. Chris can then read the documents for himself on the DS, and sign off on them using the touchscreen and stylus. The documents are then sent back to Amber, who prints them off with Chris's signature.

Alternatively, Allison could just forge Chris's signature and save a lot of time and trouble, but she probably sends a few over to Chris just to make him feel important.

In addition to clerical work, Allison also prepared a cell phone and credit card for Patti to use in her new life in CWCville. Chris instructed Patti to call either himself or Allison in case of emergencies, so it's a safe bet Allison's the one who's actually going to have to look after Patti and pick up her shit.

In Sonichu #7, Chris was stranded indefinitely in the Time Void. Upon learning this, Rosechu indicated that Allison would be able to "handle city decisions" in his absence, making her the de facto Acting Mayor. She appeared again in Sonichu #8, apparently weary of her newfound responsibilities, because apparently it's too much for a mere woman to handle.

In the CWCipedia, Chris clarifies that Allison has actually been Vice-Mayor the whole time, but apparently because she's a woman she has to settle for the lowly title of Secretary. Chris also clarifies that "NO FAVORS OF ANY KIND WENT ON Between [him] and her," correctly deducing that we would all assume he would use his authority as mayor to force himself on the nearest pretty girl. Oh, and this information all appears on the BILLY MAYS article, because Chris won't waste the time to create a CWCipedia article on a woman unless constantly pressured.

For no clear reason, Allison has a picture of Batman hanging on the wall behind her desk. This may be a reference to:

• Family Guy, which features Batman star Adam West as the fictional Mayor of the fictional town of Quahog, Rhode Island
• Lucius Fox, an assistant that does all his superior's work while he is out stalking criminals; in Sonichu, Allison does all of Chris's work while he is out stalking girls.
• Hell, we never do find out who her boyfriend is. Maybe he's Batman. Stupider things have happened in this comic.

Trivia

• Allison Amber appears on Chris's "One Girl Coupon", a sort of sex coupon that entitles the bearer to one girlfriend, and the recipients must "do anything necessary." Golden showers, Cleveland steamers, and going Greek may still be extra though. This ticket is absolute proof that Chris is not a sexist. Also note that it says "of any desired age."

WARNING: Presenting this coupon to 99.999999996% of boyfriend-free girls will result in rejection, and may lead to the sex offenders' register.