Bionic the Hedgehog

For the short piece of fiction written by Chris titled "Bionic the Hedgehog," see Bionic the Hedgehog (short story).

“	Fuck bionic! It's ironic!	”
Nelly

“	Bionic the Hedgehog is Sonic the Hedgehog's long-lost brother. He is a professional basketball star and hand with tools in mechanics. He can score over 100 baskets in a single B-Ball game.	”
Bionic the Hedgehog Animal Crossing card

Astci3 conquered! Remarkable! Now he just needs to conquer cross-eyedness and his colors flowing outside of the lines!

Bionic the Hedgehog (born 13 November 1986^[1]) was Chris's first recolor, predating even Chris's crowning achievement. Brother of Sonic the Hedgehog, Bionic loves to play basketball.

History

An early image of Bionic, c. 1996

Chris claims to have created Bionic way back on 13 November 1996, when he was standing in the middle of the hallway of his high school next to the basketball courts, staring into the void like a retard. He claims that he was daydreaming about Sonic the Hedgehog character Mighty the Armadillo.^[2]

Standing there motionless, daydreaming about Mighty, Chris was — you guessed it — hit in the face with a basketball. This, in Chris's words, "opened the lockers to his mind," and lead to the creation of the recolor we know and tolerate today as the completely original character of Bionic the Hedgehog.

Bionic's backstory^[3] tells us that he was Sonic's brother, and that when they were young, Bionic fell through a portal into a world filled with basketball players. Sonic, for his part, forgot all about his dimwitted sibling, and went on to be a real star. Cut to years later, when Bionic showed up to save his brother, and then go on to have other exciting adventures. It's interesting to note that, unlike all of Chris's other characters, Bionic was created within the SatAM/Archie Comic universe and not the video game universe. How and why is Bionic here in the Sonichu-verse? Nobody knows... or cares, for that matter.

Like most of the other characters in Sonichu, Bionic is a Mary Sue. In Sonichu #8, he brags to his father about how his skunk girlfriend blew him on the second date, and that on the third they were gonna go for some hot Hedgehog yiffing. Yet another airing of Chris's insane belief that the third date is the gateway to all the china you can handle.

Despite his name, Bionic is not a cyborg. According to Chris, Bionic rhymes with Sonic and the "B" is for "basketball".^[4] He made it clear that "Bionic is not a robot" during the Asperchu saga when Alec's version of Bionic was depicted as an actual cyborg, styled after Davros.

Bionic used to look rather different from Sonic the Hedgehog, with smaller head-spines and much larger back-spines, and a tail. This different (but no less stupid) profile shape is likely not so much an act of originality as much as a simple inability to properly copy Sonic's design. Chris being Chris, Bionic currently looks like the palette-swapped Sonic the Hedgehog he always was at heart.

Bionic made a reappearance in Sonichu #9, describing getting into a fight at a basketball court with several comical attempts at "street" slang.