Jerkop

A REAL AMERICAN HERO.

A Jerkop is a mall security guard; its name is a portmanteau of "Jerk" and "Cop". In the comics, an agent of Mary Lee Walsh. Jerkops are not seen much outside of the Sub-Episodes.

Appearance

Jerkops in a 2004 short.

Jerkops are depicted as even more simplified than the other background characters in the Sonichu comics. Their legs are often held tightly together, as if they move via tiny wheels on the undersides of their feet. They have plain, curved, vase-like white bodies, and appear to be robotic, possibly being mass-produced.

More elite Jerkops may have special forms, or they may have actual humans in ranks above them.

Police?

“	And so, I urge you the citizens of CWCville to remember, with the police, only black and blue are true; all other colors are VICE!	”
Chris, Sonichu 5, page 28

While a common misconception is that Chris is essentially delivering a verbose "Fuck the Police", he clarifies in Sonichu 5 that brown is wrong, and the standard blue and black are TRUE AND HONEST. Ergo, while he loathes mall security for preventing him from soliciting, the cops that have real guns and beat black people on the side of the road are A-OK. Just like with homosexuality - Chris decided to vilify those that dare see differently from him.

Of note, police in CWCville are probably extremely inept. Not once have they appeared in the fight against Mary Lee Walsh or the Jerkops, with the exception of Sonichu 5 (where Chris orders them away almost instantly). More than likely, the TRUE police probably don't give a shit about CWC's vendetta, and are hanging with Yawning Squirtle somewhere.

Equipment

“	MY WOODEN BADGE WAS DELICIOUS	”
Jerkhief, on his appetizer at Country Cookin

Jerkops, in order to cockblock everyone, are equipped with faux badges, evidently made of crackers, glitter glue, and treebark. What purpose these serve is unknown, as no one would be so retarded to fall for such a shoddy disguise.

In terms of weaponry, most Jerkops carry an out-of-date breadstick, aka "a nightstick," pulled from nowhere, and one was carrying handcuffs in Sonichu 4. The Jerkhief carries a metallic slingshot, aka "a handgun," and sometimes wears a metal suit. The most heavily armed Jerkop is the W-M-Manajerk, utilizing a giant shell of robotic armor along with a golden axe.