Sonichu 4 Official Videobook

Sonichu 4 Official Videobook is a series of videos made by Chris, in which he reads and comments on Sonichu 4. He started uploading these videos on 14 September 2009.

In Sub-Episode 5, marvel at the exciting conclusion to the McAttack. Crystal Weston Chandler (no not that one, the other one) makes her first appearance.

In Sub-Episode 6, Christian provides a glimpse into the inner workings of the jerkops. Later, Crystal stuns them with her super-slut powers, and Chris finishes them off with magic.

In Sub-Episode 7, even Chris enjoys a delicious soda!!

Sub-Episode 5

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Videos
Sub-Episode 5: Part 2 of McAttack
Genre:	Videobook
Creator:	CWC
Voices:	CWC
Cast:	Cartoon CWC W-M-Manajerk Cherokian Ancestor Crystal Slaweel Ryam Count Graduon

Transcript

Okay, now for our next installment of... most of Book Number 4. Because we got most of the Sub-Episodes out of the way, we shall skip right up to, uh, Sub-Episode 5. Once again, all Sonichu material is copyright March 17, 2000 by Christian Weston Chandler. Any names or persons illustrated in any of the Sonichu and Rosechu comic books except that of myself, that may seem similar to anybody in real life or fiction, are purely coincidental or otherwise parodic. Anyway, here is the cover of Book Number 4.

"Hey, bur-ba-bur-ba-dur, Virginia is for Virgins!"

"Hey, true love is illegal in Virginia!"

"You'll never get away from loneliness! Deheheheh!"

I'll persevere. I'll get over it. And I will find my sweetheart!

Sub-Episode 5: Part 2 of McAttack.

As you recall from the previous Sub-Episode, Darkbind Sonichu and I kicked those M-C-D-ville manajerks' behinds. Darkbind left after the battle to continue his quest for his Princess Zelina Rosechu's re-awakening. After my victory speech, the manajerk in the Mal-Wart Region barged in to challenge me. Which brings us up to date!

"Have some fistful fries!" [PSH!]

"Aaah!" He knocked my wings off my head! [sound effects]

Oh man, all this soda pop gone to waste... I'd better take a shower and ooh- uh- come out smelling like a flower. [PFFFFFFF!] That was a mighty CWC shower. "Anyway, now I'm mad. YAAAAH!"

I threw a punch and he catches it with his fist. Oh. Uh, and he lifts- and he lifts me up!

"Ah ha! Try to get out of my evil grip! Hahahahaa!"

[telepathy ensues]

Dang it, I should've stayed transformed. But even then, would I become able to defeat this manajerk by myself?

Don't sweat it, Chris. There is a way to defeat.

What? Ancestor?

Hello, Chris.

It i- it is you. So good to see a friendly face. But I'm in a real bind now, so what advice do you have for me, wise one?

Do you recall how your powers made your wings real?

Yeah.

What you need now is a woman's touch.

What?

Look.

My Heart Torch? But it's made from Pixelblocks!

Yes, Chris, but understand I know if you combined with your powers, you could use it to summon your dream sibling. She would be able to help you much better than your... mother or yourself. Farewell, Chris, I'll check in with you later.

Summon my dream sibling? A'course! My twin sister, Crystal! I'll get the- I get the Heart Torch- I gotta get the Heart Torch, ah shoot, but there it is with the rest of my stuff on that table. I may be unable to transform, but I can still attack. "Electric Hedgehog Attack, Growth!"

And I'm bade- And I'm made bigger. [WOOWOOWOOWOO] And oh- and my hands and legs become bigger than his hands and grasp. So then I easily get up and jump out of his- jump out- jump out of his hands, and I land nearby a chair. And then, there's like there's still distance between me and the Heart Torch, so he pulls out a laser gun and he... zaps me, and he tries zaps me, but he misses all three times.

I get the Heart Torch and I go, "Heart Torch, Glow!" [WOOWOOWOOWOO] The beam blue light surrounds me [WOOWOOWOOWOOWOO] and then the- right behind me, [WOOWOOWOO] I get cloned [WOOWOOWOOWOOWOO] with my female sis- with my female clone, [WOOWOOWOO] which would be considered my sister. [WOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOO] "Ah well. Huh."

"Fancy seeing you in the flesh, Christopher... my brother! Even though we're clones, we're still like siblings!"

"And it is good to have you here, too, Crystal, my sister!"

"Oh, swell," replies the W-M-Manajerk. "Now there's two of 'em? That makes my job a lot harder! But I'll do it anyway!" [PKEW!] He zaps his gun.

[gasp] "Get down, brother!" [sound effects]

It misses the both of us.

"Oh, great! Another hole-in-one!"

"Ah, thanks for the save, sis!"

"No problem."

"I see your- but d- your medallion. Do you possess the same amount- same anchuent powers as I do?"

"Yeah, I can transform!"

"All right, then let's- all right, then let's transform and get him!"

"Yeah!"

YEAH!

[singing together] Electriiic Hedgehooog Powerrr! [transformation noises]]

Ta-da! Chris-Chan Sonichu! Crystalina Rosechu!

[PEW-PEW! PEW-PEW! PEW-PEW!] Continues to zap at us, but we deflect with Mirror Coat, and shoots his shooting arm off.

"Aah!"

Crystal and I come together, and jump up and bego- and lean on and towards a double-corkscrew KICK! [VRRRRR! PPPPPPSH!] We knock him down. Hmm.

"Hey sis, let's finish him off!"

"My come- by combining our ultimate attacks... you read my mind! Oh yeah, let's do it!"

"Mmmph," he's nadrama.

So then she... takes off her tiara, and she goes "Shocking Tiara!"

And I start off my Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha, then she throws her tiara and I launch my attack, "Ha!" aiming at the intersection point of her tiara and the- and the duh- and the manajerk, combining our powers into one forceful attack. We hit- we destroy his robotic body and his head comes poppin' off. BOOM! [sound effects]]

And he's landed- his head just lands near by us.

"Eeh!" And then the Seinor Merried Keer- Seinor Comic says, "I knew he couldn't get him- I knew he couldn't get him e-der!"

Then the black manajerk says, "Yeah, we three should go back to PVCCitizens." Hmm.

"Wow. Just a head. Well it shows that he can never be left behind."

"Hahaha! That's a good one! But seriously, I have a few words for this manajerk."

Oh great. [mental grumbling]

"How dare you intrude in my brother's long and enduring quest to find a boyfriend-free girl! And not only that, you also had the nerve to attempt to hurt him emotionally and physically! Ynaow would you feel if you were in his situation? You'd understand that spelling it out is the way to find a girlfriend from the ground up especially since he is very shy! But I pity you, because you have no body, which leads to the obvious conclusion that you have no heart. You are missing out on some awesomely great emotions, big time! You can't possibly feel the intense emotions from having a frustrated hormones, as well as his loneliness, you jerk! Why don't you just..."

"Eh ok ok ok, sis, I feel- I think you made your point. What I- what I want to know is who sent this jerk?"

"Grr. Fine, I'll tell you. I'm from the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, and I was sent by its president, Slaweel the Witch."

"Dang that witch! It is so like her to attempt to murder my soul again! Let's send this bowling ball flying back toward- to that witch, sis!"

"Alright!"

"Alright, we kick on 'hike.' HUT, HUT, HUT, HIKE!" [PFFT]

And the head gets blown- gets b- gets kicked sky-high.

Meanwhile, at Slaweel's office at the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, Slaweel watches us from a crystal ball.

"Come, Crystal. I'll treat you to lunch."

And then Count Graduon says, "Hehe, you'll get his soul yet!"

"Curses that Chris! He has thwarted my fed- efforts again!"

[PFFT!] And the head- and the head of the manajerk crashes in [Chris giggles] and it bonks Mary Lee Walsh- bonks Slaweel Ryam on the head!

"I thought it couldn't get any worse!"

[TWEETWEETWEETWEETWEE! CUCKOO! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!] And her cuckoo-clock goes, "If she thinks he'll never find a boyfriend-free girl with his method, then Slaweel is CUCKOO! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!"

End of the episode. Stay tuned for the next Sub-Episode.

Sub-Episode 6

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Transcript

[intro music]

[singing] Surf up- Surv- Surviving and exploring the Galapagos and the jungles and all that~

Epi-

Sub-Episode 6: Backyard Safari

"Safari, Pop? Yer examining the jerkops, not an elephant, or a beaver..."

Beavers are so much better anyway, heheheheheh.

[CWC reads a long passage "in character" as Cartoon CWC]

"Hello! And welcome to ano'er episode of Backyard Safaris! I am your host, Christian Weston Chandler. On today's show, we will take a close-up look at the carnivorous jerkops. They may look like your everyday males and females of just-yice, but they- but they were- but they- take my word, folks: the jerkops are evil and mean.

"Let's take a look at one- leketake a look at this one- edone- in this illustration right here. Now, here we see its head is basic human shape, but only thinks evil and naughty thoughts. Note its eyes are frowning--they stay that way 24-7. With this face, they rwarewy- er- rarely attract any women, or men upongs- amongst the janekops.

"This badge is a phoney. It's really a graham cracker covered in glitter-glue. It wards away all who approach it with its out-of-date breadstick. They wear basic black pants to cover their agile-yet-ugly legs; veins, hair, and sores. Oh my! Ech.

"Some n'all wear black- wear black glove to cover- to cover the spot where one finger fell off as it grew up.

"They wear brown shoes, because they are ashamed of their sausage-feet.

"When attacked by one, you can take it down easily by kickin' it... here. In the sourdough-area.

"This is the leader of the jerkops; mostly he's know as the jerkheek- the jerkheif. It is the meanest, most strict, and evil of all. Not only is it mean, but it is also related to the na- to the not as mean illnuts- to the not as mean lummox. You can look up the information now on the lummox in the Ben and Stumpy Show, available on DVD. Now, the jerkheif's head is bigger than a bowling ball, yet due to his triple chins, it is shaped like a lightbulb! But it comes up with very few bright ideas at all. It also has a basic frown, and glassy eyes. Literally! You can identify a jerkheif by its badge, instead of a cracker! It uh- it's a hunk of tree bark. Showin' the inside, lighter side, it has a glitter-glue all over it. Among with- along- among its, uh, with its natural color, the jerkheif w- all- wears all brown articles of clothing to cover its bulging blobbiness. Because of its monstrous bones and blubber a jerkheif willeigh 1500 pounds. A lot more... than a snorlax [snores] at ten- at ten-hundred-fourteen pounds. Its weak point is still the sourdough region, but it would take FIVE KICKS to get to it: its blubber gets in the way. Instead of a breadstick, it uses a metallic psss- a metallic slingshot to ward away all who approach it. The jerkheif really, really loves virgins for some all- for some odd reason, and will attack one at first sight. When it attacks, it attacks with its tribe of jerkops, as they shout threats, then they attack without mercy.

"The other day I was hangin' around with some of my gal-pals, and from out of nowhere a jerkop ca- tribe came in and shouted their threats e- p- s- duh- as, uh- shouted their threats. As a lonely virgin, I was in danger! But luckily, my partner Sonichu was there, and he videotaped the encounter. So we'll show it to you now, and you can learn how to defend yourself if you come into a similar situation. Sonichu, would you please show the video."

"Yes sir, mon capitan!"

Mmm.

"I started off as- in calm, pleasant mood 'cause I was conversing with my gal-pals. Just so you know, a gal-pal is not classified as a girlfriend; they're just friends. Then they- then they came, the squad of jerkops, threatening me, the lonely virgin. Ah, but I am not the weak virg- person they think I am. I am much much saltier! Let's watch and see how the battle went."

Mmm.

"'ey, I was thrilled thatcha- uya'll stopped by the, uh, league last- league to talk to me last night."

"Yeah, no problem, Chris, no problem, ublablablablah~"

Hmm.

"UH, WE NO WANT YOU ON OUR LAND, SO YOU LEAVE NOW OR WE KEEL YOU!"

[sigh] "C'mon, I'm only hangin' with my friends! I'm not leavin', you lousy jerkops."

[barely recognizable Old West Showdown Music]

"Hey, brother! I'm coming out now!"

Sis? Aw, man! She's gonna be in danger if she doesn't get out of here!

"Whatdya think, bro? Am I a fashion-du-jour or what?"

And then all the jerk- and then all the jerk- and then all the jerkops and jerkheifs turn and look at her and like "ooh" and they- and they start droolin' up a storm.

"Oh, you look fan-san-san-" uh, and so I tell her, "you look fantastic sis. Uh, please do your fashion show bit."

And then she realizes- then she jerkops- and she realizes, oh, jerkops, yeah, I see. "Ok, brother, you got it!"

Yeah now's my- heh- now's my chance to s-s-strike them out. "Electric Hedgehog Attack: PSYCHIC POWER!" [FFFFW!]

And my eyes turn purple from blue and green. Mmm.

[Cartoon Chris holds up a banana-finger and launches into another monolog]

Well, as we all know, all male creatures of any species will always fall for a very pretty face, and wow, does my twin sister Crystal have one. I have seized the opportunity while the jerkops were distracted and drooling!

Boy! They let out more drool than watefall. Uch. Gross!

Now, with my psychic powers, I was ready. First I took control of their weapons, opened da dimension hole and I levitate the weapons into the hole, and I close da dimension hole. Once I was sure all of the weapons had entered the h- hole... yeah, then I shut it up... Those less-than-two-bits jerkops were still drooling. Over my sister. Not reaizing the sitch, leavin' the j- leaving the jerkheif alone for the moment, I took control of the jerkops' bodies levitated them all and speci-cly arranged them outside the store's entrance, as so! [vaguely phallic shape]

Great! That's more drool than Lake... Erie! Heheh!

"Aha! Now it is your turn, jerkheif!"

[drooling sounds] ublublublu~

"You're not getting to me no matter what. You may try in attempt or threat. I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want! And I will never quit in my search for a boyfriend-free girl, either! So all you jerkops may as go back to Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens and tell Slaweel Ryam that if she still intent on shattering my heart again, she can not! My heart is indestructible. And the more you haze me, I will go strong you. Grow stronger. Beware, evil, for in the name of my heart, soul, and sweetheart search, I will punish you!

And so I use my p-psychic powers, to levitate the big guy, and make him curl into a ball. I and den I launch him like a bowling ball to the array of jerkops I've left standing there. And I aim, and I fire the bowling ball!

[BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB-BBB] "I only need one more strike for the win... and the championship!" [BBBBB- PFF!] "Yes! I got 301! Hey... ya ever heard of someone who got 300 and lose?"

[VVW] And my- and my psychic powers go away, there, and I go back to normal and then I say "That's Game!"

[Cartoon CWC delivers another wall of text]

"Right after da- those jerkops struck out, they all feared me and ran away with their tails between their legs. If they had tails. The jerkops rarely preproduce, due to the lack of females, which they would be classified as janekops. And there are a few janekops in their. So they brainwash the slow-minded people with the h- hypno-gun. I've managed to snag one from that day. The beam only works on slow-minded, mentally handicapped adults. My mind like most of the world-wide population is not slow so the ray has no effect on me. Although when functional the beam makes the victim able to, uh- hang on a second I lost my place- oh, able stand up... straight, develop a terribly aggressive attitude, and transforms him or her into an official jerkop or janekop within seconds!

"Wellp! That's all the time we have for now. Tune in again next time as we- and we will trek upon the grounds of the PVCCitizens to investigate how these nasty, evil villains are made!

"Good night, folks!"

And yet my show is being watched by the... evil ScotPalazzo, in the Fa-Square Sho-Mo Regio- Region.

[incensed, ScotPalazzo launches into a mental rant]

How utterly ridiculous... that man has his own TV show and comic book? This world is so corrupt. I have to call PVCCitizens and order more jerkops and janekops to intercept him. He seeks love and companionship from a girlfriend I WILL NOT ALLOW IT! For love is the one thing that makes this world so dizzy, and the less love there is, the better. I know this because my mother loved my father so much, that she killed him, then herself! I will not allow that idiot Christian Chandler to ever letceed- succeed in his love quest!

What a total son-of-a-BEEP! And a total DEET!

End of the Sub-Episode; stay tuned for the next one!

Sub-Episode 7

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Transcript

Sub-Episode 7: Off-Target, Part 1

Beginning from the, uh- from a comic- from the drawn previously drawn comic strip that happened a while back, before this date of July 23, 2005.

I am Chris-Chan- I'm as Chris-Chan Sonichu and I'm at the, uh- I'm at the, uh, Fashion Square Mall where I'm intercepted by the jerkops and Slaweel.

"Mar- Slaweel Ryam! This is a trap!"

"That's right, Chris-Chan! And there's no escape from my magic and my jerkop squad! Want a girlfriend? Tough lightning!"

"BRING IT ON!"

And I go into a spin dash, and I knock the jerkops squad- knock some of the jerkops out.

And yet they manage to strike me down. Dirty rats.

Rosechu's nearby, and she's like "Oh, no! Chris!"

S-Saramah Rosechu comes out. "I've gotta save him from those fiends!" And then she uh- s-shoots and arrow up at S-Slaweel Ryam's... pitchfork. Then she goes down.

"Shoot!"

And then all the jerk- and then all the jerkops and janekops temporary get deactivated from lack of command. And then Nicole comes nearby me after we both change back.

"Chris, are you ok?"

"Oh, Nicole, you save me! Thank you!"

"Well, tyranny and pression is against your swuest, huh? Let's rest for a while then I will help you! Want a girlfriend? You got it, best friend!"

And then, ne- nearby the S-Slaweel Ryam fal- fall down, "Ooh."

And then uh- and then, ah- and then the, uh- and then Count Graduon is nearby in the wand, he's sayin' "Ooh... One day, Christian, I will destroy you with the strongest, most evil villian, ever!"

Sub Episode 8

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For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Sonichu Book 4 Videobooks