So Need a Cute Girl
| “ | Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, lonliness [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that Witch Bitch, I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the SALTY, AGGRESSIVE, and TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES and NOT TO MOST MEN type of MAN that I AM. | ” |
| Chris commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl," 11 November 2007 ED edit.[1] | ||
"So Need a Cute Girl" is the first track off of Christian and the Hedgehog Boys's eponymous debut album. It is sung over a live version of "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys on their 2000 Into the Millennium Tour.[2] Chris has described it in an Encyclopedia Dramatica edit as his "sweetheart search theme song."[1] It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.
Bizarrely enough, since November 2013 the song has been available for download for 89 cents on Amazon's MP3 store. As Chris has never mentioned this, it is very likely a troll put it up there and is making money off of Chris's work.
In 2016, Chris made a remake of the song for the Paid Video Requests, replacing the words "I have a boyfriend" with "I'm already taken" to include lesbians. In a 2017 retrospective, Chris admitted that hearing his old song made him cringe, also misidentifying the original artist behind the song as *NSYNC instead of the Backstreet Boys.[3]
Song
| "So Need a Cute Girl" | |
| Direct link | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | August 2003 |
| Subject Matter |  Music,  Sex,  Love Quest
|
| Performance Style |  Noviophobia,  Virgin with Rage,  Crazy
|
| Other |  Audio
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special |
next All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend |
Lyrics
[sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"]
Hey! Look at me!
I'm sitting here sad and lonely!
Without a fire,
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
And I see da ladies walking
Along one by one,
And I never wanna hear,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I ain't ever wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
And I have no fire
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
(Tell me why)
I ain't ever wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Why do all of the jerks
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!)
You may not notice,
But I want you to know
That I am a lonesome heart!
And I have no fire,
But a desire
To not, to not, to not
Heeeaaar…
Stuck as a virgin with rage!
So need a cute girl my age!
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
(Tell me why)
I ain't ever wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
I so need a cute girl my age!
(Tell me why)
I ain’t ever wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Never say it, now!
* In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."
** In some versions of the song, "I ain't ever wanna hear you say, / I have a boyfriend" is replaced by the alternative lyric "I really mean it when I say, / I need a girlfriend."
** In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of his ED edits, these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"[1]
** In more recent versions, he replaces "I have a boyfriend!" with "I'm already taken!"'"[1]
Music video
- Main article: All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend
Live performance
| So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance | |
| Direct link | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 12 July 2009 |
| Subject Matter | Music, Sex, Love Quest,  Noviophobia
|
| Performance Style | Virgin with Rage, Drunk
|
| Shirt |  The Referee
|
| Other |  Live
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video |
next Harvey Birdman Commercial |
On 12 July 2009, one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving their first public performance (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video (in which, in an attempt to evoke Michael Jackson, he slaps his hand on grabs his crotch) makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.
Transcript
Chris: [fervently slaps crotch at the end] LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. [There are no takers, just laughter]
Man: [bewildered] Oh-whoa-WHOOOOA there, buddy!! Whoa-ho, you got that on film!
Covers
| So Need a Cute Girl, cover | |
| Stardate | 30 June 2009 |
| Made By |  Liquid Chris
|
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | Sonichu: The Animated Series response from the real Chris Chandler. Main vocals by Liquid's brother, SimplySpoons/Jon D. |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
| So Need a Cute Girl, cover | |
| Stardate | 4 January 2012 |
| Made By | GUWANGE |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | From the album Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys. |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
| So Need a Cute Girl (Medley) | |
| Stardate | 11 June 2012 |
| Made By | GhostofBillRiley |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | A medley of several covers mixed together with the original. |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
| So Need a Cute Girl - NEGATIVE XP | |
| Stardate | 21 February 2023 |
| Made By | Negative XP |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover (Mirrored) |
| Other Info | Cover made by Negative XP |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
| christian and the hedgehog boys - so need a cute girl (glueboy cover) | |
| Stardate | 21 April 2021 |
| Made By | lil glueboy |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | Usually in TikTok videos about Chris |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
| So Need a Cute Girl Goes DEATH METAL - Your Noble Truths | |
| Stardate | 20 April 2022 |
| Made By | Your Noble Truths |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | Cover by Your Noble Truths, Art and editing by Java Jake |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
References
See also
- All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend
- Chris and music
- Chris's Big Night Out II
- Christian and the Hedgehog Boys
- Virgin with rage
| ⇐ Animal Crossing Documentary | Chris's videos | All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend ⇒ |
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