Mary Lee Walsh
| “ | You're not gonna get a Girlfriend, this way or any way. [Fu fu fu!] | ” |
| Mary Lee Walsh, quoted by Chris. | ||
Lovingly referred to as a "bitch", "witch", "old hag", etc., Mary Lee Walsh (later retconned as Slaweel Ryam) was a proto-troll who thwarted Chris's love quest by ripping up his Attraction Sign and suspending him from PVCC.
Mary Lee Walsh in real life
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the Piedmont Virginia Community College. In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his "Sonichu's News Dash" newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual attraction sign. Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.
Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he attacked her in a fit of tard rage. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was let back in.[1]
Soul-crusher
| “ | So, as of August, Y2K3, I did the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of, I made a simple sign that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every Boyfriend-Free, 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or Black impersonating JERKOPS, Manajerks and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that Love Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a Sweetheart was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the jerks of the Greene County School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank God for blessing me with many happy years at Providence Middle School and Manchester High School in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today. | ” |
| Chris being butthurt | ||
Emails with Mary
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com
Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM
To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu
Subject: Hi again...
Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:
-I will never hang notes on the wall again.
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).
Please reply via E-Mail.
Christian C.
From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com
Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am
Subject: RE: Hi again...
Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com
To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net
Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time
Subject: Re: Hello
Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or Virginia ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The DVD is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, 2007 (my 25th Birthday...Yay).
You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a Slideshow (projected from my PlayStation Portable) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over to get his dad to teach him how to shave)? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?
As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces, Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".
But it has a happy ending; in Mid-2005, when I've started playing the Yu-Gi-Oh TCG, I met this girl who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.
You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable images uploaded onto my CWC's Sonichu Site!; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *sigh*
Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the 1996 "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)
Take care; Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
Coping mechanisms
Because of all the stress Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his Love Quest.
Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu
| “ | After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard of Impostor Police People, also known as Jerkops, and the Notorious Count Graduon trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields. | ” |
| Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him | ||
In the comic, Walsh is Chris's arch nemesis, an ugly, sinister witch with typical demonic attributes who flies around on a broom, bent on thwarting his love quest. She works alongside Count Graduon, sharing the same theme as a villain derived from Chris's failures in community college. She always wears a yellow Viking helmet with red horns. Chris has also drawn Rule 34 art of her.
Mary Lee Walsh appears in Sonichu issues 0, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. In Sonichu #0, Mary Lee Walsh is is introduced as a "two-bit villain" and there is a short, 2 page short of Mary Lee Walsh fighting Sonichu and Chris-chan Sonichu. In Sonichu #2, Chris breaks into Mary Lee Walsh house, fights her as Chris-chan Sonichu and defeats her with Sonichu (editors note: I secretly wish this is another distorted version of actual events). Mary Lee Walsh makes a brief cameo in Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack part 2", where she gets bonked by W-M-Manajerk's head. The events in Sonichu #4 are a continuation of the short story in Sonichu #0. Mary Lee Walsh sends Jerkop Daitenzen Bagget to attack Christian at the Get-Tar Region. Sonichu #5 depicts an epic battle between Mary Lee Walsh's Jerkop army in a standoff with the CWCville police. Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon use the Dark Mirror Hole against Chris and accidentally trap Chris's imaginary sister, Crystal inside it. In Sonichu #6, Sailor Megtune, Patti-Chan and Darkbind Sonichu steal the Dark Mirror Hole from Mary Lee Walsh. Chris vowes to collect all the Sonichu Balls to release Crystal, and then promptly forgets about it.In Sonichu #7, Chris has some bullshit reason to use time travel as a plot device. While Chris is away, Mary Lee Walsh plans to launch an attack against CWCville, however, Chris never continued the story as we know it, and left this arc completely hanging. The last time we was Mary Lee Walsh was a brief cameo in Sonichu #8 where fan art of her appeared on the computer screen of a 4-cent garbage.com employee on the 8th floor.
Renaming and retcons
As a result of the Miyamoto saga, many characters based on real-life figures were renamed; in a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became "Slaweel Ryam" or "Slaweel the Witch". This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not entirely backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the Sonichu.net front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks).
In August 2009, Chris put up a page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys' where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the real Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes absolutely no sense as Chris has changed every instance of the 'evil' Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in Sonichu 0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a comic where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's "sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years" but on the 'TwoMarys' page, this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:
| “ | This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC then went on to build PVCCitizens. | ” |
| Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot. | ||
Mary Lee Walsh in Soul Calibur
It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video heuploaded to Youtube, he lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the game Soul Calibur III, so that he could take out his pent up rage in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris is terrible at Soul Calibur, and appears to struggle with defeating an AI Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.
Possible reconciliation
In a recent Cwcipedia entry, Chris has reexamined Mary's value to society and distinguished her from the primary villain in his comic book. According to Chris there is the evil Mary Lee Walsh we all know and admire, and the Mary Lee Walsh that replaced her sometime in 2000.
| “ | This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees. | ” |
| Chris, CWCipedia[2] | ||
He then goes into a long diatribe, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole article carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a not ridiculously evil caricature real person as some sort of therapeutic measure.
Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the real woman he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the real world) by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.
Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.[3]
Slaweel Ryam
As mentioned earlier, Chris retconned Mary Lee Walsh as a Sonichu Character in August of 2009. Her story was chronicled in Chris' mind-numbingly horrible articled called "Private villa of corrupted citizens. The story is an awful amagimation of the movie Carrie and his own high school experience. Slaweel Ryam is a High-Functioning Autistic who created "Inspiring, Creative Artwork she had Hand-Painted, Carved, Molded, and Drawn" of her "Cheerleader Raccoon Character" who "hangs out with a lot of dudes", hates being called a lesbian and has psychic powers. On her Senior Prom she is not awarded prizes for her artwork. This throws her into a fit of rage, where she uses her psychic powers to kill everyone. Time to add Carrie to the list of things Chris has ripped off.
| “ | PRAISE MY CREATIVITY! | ” |
| Slaweel Ryam, AND NOT CHRIS AT HIS GRADUATION | ||
If you haven't guessed by now, Slaweel Ryam is a Mary Sue. She is the female version of Chris in high school. Every aspect of her "backstory" is just a re-telling of Chris' high school years. The only notable difference being that Chris mashed his Senior Prom and Graduation together, so that it could fit in with his ripoff of Carrie. It is interesting to not that Chris added the detail about Slaweel being teased about being a lesbian. Perhaps internet trolls are not the first to push Chris' gay button. Even more interesting is that Slaweel Ryam is not the first gay reflection of Chris that Chris has ever made. Whenever Chris makes an evil character, they have to be gay, or in this case, allegedly gay.
Fan art
Interestingly, Mary Lee Walsh in troll productions often appears as a beautiful lady with blonde hair and devil horns; this is mostly because Chris's art was so bad that his original intent for her to wear a viking helmet looked more like blonde hair. This is also due to the very great difference between Chris and the trolls' opinions about Walsh, the latter obviously preferring a much more flattering design.
Sonichu: The Animated Series posits that she has an extremely deep voice (similar to Dr. Girlfriend from The Venture Bros.), but other than that she's still drawn with the extremely sensualized proportions seen in other troll artwork.
- Sonichufinalemlw.jpg
- Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg
Sauces
See also
