Sonichu 11

Ongoing The things described in this article are still happening, or are still being looked into. As a result, it may be subject to frequent change, and the information provided may not be entirely reliable.

TEN YEARS WITHOUT A CEASE AND DESIST LETTER FROM NINTENDO AND SEGA!

The real Sonichu 11, by Alec Benson Leary. The Sonichu 11 described in this article is by Ian Brandon Anderson.

Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.

She's addressing Chris.

Sonichu 11 is the 12th comic in the Sonichu comic series, dated 13 August 2009. The cover claims to be the 10th anniversary issue, though as it's now past March, 2010, this is now another thing Chris has failed at.

Chris began writing this issue while issue 10 was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story. Christmas 2009 came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with 8 pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with Reldnahc and the anti-gay vaccine from the future.

A Sonichu Christmas

In December 2009, in response to requests for a Sonichu Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of Christmas Story, at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's prose was adapted into comic form - the short story "Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs" served as the basis for episodes 1 and 2 in Sonichu 0.

The comic opens to show the Sonichu family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris reused the original 14 Brunchland Lane picture seen in Sonichu 9 with a half-assed Photoshopping of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of Wild Sonichu running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cera, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

Christine notably plagiarizes a joke from Family Guy, marking the second time Chris has stolen a Family Guy joke since Sonichu 8, only this time instead of screwing up the context of the joke he manages to make the already off-color gag (that suggested Jesus' mother wasn't a virgin) more offensive, as it is being uttered by a child who intends to say it at her school play, likely leading to loud gasps, boos, and an expulsion. The scene takes focus on Sonichu and Robbie hanging stockings, Robbie proceeds to butcher a quote from a Holiday classic and they than have a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes inducing speech about his kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and Cera make an abnormally small amount of cookies, so that each child is apparently allotted one cookie in an individual plastic bag. Cera makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a Jewish kid in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie is vanilla flavored, in case the Jewish kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cera do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cera says "I wuv you!" While facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall. Chris really wants more people to love him unconditionally for being special. Robbie and Cera, speaking in complete sentences despite being toddlers, notice that it has snowed, with two feet expected to fall. Sonichu and Rosechu have a long conversation about purchasing groceries for "a few days."

While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites Luke 1:45 - 55 (which Chris types as Luke 14.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how GodJesus will reward the humble and punish the proud and the mighty. While this verse is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal. Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries. His trip to the supermarket was uneventful and uninteresting.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A KCWC announcer details CWCville school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "coca" and a warm shower. Rosechu subsequently nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of frozen precipitate, Sonichu decides to demonstrate his unholy powers to his children. "Imitating Santa", Sonichu crouches in the chimney, touches his nose, and with a cry of "Chim Chim Cheroo" flies up the flue.

He rises up out of the chimney looking like a ninja because of the soot, and then shakes it off. He then bizarrely uses his gift of sonic speed...
...to spend five minutes 'shoveling' the driveway while in his sonic mode, because using an actual shovel is too much work; never mind that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and cause a tragic accident. Exhausted, he then heads back into the house for a shower making a sound as if he's pleasing himself while Rosechu looks on holding a hideous novelty Christmas towel as she blesses him.

External links

Sonichu #11